Okay so don't hate me for using such a corny song (Michael Bolton – How am I supposed to live without you) as the inspiration for this little fic. I heard it by chance and it screamed out 'Booth and Brennan' to me and this is what came out when I started to type. It's intended as a one shot. And for the record, I don't make a habit of doing songfics, for all those who hate them, but this just begged to be written.
Angela is speechless. She's pretty sure this is the first time that she's ever been unable to formulate a sentence, despite the many strange things that come out of her friends mouths.
"Angela, are you going to say anything?" Brennan stares at her friend, wondering why she is gawking at her, eyes wide like a rabbit in headlights.
"I…wha…you…" Angela spits out the beginnings of words but her mind is working too fast for her mouth to keep up. I can't believe this. What are you thinking? You can't leave!
"I know this is sudden." Brennan explains. "But if I don't go I'll never know Angela. You're the one who's always telling me to go after what I want." Brennan continues in the absence of any words from Angela. I meant Booth, go after Booth! Angela screams in her head. When Angela doesn't respond Brennan makes a move for the door of her office.
"Sweetie." Angela finally manages to get out a whole word. Brennan stops and moves back in front of Angela. "Tell me what you're doing again"? Angela needs confirmation.
"I'm moving to London with David." Brennan repeats.
"You're moving." Angela stares into Brennan's eyes. "You're quitting your job here and leaving me, Hodgins and Zach to deal with Booth and Cam alone?"
"I don't see it quite like that Angela." Brennan sighs.
"It's how I see it." Angela pouts. "What is there for you in London?" Angela can feel her eyes tearing up.
"I have a job offer from a company specialising in forensic consultations for the Police." Brennan tells her. "I'll be based in London but I'll travel to other cities when needed, much like I do here."
"But you don't know anyone there."
"I'll know David and this is a chance for us to build a real relationship."
"You can't do that here?" Angela asks, not really needing an answer. She pauses and takes a deep breath. "I just don't understand. Why would you want to leave everything you have here?" Angela steps over to the couch and sinks down onto the arm, feeling that deep down inside she's not going to be able to do or say anything to change her friend's mind.
"Angela, this isn't going to be forever." Brennan tries to offer some comfort. "I'm not abandoning you. I'm just moving on to something different. How many times have you told me you wanted to go travelling?" Brennan counters.
"It's not the same Bren." Angela sighs. She hangs her head and takes a few deep breaths knowing she can only say one thing. "If this is what you want, what you really want…then you know I'll support you." She caves. "I just don't want to see you make a big mistake." Like passing up the opportunity to be truly happy with Booth. It's no secret that Angela thinks Booth and Brennan are a match made in heaven.
"It's what I want Angela. David loves me." At least he tells me and shows me.. Angela nods and rises from the arm of the couch.
"When?" she asks.
"Next week."
"What!" Angela exclaims. "That soon? Don't you have things to plan?"
"I've already sublet my apartment and I'm due six weeks leave so I'm using that as my notice."
"Does Cam know?"
"She knows." Brennan nods.
"What about Booth?" Angela asks. She's pretty sure Brennan hasn't told him because Booth would have called Angela about it. Brennan shakes her head in answer to Angela's question.
"When are you planning on breaking the news?"
"I don't know."
"He's not going to like this."
"He doesn't have to. Booth has no say in what I do with my life." Brennan states firmly, almost trying to convince herself of the fact.
"I need some time to process all this Bren. I'll be in my office." Angela heads for the door. Brennan is left watching her friend leave.
Later that evening Brennan is in her apartment sorting through her belongings and packing the things she is shipping to London into boxes. A knock at the door surprises her. She puts down an African statue, wipes her hands on her jeans and makes her way through the clutter to the door. She rises up on her toes and peeks through the spy hole to see who her visitor is. She is not surprised in the least to see Booth standing on the other side. She draws the chain and pulls the door open.
"Hey." She greets him solemnly.
"Hey Bones." He replies, his voice just as solemn.
I could hardly believe it, when I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leaving, someone swept your heart away
From that look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it, tell me about the plans you're making
Tell me one thing more before I go
Tell me how am I supposed to live without?
Now that I've been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you?
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been living for is gone
Brennan stands aside and lets Booth step into her apartment, knowing this is going to be heavy session.
"Is it true?" he asks simply. Please tell me it isn't true.
"Yes." Brennan replies. Booth hangs his head and nods. Oh God
"I knew one day 'this'…" he gestures to both of them indicating their partnership, "….would be over but…" he trails off. I didn't think it would be now, not like this.
"Why don't I go make some coffee?" she suggests. She walks over to the kitchen and puts the kettle on. A few minutes later she takes two fresh cups to the living room. Booth is still standing where she left him. She notices that he looks awkward and his shoulders are slightly hunched. She places both cups down on the coffee table and stands before him. She feels her own body tensing up.
"What's going on Bones?" he asks. Brennan isn't sure she can describe his tone of voice. He almost sounds devastated.
