And now…
I received a lot of ideas on whether or not I should do a kindergarten fic or a Harry Potter parody, and I have decided...nothing. Lots of people wanted one, but lots of people wanted the other. What if I did both at the same time? It would work like this. Every week, I would update a chapter on one of the stories, and another one of the other. Just a suggestion. Good? Bad? Input please?
OKAY! NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE LOVELY REVIEWS!
Biblo-sama
WOOT! SAKI!
Er…ANYWAY! Moving on! And what's with Drunken Angel being called a guy? What are those people thinking? If that is a guy, then it's the scariest male monster known to man. And (unfortunately) Fubuki is scheduled to skip into latter chapters (RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!).
YAY! I love girly men! I'll certainly look into your suggestions! And everyone loves the Ezcatushunor's Ex! And I'm really starting to like Pharaoh the cat! And his insane owner…
NOT THE SPAM! ANYTHING BUT THE SPAM! Here's that chapter you wanted! Enjoy!
Pointe Master
I thought so! You're one of the brilliant people who did figure it out! Congrats! WOOT!
Thank you for the review! Enjoy the next chapter!
LoneFlyinTigers
NOT THE FLOWERS! ANYTHING BUT THE FLOWERS!
The Executioner's Axe was designed to look like a kinky vacuum cleaner thing because that way, it would look like you were just an insane person carrying around a vacuum cleaner instead of an insane person carrying around a dangerous weapon. And also because I have a mini-vacuum cleaner that I refer to as the 'Executioner's Axe' because I felt like it. And because Asuka's crime fighting division is sponsored by a vacuum cleaner company…
I'm glad people are starting to like the other characters…and the happy songs. Both would drive me crazy.
ANYWAY! Thank you for the review as always, and my cool greeting of the week! I hope you like this chapter yo!
LeDiva
Seta. Her existence is the number one cause of atheism.
Anyway, it will be scary when the two run into each other. And anyone who's enthusiastic about Gym Class is either insane or an over muscular, sadistic kid with multiple body piercings.
Thank you for continuing to review! YAY! Enjoy this chappie!
Mokuba's Official Glomper
You're too good to me X).
I hope that one day Seta will become the most legendary OC on FF dot net. That would be a good competition for FF dot net. THE OC AWARDS!
Anyway, SHOU IS CUTE! And even though his older brother occasionally creeps me out…he's kinda cute too (reminds me of Seto somehow…)
Poor ASV, he has to deal with a lot…
OH! And guess what! Three out of the four things that you wanted happen in this chapter! WOOT! Hope you like it MOG, because I don't know what I'd do without your witty dialect about Marik! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!
Gothangelmyu
I could write fic after fic exposing the horrors of PE. I'm doing volleyball, and my serve is absolutely terrible. I keep getting 'Good job's and 'good try's and all I want to say is 'SHUT UP!'.
The happy chorus is a combination of me and my little brother trying to think up the most annoyingly silly speaking pattern in the world. We found it.
You know, your ideas are good! I like them! I think I'd like to see a Harry Potter Fic out of you!
I'd probably do something a little less sane, like Seto trying to use magic to find the dimension of smart people when he finally loses his patience dealing with his insane roomies, so the gang looks for a new Seto, and at the last minute hires Ron. Or the time when Joey discovers a terrible dark power of naughtiness when digging through the couch for quarters one day. And of course, from a horrible twist of fate, Ryo is forced to marry the queen of the merepeople. And the horror of Mr. Mop. Or some other crazy scheme like that.
THANK YOU AS ALWAYS FOR THE REVIEWS! AND THE IDEAS! ENJOY!
Amarie Miriel
Maybe it was hydrogen peroxide. You see, one of my un-fond memories of childhood was when I got scratched on the swing set really bad, and I actually got a piece of gravel stuck in my skin, and after mom dug it out, she pulled out this huge brown bottle of liquid, and I thought 'hm…I wonder what that is?'.
