My brain hurts!

Okay, moving on…YAY! Welcome to the second update this week! THANK YOU WINTER BREAK!

Also, I sort of made mad a promise to myself not to drag anymore GX characters into this, but this one just had to come in. There was no way out. Don't worry though, he's more of a hit-and-run kind of character, unlike the others, which I couldn't make go away if I tried.

Oh yeah, and just in case any of you are wondering, Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac was a spin off I once did of the manga 'Fruits Basket' (which I'm a fan of), as well as Kisa, Yuki, and Kyo.

Chapter Twenty Two

LUCKY NUMBERS

In which Seto is finally set free

Tish tried her best to get out of the school, but to her horror, there seemed to be no way out. All of the gates lining the grounds were locked, and it was by some sort of lock that required a key card, so there was no way she could get out by unlocking it from the inside. She attempted to scale the wall, only to discover that the top was electrified.

"OH CRIPES!" said Tish. "What is this place? A PRISON?"

"No…the fangirls managed to install it at the last minute once they heard you coming…they're tricky, those fangirls…" said the Goth Chick behind Tish.

"AH! Who are you?" asked Tish.

"For now, that doesn't matter," said the Goth Girl. "What does matter is that if you don't find a way to get out of the school quickly, the fangirls will kill you."

"Wow! You're sure up to date with everything, aren't you?" said Tish sarcastically.

"Hm…" said the Goth Chick. "This may be difficult…difficult indeed…"

"Okay, are you going to help out, or are you going to do commentary?" asked Tish, trying to see if there was a way to deactivate the electric fence.

"I say your best bet is finding the nearest homicidal robot, and have her bail you out of trouble," said the Goth Chick. "Okay…goodbye then."

"Hey, wai-" started Tish, but when she turned around, Goth Chick was gone.

---ooo---

"You fools!" said Nomi angrily. "Don't tell me that none of you know pi up to the fiftieth digit!"

Everyone in class was either sobbing, looking pathetic, had various mathematical utensils stuck out of random parts of their body, or unconscious.

"That's it…I'm sick of all of this beating around the bush," said Nomi. "We're going to skip straight over this namby-pamby stuff and go straight into…STATEMENT PROOFS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed everyone.

"Odion…make it stop…my brain hurts…I think it's going to explode!" said Marik in pain, gripping his head.

"Come on Marik, we've got to beat this," said Odion. "It's only one class. We can survive one class! Think of all the things that wait for us! We have our whole lives ahead of us! Don't give in now!"

"But…but…I keep mixing up converse and inverse!" said Marik. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I'M ENDING IT NOW!"

"NO! MARIK! HIDE THE PROTRACTORS!" screamed Odion, trying to stop Marik from stabbing himself with a pencil.

Joey was staring blankly at the meaningless jibber that was now wall-to-wall across the blackboard in front of him, a look of pure disgust, or stupidity, on his face. However, just as the greatest minds have been inspired by nothing at all, Joey, a great shock to everyone, had his annual idea.

"Um, Nomi, may I be excused to go to the bathroom?" asked Joey, raising his hand.

"No," said Nomi.

"It's an emergency," said Joey.

"I don't care, sit down," said Nomi.

"Really…I need to empty both tanks," said Joey.

"I would really prefer that you keep your bodily functions to yourself," said Nomi. "You should have gone on your break, now sit down."

"Aw, come on lady!" said Joey. "Unless you want to be slippin' on the floor for the rest of the period!"

"I'll call in a janitor," said Nomi.

"I'll pass out!" yelled Joey.

"Good," said Nomi.

"LOOK! A MONKEY!" yelled Joey.

"I'm not dumb enough to fall for that," said Nomi.

"MONKEY!" yelled Shou, looking toward where Joey was pointing. "Aw…it left…"

"PEN CLICKING!" yelled Joey, whipping out a pen, and clicking the retractable push button over and over again on the end.

"FINE! You have two minutes. Go," said Nomi, as Joey eagerly rushed out of the room.

"Shou, I don't think any of us can take this much longer!" said Asuka. "I think it's time we gather up the rest of our strength, and fight to the death if necessary!"

"Well, compared to another half hour of this, death is looking pretty good right now," said Shou admittedly. "Alright! It's time to get cool!"

"Shou! No! Remember what happened the last time you tried to be cool?" cried Asuka in horror.

"ALRIGHT NOMI YOU FILTH!" yelled Shou. "You have oppressed this classroom long enough with huge words we can't understand, absolute gibberish that you scratch on the board that we have to copy down, and your ability to turn any mathematical utensil into a weapon capable of bodily harm!"

"I still can't get this ruler out of my hair," said Tristan, once again attempting to tug it out.

