You know what…I have the oddest craving for insanity.
OKAY PEOPLE! It's time for a pre-note! In this chapter we meet characters from (OH NO!) Yu-Gi-Oh GX. For all of you people who are clueless to characters, the show starts in October, and Asuka shall be dubbed Alexis, and Shou shall be dubbed Syrus. However, Since GX dubnames are evil/stupid, I'm sticking to Asuka and Shou. They are cooler names. At least I think so. Bilbo-sama, if your out there…please don't hurt me if I screw things up T.T Okay! I'm done.
REVIEW TIME!
LoneFlyinTigers
Doesn't it though?
Oh, no worries about Tish and Bianca. I didn't mind. Hee hee, I'm glad you liked the Ra hallucination. And the Monopoly. I was really thinking of my insane Monopoly skills when I was writing it.
Thanks so much for the review! Enjoy this chapter wreathed with insanity!
Bilbo-sama
EVIL INVALID URL DANCE!
1. I like Zelda-sama the best. It's quick on the tongue, yet catchy at the same time.
2. DANGIT! Why didn't I think of that? A Fubuki/Asuka kick-butt team would have rocked out loud! Oh well, maybe you should take up the idea. Or maybe it will pop up in my next fic. Or something. I think it would be cool if you tried it though. I still liked the Driver's Ed fic XD!
3. Well, half of the gift is waiting for it I suppose. My brother's going to have a crush on Asuka, I just know it…he's a Tea fan, you see…
4. NOT THE PINK HAIR! There's more to this fiend than you think…
5. Thank you as always for the review! Enjoy the chappie!
Mokuba's Official Glomper
Yay! I wuv da insanity!
Oh god, your favorite male characters all stuck in the great web of insanity, fighting tooth and claw for their lives! Alister's acting really scary in this chapter, just as a warning, and Marik isn't exactly the sane head either. And when Seto shows up…oh god, I'm not sure how you're going to react! Anyway, enjoy the chapter again MOG, and may the torture continue!
Gothangelmyu
What's scary is that if someone really said 'If you love your cards so much, why don't you marry them?', Raffy would give an enthusiastic 'yes'. I think the Ra Hallucination just may show up again.
Thanks you for saying that! I was really hoping I could top TWOC off. THANK YOU GOTHANGELMYU! Enjoy the chapter!
Catapult Turtle
Will Ryo ever get married…hmm, I wonder…
Ah yes, ORAGAMI CHICKEN! Can you make an origami chicken? I don't know how to do it, that's for sure. But Marik has way too much time on his hands, so who really knows?
HA! You're right! What's funnier is exactly who she's after…but I don't want to give too much away!
Thank you for coming back to this fic as well! I was wondering if I'd ever hear from you again. ENJOY!
Anmarie Miriel
I'm usually the dog or the horse and rider on the game. And Baltic Avenue rocks! It reminds me of Baldric from Blackadder…
Anyway, it's always so much fun to write about the Doom Bikers, so they just had to show up in my long-term fics at some time. And the Millennium Ring, I think, could also make a really good Frisbee. So it's a ring/dreamcatcher/Frisbee? Odd, very odd…
Behold! The next chapter! I hope you like this one! Thank you so much again!
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler
Oh, you bet. He never has to spend a penny on firewood.
I don't know exactly. I think that Ryo just loves to annoy YB so much, he figures 'maybe if I ask him a really stupid question in the early hours of the morning repeatedly, he'll get annoyed out of his mind and go away' or something like that. Plus it was funny. I like giving Ryo a little control in the freaky relation between him and his Yami.
The aliens were just a random idea at the time, and then I thought 'how can I use them to annoy Marik further?', and the rest just came out.
Your sister can have it…if she can control it…not to mention find it. Dartz is a bit paranoid at times.
The daydreams took awhile to write for some reason. I guess I had a hard time think up their perfect fantasies.
Thank you for the cookies! Enjoy this chapter!
Fuzzy Bunny
PH34R THE ORAGAMI CHICKEN!
Dartz is insane! You have to be insane to have an evil lair anywhere remotely near to Starbucks! I mean, come on!
Nancy Drew is the worst form of torture! And even though he wants to kill my favorite CEO, I still kind of like Alister. I don't think the Ax of Insanity is going to show up though.
