And remember kids! Support the war against sanity!
Alright, we've made it to chapter twenty! WOOT! What a milestone! I thought we'd be pretty close to done by now, but we're not their yet! Maybe this will be as long as 'The Wizard of Cuz' (yikes!).
Oh, by the way, I saw Spirited Away for the first time, and it was SMEGGIN' AWESOME! And I basically signed up for both drama club not thinking I was going to get a part, and a SAT course not thinking I'd get in, and I got accepted into both. So basically…my weeks are packed. BUT I WILL TRY EVERYTHING I CAN TO KEEP THIS FIC ALIVE AND RUNNING!
Ah…the horror. I have created so many insane songs in my writing career. 'The Moose Dance', 'RD to the Hizee', and most recently, 'Yo, Yo, Mah Boi Leo'. But nothing, no nothing, could compare to the horror of…
Chapter Twenty
THE FUBUKI SONG
In which we face the terror of Intersection Ten
"HA!" yelled Marik, as huge, billowing masses of shadow fog slowly began to swirl in the girls' bathroom, as Joku jus stared blankly at him. "Now fool, we shall play the game that will decide your souls fate!"
"I once tried to grow mushrooms on my underwear," said Joku.
"I am completely oblivious to your pathetic, groveling dribble of which you beg for your life!" said Marik, as the deck with the pink background speckled with little ponies floated in the air and began to shuffle itself. "Now Joku, suffer the shadows, and all their horrible terror!"
"I grew three…but they all died," said Joku.
"YOUR GROVELING CONTINUES TO AMUSE ME!" yelled Marik, as the deck levitated back to his hands. "Now…LET US BEGIN!"
With that, incredibly dramatic background music began to play, and the floating deck delt out both Marik and Joku seven cards, which floated right toward Marik and Joku.
"NOW! I am thinking of a number between one and seven billion, forty nine," said Marik. "If you can guess it, you get to go first."
"Eighty seven million, three hundred thirty six thousand, twenty seven," said Joku.
How did he know…thought Marik.
"WRONG!" said Marik. "I guessed…um…three! MY TURN!"
"I once wore a bikini…and I forgot the top…" said Joku.
"WHATEVER!" yelled Marik. "DO YOU HAVE ANY SIXES?"
"No…my cat once-" Joku started.
"DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" yelled Marik. "I'll just draw the card!"
---ooo---
"Mm…I wuv the taste of rear view mirrors!" said Fubuki, starting to chew on the rear view mirrors.
"Stop it," said Ryou dangerously, who was in the drivers seat, sounding even more solemn than usual. "We aren't going to get out of dangerous territory if you act insane all the time. How we managed to ever get this far without getting ourselves shot is beyond me."
"You know…if we come back to our organization as fugitives, it's not going to look good on the records," said ASV. "Or aiding fugatives in that matter."
"But we're doing this for the white side, so I think everything will work out in the end!" said Double S. "We just have to violate as few rules as possible during the process!"
"You're right," said ASV, sitting a little easier. "I just feel so worried, you know? I mean, I've never done something that broke the law on this kind of scale before. I'm just…"
"SAD?" asked Fubuki in a very loud voice, suddenly turning around, causing Double S to scream in shock. "Don't worry! There's one thing I know that can always cure sadness!"
"Fubuki! Whatever your doing to those kids better be appropriate, and not like your last little method for 'curing sadness'!"
"HEY! It's considered legal in nine states!" said Fubuki. "Now, the ultimate cure for the saddy waddies is…THE FUBUKI SONG!"
"YAY!" cheered the kids.
"NO!" cried Ryou.
But it was too late. Jumping out of his seatbelt, and getting up as high as the car roof would let him, as Ryou was still trying his absolute best to stay on course as the car began to violently rock under his weight, Fubuki sung…the Fubuki Song.
OH! F is for Fubuki, which is what my name is,
I could say T's for 10-Join, but the next one isn't T,
U is for undies, which I sometimes wear and,
B is for bananas, a type of yellow fruit!
