Rumors that I am mentally unstable are more or less exaggerated.
Great, Valentine Day season is coming up, a time when all singles are mocked and brutally humiliated. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I wish you good luck with the chocolate load. If you are single…just keep your chin up high. OUR DAY SHALL COME!
Chapter Nineteen
COMING INTO THE CLOSET
In which we all wish that Joku would just disappear
"WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?" screamed Marik, racing down the hallways in sheer anger, trying to track down the incriminating loony that stole his Millennium Rod, briefly stopping in the middle of one to pant in exhaustion. "Look, you better get out here right now, or when I find you, I'LL BEAT YOU LIKE A DRUM!"
Silence.
"OH COME ON, PLEASE?" said Marik.
"Hi there," said the dull and dead voice of Joku from behind, causing Marik to scream in shock, holding his Millennium Rod. "I'm Joku."
"YES YES YES, I KNOW!" said Marik. "Now give me back my Rod!"
"Why should I?" said Joku.
"CAUSE IT'S MINE!" said Marik.
"My mom made me wear dresses until I was thirteen years old," said Joku.
"Look, I don not want to hear pathetic details of your meaningless life!" said Marik. "I want my Rod back, so I can skip on my merry way back to my life, and never dabble in your sad and useless one again!"
"I'm fourteen years old," said Joku.
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME AT ALL?" said Marik.
"I had a crush on Dora the Explorer for five years," said Joku.
"Really? So did Odion," said Marik. "WAIT! NO! You're just trying to distract me, aren't you?"
"I think that the Mayans actually invented airplanes, teleportation devices, and cell phones, and then blew it up during the Martian invasion," said Joku.
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BLOODY POLITICAL VIEWS!" said Marik. "Why the heck do you want my Rod anyway? It doesn't actually do anything, except control people and turn them into your obedient mind slaves so that you can use their minds as little toys and laugh in their faces when they do stupid things which you can make them do, like wash your underwear and rob banks and give you all the cash and skydive and stuff."
Silence.
"Bye now," said Joku, suddenly sprouting huge butterfly wings out of his back, and fluttering out a nearby window into the bright sunlight, while Bambi-ish kind of music played in the background, leaving a dumbstruck Marik just standing in the middle of the hallway.
"OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT!" said Marik. "I'm sick of being nice! It's time to get dirty!"
---ooo---
"Guh…what…what happened?"
Our very much forgotten about friend, Chronos, found himself coming to on the floor, finding lots of disgusting shoe prints on his nice clean clothes from students who didn't really care that there was an unconscious man on the floor wearing a stupid looking blue wig.
"I must have been out for a while but…" said Chronos, rubbing is head. "Mama mia…okay, um, what happened…I was graffiting the cafeteria…this freaky ninja looking person came…she knocked me out…I had that freak dream that HE was the king of…I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FRAMING SHOU MARUFUJI!"
This thought completely drove him into panic mode. What was he going to do? How long was he out? How much time did he have to get some dirt on Shou? How was he going to do it?
Then he turned around to see all the scorch marks outside in the parking lot…
…and in the hallways…
…and all the shattered windows…
…and all these massive insurance claims waiting to happen…
And then, his sick little mind created a plan.
---ooo---
Alright, so if I find the only set of computers in the school that haven't been effected by the Red Dog Computer Virus, I might be able to use that set to trace down the origin of the virus thought Tish, carrying a laptop computer she beat up a nerd to get. I doubt that the area will be unguarded, and I also doubt they'll be no more than a passing threat. I really should get Bianca on the case, but she'd probably get confused and send another kid to the big man in white.
Tish suddenly stopped, feeling the woosh of a fleeting figure breeze by her. Her thin, catlike eyes slowly roving around her, sensing the presence of a mighty foe, one who is fanatical, yet cruel. Quick, yet sharp. She knew it before it came.
"So I'm glad you kept your promise," said Tish, as Ebony Crow landed right in front of her, as well as other fangirls dressed in ninja-ish attire. "Not that I'm glad you see you or anything like that."
"Save your talk woman," said Ebony Crow, as the other fan girls eyed their next victim. "We are here to destroy you once and for all, and hang your corpse at the door of our organization, a warning to all others."
"Uh, ew," said Tish.
"SHUT UP!" said Ebony Crow, pouncing. Of course, Tish saw this coming and easily dodged it, as well as body slamming another girl who tried to pounce as well. She ducked and weaved their every move.
"I'm glad that you're the type that isn't easy to kill," said Ebony Crow, throwing kicks and punches at Tish, which she easily dodged and blocked. "They're the funnest to kill."