Thank you again Fuzzy Bunny! Enjoy!
Pointe Master
I take pride in my story line! And it's only going to get crazier!
You're so nice Pointe Master! So kind (blows nose). Thank you so so much again, and I hope you like this story.
Princess Mika of the Shadows
You've got holidays? CRUD! I'm still stuck at school…I need a holiday…
I don't hero-worship Valon! What makes you think that? The day I hero-worship him is the day I go brain dead or have absolutely no control over my lot in life…
DUBBERS ARE EVIL! It really doesn't make sense…but that's what happens when you translate to English for little kids, right? But then again, if it weren't for the dub, I wouldn't have found out about Yu-Gi-Oh in the first place, right?
Thank you so much for the funny review Princess Mika of the Shadows! WOOT! You rock!
Chapter Three
POINTY PENCILS R' US
In which Dartz gets stuck in a tree.
"ARE YOU READY TO SHOP ODION?" asked Marik excitedly, standing outside the door of the house that they had hidden away in for the time being. Marik was hopping around outside, not caring that it was practically a torrential downpour with raindrops so huge that they can cause your head to bleed.
"No, I'm ready for you to do something stupid and hurt yourself," said Odion, pulling out a lot of band-aides and antiseptics and stuffing them in a First Aide kit.
"RIGHT!" said Marik. "This is it Odion! The first step on our long and glorious road to VICTORY! Soon, we shall rule the world! TAKE THAT DESTINY!"
"My Ra, you have issues," said Odion.
"YOUR STARTING TO SOUND LIKE THAT PSYCHIATRIST ODION!" said Marik. "Never mind! Hop on the motorcycle!"
"You can ride that rolling piece of metal and death yourself," said Odion. "The last time you took me for a ride on that thing, I need to get stitches in very uncomfortable places."
"Baby," said Marik.
"You're the one who cries every time you watch 'The Lion King'," said Odion.
"SHUT UP!" said Marik. "You can be a wuss if you want Odion, but I'm going to go out and face the world head on!"
"To bad your not using what you facing the world with," said Odion, as Marik threw on his helmet and ran off cheering excitedly. Three minutes later, as Odion was walking out the door with the first aide kit, there was a huge explosion from the garage that made every window in the house shudder.
"Uh…Odion…about the bus…" said Marik's singed head, poking out of the charred remains of the garage.
"I'll go look for more change," said Odion, going back into the house.
"And my arm…" said Marik. "I think it flew into the bathroom…"
---ooo---
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ON THE COAST OF OREGON
A huge, smoldering wreckage of a ship was smoking in the distance, the only remains of a massive explosion that had taken place only a half and hour ago. No one witnessed the calamity over the rugged, open coastline except the many seagulls that screamed and cried over the waters.
While everyone survived the destruction of the passenger ship that was about to land in a port in California, two people didn't managed to get a life boat and had to swim to shore, fighting off the elements of the rapidly ebbing tide. One of them, incidentally, was the one who caused the accident.
"Shou, you idiot," said Asuka, our favorite Seto-look alike, except with more yellow-brown kind of hair and light brown eyes, dragging herself up the shoreline, as waves gently pushed wreckage of the ship onto the shoreline, "next time, tell me when you're going to use your particular brand of 'stress relief', okay?"
"You no fun Asuka!" said Shou, who was soaking wet, blue haired, with huge, gray-ish kind of eyes that looked eerily like Yugi's, and little eyeglasses that made him look cute.
"Look, Shou, when the waiter tells you pigs-in-a-blanket isn't on the menu, it's common sense not to blow up water fountains on the ship," said Asuka. "How many times have I told you that these things go down with one stray grenade?"
"WAAAAAAH! I'M SORRY ASUKA!" Shou cried, giving her a hug.
"And the hugging. What have I told you about the hugging?" asked Asuka.
"Sorry," said Shou, quickly pulling his hands back. "So where are we anyway?"
"Well, my guess is somewhere on the North-Western American part of the Pacific Coast," said Asuka. "My God, we're nowhere near Domino City, and we only have until tomorrow to get there. We're way out of driving distance, and thanks to somebody's little 'mishap' at the reception desk at JFK Airport, we're not allowed to fly anymore!"
