tuned to the next chapter!
SPELIN IS PHUN! UH HUH!
Okay, now here's the weird thing. You'd think that since I'm a Seto fangirl, I'd be livid that Seto would be in love just like the ones we saw in the previous chapter, right? Well, I'm actually pretty happy that High Priest Seth of the plushie daemons actually is in love Kisara. Is that crazy or what?
And thanks to the encouragment of the readers, I have successfully finished up my art thing, and submitted it for grading. Thanks guys as usual, I owe you one!
Ah yes, for some reason, I have a feeling that this chapter is going to be viewed as especially insane. And I'll leave Valon's 'special talent' to the imagination of the reader…
Okay, it's insanity time!
Chapter Fourteen
YOU'D BE VERY SURPRISED WHAT RUNNING AND SCREAMING CAN DO
In which one truly does worry about
"I…can't…go back in there…" said Marik sadly, hugging his legs to his body upstairs, one floor above the Bio room. "Those sick people…they're…hacking up worms…they have no souls…none of them…"
Marik then broke down and started sobbing.
"BEELZEBUB!" he screamed. "I'm so sorry I ever wanted to cut your worm comrades to bits! FORGIVE ME! I can't believe that I could have ever trampled on your beautiful memory like that…I DESERVE TO DIE!"
He ripped out a huge, frilly handkerchief from his left chest pocket, and blew his nose noisily in it.
"But if I can't go back there, I'll never get another chance to steal the puzzle!" said Marik. "But…I…I can't…I don't…"
Marik buried his face once again in the lacy pink hanky, and literally screamed into it to try to get rid of the horrible pent-up emotion that was eating him away from the inside out. A bunch of people in other classes were peeking around the doorway, wondering what happened to him, all thinking he was a girl, and most thinking that someone broke up with 'her'.
"There…there's only one way I can possibly get better," said Marik, managing to pick himself up off the ground, and stuffing the hanky back into his pocket. "I need to…go find…a television…"
---ooo---
"'Johnny went to a bakery and bought two rolls and seven cookies for four dollars and three cents'," read Valon off his paper in math class. "'Rika bought six rolls and ten cookies for six dollars and ninety eight cents. If the prices are all the same, how much does one roll cost and one cookie cost?"
Valon stared blankly at his paper for several seconds. This question was not in Valon's grand spectrum of problem solving ability, which limits were already being stretched once you hit multiplication. Not knowing how to answer this question, he did what any intelligent and diligent math student would do.
I'll give you twenty dollars if you give me an A on this test he wrote down in the answer space in shaky, kindergarten-like handwriting.
"You want that math problem solved, don't you?"
Valon turned around curiously to see where the voice was coming from. He found himself staring at the hypnotically beautiful purple-gray eyes of Ka'aewu, our insane forest whisperer friend, whom every girl in the room were looking at hungrily, clamping down on their lips to prevent their jaws from leaping out of their mouths like that of a great white shark and tearing Valon's body limb from pathetic limb.
"Yes?" said Valon stupidly.
"I can do that," said Ka'aewu. "I am Ka'aewu the forest whisperer. I can do anything…"
"Yeah? Well I bet you can't do this!"
And Valon showed Ka'aewu his special talent.
"…that's…that's just disgusting…" said Ka'aewu, his eyes bulging out of their sockets in a mixture of both horror and…that of being moderately impressed.
"Thank you!" said Valon. "Hey, how come the teacher isn't feinting like he always does when I do that?"
"I have trapped his mind in a temporary spiral," said Ka'aewu. "He will now continue to teach the Pythagorean Theorem until I unleash his mind, and he shall never look away from his work, whether it be fire, or monster, or phone solicitor. He is powerless."
"Cool…" said Valon.
"Back to the point," said Ka'aewu. "If you want all of your math problems instantly solved, just wish it such, and I shall solve them."
"I WISH THAT ALL THE ANSWERS ON THIS TEST ARE CORRECT!" said Valon. And the second his said such, like flowers blooming in the snow, silvery ink seemed to bloom on the paper, writing out all of the answers on Valon's paper, showing all work, as well as checks.
"THANK YOU KABABABLAHBLAHBELA!" said Valon.