Marik's comment 'Looking back, I would have preferred the infection' mirrors both my Dad and My opinion of any antiseptically fluid.
The song thing is both cool…and odd…
I love it when people pitch in good ideas for stories. If anything else, it helps me think of good ideas. For instance, If I had a Kindergarten fic, I would have a time when Joey falls in love with Mai, who's a fourth grader, a time before Seto has a little brother, so when his mom gets pregnant, his palls try to figure out what happen, and of course, the whole stupid 'cootie' thing boys and girls in elementary school go through.
Thank you for the review Amarie Miriel, and for the ideas! ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!
Princess Mika of the Shadows, Saz, Yugi, Michelle, Yami, and Prancer
IN WHICH SHRI BECOMES AN INSANE RESPONDER PERSON
WOOT! For some reason, I like the idea of Seto on a pogo stick. And Marik's motorbike (it really does explode a lot).
GAH! EVIL HIKARIS! NOW I'VE GOT WILD DRIVE STUCK IN MY HEAD TOO! (pulls out walkman and listens to Rolling Stones 'Get off of My Cloud' on volume 10,000) Must…blast…it…out…
NOT THE CHEESE SWORD! It's great to hear from you guys as usual! Figures, you must spend hours on these reviews, and my answers are wussy…oh well, ENJOY THE CHAPPIE!
An Angel in Tears
If I had a wicked cool robot like that, I would be a very happy person. Azusa reminds me a lot of Ping from 'Megatokyo', and a little bit of Chi from 'Chobits'. And a little bit of some other whacky robots that like to pop up in Manga.
Anyway, Kingball sounds very interesting, even though if I am bad at volleyball, and not jump-for-joy good at dodgeball, imagine how bad I would be at that. I can imagen kids being hurtled over a net though…
I imagined I was a lot of things when I was seven. But that was just me. Now sometimes I imagine I'm a six foot tall super hero who can zap people with her eyeballs…or something like that.
THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! I hope you love the chappie!
ShadowFire2
Thank you! You realize that it would be a very twisted and warped version of Shri's idea of a Harry Potter book though.
The fact that you know a kid who fits the description of Little Bobby Bill makes me seriously wonder how far downhill society has gone.
Anyway, thanks for the review again! UPDATE YGO AND THE HOLY GRAIL SOON! Enjoy the chappie!
Kiwigirl89
Thank you, you're welcome, and YES HE IS!
Thank you for reviewing again! Please enjoy the insanity!
Chapter Eight
YOU'RE A SAD LITTLE MAN, AND RA HATES YOU
In which Dartz has yet another reason to maim himself.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK!
"MY ARM!"
"I'M BLEEDING!"
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
These were just a few of the many disturbing sounds you could hear coming from the gymnasium as the game of Homicidal Dodgeball Extreme continued (despite that it is now considered illegal in twenty nine states, four providences, and most of England). It was a disgusting scene to watch, partially because everyone wanted to hurt someone, and partially because no one wanted to get hurt.
Let's give a brief recap of what was going on so far. So far nine kids had already received massive back trauma, one presumed dead, but miraculously started breathing again. The major conflicts were between the two Doom Bikers, who had gotten put on the opposite team as the people they really want to beat the snot out of, and of course, the three people. Yugi was really in for it, because Raffy had won bronze in the 1996 Athens Olympic Game for Italy (he doesn't like people to know he's Italian), silver in weightlifting, and cubic zirconium in spontaneous insulting. It also didn't help that Marik was also on the opposite team, and was trying to beat the snot out of him.
Next came Valon, who was also on the opposite team, and was throwing the shot-put balls at very high speeds towards Joey, often hitting their mark, and of course, Joey was very happy to oblige them. However, since they were both incredibly brainless, their biological makeup allows them to sustain massive amounts of damage. Why? I blame cartoons.
Last, and perhaps the most unique one yet was the fact that Seto and Alister were on the same team, so in fact he was randomly pummeling Seto with them when his back was turned, and often missing, due to the fact that hurting him was trying to hurt a string suspened in mid air. However, since he was not stupid, he caught on to Alister's game pretty quick.