"THEN FEEL THE FIRE OF MY LAST MOMENTS ALIVE, AND LET IT BURN, YES BURN YOU WITH THE SEARING HEAT OF JUSTICE!" screamed Shou, tearing off his jacket, as huge flames began to wreath around his body, and whipped out a wicked cool black bandana and put it on for dramatic effect, . "RAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

BAM!

He received a kick in a very uncomfortable spot from Mono.

"I'll be good…" he said in a very high pitched voice, sinking to the floor.

"Looks like it's up to me then," said Asuka. "Alright…I may die on broken linoleum, and have my carcass rot under faulty florescent lighting, but so be it!"

"How dare you defy me?" said Nomi, flinging a piece of chalk over her shoulder. "That's it hon. you're going to get a compass where the sun don't shine-"

Suddenly, the sound of another motorcycle entered Nomi's ears, and she wheeled around to hear where it came from. Suddenly, veering down the hallways, another motorcycle did come, except the rider didn't bother parking it outside. Instead, he just zoomed right into the room, veering on his side until the motorcycle came to a halt.

"I can't believe it…he dares to show his face in front of me…" said Nomi, dropping the compass on the ground like a stone. "Such insolence…I will not tolerate.

"I see you haven't changed a bit Nomi…" said the rider, pulling off his helmet, to reveal-

"You have no right to talk…Misawa…" said Nomi darkly, not noticing that Tristan was sneaking out of the room.

---ooo---

"So you're after this…Tohru Honda?" asked Mobster, as she and Ryou sat in the back of the Sohma Boiz car.

"That's right," said the kid with silvery-purlple hair, who's name was Yuki. "Tohru Honda's been getting way too cocky. It's about time the Sohma Boiz drag her down-OH WHAT THE HECK! WHERE DO YOU THINK WE'RE GOING?"

"WHAT!" yelled the orange haired kid, named Kyo. "We're heading to 32nd, right? So you have to take a left at Maverly!"

"You don't take a left at Maverly stupid!" said Yuki. "You take a left at Newport and you take a right at Maverly!"

"WE SO TAKE A LEFT AT MAVERLY YOU SMART-ARSE RAT!" yelled Kyo. "If we take a right at Maverly, we'll be on Baker, then we have to take another two rights to-"

"WHY THE HECK ARE YOU ON THE LEFT LANE!" yelled Yuki. "Okay, that's it, I'm getting the map right now, and-"

"Okay, just how do we play into this?" said Mobster.

"You're hostages r-HOW MANY KETCHUP PACKS DO YOU STUFF IN THIS THING?" yelled Yuki angrily, digging through the glove compartment.

"Why?" asked Ryou.

"Well…basically, your hostages," said Kyo. "HA! LOOK! NEWPORT! I WAS RIGHT!"

"WHAT? We're hostages!" yelled Ryou.

"Stop crying piggo," said Yuki.

"I'm really getting tired of this fat joke!" yelled Ryou angrily.

"Jeez! What the heck is with this intersection?" said Kyo angrily, as a bunch of gym teachers wearing mini dresses bounced by it.

"So…we meet again…" said Ryou darkly, as Mobster looked at the sign, to realize in horror that this was…Intersection Ten.

"IT MUST DIE!" screamed Ryou.

"NO!" screamed Mobster, clamping a hand over his mouth, watching the horror of all the bizarre people that seemed to cross the road.

"OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" yelled Kyo at the pantomime animals walking past. "HURRY UP ALREADY!"

"Don't be so spazzy, we've got time," said Yuki.

"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION YOU STUPID RAT!" yelled Kyo.

"I didn't ask for you to drive, stupid cat," said Yuki.

"DROP DEAD!" yelled Kyo.

"If it comes to that, I intend to take you down with me," said Yuki.

That's when Mobster got a very sneaky idea. Trying her best to be silent, she quietly unbuckled her seatbelt, and while the two continued to argue, opened her car door, and dragged out Ryou, who was still twitching pretty violently.

"-YOUR BOXER SHORTS ON THE FLAGPOLE!" yelled Kyo. "And another thing, how come your have no pupils? DO YOU KNOW HOW FRICKIN' CREEPY THAT IS?"

"Do you know how creepy it is that your eyes are the same color as your hair?" said Yuki.

"AS IF YOU SHOULD TALK!" yelled Kyo. "At least I don't look like I'm in love with men!"

"At least I don't get beaten up on a regular basis," said Yuki.

"At least I'm not a rat, rat!" yelled Kyo.

"They've ran away," said Yuki.

"And I've never cross dressed, unlike-what?" said Kyo.

"They ran away," said Yuki, as now some drunk Steelers fans were crossing the road. "I told you to order a car with child-proof locks you idiot!"

"Well I asked you to shut up and die, and you sure didn't take me up on that offer!" yelled Kyo.

"You stupid cat," said Yuki.

