PH34R!
Also, I know this is so late it's not funny, but I've been busy (lazy) so…yeah. Don't worry! You'll still get an update this Friday! I promise!
And Butch kind of reminds me of that duck from 'The Pacifier'.
Chapter Twenty One
M4THL33TZ
In which we learn that yes, Asuka and Shou are still a part of this story
"Odion! Hey Odion! I'm back!" said Marik joyfully, hopping back to the outside of the classroom. "Sorry I'm late, I just had to fight this really creepy kid in the girls bathroom…which I don't really want to talk about. So what happened?"
"Well, the good news is that your plan worked," said Odion.
"YES! WE GOT THE PUZZLE!" said Marik.
"Well…the bad news is that it turns out the kids attention spans weren't that long, so basically…they forgot all about it, and just headed off to class."
Silence.
"WHY AM I SUCH A PATHETIC FAILURE?" said Marik.
"I've wondered that myself," said Odion.
"I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" yelled Marik, punching a wall in pure anger and angst. "I'M A SMEGGIN'LOSER!"
"Marik…calm down…" said Odion.
"WHY DO I HAVE NO TALLENTS?" yelled Marik.
"Marik…this whiny angst thing of yours is really bugging me…" said Odion.
"I HATE MY LIFE!" yelled Marik. "I'm all out of ideas, I still don't have the puzzle, my life stinks, I've got a run in my stockings, and my brain hurts!"
"Well…there's still two whole periods in the day," said Odion. "Maybe all you have to do is just go to a normal class, observe how Yugi usually acts, and a good plan will form itself from there."
"But…I'll screw up again…" said Marik.
"Yes, you will," said Odion. "But what is life if we can't pick ourselves back up after screwing up and move on with our lives?"
"Yeah…YOUR RIGHT! YEAH!" said Marik, suddenly springing up. "I'm going to go and take Yugi's puzzle! I don't care what gets in the way! I will fight until the end! I G0T D3H P0VV4H!"
"Uh…whatever," said Odion, "but for Ra's sake, get out of that stupid girl's uniform."
"FINE!" yelled Marik. "It's a shame…it's so comfy…"
"Whopie…" said Odion.
---ooo---
"You are all under arrest on accounts of reckless driving, attempted road slaughter, disturbing the peace, and being disturbing," said the cops, having thouroughly surrounded the car. "You all have the right to remain silent."
"I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! DO YOU HEAR ME?" yelled Mobster.
"Shut up Mobster," said ASV.
"OKAY!" said Mobster.
"Don't worry guys!" said Fubuki. "No matter what anyone tells us, we're good people. And no matter what happens, good people always win in the end!"
Silence.
"OH WAIT! I forgot this was real life!" said Fubuki. "Never mind!"
"Figures…" muttered ASV.
"My God, I have the worst headache in history," said Ryou.
"You have the right to an attor-" started one of the cops, but then, much to his surprise, a little duck quacked at him and waddled over to the spot where the large cluster of police officers were. "Aw, hey, look at this Jerry. There's a cute little duck!"
"Aw, hey there!" said another one. "What's up little fella? You lost? Oh, you don't have ducklings that are stuck in a storm drain or any-"
"QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
With that, with a scene that looked just like the Killer Rabbit from 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', the duck litteraly jumped in the face of the cop, and began ripping it apart and viciously beating it with it's wings.
"THAT DUCK'S CRAZY!" yelled one of the men.
"GET IT!" yelled another cop, but it turned out that the duck knew how to play a bad game. No matter what came at it, it fought back so violently, the cops swore it had fangs before it beat them senseless with wings, beak, and webbed feet.
"Wow! That's the most violent duck I've ever seen!" cried Double S.
"BUTCH!" yelled Fubuki. "It really is you!"
"The…agony…" said one of the cops, as a dozen of them lay on the ground, their clothes and faces in bloody shreds, as the duck somehow managed to growl menacingly.
"This is our chance! Run!" yelled Ryou, as he took off away from the scene.
"Hey, wait up!" yelled Mobster, running after him.
"BUTCH!" yelled Fubuki joyfully, as the duck affectionately jumped into his outstretched arms. "Oh Butch! You're just too cool!"
"Okay, this is really very touching, but we've gotta get out of here!" yelled ASV. "If we don't, those cops will just-"
But before he could say another word, he turned around to see a shoulder cannon pointed in his face.
"Don't move," said the voice behind it. "Kisa, get them all in the van before they cause a rucus."