"Oh no," said Ka'aewu, as another blue power bubble suddenly surrounded Valon, lifting him out of his chair, and floating him about four feet above the ground, right at Ka'aewu's side. "Thank you."
And with that, he turned on his heel, and he headed out the door, while Valon cheered happily at the prospect of being take out of math class, even if it was by a freaky, way-too-pretty forest spirit.
"WAIT! NO KA'AEWU!" said a girl in the class, as all of the girls were driven into a frenzy, no longer able to hold back their emotions.
"TAKE ME! I LOVE YOU!" said another girl.
"I LOVE YOU MORE!" said another.
"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU!" said another.
---ooo---
"We've got to get out of here!" said Dartz, desperately trying to pry open the bars that contained him and the other two. "Any minute, that freak forest whatsit's going to come back and drain our sanity!"
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE INSANE!" said Pegasus.
"Uh…" said Dartz.
"You know, Germans invented cages!" said Ziggy.
"THEY DID NOT YOU SOUR KRAUT!" said Dartz. "I know for a fact that ATLANTIANS invented cages!"
"No, the GERMANS did!" said Ziggy.
"ATLANTIANS!" said Dartz.
"GERMANS!" said Ziggy.
"ATLANTIANS!" said Dartz.
"Um, actually, Egyptians invented cages," said Yami, who for some strange reason that I am much to bored and short on time to explain, was also sitting in a cage not far from the other three.
"NO! GERMANS!" said Ziggy.
"ATLANTIANS!" said Dartz.
"EGYPTIANS!" said Yami.
"GERMANS!"
"ATLANTIANS!"
"EGYPTIANS!"
"GERMANS!"
"ATLANTIANS!"
"EGYPTIANS!"
"GERMANS!"
"Actually, Americans invented cages," said Pegasus.
"NO! ATLANTIANS!"
"EGYPTIANS!"
"AMERICANS!"
"GERMANS!"
"ATLANTIANS!"
"EGYPTIANS!"
---ooo---
"Must…watch…the mind numbing television…" said Marik sadly to himself, sitting down with a sad-sounding thump on a bean bag chair in the student lounge, which was filled with more lame posters, most advertising dances from 1983. "Okay…lets try…eleven!"
"-and in this intense new night time drama, Bethany loves Steve, Steve loves Bethany…and Carol," said the narration voice. "And when things between Carol and Steve start heating up, how far will Bethany go to end it? Dressed to Become a Homicidal Maniac, Mondays at seven, only on-"
"Good idea, but I don't have that big of a chainsaw," said Marik, switching the channel.
"-the stock market is down, nasty things like drugs and suicide are up, wars are erupting, the moon is falling into the Atlantic Ocean, and there's a run in my stocking," said a news reporter on 'No, the News Still Isn't Good'. "And what's worse, I have an itch in a place it would be very rude to scratch on television."
"Gah, scrub the stocking runs!" said Marik, switching the channel. "THAT'S IT! The only place where I will be able to find such hideously obvious but really stupid answers is on education programming!"
"It's okay to cry when you're sad!" said a guy dressed in a clown suit, holding up a felt puppet that looked like a cross between an elephant and a red horse.
"Yes…you're right Mr. Giggles and Snoogy Poo!" said Marik, huge tears welling up in his freakish looking purple eyes.
"What's this color?" said the clown man, holding up a black sheet of paper.
"GREEN!" yelled Marik excitedly.
"Let's all sing a song!" said the clown man.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" said Marik, bouncing up and down in the beanbag chair.
---ooo---
Chronos was giggling evilly to himself, still wearing an outfit, which he was using to pathetically pose as Shou, was stuffing pre-chewed bubble gum in all the coin slots in the vending machine in the outlets so kids couldn't burn out the schools electricity by recharging their laptops. To make sure that there were no fuss over who did what, he sorted everything out by key-scratching 'Shou Wuz Here' on every table, using the keys to the principles car, and them running them through the garbage disposal in the cafeteria.
"Hm…blue or red?" said Chronos, weighing both cans in his hand, wondering just what color of spray paint he should use for the walls. "Oh what the heck? Why not both?"