"That was in self defense!" said Shou. "Did you see that guy? HE WAS GOING AT ME WITH A CAN OPENER!"
"He was going after the fruit can you asked him to open with a can opener with a can opener," said Asuka dryly. "I still don't see that as justification to cause a missile spree in the airport that injured ten people and destroyed two fruit machines."
"It was awfully sharp either way!" said Shou. "Anyway, are you positive that we need to get to Domino High by tomorrow?"
"Yes Shou, for the nine millionth time," said Asuka, pulling out her HHPC (Hand Held Processing Core, kind of like a computer, but much cooler, and hand-held), "according to government satellites and Central Intelligence Agencies all over the world, all the components for the resurrection of the Ultimate Evil will be in that area at that time, and what's worse, the chances of it happening are over ninety percent!"
"Well that means that there's an under ten percent chance that it won't!" said Shou.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaand?" Asuka asked.
"Well…I kind of hoped the argument would be won on my side at this point," said Shou.
"Fine, I'll just have to look up some other means of transportation," said Asuka, typing in her HHPC.
"And what should I do?" asked Shou.
"I don't know…play the 'Sit in the Middle of the Ocean and Wait Until the Tide Comes In' Game," said Asuka.
"The one I played last week and nearly drowned?" asked Shou.
"Uh…maybe?" asked Asuka.
"No way, I'm not that dumb!" said Shou. "I'LL JUST WATCH TELEVISION PERSONALITIES!"
"Yes you are," said Asuka, as Shou found a TV that washed on shore and watched 'The View'.
---ooo---
"Hi little boy!" said the big, goofy voice of a guy in a huge, latex pencil costume. "Welcome to Pointy Pencils R' Us! Do you want a hug?"
"AAAAH!" screamed Marik at the top of his lung, hiding behind Odion's huge, purple cloak outside of the store. "MAKE IT GO AWAY ODION! MAKE IT GO AWAY!"
"What?" asked the guy, completely confused why a teenager would scream in pain at the sight of a guy in a pencil costume (besides the obvious)".
"Don't worry, he's a Kindergarten Dropout," said Odion.
"DIE, YOU ACCURSED FIEND!" screamed Marik at the top of his lungs. "DIE AND BE FORGOTON!"
"Uh…hey kids!" said the guy in a pencil costume, heading to a bunch of kids with their Mom.
"THAT'S RIGHT YOU RA DARNED MINION OF SET!" screamed Marik at the guy in the pencil suit. "MAY THAT BE A WARNING TO ALL OF YOUR KIND!"
"You are completely insane," said Odion, grabbing Marik and dragging him through the automatic doors and into Pointy Pencils R' Us (illegal in some states).
Yes, Pointy Pencils R' Us, the top store to buy any pencil or pencil-related product! Pencils, pencil sharpeners, huge red buttons that say 'I'm a nerd, because I just got back from Pointy Pencils R' Us,', and of course, signups for the PLC, the Pencil Lover's Club, a secre, vile, unholy cult determined to take over the world in a violent, bloody takeover, causing massive amounts of insanity to reign supreme, until they were the ultimate overlord of all writing utensils!
But more on them later.
"OH! OH! ODION! LOOK AT THE AT THE FOAM RUBBER PENCIL HATS!" said Marik excitedly, bouncing up and down after just passing a booth that said 'Signup For the Unholy Pencil Lover's Club who is Currently Plotting to takeover the world' (Foreshadowing Plot LTD) "CAN I HAVE A PENCIL HAT ODION? CANICANICANICANICANI-"
"No," Odion said for the six billionth time. "For Ra's sake, stop acting like a three year old…we're only here for pencils…"
"Where are the pencils?" asked Marik.
Odion had to admit, amidst all the pencil accessories, like pencil clothes and pencil sharpeners and pencil boxes and pencil protectors and pencils painters and pencil massagers and sign up forms for pencil babysitting service, there was little to know sign of any trace of an actual pencil.
"Um, excuse me," said Odion to a sale helper, who was wearing a huge, pencil-yellow apron. "Can you please direct us to the pencil isle?"
"The what?" asked the salesperson.
"The pencil isle…you know…pencils…" said Odion.
"Pencil whats?" asked the salesperson.