"YOU BLEEPIN BLEEP BLEEP-"

Etc., etc…

---ooo---

"-extreme bodily harm is heading you way, as well as sever emotional and spiritual trauma," said Fubuki, reading the paper. "A myth shall arouse that your bones will be a cure for most ailments, so an angry mob of townspeople were hunt you down, gut you, take out your bones, and leave your carcass to the buzzards. You remains shall then be defiled by school children, who will kick you around and laugh at you, crack open your skull, dish out your brains, and turn your head into a serving bowl for dinner mints. Lucky numbers are 4, 5, 34, and 104,820,485."

"Bumber," said the teddy bear.

"OH WAIT! I'm a Capricorn!" said Fubuki, flipping through the pages. "Okay, uh…you will be abducted by aliens, followed by a visit from a celestial being. You will friend will then dress like a lady. Lucky numbers are the square root of 428, 7, 9.124, and orange."

"Perhaps that would explain the huge alien space ship that's been hovering approximately seven hundred feet above our heads for the past half hour," said the teddy bear, looking up to see the whirling and blinking flying saucer.

"Oh please!" said Fubuki. "Everyone knows that flying saucers, aliens, and politicians don't exist. They are mere figments of my deranged little mind."

That's when a teleportation beam zapped him and Butch.

"Ooh, warm spot," said the Teddy, scooching over to Fubuki's spot.

---ooo---

"SETA-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

BAM!

"SETA-SAN, WHERE ARE YOU?"

BAM!"

Our favorite flawed robot, Azusa, was literally ripping the entire hallway apart, once again, because Seta had mysteriously gone missing. She continued to look in every nook and cranny for her, as ripped up lockers, water fountains, and beaten up kids lay in a destructive path behind her.

"No Seta-san…no Nii-san…I'm so lonely!" said Azusa, throwing down a cafeteria table that she had just looked under that was about as big as her. "I wish that I had a friend to play with!"

"OH MY GOD, I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!" yelled Tish, running through the hallway. "This entire school is driving me insane! Now I remember why I was so happy to finally get out!"

"HI!" said Azusa, bouncing over to Tish, who was desperately trying to find some way out of the school that she was trapped in. "My name is Azusa-chan! What's yours?"

"Sorry, can't talk, I'm kind of in crisis mode," said Tish, trying to open a window to try to jump out of so fast that she'd surpass the fence. However, it turned out that it was nailed shut.

"Have you seen a girl who looks really tall, has big, blue eyes-" started Azusa.

"Look, I don't have time, okay?" said Tish, pulling out a coil of rope.

"But it's really important!" said Azusa. "My best friend's disappeared, and my Nii-san is still missing, and-"

But Tish just turned around and ran down the hallway, not listening to a single word that Azusa said.

And we all know what happens when Azusa is ignored.

"YOU'RE SO MEAN!" yelled Azusa, having no access to either desks or waterfountains, considering she had already ripped all of them out of the wall and/or destroyed them, she grabbed the next best thing-a door out of the wall.

RIP!

Consequently, it was the exact same door that belonged to the janitors closet that Seto had been locked in, causing him to fall out and land hard on the floor.

"NII-SAN!" cried Azusa, picking up Seto, and shaking him. "OH NII-SAN! I WAS SO WORRIED! I'M SO SORRY! I KNOW THAT YOU'RE REALLY MAD AT ME, AND I'M SORRY I BEAT YOU UP! I MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISED YOOOOOOOOU!"

"I think I slipped a disk…" said Seto.

"PLEASE FORGIVE ME NII-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" yelled Azusa sadly, now shaking Seto so violently that he was afraid that his neck was going to snap in two.

"No…I'm the one…who should be sorry…" said Seto. "Please…don't shake me again…"

"NII-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" yelled Azusa, squeezing Seto so much that she cracked a few of his ribs. "I'm sorry Nii-san! I'll talk to later, but now I really have to beat someone up for being rude!"

"Better them than me…" said Seto.

"Can I use this?" asked Azusa, grabbing the door on the floor and running off, as Seto was happily gasping in oxygen that he nearly ran out of in the closet.

---ooo---

"Friends?" asked Seta, swearing she heard Azusa as she bounced over the remains of the ten thousand pink robots she just destroyed.

---ooo---

"HA! We should have thought of this sooner Tristan!" said Joey, as the two hid out in the boys bathroom. "All we have to do is hang out here until the end of class, then we won't have to deal with that crazy math nerd chick and her two drones!"

"Yeah! No one's stupid enough to think that we wouldn't do something as stupid as this to kill time!" said Tristan. "We're golden!"

"I don't know what's more satisfying," said Nomo, walking into the room with a tape recorder in his hand. "Whether I just caught you both, or whether I got every single word you said on tape!"

"You didn't tape the part about-" Joey started.