Ka-chak!
Suddenly, he dropped both cans automatically, both clanking noisily to the floor as he screatched in panic and put both of his frilly-collared hands up in the air, for behind him, held by the hands of the elite Black Crow, was the most nasty looking shoulder cannon yet to be shown in this fic.
"Wha…wah…" said Chrono.
"Where's Seto Kaiba?" Black Crow demanded in an icy voice.
"Em…while, you see, I'm terrible at putting names to faces, but-" said Chronos pathetically, not even knowing of this 'Seto Kaiba' of which this deranged fangirl spoke of (obviously he's pretty out of it), and knowing that when a person with a gun asks you something, presuming you don't want to live the rest of your life dead, you better give them the answer they want.
"Tell me where he is, or I'll give your brain a nice little rear view window!" said Black Crow dangerously.
"But do you have any idea how popular the name 'Seto' is nowadays?" said Chronos. "I mean come one, you talk to every other person and they'll say their name is Seto!"
"Look-" started Black Crow.
"I mean I was walking to the market today, and I saw this guy saying 'hey, my name's Seto', to a girl, and she said 'what a coincidence! That's my name to!' I mean it's madness! Sheer madness!"
"Ms…" said the girl.
"DOCTOR!" yelled Chronos. "I mean it's just like a couple of years ago when all the girls were either named Amanda or Kathleen, and all the boys were named-"
"You are of no use to me," Black Crow said darkly. "For that, I shall punish you most terribly, by sending your mind to the dimension of ultimate nightmares!"
"What…what are you…" said Chronos, but before he could do another thing, his eyes glazed over, and he violently wobbled, falling to the floor with a sickening thud.
"Hm…I find him rather amusing, so I'll let him out after ten minutes," said Black Crow, watching Crowler's body twitch. "Oh well, no doubt he'll be able to sleep with 'Big Boy Underwear' for a month…haw haw…"
---ooo---
"Where...what…why…" muttered Chronos, slowly getting to his feet. "Why am I wearing a dress?"
"HI MRS. CHRONOS!" screamed a bunch of kids in front of him, all wearing Slifer Red uniforms.
"We got rid of all the Ra's and Obeliks in Duel Acadamy, so now there's only us Slifers!" said Shou.
"And I'm their king!" said Juundai (Jaden) Yuki. "C'mon everyone! Let's give Mrs. Chronos a big hug while singing our dub names at annoyingly high pitches!"
"NOOOO! VERY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Chronos, as all the Slifers closed in, and proceeded to hug him.
---ooo---
"You're saying that you can force everyone to worship my Guardian Cards?" asked Raphael excitedly to Ka'aewu, as they both sat in computers, while the teacher taught basic online program settings over and over again.
"Of course…" said Ka'aewu.
---ooo---
"All who dare oppose our massive fangirl army is doomed!" said one girl, wearing a black leather jacket, skin-tight, street-fighter looking pants, and carrying a Slaughter Stick identical to Fubuki's. "We shall rip the flesh from the bones of all who try to stop us! You're masses are doomed! DOOOOOO-wait, what's that?"
"Threat Level: Two…switching to offensive maneuvers…"
"Wait…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"IF YOU LIKE PIN-NYA CO-LA-TAS, GIT-TIN CAUGHT IN THE RAIN-"
The fangirl screamed in utter terror, for when she least expected it, the massive hoards of pink robots, suddenly turned the corner. Identifying her as a threat, they switched to automatic attack for what they considered level two threats to be (fangirls, angry parents, especially violent mailmen, etc.), which consisted of incredibly bad music from the seventies and eighties.
"Fubuki, what are we going to do?" asked Shou, who was hiding under a staircase with Fubuki, watching the horror of what could be described only as a girl who was screaming in pain, her ears melting by hearing last-generation pop culture back in a time when tattoos were cool and there was no such thing as a song lacking suggestive content.
"Run and scream?" asked Fubuki.
"I don't think that would really help," said Shou.
"You'd be very surprised at what running and screaming can do," said Fubuki.
"That still makes no sense," said Shou.