U is for more undies, which I should more often
According to my sister, who's A for Asuka
But Fubuki doesn't got an A, and really, nor does 10-Join
So let's forget I said that, and move right on to K.
Cause K stands for Klumsy, or does that start with C?
How come K and C have the same sound sometimes and
What the heck does the word Idiotic mean?
Cause that's what stands for I, and Alexis says I'm it!
FU-BU-KI! FU-BU-KI!
But some guys call me Bucky
And some guys call me Tenjoin
And some guys call me Kate.
FU-BU-KI! FU-BU-KI!
Fubuki is a proper noun
So letters U through I don't have to
Be upper cased like F! OI!
Absolute silence.
"I have the acoustic version on CD and cassette!" said Fubuki, pulling out what looked like a home-burnt CD and a used cassette tape.
"Don't make me throw this car off the road!" yelled Ryou.
---ooo---
"I can't let these fangirls win…" said Tish, hiding behind one of the huge recycling bins in the hallway. "Between them and the Red Dog virus, this whole school will be an ash within hours. But they've got clear advantage over me on numbers alone, and pulling tactical equipment into this…who knows…"
Her eyes darted down both hallways, careful to make sure that there were no fangirls in ears range.
"I need to choose the battlefield wisely," said Tish to herself. "I need somewhere where I'll have a few advantages, and where they have less. Any area within the school is not an option. No doubt they know the place inside out. But if I pick a spot too far, I risk them not allowing me out. So where can I possibly go…"
It dinged in her head.
"Of course. The only place a fangirl has the disadvantage…a place of unholy evil that goes against everything she stands for…"
---ooo---
"You choose your battlefield well Ms. Tish…" said Ebony Crow, as the stood at the opposite ends of a waxy, scuffed up gymnasium floor.
"I thank you," said Tish on the three point line, with the slightest hint of a confident smile. "However, I must insist that if I shall use no weapons nor other methods to gain the upper hand in this combat, neither must you."
"I agree respectfully," said Ebony Crow, with a respected bow. "But you have no way to win in this match Ms. Tish. Even if I lose in battle, our entire organization will be after your blood. They will chase you down, and when the catch you, your punishment will be dire."
"Then I'll just have to run faster," said Tish calmly.
"Indeed," said Ebony Crow, and with a super quick lunge foreward, she attacked.
---ooo---
"HOW IS IT POSSIBLE?" yelled Marik in absolute horror, looking at his flimsy pile of all the cards that he managed to take from Joku, which paled in comparison to his. "How could one as pathetic and weird as you possibly triumph over my superior intellect?"
"I only have one pair of socks that don't have holes in them," said Joku.
"And you rub it in as well!" said Marik darkly. "You, Joku, are a menace! A FIEND! A NOT-NICE PERSON!"
"My name is-" started Joku.
"SHUT YOUR FACE!" yelled Marik. "You may continue to be a nasty little jerk, but I am not like you, you sniveling little boy! I fight until the end! AND I SHALL NOT ACCEPT A DEFEAT WITHOUT HONOR!"
"I accidentally walked into an elevator once and-" Joku started.
"ALRIGHT! I'll give you ten dollars if you let me win!" said Marik.
"Do you have any sevens?" asked Joku.
Marik stared at the remains of his hand, which were all sevens.
"OH POOH!" he screamed, handing all of them over. "I really need to turn the tables!"
---ooo---
No…don't let the feeling take over…don't let it…thought Ryou to himself as he drove the car as calmly as he could along the highway. If you let those feelings take you…it could cost you their lives…it could cost so many lives…don't do it Ryou…don't do it…
"And then when I was nine, I got hooked on Pokemon in the worst sort of way!" said Fubuki to the people in the backseat. "I walked around everywhere cosplaying as Pokemon characters! My favorite one was Misty, and I still might have that midriff and those really short shorts, though I doubt that they fit at this point. And then I fell in love with Cardcaptors Sakura, and dressed in little pink magical girl outfits, but Asuka always told me-"
"So where are we headed anyway?" said Mobster. "Do we know any safe spots in the area?"
