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Confessions

Alex laid back down and Mike followed suit, face-to-face and nose-to-nose whilst their heads rested on the pillows. "You don't know?" He asked, incredulously. She had to know as far as he was concerned, she was the one who was dreaming.

"Well-" She closed her eyes, "I do know but there is no point in talking about it." Mike could see the determination set in her jaw. A stubborn look in her eyes but that just intensified Mike's curiosity. "It's nothing."

Mike lifted his chin up slightly to get a better angle of sight into her eyes, "It doesn't look like nothing to me." He saw hesitation and worry in her eyes, her facial muscles working overtime as she processed the idea of telling him about her own past. He shot her a look, "I told you mine."

It might've been considered a low blow, bribery, if he'd told her something small but when she thought about what he'd told her, his mother, it seemed to make sense; trust. "I've never told anyone." She spoke softly, not weak but quiet. "The only person who ever found out about it was Katie."

Mike felt his stomach twist. He suddenly became aware of this feeling of anxiety as a million scenarios flew through his head. What was she about to tell him? He never said anything though, he kept his mouth shut because he didn't want her to not tell him. He heard her swallow something before she continued, "Joe didn't like my job. At all." She looked down, doubting herself to continue. "We'd argue about it alot." She suddenly sat up, not liking the way she felt weak as she laid down, revealing everything. Mike quickly sat back up too, keeping his eyes on her. She gave him a small smile, as if to reassure herself rather than him. "It got to the point where-" she swallowed again, fighting the nausea that this history of hers was bringing back, along with the words Mike had already said. "We didn't talk at all."

She stopped talking and she just looked at him, Mike shook his head, "I don't know if it's because I'm a cop or an exceptionally gifted guy but you're not telling me everything."

Alex felt herself nod before she actually decided to, "We didn't talk. We didn't see each other. We didn't spend time together. We didn't sleep in the same bed. We didn't touch. We didn't kiss... We didn't anything." She moved her head in a cirular motion as if she was reeling off a list; a list she'd not necessarily prepared but she had lived. She gave him a look of sorrow, regret. "One night I-" pause "-came home from work." She laughed a little, which Mike hadn't expected, "I was still wearing those trashy clothes that I had to wear for Vice." Mike smiled, "And he'd been drinking."

Mike leaned forward slightly, that knot in his stomach pulling tighter, "He did something to you?"

She lowered her gaze and was thankful that her hair created a curtain to hide the emotions that were playing on her face. Alex nodded, still looking down, "He took one look at my clothes and he blew!" She looked back up at him, unable to see the hurt on Mike's face because of her own anguish inside, "He - uh - said some pretty nasty things." Mike couldn't speak, he was just glued into place as Alex began to hyperfocus as she spoke, her minds eye looking into the past whilst remaining in the present; zoning. "I didn't expect him to hit me and when he did I couldn't move at first. It was like it wasn't really happening. It was when I hit back that it went a little out of control but I couldn't sit there.

"We'd never done that before. When he stopped he immediately starting appologising, almost begging." She looked at Mike and he tried to give her a comforting smile but his mind was running in circles at the thought. "It was like he wanted me to be okay but I didn't say anything." Her voice heavy with regret, "He just... grabbed me and started holding me... wanting me to be okay but he started kissing me and ..."

Mike spoke for the first time throughout her story, his mind about to explode, A hard look on his face as he fought to keep his food down, "He tried to rape you?"

"He tried." She replied, looking at him, "He didn't." Mike closed his eyes, allowing that piece of knowledge to sink in for a moment. "After that we went to marriage counselling." Mike re-opened his eyes, he couldn't help but wonder why she'd stayed with the guy. "And it took months but it seemed like everything was gonna be okay, we were talking alot more and we were happy." She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them she was surprised to see a sheet of tears in his eyes, "Then he died."

And then they sat in silence. Both them mulling it over in their minds. Alex squeezed her eyes closed and willed the sick feeling to disappear. It did, the moment Mike's hand to touched her face and forced her eyes to re-open. "I guess we're both a little messed up."

She smiled, "I guess so."

He made a point of finding her eyes with his and looking into them with a determined look, "I don't quite know why you were dreaming about this - maybe it has something to do with me moving in-" Alex opened her mouth to speak but he used his thumb to cover her mouth. "But I swear to you that I will never never try to do that to you." He spoke with such conviction and certainty that it was almost a physical force.