"I'm sure they are, but I'm the type that's impossible to kill," said Tish, looping around and throwing out a wicked cool kick, that was directed with a blow from Ebony Crow, sending Tish flying to the floor, where another one of the ninja-y fangirls threw a bunch of shurkins with capsules of Chibi Gas attached to them. Thinking fast, Tish quickly rolled out of the way of the sharp throwing darts, which smashed on the grounds and burst the Chibi Gas.
"Ha! Is that the best you have?" said Tish, up on a nearby stairway, up above the heavy Chibi Gas, which was infamous for being so dense, it didn't float well in the air. "You disappoint me. I thought this was going to be fun."
"Shut your face you stupid woman!" said Ebony Crow, throwing more shurkins at Tish, who nibbly kept leaping up the stairs and out of their way, as the Fangirls, who's cool ninja masks doubled as a gas mask, bound after her, as the halls ran rich with the sickeningly sweet aroma of the Chibi Gas. But the higher she climed, the closer she got to hallway, where there was no high ground, and no way to dodge the nefarious shurkins and the Chibi Gas.
And she just hit it.
"So this is where it all ends Ms. Tish," said the fangirls, all with shurkins fully drawn, as Tish backed closer and closer to the wall at the end of the hallway. "Now you'll understand just why no one ever messes with our man."
"WHO THE HECK IS HE?" yelled Tish. "What kind of freak would you sick woman have a disgusting fixation with?"
"SILENCE!" yelled Ebony Crow. "I don't know what he sees in you! You don't deserve Seto Kaiba at all you disgusting little wretch!"
"WHAT THE-" Tish started.
"Your kidding!" said Alister, as he, Raffy, and Valon walked down the halls. "YOU GOT HELD HOSTAGE BY A BUNCH OF GIRLS?"
"HEY! THEY WERE MEAN GIRLS!" said Valon.
"Blast, witnesses," said Ebony Crow. "You haven't seen the last of us Tish. We shall savior the final hunt…and the kill…"
And as if just by magic, the fangirl ninjas disappeared into thin air.
"What? I'm in…who's in…what?" asked Tish, left dumbfounded in the hallway.
---ooo---
"Fubuki…I'm a very patient person…I really don't care about most of the things you do…" said Ryou darkly. "But for the love of God…STOP CRACKING YOUR FINGERS LIKE THAT!"
"WHA-AT?" yelled Fubuki, giving his fingers and especially loud crack. "It's fun!"
"You're going to give yourself arthritis you know!" said Ryou angrily. "Not to mention it annoys the living daylights out of most people!"
"People don't get arthritis from cracking your fingers! That's just a stupid old wives tale!" said Fubuki. "They get it if they wear white after Labor Day! And for your information, most people find hearing the sound of cracking fingers very relaxing!"
"Like who?" asked Ryou.
"I don't know…aromatherapists?" asked Fubuki. "Santa Claus…me?"
"Fubuki, the last one is the only one I believe, and may I also point out that aromatherapits, Santa Claus, and you are not 'most people'," said Ryou.
"Yeah, well you're fat!" said Fubuki.
"Where the heck did this fat thing come from?" asked Ryou. "I'm not fat! I'm practically underweight!"
But before the fatso could gripe any longer, straight from the barred windows above him, a rock came out of nowhere with a sting tied to it, and landed right on top of his head with a sickening crash.
"I'll get it!" said Fubuki, walking over and pulling the rock out that was firmly wedged in Ryou's skull. "It says 'Get ready to run. A friend'."
Just as Ryou begain to get up, another rock came from the barred door, once again clocking Ryou.
"I'll get it! Again!" said Fubuki, pulling out the rock once again, and clearing his throat. "It says 'Your shoe's untied'."
With that, he instantly bent over to tie them, and a laser beam out of nowhere, and the red hot beam seared right through the bars over Ryou and Fubuki's heads, causing the whole cage door to come down with a large, banging clatter.
"Okay, it was over, then under…then make two bunny ears…then find the hole and…" said Fubuki, fussing around with his shoe laces.
"Maybe that freaky little girl is a little less incompetent than I thought she was," said Ryou to himself. "But we're going to need some sort of distraction if we can ever hope to get out of here-"
"DUCKS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The security guards were running everywhere, screaming at the top of their lungs because of one thing…ducks. Ducks that were running around everywhere, because they were all being viciously assaulted by various ducks and other duck-like water fowl.
"DUCKIES! YAAAAAY!" yelled Fubuki, chasing after a huge flock that was also chasing some security guards who were screaming like little girls.
----ooo---
"Oh god, I love this thing!" said Mobster, pressing the button over and over again on her remote control, which caused a huge cross between a laser and a cannon gun to shoot out a huge, electric blue energy string, that turned into a pack of ducks on contact, swarming around and creating general madness wherever the beam successfully hit.
"It's certainly one of the more amusing ways to create distractions," said ASV, enjoying somewhat the chaos that was unfolding in front of him. "So when should they be coming?"