"RIGHT!" and before he knew it, everything moved way too fast, and ASV found himself grabbed roughly by the shoulders, dragged to the side, and thrown into a van, with Double S and Fubuki thrown right on top of him. Then, before any of them could say another word, two girls jumped into the front seat and started the car.
"YAY!" yelled Fubuki. "I thought you two guys would show up!"
"SHUT UP!" said a girl with brown hair and huge, swollen blue eyes. "Don't make me break your leg again Fubuki!"
"Everyone, this is Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac," said Fubuki. "And her loyal partner in crime, Kisa Sohma."
"She said shut up stupid!" said the other girl, turning around, revealing that she had short, orange hair, and bright orange eyes.
"Uh…" said ASV, as Double S could only cower in fear.
---ooo---
At first glance, this classroom looks like an ordinary classroom in all respects…idiotic students…an overworked, underpaid, and clinically insane teacher…uh…chalkboards. But this isn't a normal math class. No, indeed, this is the most sinister math class in the world…one that suffers a plague which a majority of society has yet to come to terms with…one that defies authorities and street justice alike…
"You know, when you look at it the right way, the world is one great big tomato…" said Tristan dreamily, as the fab four sat down in there usual spots in Math Class, Tea and Yugi in their seats, Joey and Tristan on the top of the desks.
"Explain?" asked Tea.
"I dunno…they both go well in salads?" said Tristan.
"Who's dumber, Tristan or Joey?" asked Yugi.
"That's a tough call," said Tea, as the two now seemed to be thoroughly occupied with the ceiling lamp.
"Hello mortal bakas," said Marik, walking glumly into the room, wearing a boy's uniform he had for a little while before he dumped it for women's clothing. "I'm hear to learn, not kill you or steal your souls or laugh in your faces or do unkind things while cackling insanely."
"IT'S DOCTOR CRUMPY!" yelled Yugi.
"Oh God, we're still not over that," said Marik, shoving Tristan off of the desk he was sitting on so he can sit down.
"Doesn't he look good for being nearly two hundred Tea?" asked Yugi.
"Why does he look suspiciously like that hyperactive Marika kid?" said Tea.
"Jeez, I can't believe all the phones are dead in the entire East Wing," said Asuka, walking in with Shou. "Not to mention I still can't find the happy chorus…"
---ooo---
"HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, WE'RE HAPPY ALL THE TIME-" sung the happy chorus, who were all stuffed into a garbage dumpster.
---ooo---
"Oh well," said Asuka, picking up the phone in the room off the hook. "Let's see if we can still reach Double S's cell phone…do you have to dial 9 or 99?"
It was Joey who spotted Asuka and Shou in the room, trying to work the telephone. The instant he saw them, he gasped in horror, and with a wicked awesome karate move, he jumped over two desks-
-and landed head first in the solid linoleum floor.
"Joey! What have I told you about trying to be cool?" asked Yugi.
"Oh!" said Tea, seeing Asuka and Shou, and kicking Joey out of the way to walk over to them. "You two have to get out of here now! If you don't, it'll be too late!"
"What do you mean?" asked Shou.
"Don't ask, just get out of here!" said Tea. "You don't understand, there's this group of crazy-"
Suddenly, two huge sheets of metal came down and covered up the two windows at the back of the classroom, like some sort of reaction by a security device.
"Oh no…quick, get out of here now before it's too late!" cried Yugi, as everyone got up (except Joey, who was still face down on the floor) and tried to shove a shocked Asuka and Shou out of the door. "Don't ask questions! You don't have much time before-"
She was interrupted by the sounds of motorcycles engines coming from a distance in the hallway. After managing to get them halfway out of the hallway, the members of the classroom frantically pulled the two back in, just as the three motorcycles zoomed by and screeched to a halt just a few yards away from the room.
"What's going on!" yelled Asuka in horror.
"The worst thing in the world any eighth period math class in this wing has to face!" said Yugi. Frantically closing the door. "For reasons none of us dare to question, this wing's plagued by a bunch of bullies who force us to bend to their will for their own sick amusement!"
"Just bullies?" asked Asuka. "No problem, Shou and I can take them!"
"No! These aren't ordinary bullies! Their the worst, rarest, and most dangerous kind of bullies in the world!" squeeked Yugi. "There…MATH NERDS!"