In her mind she was thinking maybe he had a point about the connection about him moving in with her - but it had never crossed her mind that Mike would've done something like that. "I know." She smiled and he returned it.

With a small grin on his face he added, "Hey, if at anytime you don't wanna, there's always my hand." He was pleased when she laughed, wholeheartedly and surprised when she nodded in agreement before wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. He was worried when she pulled away with a guilty look on her face, "What is it?"

"I'm sorry." She apologised with a look of regret and sorrow on her face.

Mike blinked, "What for?" As far as he was concerned she had nothing to apologise for.

Distressed, she replied, "I should've been thinking about-" she wasn't sure about the wording so her sentence trailed off.

Mike put his hand back up to face, "Don't think about her." He scolded, calmly and quietly, "She's not worth it."

"I was going to say you as well." She allowed herself a small smile, once again wondering if he could read her mind.

"Oh." Mike replied with a grin, "You can think about me to your hearts content." Alex laughed and watched him as he glanced around the room and turned to look at the clock. "What'd you say, we go to my apartment, chuck some of my gear into some boxes and get this ball rolling?" Mike had to admit to himself that he'd have been this excited to move in with someone before but he couldn't help but get carried away this time.

Alex smirked, "Well, yeah, we could go and pack boxes." A grin spread across her face as she looked down at the bedding and back up at him, "Or we could stay here and get a different ball rolling."

Taking note of the suggestive tone, Mike reached behind and used her backside to lift her up onto his knee. It was made easier by Alex's willingness to go along with it. "So, uh, I don't need my hand this morning then?" He asked, a mischievous grin on his face as he lifted both his hands up to gently stroke her neck and the side of her face.

"Not in that way..." He captured her lips before the sentence was finished and she quickly parted them to grant him access. Both of them fueled by the emotions they'd displayed to each other and the knowledge that they knew each others deepest and darkest moments.

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Strange how some people never do quite follow something that you've tried to make so simple that a monkey could figure out. Mike sighed and looked at Alex, who pinched the bridge of her nose and looked towards the cash clerk with an irritated but friendly look on her face. "No, ma'am." Mike told the clerk, politely, "We don't want box loads of clothes." Mike looked around the store; the style of clothing that was sold was incredibly unfashionable as far as he thought. He couldn't imagine a woman being seen dead in half of the items on display. He could tell from the look of disgust on Alex's face that she had thought exactly the same thing when she'd seen them.

"We don't want the clothes." Alex reiterated, trying to bite her tongue and hold back the remark that was already bubbling to the surface. "We just want the boxes they came in."

"Why?" The clerk asked, curious. Nosily asking questions that Alex and Mike felt weren't necessary.

"To put things in them." Alex replied, calmly and cryptically.

"Yeah." Mike nodded, sarcastically, "We're having a yard sale." Alex couldn't help but glance at him but she kept a straight face. "We need the boxes so that we can sell as much stuff as possible." He leaned into the counter and gave the woman a nod, "You with me?"

She smiled politely and nodded, "Alright, I'll get Junior to get you some." She replied quietly before yelling in another direction - towards Junior, "Matt!!!" Mike had to resist sticking his finger in his own ear as the shrill of the woman's voice reached his ear drum. Alex closed one eye and winced. Mike shot Alex an amused look as the woman walked towards the door that led to the stock room.

Alex smiled at Mike, "Want a new dress?" He asked, gesturing towards the clothes on display. Alex didn't even glance at them; trying to avoid looking at the frills and over-the-top floral designs, rags and other pieces of cloth that she assumed was being sold as women's clothing - she couldn't be too sure.

She smirked, "I don't even want to be buried wearing these."

Mike grinned, "I thought you'd say something like that." The woman returned with the young man she'd referred to as Junior and they handed them both a pile of folded brown boxes.

"I'm sorry but we collapse all of our boxes-"

Mike held up his hand before taking the pile of Junior.

"It's okay, we can rebuild them." Alex told her. Mike shot her a look, recognising the phrase from somewhere else.

"Thanks." Mike nodded and as Alex took the pile off the clerk he started for the door.

When they reached the door and Mike had opened it they were stopped by the woman asking, "Where and when is your yard sale?" They turned to her, "Maybe I could find something to sell at my store."