"For the last time, stop throwing those at me you idiot!" screamed Seto. "I'M ON YOUR TEAM!"
"Oh, sorry, I thought you were on the other team," said Alister innocently. "Besides, I need to KEEL YOU!"
"Listen stupid," said Seto. "Trying to beat the snot out of each other is not the way to solve disputes. Unless of course you're at war or on opposite teams."
"Then in that case, we shall have A DUEL TO THE DEATH!" said Alister.
"Pleasure," said Seto, pulling out his deck.
"No, no, no, no, NO!" said Alister. "I mean with guns!"
"Oh…I see…" said Seto.
---ooo---
"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN ODION!" said Marik, who was pummeling everyone in sight with shot put balls, even people who were on his team. "I FEEL SO ALIVE!"
"Just remember karma Marik," said Odion. "What goes around comes around, and I have a feeling that when this comes around, it's going to come around very hard…"
"Hey, you seem to really be taking it out on that Yugi kid," said Raphael to Marik, who was throwing another ball at Yugi, who actually needed Tea to fend them off for him.
"YOU BET! IT'S A BLAST!" said Marik enthusiastically.
"Only I can beat up Yugi," said Raffy dangerously. "I don't know why, but the fact that I don't have my pills is affecting my mental clarity. Meet me after the bell rings…and we'll see just who has the right to smack Yugi down…"
With that, Raffy got hit by a shot put ball, and began to beat the snot out of the poor, innocent kid who did it.
"Odion…why did that just happen?" asked Marik.
"Because you are a sad little man, and Ra hates you," said Odion.
"DARN IT!" said Marik, throwing down his shot put ball in frustration, as another one zoomed over his head. "It's the same thing every time! We have a pathetic back and forth dialog for the start of a chapter, and we're virtually forgotten for the rest of it!"
"What?" asked Odion.
"Odion, I never wanted to be the Tomb Keeper of the Ancient Pharaoh," said Marik. "I wanted to be…A LUMBERJACK!"
"Please switch the scene now…" Odion begged the author.
---ooo---
"Okay, Shou and an insane little girl have just disappeared behind a corner and have not come back for nearly ten minutes immediately after I mentioned that something bad will happen if Shou screwed this up," said Asuka to herself. "I can thereby assume that a pathetic cover up is marching with ill-deserved confidence into the story line."
"Okay Asuka, we have your Executioner's Axe," said Shou, dragging in the Dirt Devil Vacuum Cleaner with 'Ezcatushunor's Ex' scribbled on it, both he and Mobster smiling in a rather pleading manor.
"Shou, that's not the Executioner's Axe…" said Asuka.
Both Shou and Mobster looked at loss for words.
"Yes it is," said Mobster.
"Shou…" said Asuka.
"Okay, how do you spell 'Executioner'?" asked Shou, pulling out the marker.
"Shou…" said Asuka in an angry tone.
"OH MY GOD, WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!" screamed Mobster.
"Nice save, but a little late to be convincing," said Asuka. "Shou, what did you do?"
"WE'VE BEEN ROBBED?" Shou cried.
"I said it wasn't going to work," said Asuka. "Shou…what happened to the Executioner's Axe?"
"Um…um…" said Shou.
"Aliens?" Mobster tried.
"The Russians?" asked.
"Martians?" Mobster tried.
"That's the same thing as aliens," said Shou.
"PANKAKE PEOPLE?" Mobster cried.
"The British?" asked Shou.
"TAKE THAT BACK!" yelled Mobster.
"Look, unless you both be quiet in ten seconds, I am going to oblige my left hand's nagging urge to come in sharp contact with the back of Shou's head, and my right hand's urge to do the same to Mobster's," said Asuka in a dangerous tone.
Both of them automatically shut up.
"Where is it? I want an honest answer right now," said Asuka.
"Okay, here's the truth, and don't get mad…or anything but…" said Shou awkwardly.
