I'd like to thank leahfaye so much for the words of encouragement that you sent to me. Although it'll be some time before you read this - It was greatly appreciated. :)

Confessions

She'd never seen him so defeated before, so withdrawn and so quiet. So unlike Mike it was almost surreal. If this is a dream so help me God, Dorothy had better wake up now! But when Alex turned to Mike he was still there and so was she; reality.

And reality bites.

If she could kiss it all better she would. If there was a cure she'd go and find it for him. But there wasn't one, she knew better than most that no such thing existed. How could she tell him everything would be okay now? Telling him about her own experience seemed such a cheap way of doing it besides they only way they were connected were the mental scars that remained. And she'd never really told anyone before.

Mike shifted a little and once again her gaze was drawn to him; she couldn't see him though, all she could see was the hair on his head and a shoulder. "Mike?" She asked, concerned. Not that she didn't like the silence but she had a feeling it was getting late and that everyone would start to come and find them soon. Having a repeat of what Katie saw was not a good thing - she'd yet to offer her sister some kind of explanation, she didn't more people adding to the equation. She loved her family but they could be nosey at the best of times.

He lifted his head up to look at her and he gave her a smile, brighter than she'd expected. She smiled back, taking comfort in the way everything seemed hopeful in his expression. Was it a false impression for her or for himself? He moved a little, pulling back and sitting up straight so that he could look her in the eye and feel somewhat like himself; non-dependent. "Mike, I've been, uh, thinking alot lately-" She started but paused before deciding not to continue. Her thoughts on the future weren't relevant no matter how much the past seemed to be blurring with the present as well as the future; getting lost in the fabric of time and almost collapsing in on itself. Everything seemed to be there, everything she'd ever done and everything she wants to do.

Mike, however, disagreed, "Tell me."

After a beat she shook her head, "No, this isn't the place." She made a move to stand up but he stopped her.

"This is the best place." He tried to be reassuring and positive but everything he'd said and thought of had made him feel less than energetic.

She kept her gaze on him, thoughtful. "I've been thinking alot lately about-" beat "-us."

"Us?" He asked, puzzled.

Alex nodded, "Yeah." She then shrugged, "We can talk about that later."

He watched her, unsure of what exactly she'd been thinking about in terms of 'us' but he suddenly felt compelled to know what that was. "Now is good."

Surprised, she gave him a small smile but he could see the conflict in her eyes and the way the muscles in her face were twitching between different facial expressions. After a moment she suddenly blurted out, "I love you."

Mike smiled, nodding, he reached his hand up to stroke her face and hair. "I know." This wasn't news to him, he knew that, "I love you too." He couldn't keep the smile from his face as he said that, he still wasn't used to speaking those words, it was usually Alex who said it, he would tell her when he had the courage to spit them out; speaking those three words certainly didn't get easier. It was a sentiment he felt and shared but it wasn't one he was comfortable saying.

She smiled, "You know... how I told you I was married?" Mike nodded, looking a little unsure about where this topic was headed, "Oh, oh, I'm not saying I want to get married or anything." Mike looked down before looking up at the same time she covered her face with her hands. "This is not coming out right at all." She spoke into her palms, frustrated. Mike suppressed a laugh at her, enjoying the way she was tripping over her own words; uncharacteristically like herself. She uncovered her face and looked at him, "You've been spending a lot of time ... at my house, with me."

"Yeah, I know. With the kidnapping and everything... it's been easier to reach..." Mike's turn to stumble, although he attempted to do so with grace. Attempted.

Alex smiled, putting a finger to his lips to stop them from moving, "Wait." She instructed and Mike nodded, "You have-" another pause and she was becoming increasingly frustrated at herself for stumbling as much as her partner, "Alot of your things are at my house and... like you said it's easier for you to get anywhere... and-"

Mike smiled, interrupting her, "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

She couldn't help but thank her lucky stars that somebody had finally asked the question. Looking at the hesitation on his face and the regret of speaking about this suddenly kicked in, so she quickly began coming up with a response, "You don't have to if you don't want to. I know I'm probably not the easiest person to live with and God knows I wouldn't want to cramp your-" Mike put a finger to her lips in a similar style that she had used on him. Alex promptly stopped speaking.

Mike's mouth twitched as a smirk formed on his face, the painful memories of his mother quickly vanishing away as his concentration became on the here and now and the future Alex was presenting to him. "If I move in with you." He said, looking at her directly in the eye with a mischievous twinkle in his own, "I'll have to tell all my other girlfriends they can't see me anymore."

Alex laughed, a sound coming somewhere between a snort and a giggle.