"I'm sure Angela told you everything."
"Angela didn't tell me anything. I overheard her and Hodgins talking." Booth explains. "Why didn't you tell me Bones?" he asks.
"I was going to."
"When? On the way to the airport? Bones, you're leaving in a week. We have cases, we have unfinished business." He says angrily.
"Booth I'm not doing this to cause you trouble at work. I'll finish what we're working on before I go."
"It's not about that Bones." Booth states. "I thought we were friends. Friends tell each other what's going on in their lives."
"I haven't kept anything from you." She states.
"So you and David decided to leave the country after I left the lab this morning?" Booth says loudly, finding it hard to contain his anger. "If not then you have been keeping things from me. You've been making life altering decisions without consulting the people who care about you most."
"Booth, I don't need you, or Angela, or anyone else for that matter, telling me what to do." Brennan raises her own voice to match Booth's. "I make the decisions about my life. David and I make the decisions about our relationship."
"I never thought you could be this thoughtless Temperance." Brennan shudders when she hears him say her first name. He uses it on so few occasions that she knows he means business
"I am not thoughtless Booth."
"So what do you call springing the news on your friends that you're leaving and probably never coming back?" he throws his hands in the air, frustrated, angry and upset.
I didn't come here for crying, didn't come here to break down
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end
And how can I blame you, when I built my world around you
To hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends
I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
Tell me how am I supposed to live without?
Now that I've been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you?
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been living for is gone
Ten minutes of silence later and the pair have calmed down a bit. They are seated at opposite ends of the couch, both facing forward.
"Booth, why are you having so much trouble with this?" she asks. "We work together and we're friends, nothing more nothing less." Brennan says.
"That's how you see us huh?" he says. "That's all you think we are?"
"What do you mean by that Booth?" Brennan asks. Does he have something to tell me? She thinks. Booth stares at her. How can she not know how I feel? He wonders.
"Listen, I'm having trouble accepting this because this is not you Bones." Bones, he's back to calling me Bones Brennan feels a little relieved.
"How would you know what is or isn't me?" Brennan turns and asks. "You don't know me that well."
"I know you better than you think I do. I know you're trying desperately to make it work with David because you're afraid you won't find something special with anyone else, with someone already close to you." Booth blurts out. His words seem to sting Brennan and she physically recoils. "Don't settle for David." Booth states. I'm here. If you just open your eyes you'll see that.
"I am not settling for David." Brennan glares at Booth, her blue eyes cold with anger. "He wants to be with me and I want to be with him." I think. "I never thought I'd get that chance at having a real relationship, a real family. I can have that with David." Even if I know he feels more for me than I do for him. Her words force Booth into silence.
Now I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
Now that your dream has come true
Tell me how am I supposed to live without?
Now that I've been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you?
And how am I supposed to carry on?
When all that I've been living for is gone
"You're sure this is what you want?" Booth asks, his voice soft and low. Brennan meets his deep brown eyes, which she notes look sad and empty.
"I'm sure." She tells him. If you feel something else for me you're not saying it and I wont give up the chance at happiness on something I'm not sure of .
"Well I guess there's nothing left to say." Booth rises to his feet. Brennan follows him up and the two stand awkwardly.
"If you come by the lab in a few days I'll make sure you get all the files on the work I've been doing." She says as she stuffs her hands in her jeans pockets and lowers her head.
"Okay." Booth replies. "I guess I'll see you later then." How many more times am I going to get to say that? Booth starts across the room and reaches the door. He pauses with his hand on the door handle.
"Bones, I want you to be happy." He says suddenly, his head turns behind him slightly. I just wish it were with me. He doesn't wait for her to say anything. He simply opens the door, steps out and closes it behind him. He has only one thought as he walks away.
Tell me how am I supposed to live without?
Now that I've been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you?
And how am I supposed to carry on?
When all that I've been living for is gone
Early the following Saturday morning, the squints gather at the airport to see off their friend. Angela looks tearful, Zach distressed and Jack just sad.
"Are you sure you have everything?" Angela asks, sniffing back her tears.
"I'm sure Angela." Brennan forces a smile. She can't let anyone know she's having second thoughts.
"Besides, if we forget anything we can always call." David smiles. He seems excited to leave and doesn't appear to notice Brennan's trepidation.
"Is uh, is Booth coming?" Brennan asks. Please tell me he's coming.
"I'm not sure sweetie." Angela tells her gently. "He's been really busy." Like that's the reason he's stayed away from the lab all week.
"Oh." Brennan hangs her head.
"Temperance." David takes her elbow. "We really should get to the gate." He urges.
"Right." Brennan pulls herself together.
The next few minutes are the hardest of Brennan's life. Saying goodbye to Jack and Zach is relatively easy. She gives Zach words of encouragement and tells him she's proud of him and that she'll miss having him as a student. When she hugs Jack she whispers to him to take care of Angela. But when it comes time to say goodbye to Angela, Brennan cannot find any words. She embraces Angela and the two stand holding each other for what seems like an eternity.