"Just pencils!" said Odion. "You know, pencils? Graphite? Wood? Chew on em? Pencils? THE THING YOUR STORE IS NAMED FOR?"
"Who comes here for pencils?" asked the salesperson.
"THE STORE IS A FRAPENING PENCIL STORE!" screamed Odion.
"Odion, do I look swank?" asked Marik, trying on the pencil hat.
"Humph. Just coming for pencils?" asked the sale helper "Nothing to help the poor, innocent pencils in the world? You just want to just buy a pencil, AND NOT DO ANYTHING AT ALL TO MAKE THEIR LIVES COMFORTABLE?"
"Uh, yeah," said Odion.
"Maybe the pink one…" said Odion, taking off the yellow pencil hat, and taking a long look at the pink one.
"I CAN'T STAND YOUR KIND, YOU KNOW THAT?" said the sale helper. "I CAN'T STAND HEARTLESS PEOPLE, WHO THINK THAT ALL A PENCIL NEEDS IS TLC, AND THEN WILL JUST FORCE THEM TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN, LIKE THEY'RE NOTHING!"
"You have issues, you know that right?" asked Odion.
"Hey, what does this button do?" asked Marik, pushing a huge red button that was sticking out of the wall labeled 'The Big Red Button That Will Cause a Huge Explosion to Break the General Conversation'.
BOOM!
The entire isle became a giant, smoldering crater.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you to the manager…" said the sale helper.
---ooo---
"And now for something completely different," said John Cleese, sitting in his desk in the middle of an isle in Pointy Pencils R' Us, until someone pushed another big, red button.
---ooo---
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN DOMINO PARK
Ah, Domino Park! A peaceful, calm center to an otherwise bustling and tightly packed town; filled with trees, benches, and rusty, highly dangerous swing and other such forms of amusement for kids to enjoy themselves on. And of course, a good place for teleportation spells to end up.
Incidentally, that's exactly where one ended up. A lovely green, spirally one, that hung about thirty feet above a grove of trees, which probably wasn't a good thing for Dartz and his three Doom Bikers, who fell out of it, and consequently, had to pummel through thirty feet worth of scratchy tree branches, hard limbs, and angry, homicidal squirrels, only to reach the pavement bellow quite sharply, as well as painfully.
"Alice…next time…just take the splinters in your bum…" said Valon.
"Shut your fat face you stupid Auzie," said Alister. "And it's Alister, not Alice."
"I want to beat you both up so much," said Raphael.
"Alright! Is everyone okay?" asked Dartz cheerfully.
"I think I slipped a disk…" said Raphael, rubbing his back.
"I've received a devastating amount of muscle trauma in much of the left side of my body," said Alister.
"I found that to be emotionally scaring," said Valon.
"Good! Get your bags kids, we need to find a hotel!" said Dartz cheerfully, picking up his, which was covered in 'The OC' stickers. The others slowly gathered their things…
"OH MY GOD! WHERE'S BLANKY?" screamed Alister in horror.
"And my bag broke open!" said Raphael, holding up his suitcase, which was ajar on it's hinges. "My axe is missing!"
"Hey! There up there!" said Valon, pointing up into a tree, revealing a little corner of Alister's blanket, as well as sunbeams shimmering off of Raphael's axe. At the sight of all their personal possessions up in a tree, Alister started sobbing hysterically, and Raphael began to beat up Valon for no reason at all.
"Oh fine, I'll get it!" said Dartz bitterly, grabbing the trunk of the tree, and using it to hold himself up as he slowly and painfully began to shimmy up the tree. Let's face it, it's a very interesting sight when a man with forget-me-not colored hair, a green eye and a yellow one with mascara, and a down-to-the-floor skirt tries to climb up a tree, while a red-hed, feminine man sobs like a baby, and a pygmy Australian gets the cartilage knocked out of him by an overly-ripped lunatic.
"Almost…umph…to the…ow…top…" said Dartz, struggling to hoist himself up to a branch just under where the blanket and the axe were, nearly getting the snot beat out of him by a squirrel toting a shoulder acorn cannon. "Yes…I made it…Now, I just…have to…"
Dartz had grabbed the branch that had the axe and Blanky stuck in it, but just as he got both hands on the limb, the one that supported him completely snapped, crashing and hissing through the foliage, and crashing to the ground, just missing Valon and Raffy.