Just then, fate had drawn a card in Shou's favor; a tile in the roof only ten feet away from the group completely snapped free, and crashing to the ground right on her stomach…was Seta.
"I told you he wouldn't be in the ceiling Seta-san!" said Azusa, who peeked down through the roof. "Are you okay?"
"NOPE! I'm just in pain!" said Seta.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled Asuka. "IT'S THE EVIL!"
"EAT PLASMA SCUM!" said Shou, switching the vacuum to on, managing to suck up a few balls of dust, but doing nothing terrible to Seta, who got up with a bounce, and with one leap, gave Shou a huge hug.
"WhatIwantedtotellyouisthatitdoesn'twork?" Shou tried in a really quick voice between Seta's arms.
"YOU COWARD!" said Asuka. "TIME TO DIE!"
With that, she lept up in the air, and was dive bombing down right toward Seta, ready to ram a Doc Marten (she always wore Doc Martens when it came to pummeling the snot out of people) up her ignoble face. However, as we all know, life would be a much funner phenomenon to be a part of if things were that easy.
"NEW BEST FRIEND!" said Seta, grabbing her by the ankle just as her boot was about to hit her face, and with one swing, used all of the force Asuka was about to use to destroy her face to swing her around, and the letting go, causing Seta to be thrown out of a window about three feet from the would-be impact, which unfortunately was on the second story.
"Whoa…girl's got moves," said Mobster.
"Friends?" asked Seta cheerfully, turning her huge, psychotically cute blue eyes at Mobster and Shou.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Mobster and Shou at the top of their lungs, running full speed down the hall to get as far away from the psychotic Seto look alike as their little legs could carry them.
"What's with them Seta-san?" asked Azusa.
"I don't know! They must be shy!" said Seta.
"Maybe they know where Nii-san is!" said Azusa. "Let's go follow them!"
---ooo---
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY,
WE'RE HAPPY ALL THE-
"PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP ASV!" begged poor little Double S as the two continued their fruitless search for anything at all that could help them right now (like Asuka and Shou, Mobster, a stun gun, the goth chick, etc.).
"Don't you think I've tried?" asked ASV. "They're like zombies. They have no mind of their own, and will blindly obey their gut instincts despite any natural stimuli around them. Their one goal is to make us happy."
"Isn't there anything we can do?" asked Double S.
"Well, they won't go away," said ASV. "We already tried that…"
"ARE YOU HAPPY?" bellowed the berserk chorus, causing Double S to fall over, landing on the ground flat on his face, beginning to sob.
"You know what would make me happy?" said ASV. "I would be outright thrilled if you all incinerated yourselves with a flamethrower!"
"RIGHT-O!" said the happy chorus, pointing a flamethrower at themselves.
"WAIT! NO! That looks dangerous!" said Double S.
"I wasn't being serious!" cried ASV.
That was all that it took. They couldn't stop the flamethrower from…throwing flames since they already fired it up, but they managed to spin it away from them just in time, unfortunately not killing them. However, they successfully managed to put a nearby bulletin board on fire.
"AH! FIRE!" screamed Double S.
"It's a bit obvious now Double S…" said ASV.
BURNING BURNING BURNING!
WE BURN STUFF TO THE GROUND!
THIS WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE ASHES!
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!
WAHEDODEEDEDHATEHAHAHA!
"SOMEBODY PUT OUT THE FIRE!" screamed Double S.
"Get a fire extinguisher!" cried ASV.
FIRE EXTINGUISHER!
A THING TO STOP THE-
"NOW YOU IDIOTS!" screamed ASV, but it was to no avail. The motivational chorus continued to make ASV and Double S feel better by singing stupid verses that they continued to make up as they went along. ASV was desperately running up and down the hallway, trying to find anything that halfway resembled a fire extinguisher, while Double S dug through the janitor's closet to find one.
"Lighter fluid, no, gasoline, no, flammable cleaning chemicals, no, wooden broom, no, tinder and kindling, no," said Double S, frantically clawing through the stuff in the supply closet.