"Actually, we're going to be staying with an old friend of mine!" said Fubuki. "Her name is…I forgot her name, but she's really nice, and she'll keep us safe until we can somehow find a way to contact Asuka and Shou and get help!"
"That's great!" said ASV. "How far away is she?"
"That's the thing, she's always changing her address, so it's kind of hard to nail her down to exactly where she is."
"Great…so we're just winging it as usual?" asked ASV.
"Oh no…not again…" said Ryou to himself in panic. "We have to stop…there…"
"There?" asked ASV. "Where's 'there'?"
"Intersection 10…" said Ryou, as the car slowly grinded to a stop as the light ahead of them turned red. "The most accursed intersection in the land…here, many strange and dangerous things cross the road…"
"So?" asked Mobster.
However, it was then that our heroes actually got to see what kind of things cross the road. As peppy, happy kind of music played in the background, random groups of people began to cross the street. First there was a group of people who wore duck costumes, who were skipping merrily, a group of people on unicycles, a guy who was bouncing two steps forward then sneaking one step back before bouncing two steps forward again, women wearing mermaid kinds of dresses with football paint smothered all over their faces, and of course…a bunch of break dancers.
"What? It's just a place where a bunch of freaks cross the road," said Mobster, as a huge procession of the red-clad dubbers walked past.
"No…it gets worse…" said Ryou. Just as the light turned green, and Ryou managed to inch forward about a millimeter, the light turned red again.
"BLAST!" yelled Ryou, as even more freaks began to walk across the road, this time a bunch of people carrying various farm animals, scantily clad women, people carrying signs and wearing shirts with huge red letters that said 'ha ha, we're crossing the road and you aren't!', and mimes.
"Wow, this really brings back memories!" said Fubuki. "Like that one time when Ryou was trying his best to stay cool driving, but then he managed to get to this street, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get past this intersection because the light kept turning red before he could get cross, so his nerves ran down to a thread, and he went completely insane, and went on a homicidal road rage that was so bad, it nearly started the second civil war!"
Silence.
"You know, I think I'll just get out now…" said Double S awkwardly, beginning to un-buckle his seatbelt.
"No one is getting out of this car alive…" said Ryou darkly, in a much more serious voice, in fact, it was even more serious than he usually talked.
"Oh come on, please?" asked Double S sweetly.
"NO FOOL!" yelled Ryou. "I can take this God-forsaken patch of pavement that is Intersection 10 no longer! Every trace of this vile land must be destroyed! EVERY TRACE! And that means, we must destroy ourselves as well! MUA HA HA HA HA!"
"You know, when you think about it, we don't have to destroy ourselves!" said Mobster. "I mean, I'm sure that there are many people who will be willing to do it for us, so maybe if we just wait until-"
"SILENCE ANGLOPHILE!" said Ryou dangerously. "LET'S SEE IF THIS BABY CAN REALLY PULL 140!"
"Oh dear…" said Double S, but that was the last thing that he could say, because suddenly, Ryou used his foot to atomically bind the gas pedal to the floor of the car, and the gang found themselves screaming at the top of their lungs, their bodies beginning to embed themselves in their seats as the car seemed to gain air and fly straight over the small crowd of men who were convinced that they were lizards crawled across, as it landed with the sound of two metric tons worth of force per square inch on the pavement, then partnered with the most high-pitched screeching sound a car tire could make as it was catapulted forward.
"OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" screamed ASV.
"WICKED!" screamed Mobster.
But whatever sound she made afterward was drowned out by the sound of the sonic boom as Ryou weaved crazily on every turn of the intersection, much to the horror of his comrades.
---ooo---
"You fight well Tish," said Ebony Crow, as the two continued to engage themselves in wicked cool karate action in the middle of the gymnasium floor, their shoes squeaking on the smooth, shiny surface. "It's a shame. You would have made an excellent fangirl."