"Math nerds?" said Alexis. "Oh…you're kidding…"
"These are like no math nerds you've ever seen before!" said Tea. "Everyone's tried to stop them, but-"
BAM
Before she could say another word, the door was kicked right off its hinges by a black, spiky heeled boot, and the entire room went completely silent. With a slow, crisp, pilok…pilok…pilok…a tall woman, wearing a skin tight, black mini skirt, a black cropped top, an unbuttoned, black leather jacket with a huge 'ML' sewn across it in huge, silver letters, jet black hair that went down to her back, tied up in a ponytail, and a pair of pitch black glasses strode to the center of the room. She was followed by two huge, surly looking men, each wearing skin tight black pants, black turtle necks, and jackets identical to that of their leader.
"There…the M4THL33TZ…" said Yugi in a chilling voice.
"There the most dangerous gang of cool math nerds in history!" said Tristan. "That's their leader, Nomi. She's been known to take down full grown men twice her size, come out of any street fight unscathed, and she's could do advanced calculus at sixteen!"
"She doesn't even need to look in the back of the book for those little numbers you have to multiply to find sine, cosine, and tangent!" said Yugi.
"And she knows the thirteen times tables!" said Joey in horror, then falling face first back into the linoleum again.
"And you should see her in a bikini-" said Tristan, before the teacher's desk soared through the air and knocked him unconscious right on top of Joey.
Nomi just brushed off her skirt, giving Asuka and Shou a look over her glasses.
"Huh…so you're the new meat," she said. "Mono, Nomo, strap them down."
"Right!" said the two, walking over to Alexis first. Before they got their hands anywhere near her, she grabbed one of them by the wrist, the one called Mono, and swung him around, throwing him into Nomo, and sending both of them falling to the floor.
"OH PLEASE!" said Alexis, turning to the class. "Has the world gone mad? Have you no pride? Are you going to let three mathematical enthusiasts, three mere mortals, decide your fate and sanity? Are you just going to sit around and do nothing as they toy with your lives as if they were their own?"
"I'm okay with that!" said Shou, staring at Nomi.
"Well no one asked you!" yelled Asuka. "And I really wish you'd stop drooling Shou!"
Then, like chain lighting, Nomi sped over, grabbed Alexis's arm, and before she had a chance to react, twisted it behind her back. Alexis, trying to twist out of her grip, found that this girl was stronger than her, and with a powerful heave, Nomi threw her over, causing her to land on her stomach on the ground.
"May that be a lesson to all of you," said Nomi. "I can't stand people who underestimate our kind. We aren't like the normal nerds that run through your pathetic minds."
"I think it's time we give you little rebels a quick taste of just what happens when you mess with the M4THL33TZ," said Mono.
"I agree," said Nomi. "Nomo, get out the DVD player."
---ooo---
Ryou couldn't run anymore. He was about to pass out right on the streets from the sheer adrenaline exhaustion he know felt after being caught in a breakout, a police chase, and a runaway effort.
"Hey fatso! Slow down!" said Mobster angrily, rushing to catch up with poor Ryou, who was now holding himself against a telephone pole to support himself. "Yeesh! What do you think this is, Chariots of Fire?"
"At least we've…managed to get away," panted Ryou. "Now we just need somewhere we can hang low…until we can figure out some way…to call Asuka."
"I suppose this is a bad time to say I have a cell phone too, isn't it?" said Mobster.
Silence.
"You cannot fathom the burning hatred I have for you and your entire existence right now," said Ryou.
"Hey, where's Fubuki and the others?" asked Mobster, looking behind her.
"You don't know?" asked Ryou.
"I'm the type who runs head down and full speed," said Mobster.
"Your just a lawsuit waiting to happen, aren't you?" asked Ryou. "If we don't go back, they could get in serious trouble, but if we do go back, we risk getting caught again."
"WELL DUH CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!" said Mobster.
"You know, it wouldn't take much to shove your flimsy body in front of the nearest passing car," said Ryou. "Okay, I've just got to think this through for a moment…there's a way we can all come out happy, I just need to find it-"
Kachack!
"You two ain't goin' nowhere," said a tall kid with orange hair, holding a huge axe that had 'Axe of Insanity' printed on the handle, pointing it dangerously close to Ryou's face, as Mobster felt a plasma cannon being stuck in her back, which was being held by a silvery-purple tall boy with extremely pretty eyes.
"Well, at least they aren't policemen!" said Mobster.
"Yeah, they're just homicidal maniacs, nothing to worry about," said Ryou, as the orange haired kid danced the axe a little closer to Ryou's face.
"Wow! You really are stupid!" said Mobster.