Alex turned back to Mike before she smiled at the woman and replied, "I doubt we're selling anything that is as good as the stock you already have." Alex gave the woman her sweetest and sincerest smile and then they walked out of the store.

As soon as the door closed the laughter escaped Mike's throat like a volcanic erruption. Alex wouldn't have laughed if it hadn't been the way his was so infectious at that time. She looked at him and laughed with him as they walked down the street, hands holding tight onto the folded boxes. "I can't believe they actually sell anything." Alex commented, after the laughter had died a little, "I can't even imagine my Grandmother buying that stuff."

"Somebody must buy it." Mike told her, as they walked towards the car, "Because something's keeping her in business."

Alex snorted but she didn't say anything, not until they reached the car and had shoved the cardboard boxes into the trunk and were sat in the front and they safety belts were fastened. She turned to him and frowned, "Why didn't you tell them you were moving out?"

Mike shrugged, "That had nothing to do with her."

"But a yard sale?"

He nodded, "Yeah, that was fun." He had an amused smile on his face but Alex just stared at him. "Look, it's no-ones business where I'm living or what I need boxes for." She turned towards the windshield. "Seriously, she was too snoopy for her own good. It's between you and me."

Alex turned back to him and smiled, "Okay." Understanding that he considered this to be a private matter and she could even appreciate his need to keep it between themselves. "But next time we need boxes I'm going to give the reason why." She started the engine and shot him a small grin before pulling out of the parking spot.

Two seconds later, Mike asked, "What's wrong with a yard sale?" Alex rolled her eyes.

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Alex was stood in Mike's kitchen wrapping fragile pots and cooking equipment in newspaper and tissue before carefully placing them in one of the boxes she'd rebuilt with masking tape. A part of her couldn't quite believe they were really doing this whilst another part of her knew they really were; confusing. She'd never lived with anyone since Joe and she'd always doubted she ever would. Her job always took up a huge percentage of her time, not that she didn't want it to, and every guy she dated always grew frustrated with her about it, not understanding her or the word 'partner', and eventually she'd become so annoyed with it that she'd almost given up dating altogether.

Until Mike; another cop, like Joe but different. Troubled man, true, but he was generally a fun guy and he made her laugh, which she always considered to be important. If a man made her feel bored and miserable then she'd lose interest. Mike understood her job, understood the hours, because he worked them, and he had no problem with her partner and how much time she had to spend with him. In return, she understood as well.

Something she'd never really had, not even with Joe and he was a cop himself. Despite all of the problems she and Joe had had together she had still loved him. She could remember all the times she'd cursed herself for doing so as well, wondering when she'd turned into one of those women who stuck to the same man no matter what they did to them. But she could understand those women because of it; they weren't stupid and they weren't pathetic - they were just in love.

As she placed another wrapped pot in the box she heard a pained groan come from the living room. Frowning, she walked out of the kitchen to see Mike lounging on the sofa, sleeping, and from what she could tell he was dreaming about something unpleasant.

If she had to guess it would be his mother.

Carefully she walked over to the sofa and sat down next to his sleeping form and gently placed a hand on his chest, shaking him softly to wake him up. It didn't take much, less than she thought it would. His eyes snapped open and he immediately sat up, rubbing them with the palm of his hands. "You okay?" Alex asked, concerned.

"Yeah." Mike mumbled, "I guess I fell to sleep." Alex had expected him to be tired from not sleeping last night.

"Your mom?"

Mike continued to rub his face with both hands whilst he answered, "Yeah, it's probably cause I was talking about her yesterday. Bitch!" He pulled his hands away from his face in anger. Mike looked at her and his face softened slightly. "I'm okay."

"Yeah?"

Mike nodded. "How long was I asleep?"

Alex could see and hear how much he wanted to change the subject so she let him, "About an hour."

"You've been packing the whole time?" He asked, Alex nodded, "Sorry."

Shaking her head, "No, it's okay. I don't mind." Not exactly the best way to spend the Sunday off but Alex really didn't mind if it got him to move in with her faster. "You tired?" Mike nodded and Alex stood up, holding out her hand and with a small smile on her face she said, "Then let's go home."

A smile broke out onto his face and he took her hand, standing up he wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked out of the apartment together and headed home.

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TBC

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