Just as the melee continued to brew, Asuka, bruised, scratched, and with little leaves and twigs in her hair, climbed up the stairs to where the chaos was forming, a definite, unpleasant looking twitch in her one eye. The second ASV saw her, he was in shock.
"It's much better if I don't ask, huh?" said ASV.
"Yes, very much so," said Asuka. "Same with you?"
"Uh huh," said ASV, casting a glance over his shoulder at the burning hallway, Double S, and the motivational chorus.
WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE FOLLOWING SCENE IS FAR TOO INTERESTIC TO SHOW TO A CHEEP FAN FICTION WITH NO EDUCATION VALUE WHATSOEVER. THE SCENE HAS BEEN CUT, AND SHORTENED TO COMPENSATE FOR TIME
"Thanks for putting out the fire Asuka," said Double S.
"No problem," said Asuka.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
WE THANK STUFF ALL THE TIME!
WE FEEL EVER SO GRATEFUL!
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!
WAHEDODEEDEDHATEHAHAHA!
"And I'm not allowed to beat them like a rug because?" Asuka asked, pointing to the motivational chorus.
"Well, according to a random goth girl who showed up, they're a vital clue to the internal mechanisms of the ultimate evil, and we must somehow extract that knowledge from them," said ASV.
"Oh, I'd like to extract a few things from them…" said Asuka.
"ASUKA! I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Asuka whirled around in horror to see, coming down the hallway with a regal stride, our favorite blonde haired, ponytailed, blue lipstick wearing teacher with a ridiculous ruff.
"Top Operative Chronos (A/N Dr. Crowler in the dub)!" said Asuka, both in surprise and just a little bit in horror. "What are you doing here? Dare I ask…"
"Oh nothing dear, just checking to make sure that everything is going well on one of my top student's missions," said Chronos. "I popped round as soon as I could when I here it went virtually bankrupt by a certain disgusting, height challenged, blue haired Slipher knit!"
"Uh, actually, Shou's a pretty good operative…" said Asuka, using the term 'pretty good' in the loosest form possible.
"Asuka, Asuka, Asuka…" said Chronos. "When are you going to get smart and take another top student like yourself along for such a dangerous mission? Like Ryou (A/N Zane in dub-lingo)…or Fubuki(A/N Asuka's bro)…"
"Ryou I can understand, but…you're kidding about Fubuki right?" said Asuka.
"Why not Fubuki?" said Chronos. "He's smart…talented…looks hot in a-OH GOD! WHAT ARE THOSE?"
ASV and Double S waved cutely, as Asuka tried to shove them behind her back.
"What's what?" asked Asuka innocently.
"Well dear, it seems like you have your hands a bit full," said Chronos, casting a glance at the smoldering wreckage of the hallway, and the badly singed happy chorus. "I'll keep an eye out for whatshisname and tell him to get up here. Ciao Suki…"
"'Ciao Suki'?" asked ASV, as Chronos strolled down the hallway.
"Teachers and their pet names…" said Asuka. "Wait a sec…oh God…no…"
"What?" asked Double S sweetly.
"FUBUKI COULD BE IN THIS SCHOOL!" screamed Asuka at the top of her lungs. "OH GOD, NO! WE NEED TO GET TO A BOMB SHELTER!"
---ooo---
The battle of Internet Candy Land was one of the most exciting one's that history has ever seen. It had been a close match all throughout the game, with all manners of twists and turns that are much too boring to write down. However, to the moment, Dartz was ahead, making his way to the Snow Fairy's Ice Cream Land, while Zigfried was hot on his tail.
"Alright, my draw," said Ziggy, drawing the incredibly rare 'Go Straight to Gumdrop Palace, 'cause you win Girly-Boy' card. "OH MY GOD! I WIN! I-"
"Hello Victim!" said a peppy, computer voice. "You have just received the Red Dog Virus!"