"Oh bloody…" said Dartz awkwardly, dangling from the limb.
"Hey Dartz! I can see up your skirt!" said Valon.
"GET HELP YOU DERANGED FOOLS!" screamed Dartz angrily. The Doom Biker quickly scampered off, detecting the definite 'no TV for a week if you fail' tone in Dartz's voice.
---ooo---
Meanwhile, in an extremely fancy mansion filled with maids in fancy French Maid dresses, harp players, and it's very own lunatic, our tale turns once again, to the life of our favorite German, Fancy-Pancy, pink-haired Nutter Butter, Zigfried What-a-stupid-last-name-it's-barely-worth-typing-thank-god-it's-not-coming-up-again.
"Mr. What-a-stupid -name-" said one of the servants.
Oh, darn it.
"-after fifteen years, we've finally finished laminating all your money, gluing fake leaves to all the trees so they'll look pretty all year long, and we're just starting the installations to all the bath tubs that allows them to fill up with water of any temperature, that you can set with a thermometer, as well as gravy, ice cream, any beverage of your choice, and any amount of currency from thirty different countries, thirty one if we can get France to Cooperate…" finished the servant.
"Excellent Servant Number One," said Zigfried, sipping the finest tea in the universe (imported). "Oh dear…I fear zat I'm bored…"
"Do you want to play 'Beat the Servant Senseless With a Croquet Mallet?" asked Servant Number One, holding out a stripped croquet mallet. "Servant Number Five just said that he hasn't hat the tobacco juice beat out of him in the longest time-"
"Nien, nien, zat won't be necessary," said Zigfried, with a sigh. "What haven't I done in awhile..."
"Given to the poor?" asked Servant Number One.
"THAT'S IT!" said Zigfried. "I'll call Dartzy! I haven't talked to him in the longest time!"
Before he could even move, three maids sprinted toward him, one holding out a lavender telephone, which they knew would match perfectly with his ensamble, one quickly dialing Dartz's phone number, and the other holding out the actual speaker in Zigfried's direction. He calmly took the phone from her, listening to the dial tone until-
"Hello! You have reached The Evil Lair/Tomb of the Great Leviathin!" said Dartz's voice. "We are currently on business in Domino City, so please leave a message after the beep, and we'll get back to you as soon as we can!"
"Mail box full," said an automatic voice after that.
"Oh, isn't zat darling?" asked Zigfried. "Dartzy's gone off on a business trip! Servant Number One, Servant Number Three, Servant Number Six!"
"Yes Zigfried Sir!" said the servants, Servant Number Three and Servant Number Six rushing in, flashing him a salute.
"Please start a jet, and zet ze cours for Domino City!" said Zigfried happily, as the lunatic ran across the front lawn of the estate without any clothes on. "Ah, zat Dartz. He's probably doing zomething very himportant right now!"
---ooo---
"THAT'S THE TALLEST LADDER YOU COULD FIND?" screamed Dartz angrily, still hanging from the tree branch.
"Oh come on! This was very short notice and…and…I'M STILL REHIBILITATING!" sobbed Alister, holding an aluminum stepladder that was pink and covered in little yellow flowers.
"My God, Valon better get here with help so soon it's not funny!" said Dartz.
"Um, actually, Valon got hit by a truck," said Alister.
"WELL GO FIND RAFFY AND TELL HIM TO GET HELP!" said Dartz.
"I can't, he was driving the truck," said Alister.
"THEN YOU GET HELP!" yelled Dartz.
"I'm…not strong enough…" said Alister, sinking to the ground in tears.
"WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME SO MUCH?" Dartz screamed in anger, shaking violently while holding on for dear life to his tree branch.
"Excuse me little girl," said a fireman, walking up to Alister. "I got a call about an old lady stuck in a tree. Have you seen her?"
Alister, his face still buried in his hand, wordlessly pointed up to Dartz.
"NOT A LADY!" yelled Dartz, as the fireman propped a ladder against the tree, and slowly began to climb it up to help Dartz, who still looked incredibly foolish.
"Poor little lady, she's so scared, she's delusional," said the fireman, slinging Dartz across his back. "Don't worry ma'am, we'll have you down in a jif…hey, what does this huge red button sticking out the tree do?"
