I was really nervous when Friday night finally rolled around. My assignments were done, my tux was ready, Darien wasn't going with Beryl, but Jarod was barely speaking to me. It was frustrating, but a part of me really couldn't blame him. After all, I would be pretty angry too if my crush was constantly calling someone other than me. I had to straighten things out with Raye, and fast!
I sighed as I tried for the fourth time to loop my bowtie correctly. It was times like these I wished my mom had taught me to fasten a man's tie. I swallowed hard, trying not to think about the fact that she would never get a chance to teach me.
"Need help?" Jarod growled from the other side of the room as I let out another irritated groan.
"Yeah," I admitted. "That'd be great."
He got up from his bed, and I had to resist smiling. Jarod looked awesome, but my smile faltered as I realized he didn't look very happy. He crossed the room quickly and took hold of my tie, pulling it forward roughly.
"Easy," I gasped, but he ignored me and continued to jerk it into place.
"Excited about tonight?" he asked grimly.
"I guess. You?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation light.
"Sure, Molly's a good friend, but she's not exactly my crush, is she? Nope, my crush happens to be going with my FRIEND!" He snarled, accentuating his angry words with another sharp tug.
"Take it easy! Remember, I'm doing this for YOU!" I retorted. "I don't like her, okay?"
"Well, she sure seems to like you!" He barked, pulling my tie together with a powerful squeeze, nearly cutting off my air supply. "There, you're finished."
"Thanks," I wheezed, managing to loosen it a bit.
"Don't mention it," he muttered, and started towards the door.
"Jarod, wait!" I pleaded, and he turned around. "I really don't like her, and whether you believe me or not, I'm still trying to get her for you. I swear I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our friendship!"
He shook his head. "You can get any girl, man. Just don't take mine, okay?"
I smiled. "I won't, I promise."
He smiled back, but I could still see uncertainty in his eyes. I opened my mouth to say something else, but he left the room before I could get chance. I sighed and glanced in the mirror, grimacing at my image.
"Jarod! You made it crooked!" I shouted.
"He's down the hall," A warm voice answered from behind me. I smiled and turned around, only to see Darien leaning against the doorway. He chuckled softly. "Did he leave you hanging?"
I laughed. "Yeah. I can't tie this thing, so I asked him to help, and--well…" I glanced down at the result of his handiwork.
Darien grinned. "Things haven't exactly been going smoothly with you two, have they?"
I shrugged. "Not really. He's worried that I like…" I trailed off, not knowing if Darien knew Jarod's secret or not.
"That you like Raye?" He finished, and chuckled softly at my surprised expression. "Don't worry, most of us know about Jarod's little crush, except Raye of course." He frowned. "You know, Jarod is my friend, and normally I support him with everything, but I think his jealousy is unfounded with you. You've proven yourself to be a great friend so far, and I don't think a girl would turn you into anything different."
I smiled wryly. "Try telling him that." I sighed. "Don't get me wrong, I think your sister is beautiful, but she's really not my type."
"Oh really?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "And what is?"
You, my mind whispered, and I tried to battle the blush rising in my cheeks. "I don't know, I don't think I've found it yet." I lied.
"What about one of your friends? You hang out with some really pretty girls, right?"
I laughed. "They are beautiful," I admitted, "but I've known them too long. It would be like dating my sisters."
Ain't it the truth, I thought to myself, and tried to resist grinning. "What about you?" I wondered, ready to take notes, if necessary.
"I don't know. Physically I've always been attracted to girls like Beryl…" He said quietly, and I felt my heart sink. "But," he added, "tastes change, and I'm pretty sure I have a new ideal."
"Really?" I asked. "Like who?"
He smiled. "Well, like your friend."
"Serena?" I asked hopefully.
"Yeah," he confessed.
"But you barely know her," I pointed out. "How can you be sure?"
He didn't answer for a few moments, but then he looked up at me, his expression thoughtful. "Have you ever met someone, and suddenly you can't breathe? It's like the whole world stops around you, and you're eyes are focused only on that person?"
I smiled. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean."
He smiled back at me and started forward. "It's like you've met them before, and even though you know better than to believe in love at first sight, you can't stop looking."