"I don't know, but I hope they wait a little longer…" said Mobster, with her sickening homicidal smile.
"What the heck is going on?" yelled Ryou, throwing various ducks out of his way, drastically fighting to get towards the three, shoving screaming guards and various ducks out of his way to do it.
"Oh, it's the fat kid," said Mobster to herself, as ASV and Double S tried to look politly away so as not to stare at Ryou's non-existant gut.
"We're really overplaying this joke you know!" said Ryou. "Ah, never mind, just…just let's get in the getaway car and get out of here before everything becomes gets out of control…again…"
"What getaway car?" asked ASV.
"We don't have a getaway car," said Ryou. "Of course, you know, after everything, I really should have seen this coming. My life, after all, has very recently become a swirling hole of nothingness."
"Why so angsty, smangsty?" said Fubuki, walking over, the orange prison jumpsuit nearly bursting at the seams, not to mention it looked like a half a dozen rabid animals were flailing around in it.
"Fubuki, let the ducks go," said Ryou.
"What ducks?" asked Fubuki, as a huge duck head peeped out from his neck collar.
"OH MY GOD! HE SPROUTED ANOTHER HEAD!" screamed Double S in alarm.
"Fubuki…" said Ryou dangerously.
"NO FUN MEANIE!" yelled Fubuki, proceeding to pull out all the ducks that he stuffed inside his suit.
"Okay, I doubt this diversion can last much longer, so lets go get a car and get out of here," said Ryou. "Wow, I never thought I'd say that sentence under these circumstances."
With that, Mobster threw another rock at him, burring itself deep in his forehead and knocking him flat on the ground.
"I'll get it!" said Fubuki, pulling out the note that was tied to the rock. "It says-"
"STOP IT ALREADY!" yelled Ryou.
---ooo---
"And then I rammed a bunch of daisies, or dandelions, or whatever down his throat," said Seto to Snuggles, as the two sat alone in the hallway. "Basically, I haven't seen her for almost a whole period, I haven't talked to her, I still don't know anything about her other than her name, and now I'm out of brilliant ideas. I am, as they say, outta luck."
"I told yew et was a better idea to buy the smeggin' bouquet," said Snuggles.
"But now what?" said Seto. "I'm completely out of ideas. No doubt she has no clue I exist…I mean why would she? I don't have the guts to tell her anything…I'm so worthless, you know that? I might as well just run myself over."
"Yeh know lad, yeh're startin' tae soond like an angsty gel," said Snuggles. "And shouldn't yeh be en class?"
"Nah, they'll just give me another A+ as long as I don't show up and run academic circles around them and laugh while doing it," said Seto with a sigh. "I just feel like collecting my thoughts out here in peace and quiet."
"YOU ICKY, GROSS LITTLE JERK!"
PAM!
Before Seto even had a split second to react, he was sent flying by a full powered kick by Tish, slamming him into a concrete wall with a crash that echoed through his mind.
"What the he-"
BAM! BAM! BAM!
"I CAN'T-BELIEVE-YOU-ARE-THAT-FILTHY!" yelled Tish at the top of her lungs, repeatedly slamming him into a wall in a space between every word or so. "AS-IF-IT-WASN'T-BAD-ENOUGH-THAT-I'M LIKE-SIX-YEARS-OLDER-THAN-YOU!"
"What the heck are you talking abo…" said Seto, fighting unconsciousness, as Tish grabbed him by the collar and dragged him up to eye level.
"AND THEN YOU GO AROUND AND SEND YOUR FREAKY FANGIRL ARMY ON ME!" yelled Tish at the top of her lungs in a very angry tone, sending Seto's hair on end. "I DON'T LIKE YOU, OKAY? SO GET OVER THIS STUPID LITTLE CRUSH OF YOURS, TELL YOUR FANGIRL ARMY TO PIKE OFF, AND-"
"I'm not in love with you!" Seto managed to cry out in pain.
"THEN WHO ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH, SMARTARSE?" yelled Tish.
"Your friend! Bianca!" yelled Seto.
Tish looked at him as if he just said 'I'm a homicidal axe murderer, and I'm wanted in every state in the union, as well as the District of Columbia.'
"And if you tell anyone, so help me, I swear I'll-"
"Save it. You know too much," said Tish. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to get rid of you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" said Seto. "What, you're going to kill me?"
---ooo---
"I HATE YOU KARMA! DO YOU HEAR ME?" yelled Seto, banging in the same closet that Yugi and the others got locked in. "OW! AH BEEPING JANITOR'S CLOSET! GAAAAH! SOMEONE LET ME OUT! Snuggles? Azusa? ANYONE?"