"No, just sarcastic," said Ryou acidly.
"No, I assure you, you're stupid," said Mobster.
"OH SHUT UP!" he yelled.
---ooo---
"The Sohma Boiz?" echoed Double S.
"Yep, our rival gang," said Tohru, as she continued to drive so fast that no one seemed to notice they had just gone over ten speed bumps. "They've been on me and Kisa's trail ever since we stopped being overly sweet girls with no sense of assertiveness who wore nothing but tiny skirts."
"Well, we still wear tiny skirts, but that's beside the point," said Kisa.
"Oh," said ASV.
"You see, we did used to be those wussy kind of girls, but you know what? We got sick of it. Fast," said Tohru. "So I decided to become a homicidal maniac and…Kisa did likewise, not liking the prospect of spending the rest of her life with an annoying little jerk called Hiro, continuing the horrible line of inbreeds."
"But again, beside the point," said Kisa.
"But the problem is that the Sohma's don't want us cramping up their street cred," said Tohru. "So they've sent the most dangerous and popular of their hit men to hunt us down and turn us back into wussy school girls."
"THAT'S HORRIBLE!" yelled Fubuki.
"Then in that case, just get us as close to Domino High School as you can, and we'll get out of your way," said ASV.
"Sorry," said Tohru. "The Sohma's have eyes all over the city. I'm sorry, well no I'm not, but your stuck in this with us."
Silence.
"Oh, and another thing," said Kisa. "There's a good chance that about half of us will die, and it'll probably the more pathetic half, so…well, no I'm not sorry about that either."
Silence.
"I WANNA GO HOME!" screamed Double S.
"Hey, isn't half of five, like, two and a half?" said Fubuki. "How can you have half a person?"
"Good point," said Tohru.
---ooo---
"Ow…" said Fubuki, sitting at a bus stop bench, covered in red marks, as Butch quacked angrily on top of him.
---ooo---
"You know, you didn't need to beat him up before you threw him out the window," said ASV.
"I know…" said Tohru.
---ooo---
"OH NO AII!" said a random, huge eyed girl on the television screen. "If we don't stop the Heartless Pink Dragon, we'll never be able to save the King of the Forest Nymphs!"
"Don't worry Toki!" said another one. "AII NASAKI TRANSFORM TO-"
Fwoomp!
Everyone was shuddering in their chairs, their eyes bugging out of their skulls, none of them being able to take the horrible mental trauma of an incredibly bad Magical Girl anime.
"And if you try anything cute, we'll show you another two minutes of 'Neko-Neko Aii-Chan," said Nomi dangerous, holding the DVD player control in her hand. "Now then, I think we won't have much trouble with any of you, so let's go easy. Today, I'm thinking of…BASIC THEORY IN PRE-CALC!"
Everyone looked even more horrified now, as Nomi's drones began scribbling complex formulas on the board that were so bad, they could make most college professors cry.
"You, freaky kid with the pointy head," said Nomi, as Tristan let out a cry of horror. "What postulate states that the value of y is directly proportional to the square root of m?"
"Uh…uh…" faltered Tristan in horror.
"Time's up!" said Nomi, whipping out a ruler and throwing it as fast as she could at Tristan, which buried itself deep in his forehead, sending him falling backwards in his chair, much to the amusement of Nomo and Mono.
"Shou, what can we do?" asked Asuka. "I don't think either of us can best these two at any fight, and we left all of our firearms outside! We're trapped!"
"We can only hope that some force of good in the math world will come to save us, one who can beat these math enthusiasts at their own game!" said Shou, with sparkles in his eyes.
"Well…I think that's all we can do," said Asuka. "But everything that's happened today has made about as much sense as expected, so let's give it a try."
---ooo---
Fubuki was sitting on the bus stop bench, happily munching on a huge pack of cookies that he just remembered he was saving for later that day, while Butch happily quacked by his side. Sitting next to him was, what appeared to be, a huge teddy bear waiting for a bus, who sat down a few minutes ago.
For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of Fubuki crunching on the crumbly goodness.
"Fubuki…can I have a cookie?" asked the teddy bear.
"Sure Fred," said Fubuki, holding out the bag of cookies.
---ooo---
I once watched a girl's anime called 'Petite Princess Yucie'. I only managed to survive ten minutes of it.
Next time, a square off between Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac and the Sohma Boiz, the L33T return of both Asuka and Seta, and...a force for good in the math world? Can it be true? See you Friday!