My heart began to pound in my chest as he came closer, and I suddenly felt dizzy. How could he know exactly how I had felt the moment I had seen him?
"Yes," I whispered.
"Well, that's how I felt when I saw Serena. I spent less than an hour with her, barely spoke ten sentences, but I was willing to pursue her when I had never given anyone else a second glance." He sighed. "I wish I could see her again, just so I could be sure what I was feeling was real."
"You will," I murmured, before I could stop myself.
"Really?" He wondered excitedly. "You think so?"
I snapped out of it, and smiled nervously. "Yeah, sure."
Get a hold of yourself, I chastised. Stop getting lost in his blue eyes! Focus!
He grinned and moved closer. "You know, Jarod's not the only one who knows how to tie a tie."
I laughed nervously and nodded. "Really?"
He nodded and stepped in front of me, startling me a little by reaching forward and fumbling with my tie. I relaxed after a moment, and stared at his face while he concentrated. I discreetly took in his strong jaw line, well-formed nose, high cheekbones, and finally allowed my eyes to drop to his full lips. They looked so soft, and anything that had come from them had been so gentle. I had never wanted to kiss anyone more in my life, and I couldn't resist leaning forward, just a little bit…
"There!" He said, stepping away just in time, while I tried frantically to get a hold of myself. He lifted his head, noticing my odd expression, and his eyes widened, making my heart beat even faster than it already was.
"What?" I asked nervously. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he said quickly, but moved his eyes away. Was it just me, or did he look a little nervous? "Have fun tonight, okay?" He said finally, turning away.
I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. It must have been my imagination. "Sure, thanks."
"Take care of my sister?"
"Yeah, you got it."
"Good," he said, grinning a little. "I'll see you later."
"Bye," I answered, staring after him as he left the room.
I sighed, placing my hand over my eyes. That was a close one! As much as I wanted to believe Darien didn't find anything weird about what just happened, I couldn't shake the feeling that he suspected something. I need to be more careful, I realized, shaking my head. If I want to keep up this whole charade of being a boy, trying to kiss him is a definite no-no. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the image of his perfect lips now burned permanently into my brain. What was I doing here? I turned around and inspected myself in the mirror, smiling a little at Darien's flawless bowtie around my collar. What was I doing here indeed…
Twenty minutes later, I found myself outside Raye's dorm room, feeling a lot more nervous than I would have expected. I knocked once, twice, and the door opened to reveal a pretty redhead wearing a deep blue dress.
"Hey Molly," I said, stepping inside as she widened the door. "Wow, you look great! Jarod isn't here yet?"
"No," she answered, blushing slightly. "He said he'd be a little late." She grinned, and whistled appreciatively. "You don't look so bad yourself!"
"You don't look bad at all," A soft voice murmured, and then it was my turn to blush. Raye stood in the doorway on the other side of the room, a gentle smile on her face.
"Hey Raye!" I said, smiling a little, then I let my eyes drop, and slowly let my mouth fall open. "Wow!" I exclaimed. "You look incredible!"
And she really did. Her dress was a deep iridescent red that hugged her torso and billowed out at the waist. The front dipped low, showing enough of her top to be sexy, but classy as well. Her dark hair was pulled up into a bun comprised of curls, with a few strands pulled loose to frame her pretty features. Her make-up was dark, but not overdone, and it brought out her violet eyes wonderfully. She looked like some gorgeous Cinderella, and as I stared at her, I suddenly felt this envious pull at my heart. I didn't want to be in this stifling tuxedo, looking like some blonde, pretty boy prince. I wanted to be her, wearing a beautiful dress, dancing the night away with Darien. For the first time, I felt like I was really missing something important. This was the first dance of my senior year, and I wasn't feeling like a princess… I looked back at Raye's face, only to see her smiling at me, her eyes shining with pleasure, and I realized it was no good feeling sorry for myself. I may not be doing what I want tonight, but there was no way I was going to ruin this experience for her.
"You really do look incredible!" I said again. "And that smell!" I inhaled deeply. "Is that Chanel's 'Cocoa?'"
She laughed and nodded. "How did you know?"
I shrugged. "Lucky guess. Where did you get that dress?" I asked, honestly interested.
"I had it specially made in New York," she explained, and then she blushed. "Do you really think I look incredible?"