"Well I have two full trunks of Beanie Babies Tristan!" Nomo made Joey's tape recorder say.

"YOU SICK MAN!" said Joey.

"That's it!" said Tristan. "You can't take either of us alive, because we're wicked tough macho men, and we can beat you up any day of the week! Besides, it's two against one!"

"Are you kidding?" asked Nomo. "There isn't a single macho thing about you! I've seen more acts of masculinity in Martha Stewart Living!"

"Oh please," said Joey. "Have you won every street fight that you've been in?"

"Yes," said Nomo.

"Well have you saved someone from a burning building?" asked Joey.

"Seven times," said Nomo.

"Uh…well have you always made it to the finals of every single card tournament ever, despite a low brain capacity and attention span?" asked Joey.

"Yes," said Nomo.

"Well…do you bench press three times your body weight?" asked Joey.

"Four times," said Nomo.

"Well have you watched every Super Bowl game?" asked Joey.

"Pre-season through, and I have them all on tape," said Nomo.

"Well have you ever…won the finals of the men's pro wrestling league?"

"Seven times, and the women's pro-wrestling four," said Nomo, pulling out a huge, championship belt.

"Well…uh, do you have an Olympic Gold medal?" asked Joey.

"Discus, summer games, 1988," said Nomo, holding up a medal that he had under his shirt.

"I think he's got us Joe," said Tristan.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET US ALIVE COPPA!" yelled Joey, breaking into a run to try to body slam Nomo, thus giving him and Tristan a chance to escape. However, seeing Joey charge, Nomo merely moved aside, and grabbed Joey's underwear, thus making Joey give himself the worst wedgie he'd had since the fourth grade 'pink nail polish' incident.

There was silence.

"I SURRENDER!" Tristan yelled.

---ooo---

"Okay…we lost them…" said Ryou, as both he and Mobster stopped running, both sitting on a street corner. "Okay, now all we have to do is find Fubuki and the others, and we're good."

"What about the police?" asked Mobster. "If they find us, we're done for! Then we'll just have to start from square one!"

"Good point…" said Ryou. "In that case, we should probably get out of the open and try to get to a phone. Oh, no good, I forgot Asuka's number. We're stuck."

"Don't worry! I'll communicate via telekinesis!" said Mobster, pressing her two pointer fingers to the sides of her head, a very strained look on her face.

"Telekinesis' is the power to move objects with your mind, telepathy is communication through brainwaves!" said Ryou.

"And pinapples aren't really apples!" said Mobster. "And everyone knows that even though bow and bough sound similar, they have differenet spellings, an thus, different meanings that need to be analized by the content of the phrase by which they are used in!"

"…yes…" said Ryou.

"SEE! I'm smarter than you are! I'm smarter than you are!" sung Mobster.

"What?" asked Ryou.

"Yes!" Mobster.

"You're making no sense!" said Ryou.

"ALRIGHT! That's a confession!" said a uniformed officer, carrying a huge net slung over his shoulder. "You two are sitting in a no senseless dialog zone! Let me see your license!"

"Oh…hang on," said Ryou, pulling out his wallet.

"NO YOU TWIT!" yelled the man, slapping Ryou across the back of his head. "Show me your license!"

"I'm getting my license!" yelled Ryou.

"Don't you play cute with me!" said the uniformed officer. "I hate it when people play cute! IT MAKES ME SICK!"

"I'm cute!" said Mobster.

"Shut up!" said the officer, slapping Ryou again. "And where's your license?"

"I don't have one! I'm only twelve!" said Mobster.

"WHAT'S THAT! AN EXCUSE?" yelled the officer. "I hate excuses more than I hate people playing cute! I also hate it when no matter how early you go, you can never get a decent parking spot at the union! And I also hate it when your doing something really important online and…OH! Brainfreeze! I really hate brainfreeze!"

"Alright! There's senseless dialog being committed in this area!" said another officer, appearing on the scene. "That's it! I'll have a word about this later with you Morey. Now, where are your licenses?"

"Well if you just let me get out my wallet then maybe-" started Ryou.

"HOLY CRIPES! You don't even have collars!" said the second officer.

"Excuse me?" asked Mobster.

"No collars, no licenses, senseless dialog! You people are hard core delinquents!" said the first officer. "RIGHT! That's it! Get in the van, both of you!"

"What the…" said Ryou, as an SPCA van drove up next to the scene.

"You can't take us to the pound!" yelled Mobster. "Pounds only accept dogs and cats!"

"We've had a recent surge in budget, now they let us take in upper primates," said the first officer.

"Enough of your chit-chat!" said the second. "Get in, both of you! You're going downtown!"

---ooo---

Next week, Misawa VS Nomi, Sohma Boiz VS Tohru Honda and Kisa, and close encounters of the stupid kind! See ya!