---ooo---
"-and you want dirty? Don't get me started on the sheer wrongness of Van Gogh!" said the narrator to the movie, which everyone was thoroughly bored by. "That screaming, illegitimate, pesky little wife swappers personal record made Leonardo DaVinchi's look pathetic! He didn't care who, when or where, one person who walks in who's prettier than the last one, and I swear-"
---ooo---
"I knew I'd find you here…" said Marik. "There's just no way around it. You just had to be here. And now…there's no escape!"
"Hi…I'm Joku," said Joku dully, holding the Rod in front of a cracked and streaky window in the girl's locker room.
"I AM GOING TO DISREGARD EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAY, NO MATTER HOW COMPLETELY INSANE IT IS!" yelled Marik. "Now, hand over the Rod, and I'll let you live to see another day.
"My last name's Zokida," said Joku.
"Eluding me, eh?" said Marik. "We'll, my insane little friend, that's exactly what I enjoy as I CUT PEOPLE DOWN LIKE CORN STALKS!"
"And my middle name is-" started Joku.
"SILENCE ACURSED BEING!" said Marik. "Now, if you want to keep the rod, that's just fine. But there's one catch. You must beat me. IN A SHADOW GAME! MUA HA HA HA HA!"
"My Dad sometimes like to hot tub with-" Joku started.
"PH34R T3I-I 5I-I4D0VV5!" said Marik, holding up a girly pink card deck. "Now, in order to keep your worthless soul, you must play…GO FISH! MUA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
---ooo---
"No…no…too red…too pink…too 1975…"
"PICK A CAR ALREADY!" yelled Ryou at the top of his lungs, as Mobster choosily walked up and down the isle on the perfect car they were to jack, followed by him, ASV, and Double S.
"YEESH! FINE!" yelled Mobster, pointing to a very old van, so old that it was covered in dents and scratches, with one of the rear view window mirrors missing. "We'll take that one!"
"Hey guys! I'm back!" said Fubuki, his jumpsuit violently flailing. "I got rid of all the ducks! Yep, every last one! No ducks at all! Especially in my jumpsuit! No, there is no ducks in my jumpsuit!"
"Take it out Fubuki," said Ryou.
"NO! NOT THIS ONE!" said Fubuki, pulling out a female mallard duck, who was quacking violently. "His name's Butch, and he's special!"
"You're 'special' Fubuki, now let it go," said Ryou. "Besides, it's a female duck."
"Aw…thanks Ryou!" said Fubuki.
"That's not what I meant!" yelled Ryou. "Now let the duck go, and get in the car!"
"Not…Butch…" said Fubuki, with huge tears bubbling up in his eyes.
"Fubuki, we need you to drive the car, and…um, everyone knows it's bad luck to drive with a duck!" said ASV.
"Ooh, good one," said Double S.
"Ah, I guess your right," said Fubuki, putting the angrily quacking duck on the ground. "I'm sorry Butch…"
Silence.
"I CALL SHOT GUN!" said Mobster.
"You do have a liscene, right?" asked Ryou to Fubuki, as the other three quickly hopped into the car.
"YOU BET!" said Fubuki, rummaging through his pocket. "I got it at a bargain!"
With that, he pulled out a thing that looked like a piece of cardboard a homicidal maniac got a hold of. Instead of a normal background for the state, it was covered in pink flowers and with a light blue base with huge gashes of blood splatter all over it. It also had the information written in childish handwriting, a picture of George Bush wearing a tiara and sucking his thumb where Fubuki's picture should have been, and a huge red 'DECOMISHIONED' stamped across it.
"Fubuki, 'Tenjoin' is spelt with an 'I'," said Ryou, looking over the license. "And a T…"
"Picky," said Fubuki.
"You know how to drive though, right?" asked Ryou.
"Left one's brake right?" asked Fubuki.
Everyone went silent.
"I think you should drive," said Double S.
"NO!" yelled Ryou a little to fast and loud. "I mean…no…"
"You've got a license, right?" asked Mobster.
"Uh…no I don't," said Ryou.
"Get out your wallet," said Mobster.
"I don't have one, because I don't have a license!" said Ryou.
"Hey, I thought you just telling me about that one time when you drove to the-" started Fubuki.
"Shut up Fubuki," said Ryou.
"If you want Ryou to drive, raise your hand!" said Mobster, as all four of their hands shot up.
"Oh, that's really mature!" said Ryou.
"If you want Ryou to live, raise your-" Mobster started.
"OKAY!" yelled Ryou. "I'll drive…but…"
Silence.
"I hope it's not like that one time…"
Silence.
"I have no regrets," said Ryou, walking over to the driver's side.
---ooo---
Next time, a game of Go Fish gone wild, the horror of intersection 10, and the final showdown between the fangirls and Tish! Hope you like this chapter, and see you next time!