"Raye, everyone's going to say you look gorgeous," I insisted. "You ready to go?"
"Yeah, just let me get my purse!" She called over her shoulder, disappearing into her bedroom.
Just as I lost sight of her, a knock sounded from the door, and my throat tightened. That could only be one person…
"Hey, Jarod!" Molly cried happily as she opened the door. "Come on in!"
"Wow, Molly!" I heard him exclaim. "You look great!"
"Thanks," she replied, her giggle finding its way into the front room.
A moment later, Jarod appeared, looking fabulous in his zoot suit, and I had to smile. He forced a smile back at me, but it suddenly disappeared as his eyes caught something over my shoulder. I turned only to see Raye emerge from her bedroom, and smiled as I realized what Jarod must have found so stunning. Her eyes were glued to him, and she smiled widely.
"Jarod! You look amazing! I love your suit!" She exclaimed, stepping forward to give him a hug.
He returned the embrace, his mouth still open, as if he were in shock. "Y-You look gorgeous!" He murmured softly, closing his eyes just before she pulled away.
"I told you," I pointed out, chuckling. "You and Molly are going to be the prettiest girls there!"
Molly laughed, but Raye's cheeks turned crimson and she shook her head. "Are you guys ready?" She asked quickly, shyly placing a hand against her face.
"Yeah, let's go!" Molly exclaimed excitedly.
"Yeah…" Jarod agreed dumbly, his eyes still fastened on Raye.
I grinned to myself. This was going to be one interesting night. Suddenly, my heart dropped as Raye smiled at me and put her arm through mine, her face reddening again. I saw Jarod eyes flare with jealousy, and I gulped. Very interesting indeed…
By the time we reached the gym, the dance was in full swing. Couples littered the floor, gyrating to the hip-hop music blaring from the speakers set up in each corner. I smiled to myself, realizing these rich kids weren't too different from my classmates back home-- except I doubted that any of the girls' dresses cost less than five-hundred dollars.
The evening started out well. Raye and I made the rounds, saying hello to the people we knew, while I tried to ignore Jarod's icy glares at the back of my head. Raye, for the most part, didn't notice his behavior, and remained at my side the entire time, adding to my fears that her interest didn't lie in my lovelorn friend… We hadn't danced yet (thanks to my fears that Jarod would murder me if I touched his girl), but I could tell she wanted to by the way she kept glancing at the floor. I couldn't avoid it all night, and we were running out of people to talk to.
"Do you want to dance?" She finally asked, after we said hello to Mal and his date.
I hesitated, as a slow love song started up. I looked up to see couples pulling close, and then locked eyes with Jarod, who stared over Molly's shoulder with eyes that plainly said: "Don't you dare."
"I-I'm actually kind of thirsty," I sputtered. "Do you think we could get a drink first?"
Raye looked a bit frustrated, but she sighed and nodded, pulling me towards the refreshment table. I suddenly felt horribly guilty. This was her dance, and her night, and I was being a terrible date. Why did Jarod have to be such a jerk about this?
"So, Raye Shields is still relying on her brother to get a date…" Came an icy voice from my left, breaking through my thoughts. I turned to see Beryl standing a few feet from us, wearing a black gown that left very little to the imagination. I frowned, what the heck was her problem?
"That's a nice dress," she commented slyly, her green eyes gleaming in the dim light. "You almost managed to fill the top out this year," she added with a cold grin.
Raye's eyes flared with anger, but she answered the insult with a deadly grin. "I guess it's better than falling out," she fired back. "Tell me Beryl, how much did those skanky straps of fabric set you back? Seems a lot to pay for a few moments of attention."
Beryl forced a smile, and then to my surprise, sauntered towards me, placing a slim hand on my arm. "I don't know what you're doing with Raye," she murmured seductively, sliding her hand upwards. "We could have a lot more fun…"
I recoiled instinctively, brushing her hand away. "Thanks, but I prefer elegance to trash," I answered with a grimace, stepping back. I took one look at Beryl's shocked expression, then glanced at Raye's beaming face, and grinned. "Come on Raye, let's dance."
"I can't believe you just did that!" She whispered excitedly as we walked away. "You were unbelievable!"