"Raow?"-ZZZT!-"Raow?"-ZZZT!-"Raow?"-
"What the heck is going on?" said Ziggy in disgust, as the Red Dogs rapidly reproduced on the screen.
"Something tells me that-"
BOOM!
The entire computer exploded, giving Dartz and Ziggy third degree burns on their faces…and turning the computer into a smoldering heap of plastic and silicon.
"I think we can call that a draw…" said Dartz.
"NO WAY FREAKWAD!" said Ziggy. "I won zat fair und square! I bet you were ze one who implanted that computer virus in the computer, just vaiting for me to win so it could blow up!"
"FAT HEAD!" said Dartz.
"BUTT HEAD!" said Ziggy.
"BLOODY GERMAN!"
"BLOODY ATLANTIAN!"
"STUPID!"
"ANCIENT!"
"PINK!"
"BLUE!"
"HI KIDS!" said an overly-fancy-pants voice by a man in a red suit and long, silver hippie-hair we all love/loathe so well, who's name is…
"UNCLE MAXIE!" cheered Ziggy happily, giving Pegasus a friendly wave. "Haven't zeen you in ages! How are you?"
"Hi Uncle Maxamillion…" said Dartz dully. As you can guess, he had a very strained relationship with Pegasus. It all happened around Dartz's fourth birthday when Pegasus tricked him into getting into a dress…and it got really ugly from there. Most of the photographs had been burned on attorney advice, but some still float around…
"How did you manage to get he on such short notice?" asked Ziggy.
"Oh, I just borrowed a random teleportation portal from a little fan fiction comedy next door!" said Pegasus. "Anyhoo, I figured that since I was in the neighborhood, I ought to spend some good quality time with my two favorite nephews…CONSIDERING I HAVE NO CHILDREN OF MY OWN!"
"You finally got around to reading 'Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul IV' didn't you?" said Dartz dryly.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" asked Peggy cheerfully.
"Because the last time you read a 'Chicken Soup' book, you followed us everywhere we went for two weeks singing folk songs and reading angsty poetry from the net!" said Dartz.
"That doesn't matter!" said Peggy. "I finally have some good, quality free time to spend with you boys!"
"YAY!" said Ziggy, giving Pegasus a huge hug.
"Woo bloody hoo…" said Dartz.
---ooo---
"Um, I hate to play outsider…but doesn't this seem like a bit of overkill?"
"SHUT UP KAIBA!" said Alister, as the two stood on a misty field which shimmered in the early morning sun, creating a sea of gold and sliver air, all across an emerald green field sparkling with dew. There was an old judge/priest person there who always oversaw duels to the death, who brought along a flock of rakish old crows for atmospheric purposes.
"My God, which idiotic town did you blow in from?" asked Seto. "Remind me to never go there…ever…"
"Right men," said the old priest/judge thing in a crackly voice, holding out a pair of old style six-shot revolvers. "Choose your weapons."
"You have a very slow business nowadays, don't you?" said Seto to the judge/priest thing.
"Nah…it's a hobby really…" said the judge/priest. "I'm a gravedigger full time, so really, this hobby really advances my profession."
"Remind me not to die anytime soon," said Seto.
"Shut up and take the gun," said the judge/pries thing, shoving the gun into Seto's hands. "RIGHT! You know the rules! Ten paces, and then you turn and fire. Got that?"
"Yeah," said Alister, his back to Seto's.
"Whatever…" said Seto.
"One…two…three…four…"
Seto couldn't help but feel a little akward walking down. If by a slim twist of fate he was to be shot by this red-haired man lady, would everything be okay at Kaiba Corp? Would all stock plummet in the mad scramble for power, leaving his estate for his only living relative worthless? Would Mokuba get to bed on time tonight without stuffing his face full of Oreos? All these questions of the future hovered in the back of his mind.
"…eight…nine…TEN!"
BAM!
The gunshot echoed crisply over the hills, reverberating over the grass and trees, as the crows screamed and dizzly took off from the seen. Both figures were still for a moment, neither falling nor crying out in pain. The ringing silence was finally broken by-
"HOW COULD YOU POSSILBY MISS ME?" asked Seto.