"I wish," said Tish, as a few cowardly kids who wanted the gym just shivered in the corner in horror.
"You chose the wrong school to go to Tish," said Ebony Crow. "Prepare to die!"
She false swiped Tish's head, with the hopes that she would instinctively move back so that she could receive a jab to her stomach. However, Tish instead ducked the punch, and shot out her left leg, spinning around and completely sending Ebony Crow spiraling backward, landing painfully on her back on the ground. She was twitching to much in pain, and she had no will to get up.
"Good game," said Tish, panting slightly from exhaustion, walking up to her defeated opponent. "Now leave me alone, and any other girls in this school, preferably ones with red hair who bounce around a lot and are completely stupid."
"Get…out of here…" said Ebony Crow, struggling to her feet.
"What?" asked Tish.
"I don't care…what happens here," said Ebony Crow, getting to her feet. "I accept defeat…with honor…but the others…"
"So…basically I've just POed a whole fangirl army/lynch mob?" said Tish.
"Yeah, so you better run," said Ebony Crow. "Just get out of here…you're the only one they've targeted who's gotten this far…so get out!"
"Yeesh, alright!" said Tish, running out. "Stupid author, saying this was the last square off, and now this…"
---ooo---
"…and that concludes the presentation of the nameless losers from the Impressionist era," said the narrator, restraining herself once again from screaming at the top of her lungs, leaping over and ripping out the camera man's jugular. "I'm a Nobody, and I WILL AWAIT THE MOMENT I CAN DANCE UPON ALL OF YOUR GRAVES! MUA HA HA HA HA!"
"Wow…that was as boring as the abyss," said Tea.
"THERE YOU GO WITH THAT INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT AGAIN TEA!" said Tristan. "I, for one, thought it was very informative, and I look forward to giving my puzzle to Marik!"
"You don't have a puzzle," said Tea, trying her best to ignore the screaming group of people who were viciously biting and clawing each other to rip off Yugi's puzzle so that they could give it to Marik.
"Wow, due to some freakish coincidence, Marik had a plan that actually worked!" said Odion, watching as Yugi somehow tried to swim through the walls of demanding bodies. "I'll have to e-mail Ripley's Believe it or Not after class. But setting that aside, I better go tell him."
While Yugi still fought through the crowd, Odion slunk over to the exit, and opened the door, peeking his head outside.
"Marik," he whispered, looking up and down the hallway. "I don't know how, but it actually worked! We're going to get the puzzle! Where are you Marik? Uh…Marik?"
---ooo---
"So it's all down to this…" said Marik, smiling evilly as the two were about to finish the game of shadows on the floor of the girls bathroom. "There's only one set of four left. Even better, it's my turn, and there are no cards left in the deck. Okay Joku…do you have any kings?"
"Nope, sorry," said Joku dully.
"WHAT?" yelled Marik. "But-but that's impossible! You can't have no kings! It's the end of the game! You only have one card left in your hand! I have to win! I have too!"
"It's a Jack dude," said Joku, turning his card toward Marik, revealing that it was indeed a Jack. However, before Marik could bark back, his eyes scrolled down to his own hands, and he felt like kicking himself in the head on the smart.
He was so stupid, he mistook the 'J's for 'K's.
"Oh…fudge…" said Marik.
"I once ate a live salamander…and then I ate another two…" said Joku.
Marik's feeble little brain was working at the speed of light trying to figure out a way that he could possibly win this game. He was sweating like a pig from nervousness, knowing that when Joku made the call, it would all be over.
Then he had an idea.
"-and then when I got my bra back, I tried again," said Joku.
"Wait, hang on, can I consider that a forfeit?" asked Marik.
"I once had a bunny…but then I wondered what rabbit tasted like," said Joku.
"HA! LOSER!" said Marik, pointing a triumphant finger at Joku, as the shadows began to close in. "You've lost the shadow game! That means…I WON THE SHADOW GAME! HA HA!"