"Robots are probably the most vile creatures to ever crawl out of the pit of original sin, second only to game designers and reality show screenplay writers," said Fubuki, suddenly becoming solemn. "They are the only species that can survive blasts from plasma cannons, bazookas, even…the Slaughter Stick."
"Or the Executioners Axe?" asked Shou.
"Probably not," said Fubuki.
Silence.
"So we're pretty much out of our element then?" said Shou.
"Uh huh," said Fubuki. "OOH! They're playing 'My Sherona'!"
"Then we'll just have to use cunning to outwit these robots, and then find some way to blow them up without really dangerous weapons and random, senseless violence," said Shou.
Silence.
"I CAN'T DO THIS!" cried Shou, gripping his head in frustration.
"Hold this," said Fubuki, shoving a scruchie into Shou's hands as he attempted to braid his hair.
"Can we just try blowing them up anyway?" asked Shou. "No no, braids don't work on you."
"Sorry, and…OKAY!" yelled Fubuki. "LET'S BLOW UP STUFF!"
"HOORAY FOR BLOWING UP STUFF!" said Shou, pulling out his gamma ray cannon, and Fubuki pulled out the slaughter stick. With that, the two fools bravely charged out from behind their stairway of safety (with a very interesting piece of graffiti written on the top stair) and whipped out their arms, the fangirl long fled, and began letting loose round after round of destruction.
SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
BANGBANBBAMBANGABANGPINGKAPINGWAM!
The entire area was turned into a cloud of dust and fire, swirling and growing, as the confused robots did nothing to avoid the blast, but simply stood still while they got internal mainframes pumped. And as the massive firestorm ended, the eerie silence of the room perfectly mixed with the charred dust that floated in the air.
"W007!" yelled Fubuki.
"HWAY!" said Shou.
However, the massive army of robot legions stood, and to Shou and Fubuki's horror, as the dust slowly settled, there wasn't a single scratch on their perfect, chrome, bubble-gum pink outer shells. Quite the contrary, now they turned their objective lenses to both Shou and Fubuki.
"Threat Level: Five. Switching to attack…"
And that's when the started belting out the music from 'Cats'.
"OH MY GOD! BROADWAY!" screamed Shou in horror, covering his ears in horror at the terrible song of the longest running play on broadway, and by far the weirdest.
"THAT'S WORSE THAN BEFORE!" yelled Fubuki in horror, also falling to the ground in pain. "RETREAT! RETREAT!"
And once again, the two fools ran away screaming like little school girls.
---ooo---
"Yes…I wish that from now on, whoever mistakes me for a girl will turn into a member of the opposite gender!" said Alister with strength in his voice.
"Granted," said Ka'aewu, waving his hands, with a little poof of purple smoke. "Now…about your payment…"
"HI GIRLY MAN!" said Valon stupidly, and with a poof, suddenly turning into a girl, waving wildly from the blue power bubble that suddenly floated into the room, which held both him and Raffy inside it. At the sight of Raffy's god cards, everyone in the room started to bow and say 'we're not worthy! We're not worthy!' to the cards.
"Now then…it's time for you to join my little collection of sanity," said Ka'aewu. "Whiile normally, I'm sure there's not much worth to any of you on those lines, but still, I tend to take what I can get."
"Wha-" said Alister, but it was too late. A huge bubble appeared around him, and he too was floated into the air. His bubble then merged with the bigger, blue bubble, and he fell into it, landing right on top of Valon.
"No need to try to resist now," said Ka'aewu, pulling out the sanity tester. "You see, now I shall take you back to my liar, and you shall be my sanity slaves, and I shall suck out every single drop of sanity that courses through your veins, until you are nothing left but an empty shell of randomness…"
"Hey! That's really mean Mr. Ka'aewu-san!" said Azusa, following Seta, who bounced happily into the room.
"Yeah! He is mean!" said Seta. "For that, you need…A HUG!"
Suddenly, the sanity tester that lay in Ka'aewu's hand began to vibrate out of control, and with a high pitched, screeching ring, it eventually cracked right through the center, and snapped cleanly in half.
"OH MY LORD!" screamed Ka'aewu. "YOU'RE SANITY'S IN THE TRIPPLE NEGATIVES! If you even hug me…then…then…"
"HUG TIME!" said Seta happily, happily spreading out her arms.