"WELL I'M NOT EXACTLY DEAD EITHER!" said Alister accusingly.
"You cheated you girly man running around in a sports bra!" said Seto.
"IT'S AN ATHLETIC SHIRT! JEEZ!" screamed Alister.
"Well if you didn't hit me, then who did you hit?" asked Seto.
"I'm okay…" said the old guy, falling to the ground unconscious.
"Now look what you did!" said Alister, as he and Seto walked right up to each other, each one giving the other a death glare.
"ME? Why you…" said Seto.
However, both of their conversations were halted as a hand the size of a dinner plate roughly cuffed them each on their sholder.
"Oh boy…someone's skipping out again…" said the voice of Lil' Bobby Bill. "I really felt like wailing on someone today…and I just hit the jackpot…"
"And when you say 'beat up', you mean…" Alister tried.
"Punched, kicked, slapped, pinched, yatta yatta," said Little Bobby Bill, grabbing Seto and Alister and dragging them away.
"This is all your fault!" hissed Alister.
"Cork it fat head…" said Seto.
---ooo---
"It's a good thing we were able to borrow an Old American Western set from the drama next door at such short notice!" said Marik happily, wearing a cowboy hat.
"You're really not taking this seriously, are you Marik?" asked Odion. "Has it ever entered you're itsy bitsy little mind that this man is a beefcake with the power to slaughter you with one crash of his fists?"
"Pish and tish Odion!" said Marik. "The guys a pushover! Behind that huge, six foot two wall of muscle, bone, sinew, guts, well-trained prowess and not an ounce of fat is as wussy schoolgirl who likes to pick flowers and kill things!"
"Marik, a) the previous sentence made no sence, and b) remember the last thing you thought was pathetic and wussy?" asked Odion.
Wavy Flashback Effects
"HA! YOU WUSSY SNAKE!" said Marik happily, leering a huge, angry looking king cobra. "I don't sweat you and your sissy fangs and that spread out hood thingy! You're just an oversized worm with poison that can kill three elephants in ten minutes! I bet you think your-"
CHOMP!
"ODIONTHEWORMBIIIIIIIIITMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Marik in pain, as Odion rushed in with a rail gun.
"Oh good!" said Marik's Dad, pulling out a whip. "I've been wanting to use Mr. Stingy for a long time!"
"Not Mr. Stingy…" Odion moaned.
Back to Reality Effects
"I still have emotional scars and a paranoid fear of worms!" Marik said cheerfully.
"You're head's as empty as a balloon, isn't it Marik?" asked Odion.
"Excuse me," said Little Bobby Bill, dragging Raffy, Alister, and Seto behind him. "You were scheduled to have a fight with this Italian Boy, weren't you?"
"Yes kind an inoffensive stranger!" said Marik.
"Oh goody," said Little Bobby Bill. "Two more people to be beaten up!"
"And by beaten up you mean…" Marik said.
"Punched, kicked, slapped, pinched, yatta yatta," said Little Bobby Bill, throwing the other three down right at Marik, knocking all of them over. They all lay moaning in pain, spread eagle in various positions on the ground, none particularly comfortable looking.
"Okay, who's first? Which one, which one," Little Bobby Bill pondered as Alister frantically jerked his eyes toward Seto, who kicked him in the side. "Alright, I think I'll-"
"THERE YOU ARE NII-SAN!" said Azusa happily, skipping over to the three who were all lying on the ground. "Nii-san, I thought I'd never find you! I can't wait to tell Seta-san!"
"Seta-san?" asked Alister, snickering.
"Alright, I get to beat up a girl!" said Little Bobby Bill, rolling up his sleeves. "Now this is going to be fun!"
"Hey Nii-san, what's beating up?" said Azusa.
"Punching, kicking,…" Seto started.
"…slapping, pinching, yatta yatta," everyone all said together in a monotone.