"I've got two pimples on my butt," said Joku, as the shadows slowly began to eat him away.
"Save your pathetic groveling for one who cares, pansy!" said Marik, picking up his rod from the ground. "Now I have the rod…AND STREET CRED!"
As Marik cackled victoriously, Joku's limp body fell to the floor with a thump as the shadows completely disappeared.
Marik then just gave a little snicker, as he whirled around, still in his pretty blue skirt, and began to sashay out the door. He had almost gotten to the handle when-
"Oh, thank you kind sir!"
"What?" said Marik, whirling around to see Joku up on his feet, this time in a very dignified pose as he pulled out a monocle and put it in his eye.
"Thank you so much my good man," said Joku briskly. "I thought that I was going to be trapped in that awful, souless form for all eternity!"
"What…are you…" said Marik awkwardly.
"You see, quite a few years back, I had lost my soul in a similar game to this one, and it transformed me into a sad little man who gave away embarrassing secrets about his past in a boring monotone!" said Joku, pulling out a handkerchief and dusting off his face. "It turns out that the only way to restore me to normal form was to have another shadow game, and have me lose, so that there would be a reverse effect, and my soul would return to my body! And you did it!"
"Spa…" said Marik.
"Thank you a thousand times over!" said Joku, shaking Marik's hand with delight, "I owe you my eternal gratitude! I wish you good luck and good fortune for all that comes your way!"
"EXCUSE ME!" asked Marik.
"Goodbye old boy!" said Joku promptly, brushing past Marik and opening the door to the girl's bathroom. "Oh, and one more thing."
"What?" asked Marik.
Joku said nothing. He just pulled up his hand, stuck out his thumb and pinky, placed it to his ear, and mouthed 'call me'. Marik just gapped at the strange man, until Joku whirled around and walked right out the door.
---ooo---
Like a briiiiidge oveeeer troubled wateeers…
For some reason, Ryou was stopping for a second on his homicidal road rage, twitching violently, a homicidal yet amused smile on his face, as he breathed violently through his teeth, giggling insanely.
"ASV…" Double S managed to choke out, suddenly amazed that he can hear himself think.
"…yes…" said ASV, replying in a small squeek.
"I can't close my eyes…" said Double S quietly.
"Whoa…my internal organs are where they should be…" said Mobster in relieve.
"LETS GO AGAIN! LETS GO AGAIN!" cheered Fubuki, his hair looking like he placed his head right in front of the exhaust end of a jet engine.
"It isn't destroyed…blast…and we're out of gas too…" said Ryou, the engine heat meter as well as the speedometer now with a huge crack across it, the arrows jammed in the other ends.
"That's probably what that bunch of cops that are coming right at us we're waiting to hear," sad ASV, looking out the rear view window.
"So this is how it ends…" said Double S, as one cop walked up to the shattered window on the drivers side.
"Okay pall, just get out of the car nice and easy-" said the cop uneasily, gun fully drawn out, shuddering in fear.
"I LOOK FOREWARD TO CHEW ON YOUR BONE MARROW, DURGS!" yelled Ryou.
"Let me handle this Ryou," said Fubuki in a calm, almost psychiatrist-like tone of voice, pulling Ryou's hyperventilating body out of the way. "I'll give you two dollars if you say this never happened."
"Get out of the car," said the cop.
"OKAY!" said Fubuki, walking on top of Ryou and jumping out of the car.
"If we get in jail again, it could cause serious problems," said Mobster. "We won't be able to help Asuka! Or get paid!"
"There's nothing left to do Mobster…we're stuck…" said ASV.
---ooo---
Okay, I know that chapter may have not have been all that funny, but this is kind of one of those 'get it done and out of the way' chapters so we can get into the really funny stuff.
Next time, Marik finally gets out of the girl's uniform, we see more evidence that Tea's dimwitted friends are insane, and worst of all, the horror of what can only be described as ML…what is ML you ask? See you next week!