"NO!" screamed Ka'aewu, jumping up to a window with one bound and thrusting it open with one swift movement (looking rather hot while doing so ), "I'm going to drain the insanity from them, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
And with that, he leapt out the window, the bubble following him down.
"Oh no!" said Azusa. "Seta-san, they'll get hurt!"
"WAIT UP NEW BEST FRIEND!" said Seta boldly, and with one jump, she too leapt out the window.
"SETA-NEECHAN! NO! THIS IS A SECOND STORY WINDOW!" yelled Azusa, but Seta wouldn't hear a word of it. She flew down to the ground, landing like a ninja on it, with one hand on the ground, toe behind her, foot in front. However, as she looked up, she saw her new best friend quickly waving his hand, teleporting him to the center of the forest before she could do another thing.
"OH NO!" said Azusa, also jumping out the window to follow her friend, landing equally graceful. "Seta-neesan, he got away! What are we going to do?"
"NEVER FEAR!" said Seta. "TO THE MACH SETA!"
And with that, she whipped out a key chain, undid the security with a beep, and there in the parking lot, painted very recently with pink letters, was a car that looked suspiciously like the Mach Five from 'Speed Racer', but the 'Five' was covered in pink paint with 'Seta'.
"Uh…Seta, is that your car?" said Azusa, as Seta preformed a 'Dukes of Hazard' slide across the hood.
"NOPE! Borrowed it!" said Seta, firing up the car. "Come on! Hop in!"
"Uh…okay…" said Azusa uneasily, sliding into shotgun. The second she did, Seta slammed her foot down on the gas pedal, and with a screech, they both were thrown to the back of their seats, as Seta sped forward, running over a white Sonota in the process, as they both crazily weaved to the forest, Seta being the only person in the history of the school actually able to careen on the school track.
The only thing more appalling than Seta's personality is her driving.
---ooo---
"Now then my little pretties," said Ka'aewu, as the bubble dumped Valon, Raphael, and Alister into their own individual cage. "Lucky for you it's just about lunch time, and I feel rather peckish after chasing you…"
"GERMANS!"
"ATLANTIANS!"
"EGYPTIANS!"
"AMERICANS!"
"CHINESE!"
"GREEKS!"
"LITHUANIANS!"
"LIBERIANS!"
"WOUD YOU SHUT UP OVER THERE?" yelled Ka'aewu. "Now where were we…"
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
At a wild angle, Seta slammed down on the brakes, as the car whooshed on it's side, tearing through the greenery leading to the inner sanctum of the forest whisperer. Everyone looked up in shock as Seta leapt out of the car.
"Oh no…not her…anyone…but…" said Ka'aewu, backing up in horror as Seta closed in.
"I WUV YOU!" said Seta.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
But it was too late. With one leap, Seta sprang foreward, landing on Ka'aewu, and giving him a big hug. With a screech, Ka'aewu began to writhe and shrink into her arms, and kept on screaming and shrinking, until he slowly grew quiet, and in Seta's hands, she held…a bunny rabbit.
"Uh…" said Alister. "What just happened.
"Oh that's easy!" said Ziggy. "Forest Whisperers are like huge insanity straws! Sure they can suck insanity into their bodies and stuff, but it can easily turned around, and when something so lacking in sanity, like that strange young woman over there, comes in contact with him, the sanity that he gained is entirely sucked out of his body, rendering him powerless!"
"And the reason he's a bunny?" asked Dartz.
"Dunno," said Ziggy.
"YAY! BUNNY!" said Seta, giving it a hug.
"Let go of me…" said Ka'aewu.
"Um…is someone going to let us out?" asked Raffy.
"SHE'S SO PRETTY!" screamed Valon, pointing to Seta.
"She…looks just…like…" cringed Alister.
---ooo---
"Ah, I feel much better now!" said Marik, walking out of the student lounge. "I can't believe that one episode of education television can heal all emotional wounds! Why, I've completely forgot about-"
Shock filled, painful silence.
"BEEEEEEEELZEBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUB!" yelled Marik at the top of his lungs, sinking to his knees and bawling his eyes out.