"Well that doesn't sound safe!" said Asuza. "Why, if I didn't know any better, and I don't want to sound naïve or anything, but it sounds like the ultimate goal of this 'beating up' thing is to get someone hurt!"
"Uh, yeah," said Little Bobby Bill. "In fact, I'm in such a good mood, I think I'm going to beat up your little 'Nii-san' first!"
That of course was a very nasty mistake, because as a natural part of her programming, Azusa needed an accurate defense system for both herself and people she deemed her friend, and the fact that she had the strength of ten thousand men didn't exactly hinder that task.
"NO ONE HURTS MY NII-SAN!" screamed Azusa (except her obviously), as she yanked Little Bobby Bill by the back of his black jacket with one hand with such force that it knocked him off his feet, and tearing out a supporter beam from an old western building not far from her, which was about two feet in diameter and twenty feet long, and made out of solid oak wood-
The following scene has been censored due to the fact that it is not considered family viewing for most of a PG audience. However, for virtually the same effect, simply insert the sound of a man's scream of horror and agony mixed with the sound of twenty pounds of ground beef being juiced in a very small blender. Thank you.
"Urgh…" managed to moan Little Bobby Bill, lying in a disheveled heap, looking as if he had gone through a slice and dicer.
"I…think I just went blind…" said Alister.
"I think I hit him too hard…" said Azusa.
"Azusa, remind me to bring you along to the next meeting of the Board of Directors," said Seto.
"Okay Nii-san!" said Asuka. "Can we go to computer class now?"
"NOT SO FAST YOU HOMICIDAL ROBOT!" yelled the gym teacher angrily, walking into the scene. "WE'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO! YOU! ROBOT!"
"Yes?" said Azusa cheerfully.
"YOU BEAT UP MY STAR STUDENT, WENT ON A RAMPAGE, NEARLY KILLED SOMEONE, AND RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD SCENE FROM A MID NINETEENTH CENTURY SCENE IN AMERCIAN TERRITORY WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI! FOR THAT…YOU PASS FULL MARKS!"
"Yay!" said Azusa happily.
"AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, FOR SKIPPING CLASS, AND FOR BEATING UP STUDENTS WHEN YOU SHOULD BE BEATING THEM UP IN A CONTROLED ENVIROMENT," said the gym teacher, flipping through the rule book. "THE ULTIMATE SENTENCE IS…EXECUTION!"
Everyone gasped in horror.
"Wait, no, we've had budget cuts, we can't afford that anymore, and I don't want to get risk getting beaten up by your 'driod…" said the Gym Teacher.
"Which is punching, ki-" Azusa started.
"Yes, yes, yes, we get it already," said the gymteacher. "ALRIGHT! YOU ALL FAIL! THE BALLY LOT OF YOU! And you!"
He pointed at Marik.
"You're from Egypt aren't you?" said the gym teacher, shoving a pre-signed pass in Marik's direction. "You head down to the nurse and get a physical exam! If anything's carrying the plague, it's you…"
---ooo---
"Wow, do I want to blow up something," said Joey to himself, holding a Snicker's candy bar.
"Hey dude," said some overweight fifteen-year-old boy with a baseball cap, holding the Executioner's Axe. "I'll give you this highly dangerous vacuum cleaner for that candy bar."
"SWEET!" said Joey, handing over the candy bar, and picking up the Executioner's Axe. He then carried it down to the boy's locker room, accidentally incinerating the drinking fountain, walking past a bunch of letters burnt out of the wall that said 'Fubuki was here'.
---ooo---
WOOT! Chapter eight finished!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! I'M DRESSING UP AS A GOTH! IF YOU WANT A HALLOWEEN FIC, YOU CAN READ ME AND BUTTSY-BOY'S ONE-SHOT, NIGHT OF THE LIVING FURBY!
Next time, Mobster and Shou track down the executioner's axe, Bianca and Tish are on the move to save a computer class from ultimate destruction, and we enter the court of…Judge Serenity?
There's noooo business like shooow business…don't forget to pig out on candy!