"Beryl's a tramp, and you're the prettiest girl here! I meant every word." I said nonchalantly, spinning her out onto the floor.
Raye laughed, and we started to dance. I refused to hold back and busted out some of my best moves, earning whistles of appreciation from the people around us. I whooped as one of my favorite eighties songs came on, clapping and singing along while Raye laughed at me and joined in.
"You're awesome!" She shouted over the music. "I can't believe you like this stuff!"
"Are you kidding?" I shouted back. "I love the eighties!"
She laughed again and kept on dancing, moving towards and away from me, keeping the beat the entire time. We were having a blast, but soon the music faded away, only to be replaced by KC and JoJo's "All My Life." I stopped and stared at Raye, resisting the urge to gulp. I stood there for a while, wondering how I was going to work this, but her expectant features erased my doubts. This was her night, and I was going to make it wonderful.
"Come here, girl!" I exclaimed with a grin, opening my arms wide. She chuckled and shook her head, embarrassed, as she moved in close.
As she entered my arms, I slipped my left arm around her waist, and took her left hand in my right, moving my feet slightly from side to side. She smiled at me, her violet eyes glistening in the dark, and I was again struck by how pretty she was. She should be here with Jarod, I realized. At least he can appreciate how beautiful she truly is. We danced for a while like that, Raye pulling closer after a few moments, making my heart beat faster. I had no idea what to do in this situation, so I just kept dancing, sighing with relief when the song finally ended and a fast song began.
"Can we go outside?" She suddenly asked, just as I started to dance.
"Huh?"
"I'm really hot, do you think we could step out for a minute?"
"Oh!" I exclaimed, smiling a little. "Sure, let's go."
She smiled back and took my hand, leading me outside into the cool night. I raised my eyes to the sky, and sighed, taking in the still beauty of the stars.
"It's really beautiful out here," I whispered.
"Yeah, it is…" She murmured softly, looking away. "Thank you," she suddenly said, "for tonight, I mean. You made me feel pretty, and it was really nice of you to stick up for me."
"Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?" I wondered.
She looked up and smiled at me. "Yeah, I suppose so."
I grinned. "Listen, Raye…" I started, but I my words were cut off as she pressed her lips against mine, and pulled me close.
My eyes widened, and my whole body went rigid, completely stunned. I couldn't respond, and after a moment, she pulled away, her expression hurt.
"What's the matter?" She asked.
"N-Nothing!" I sputtered.
"Oh, okay!" she said with a smile, and kissed me again, but this time I pushed her away quickly.
"Stop!" I ordered. "Just stop!"
"What's wrong?" She wondered.
"I can't! I just can't!" I gasped. "It's not you, I swear! Raye, I just… I'm just… I'm really not into…"
"Oh God! I'm so sorry! I can't believe I didn't see it before!" She suddenly exclaimed, backing away, completely embarrassed. "The compliments, the dancing, the knowledge of perfume…" She paused, and gulped. "You're gay aren't you?"
"What?" I finally managed, my eyes bulging. "I am not gay!" I declared indignantly, without even thinking.
"Then what's the matter? Is it me?" She asked. "I spent all afternoon getting ready for you, I tried to say all the right things… Am I not pretty enough?" She wondered.
"Raye, that has nothing to do with it!" I said firmly.
"Well, then what is it? Why do guys never like me?" She asked. "I have never had a boyfriend before, and every guy that I've ever liked treats me like a little sister. For the longest time I was in love with Jarod, but he never noticed me… And then I met you, and you were polite, attentive, and sweet... You complimented me, stuck up for me, but you're just like every other guy I know."
"Raye, I am NOT like every guy you know! Any guy would find you beautiful. Any guy would count themselves lucky to be your date." I assured her, covering my eyes with my hands. "I'm just different from all of them. I'm…"
"What? You're what?" She asked, placing a hand against my shoulder. "Why ARE you so different from all the other guys? If you're not gay, then what is it?"
I pulled my hands away and stared at her concerned face. Could I let her in on my secret? Would she blow my cover? I would be risking so much in telling her, but the pay off could be great. I had to do it, and hope my confession would gain me a reliable friend.
"Raye…" I began softly.
"Yes?"
"I'm a girl."
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