"Sweetie, if you need anything, anytime you call me. Promise me." Angela says.
"I promise." Brennan replies. "I'm going to miss you." She adds.
"Don't Tempe." Angela pulls back and wipes a tear from her face.
"Thanks for coming to see us off." David smiles. "Take care of yourselves okay. And if you're ever in London." He adds, indicating he would want them to visit. Brennan starts backing up to David. Her eyes search the crowds looking for Booth. Why hasn't he come? She wonders. Just as she and David take their first steps towards the hall leading to the gate Brennan hears someone calling her name. She scans the crowd and sees Booth running towards her. She stops and jerks her hand from David's. She doesn't see the look of anger in his eyes. Brennan makes her way over to Booth, who has arrived looking exhausted.
"I thought I'd missed you." He says.
"You almost did." She tells him.
"Bones, I couldn't let you go without telling you something." He says. "Can I…" he gestures for her to step aside with him. Brennan looks back to David who offers no nod of approval. Still she walks with Booth.
"What is it Booth?" she asks.
"Bones, I don't want you to leave." He states.
"You've all but told me that before Booth." Brennan sighs.
"But I didn't tell you why." He says. Brennan looks confused. "Bones…Temperance." He sighs. "I don't want you to go because I love you." He admits. Brennan looks mortified.
"What?" she asks, stunned by his revelation.
"I love you." He repeats, this time saying it with more feeling and deliberation. Brennan hangs her head and takes a deep breath. She looks up to meet his expecting eyes.
"How dare you come here now and tell me this." She says angrily but with her voice low so David doesn't here. "We've been partners for two years and you wait until minutes before I leave the country to say…that."
"Bones, I…"
"No Booth, listen to me." She glares. "After everything we've been through you choose this moment to drop a bomb shell like this."
"Tell me you don't feel the same." Booth focuses his eyes on hers. I can't because I do.
"I'm not giving up what I have with David on some whim." She tells him. "How do I know your feelings won't change in a few weeks or months?" she demands. "I can't take that chance." She starts to walk away. Booth reaches out and grabs her hand but as soon as he catches it Brennan snatches it away and she walks back to David.
"Goodbye Angela." She says to her friend. "Guys." She nods to Jack and Zach.
"Come on Temperance, we need to go now." David presses. He's afraid of what Booth said to her and if they linger Brennan will change her mind. Brennan hesitates just a moment longer then slips her hand into David's extended one. She turns back only once to be confronted one last time by Booth's face. Her stomach twists as she takes in the devastated look on his face as he accepts that she's not going to stay. She knows it will take a long time to get that face out of her head.
When Brennan and David have disappeared from view Angela walks over to Booth.
"I thought she would stay." He tells her sadly.
"I know." Angela whispers. "So did I." She steps away and starts towards the exit, Jack and Zach on her heels. Booth lingers a moment, watching the space Brennan just left before he turns and follows the squints.
Tell me how am I supposed to live without?
Now that I've been loving you so long
How am I supposed to live without you?
And how am I supposed to carry on?
When all that I've been living for is gone
It is late in the afternoon when Booth finally returns to his house. After leaving the airport without what he went there for, Booth spent hours driving aimlessly around the city. His heart aches knowing that he might never see his Bones again. He pulls his car into the side of the road and slowly makes his way to the front door. As he nears the porch he spots a dark figure sitting on the steps. As he gets closer his stomach flips and his heart begins to beat faster. The figure rises to stand and Booth's eyes widen in shock.
"Bones." He whispers. She takes two steps down so she is standing on the path in front of him.
"Hi." She replies, looking worried.
"Bones, I thought you…I…" he trails off as he comes to a stop in front of her.
"Booth, did you really mean it?" she asks.
"With every beat of my heart." He tells her.
"Why now?" she asks. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"
"I guess I was afraid." He admits. "I wasn't sure you felt the same. I didn't want to ruin what we had."
"What changed your mind? Why did you decide to tell me?"
"The thought of losing you Bones." He explains. "I couldn't let you leave without giving you the choice." Brennan's shoulders slump and she hangs her head.
"I'm scared Booth." She tells him. He closes the gap between them and reaches out to cup her face.
"I know Bones." He whispers.
"What if we're wrong about our feelings? What if this doesn't work out?" she asks. "How can we work together again?"
"Don't think about the 'what if's' Bones." He smiles. "Love is about taking chances, about being in the present and not worrying about what the future may hold."
"But…" Booth silences Brennan with a soft, sensual kiss. His lips brush against hers as he arms slip around her body and pulls her close., flooding her body with his heat.
"No 'Buts' Bones." He grins before he kisses her again.
"I was going to say that there's a forty year old accountant living in my apartment." She grins. "I have nowhere to live."
"I think we can work something out." Booth grins back before leaning in for another in a long line of kisses.
I know Booth and Brennan may be a bit OOC at the end here but this is the way I wanted to write it so tough! LOL.