"Nah. You are the best one out of the lot." He contnued with a grin, "I guess I'd be getting the best deal."

She blinked. Was he saying yes? She'd expected him to say 'maybe later' and she'd already been kicking herself for the timing of her question. She couldn't speak. Words escaped her, she wasn't sure her hearing was working correctly. Was the wind brushing passed her ears making her hear words that didn't exist?

"Yes." Mike said, as if he could sense her own inner argument. "But, I have one request."

"Oh?" Alex asked,

Mike nodded, "Yeah, the Sinatra collection has to take the prize place in the living room." The laughter that escaped Alex's body was genuine. She leaped towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his as best as she could whilst they still sat on the ground. "I take it that's a yes on Frank?" Alex just laughed again. She had been so used to having him around that when he did start to go back to his apartment it had felt strange - now he was going to be staying with her and she couldn't contain her excitement at that prospect; gleefully she kept her arms around him as he wrapped his around her - sealing the deal with a kiss.

Maybe moving in with her might help him to move on from the past. Mike wasn't sure but now that they'd made the decision he was beginning to feel the signs of excitement and anxiety. When he'd been thinking of moving their relationship forward, moving in had been one of his thoughts but he hadn't realised she'd been thinking the same thing.

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Clapping. Cheering. Even wolf whistles were being thrown at them.

"Well, well, well, look whose decided to come out of hiding." Eric clapped loudly as Mike and Alex walked into the living room two hours after they'd first gone into her hide-out. Alex could see Katie was the only one not cheering or having a fun. She knew why so she avoided her sisters eye line. "We thought you were going to stay there all night?"

"Yeah?" Alex said, pointing towards Eric with her eyes and making a point of sounding sarcastic, "We were going to but then we remembered you so we thought we'd best come and check on you." Eric just shot his sister a glare, Alex turned to Mike to see he was smiling.

Once everyone had laughed at Eric's expense, Alex and Mike had bid everyone farewell and left to go home. Home. An old word that had a new meaning. As Alex drove them home she figured it probably had more meaning for her than Mike, she couldn't be sure, but she suspected it was one of those annoying pesky female things that she often had no choice but get caught up in; she couldn't really deny she was a woman.

"That reception we got?" Mike asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had been between them since they'd stepped into the car. Alex glanced at him momentarily before returning her eyes to the road, "That could've been worse, right?"

Alex snorted, "Yeah, much worse. Trust me, I've had many. That one was quite subtle."

Mike sighed something she could only make out as relief. She hadn't thought about it but she guessed it would've been more embarrassing for him, she had to tried to warn him but she figured his emotional state was probably a wreck right now and that something like that just added to it a little.

"I'm sorry." She appologised, "I know my family can get very... excited without thinking."

"It's okay." He turned to her and smiled, he wasn't sure if she could see it because she was driving but she did some movement out of the corner of her eye; in her peripheral vision. "Katie?"

Alex knew exactly what he was referring to and she sighed, "I didn't speak to her but-" she looked at him, "She won't say anything though. That's not her style."

"No?" He asked, although he hadn't thought of Katie gossiping about it, he'd been more concerned that Alex's sister might've thought something was terribling wrong with her. "Not even if she thought it had something to do with you?"

"No."

Mike frowned, "How do you know?"

Images flashed before Alex's mind and she had to squash them. She shrugged, "I know my sister."

He accepted that answer. If anyone knew her it would have to be Alex, besides the impression he'd got off Katie was that she was respectful to others and definitely not someone who would go around parading other people's private life.

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People have different perceptions on what dreams can do for you and what they represent. But no matter the perspective, dreams always help you deal with the reality of life and your everyday living. As Alex slept she was finding that that blur between past, present and history was replaying in technicolour in her mind - images and random memories being pulled to the surface and giving her glimpses of her own past; specifically related to Mike.

---Alex was briskly walking towards her car when she felt something brush her arm and she turned to see Mike looking out of breath from running. "Hey, you didn't hear me?"

Laughing, she replied, "Sorry, no, I was too busy thinking."

"You hang around your partner too much."----

---Mike stood with his mouth gaping open as Alex had answered her door with nothing but a towel wrapped around her wet body. Eyeing her up and down whilst she looked at him confused, ""I..." he started, breathlessly, "Uh..." a beat, "Uh... What?" He finally stopped looking at her body and looked at her face.

Looking down and mentally kicking herself when she realised what she was wearing. "Uh... I'll be back." -----

----"You're asking me out? On a date?" Alex asked Mike incredulously.

"Well, date, dinner, whatever word you want to use for it."----

-----"How was the train?" Alex asked as she and her partner walked into the Major Case Squadroom to see Mike sat at Bobby's desk.