"Alright, that's it, stop crying already!" said the Ra hallucination, who stood in front of him in the hallway, a small worm hallucination standing next to him.
"Who…who…" said Marik, his eyes growing very large and cute.
"Yeah, well I was hanging out at the hallucination information seminar slash cocktail party, and word on the yard says that your so pathetic you can't even dissect a worm," said Ra. "Guh, I bet you'd be a lot worse with the pig."
"NOT OINKY!" yelled Marik.
"You had to bring that up, didn't you?" said the worm hallucination.
"So I found a friend of yours, hallucination Beelzebub, and now he's here to give you a little comfort. Right B?" said Ra.
"Beelzebub…" said Marik.
"Look Marik, I respect the fact that you don't want to hack up any members of my species, but I really think you're going a little bit overboard!" said Beelzebub, crawling over to Marik's pathetic form. "I mean the cross-dressing in itself is a little disturbing, but still, don't you think that it would make me happy to see you lose and be brutally executed?"
"No…I guess it wouldn't…" said Marik.
"Look Marik, if you really want to show that you care about me, then go out their and dissect that worm!" said Beelzebub. "If you lost, I would be much more unhappy than if you hacked up one of my fellow worms. I mean come on, their kinda dead anyway, not much we can do…"
"You…you're right!" said Marik, shakily getting up to his feet. "I need to fight and win this game! I'll beat Tea, and I'll do it for you Beelzebub!"
"That's the spirit," said Ra dully. "Now let's get back before they eat all the shrimp."
"Right behind ya," said Beelzebub, following him, as Marik bravely bound up and ran to the biology room as fast as his legs could carry him. This was it. He was determined to win, even though he only had five minutes left to dissect his worm. But as he nearly ran over students walking in the hallway, as he crashed into various teachers, as he ran up flights of stairs in a heartbeat, he couldn't stop thinking about the soul fact that he needed to win for his beloved Beelzebub.
"I RETURN!" Marik screamed, as he slammed open the biology door with one blow, thrusting it open with a slam.
"And miraculously, Marika has reentered the room, and boy does she mean business!" said Bob I.
"Gimme!" said Marik, ripping a worm out of the soup, and with one slick moving he (A/N The exact details of this dissection have been removed for the welfare of the more sensitive readers in the audience).
"Amazing," said Bob II. "Marik has singlehandly done every stage of the dissection in less than two minutes, of what took Tea and entire half hour!"
"I think that's pretty hot…" said Jimu, the kid who hated everyone.
"Whoa, Marik…a…" said Odion.
"That's amazing!" said Tristan.
"What the-" said Tea in shock.
"And now it's time for the judges to make their final decision!" said Bob I. "Judges…"
Odion and Jimu held up a card that said 'Marika' (Jimu's had 'wanna go for a movie' under his), and Joey held up a picture of a bowl of fruit.
"The winner of this dissect-off to the death is…MARIKA!" said Bob II. "What an exciting match! Spectacular!"
"So that means…oh dear…" said Tea, dropping her scalpol.
"Right!" said Marik, after doing a very odd looking victory dance. "Now I shall order your execution…right after I go outside and throw up…"
---ooo---
"Marik, I'm very proud of you," said Odion, as Marik was violently vomiting into a garbage can. "I don't know why…but I am."
"Thanks Odion…" said Marik, barfing out a fresh wave by the time he finished speaking.
"And now…I'm a little less proud," said Odion.
"She doesn't show up on the index, that's gotta be her!" said members of the fangirl army.
"That hair, that figure, that poise…yeah, I can see where Seto's commin' from," said another.
"Let's just get her quick before that bald kid notices."
"I still am a little grateful that you're doing this in the halway, and not in your shirt like the last time," said Odion, as a net wrapped around Marik, and before he could utter a sound, in a split second, dragged him away. "I mean I respect that you were trying to be inconspicuous but…Marik? Woo hoo? Where'd you go?"
---ooo---
"Who on Earth stole my car I am very mad that someone stole me car!" said Speed Racer in the parking lot.
---ooo---
Next time, Asuka wants a battle, Seto vs. the lunch table force field, and the fangirls strike again! What horror will come next?