BOOM!
Alister watched in horror as a barbequed mailman fell to the ground, as Dartz landed on top of him, all in front of the smoldering crater that used to be the tree.
"Well…that's that I guess…" said Dartz, struggling to his feet, holding Alister's Blanky, which while a little singed, was still intact, as well as Raffy's axe.
"BLANKY!" said Alister, hugging it.
"Let's go find Valon and bail Raphael out of jail," said Dartz, walking away from the crater.
---ooo---
MEANWHILE, IN A PLANE SOMEWHERE ON COURSE TO DOMINO CITY AIRPORT
Our A-kicking duo, Bianca and Tish, were sitting together on the plane about an hour away from the city, as Tish was wondering if she would ever write that bestselling novel before thirty, eventually deciding no, and Bianca was trying to have an original thought period, failing miserably in the process, and chewing on about seventeen pieces of gum at once. So, she began randomly bombarding Tish with questions.
"TISH, CAN I BORROW YOU I-POD?" asked Bianca.
"Trying to sleep Bianca…" said Tish.
"Why do you sleep, like, sixteen hours a day anyway?" asked Bianca.
"Why do you rant incoherently 24/7?" asked Tish.
"CAUSE IT'S FUN!" said Bianca.
"Exactly," said Tish.
"Tish…if I ever die on a mission…will you take good care of all the people I leave behind?" asked Bianca.
"Bianca, we have until recently been assigned the task of bringing the assistant general fruit and foot scrubs," said Tish. "The day you die on a mission is the day I paint myself purple and dance naked on a public street."
"Thanks Tish…you made me feel so much better…" said Bianca.
"Now will you please let me go to sleep?" said Tish.
"THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT ROAD TRIP WE TOOK TO FRANCE THAT ONE TIME!" Bianca cried happily, bouncing in her chair.
"I never want to repeat that incident again…" said Tish.
"Oh come on! Those charges were eventually dropped!" said Bianca.
"Yeah, and spin control was working overtime to cover up for all the public restrooms that you blew up," said Tish. "You know what you are? A devastating combination of random, brainless, and prone to using dangerous weapons."
"WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?" asked Bianca, pushing a huge red button next to her.
BOOM!
The entire row of vacant seats behind them was blown up, as well as food trolley wheeled by a stewardess, who was sufficiently barbequed from the ordeal.
"Why do they even have these things on planes anymore?" asked Tish.
"LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!" screamed Bianca, about to push the button.
"BIANCA! NO!" screamed Tish, grabbing her before she could push it again.
---ooo---
"Alright, I'm sure we can come to some sort of agreement on all this," said the manager to Marik, Odion, and the sale helper.
"THEY'RE HEARTLESS, PENCIL HATING, HEATHEN FOOLS!" screamed the sale helper.
"You must forgive Jerry, he's a bit-" said the manager.
"Fanatical?" asked Odion.
"I was going to say a conforking nut, but I like that one better. I really like it actually…fan…na…tih…cal…" he said, copying the word down for future usage in a random conversation. "Okay, back to the point."
"We just want a pack of pencils for crying!" said Odion.
"And a foam rubber pencil hat!" said Marik.
"Quiet…" Odion said, a dangerous tone in his voice.
"Well, the customer is always right!" said the manager, holding out a pack of #2 Pencils to Odion and Marik. "Are you sure you don't want any pencil sharpeners or pencil cases or pencil-"
"No thank you," said Odion, taking the pencils and dragging Marik away.
"FOOLS! FOOLS!" screamed the sale helper. "YOU ALL SHALL SUFFER ONE DAY! SUFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
"Oh, shut your face you deranged, obsessive loon-bucket!" said the manager in a very diplomatic tone.
---ooo---
Are Bianca and Tish way too similar to Seto and Joey? I don't know, but it's been bugging me, because I really wanted them to stand out as individual characters in this story. Just wondering. The only person it's been bothering is me.
Oh, and have I mentioned I don't own John Cleese, Monty Python, or The OC?
Okay, next time, you get to meet the gang, a new robotic friend, three, psychotic old friends, and (oh no!) Seto Kaiba falls in love…but is that a good idea? Stay tuned!