Mike looked up at her, "I prefer the ferry." -----

------Laying down on the ground, in a tent, in two sleeping bags fastened together she and Mike were trying to sleep until Alex said, "Uh, Mike?"

"It's the bedding, I swear." He quickly replied and she laughed, "Are you giggling?"

She turned his arms and lowered her gaze to the 'bedding'. Grinning, she said, "It's not the bedding."

"No, it's not." A mischievous grin on his face and a playful twinkle in his eyes, laughing. ----

-----"Back at your house there was a picture of a man... with you." Mike spoke slowly, sitting opposite her as they sat having an intimate meal at his apartment. Candlelight, music and food. "Who is he?"

"He was my husband." She told him, truthfully but unable to hide the sorrow from her own voice. "He - uh, died in the line of duty almost 8 years ago." She felt a strong need to change the topic back to something positive, but she kept it on the same man, "He'd like you."

"Yeah?" Mike asked, doubtful. "He wouldn't mind me dating his wife?" He pointed towards her, himself and the table. "Because I'd still be doing this." He grinned, "I would." -----

-----Seeing Mike sitting at his newly appointed desk at Major Case, reading the playbook and having to face the lump of brick Alex decided to torment the guy, "Nice desk!" She then closed the door to Deakins' office, unaware of Mike's reaction.-----

-----She could feel his strong arms surround her, the heat from the July sun was really taking it's toll on her, the sweat covered her body like a sheet of ice. "Mike?" Her fingers desperate to feel his skin as she finally managed to be freed from the hell she'd been kept in by 'Sebastian - Jo Gage'.

She could hear him say two words - "You're okay." Those words melted away all of her determination, all of the fight she'd had left and she allowed him to pick her up and carrying her to the ambulance where she could be taken to hospital.-----

-----Mike's pained voice cut deep, she could hear how much it pained him to say it, how much he had to force the words out. His voice was shaking but deadly, the venom he was spitting out about his mother was understandable poisonous and the distaste would be on both of their tongues for days. "She was religious. She believed she was doing God's work. In other words she was a Nut Job." ----

----The sound of Mike's voice melted away to reveal one she hadn't heard for a long time; Joe. "You're my wife!"

"I know that!" She spat back, the argument they were having for the hundreth time was becoming stale. "This is my job. You of all people should-"

"Understand?" He asked, aggressively. "You wait on the corner of a steet for what? Some John to come up to you and accept a proposal for sex? I'm meant to understand that?"----

-----"Happy Anniversary!" His voice was almost cloyingly sweet, clinging to her ears as she looked at the anniversary gift.

"Um-" She smiled the best fake smile she could muster at such a late hour. Their anniversary was almost over and this had been the only chance for them to talk.

"It's a Taser Gun." Joe told her, happily, "For safety. You know how I don't like those Johns you meet?" Alex rolled her eyes, "Well, this is for protection."

She couldn't contain her anger despite the words of her mother in her head telling her it's the thought behind the gift that counts, "What does this have to with our wedding? Or our love?"

Joe spluttered, "Everything."

"How so?" She'd never been answered.----

Alex felt something force her to wake up, grateful too because she was afraid of what other memories of Joe were gonna come dragging to the surface. She looked at Mike, hovering above her with a concerned expression. "Are you okay?" She asked, immediately concerned about him, knowing that what he'd told her earlier would've dragged up some of his own memories.

He nodded, "Actually, that was my question to you."

She sat up until she was level with him, which was easy consideirng the way he was half-sitting and half-laying, leaning on one elbow for support. "I was dreaming." She told him, "About you and then I -" she paused, "-wasn't dreaming about you."

Mike frowned, because he'd been unable to sleep he'd been watching her sleep. He'd seen the way she'd looked so peaceful, obviously thinking of something she liked because there was this soft, small smile on her face but then it had changed and her brow had burrowed and she'd began to breath at a faster pace.

"Did I wake you?" She asked.

"No." He replied, shaking his head. "I wasn't asleep."

"Are you alright?"

He nodded, "I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep." He looked at her, in the semi-dark he could see that whatever she was dreaming about was still in her head. He may not be Bobby Goren but he could still read people. "What were you dreaming about?"

She shrugged, "You."

"And?" He prompted, knowing full well that she'd also said something else.

"And-" a beat, "-Joe."

"Joe was your..." Alex nodded. "Why were you dreaming about him?" Mike couldn't completely mask the jealousy that was creeping it's way out of his mouth.

If she noticed it she didn't let on, she just shrugged, "I don't know."

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TBC