INSERT WITTY OPPENING COMMENT HERE
Herro! Me again!
Hey, just in case any of you are wondering, Misawa is, of course, Sebastian 'Bastian' Misawa (I'm really scratching my head on that one).
Yeah, I am so busy (again), so busy that I'm really having to crunch time to finish up the chapters. However, I will try my best to keep them up and running. But just a warning, if I miss an update, it isn't because I pulled the plug on the story or died. It's because I'm wearing my behind raw.
This has kind of been at the back of my head for awhile now, but someone pointed out that even though he's in the title, Marik is starting to show up less and less in this story. Ah…it's true! But I plan to show a lot more of him in later chapters, as we get closer to the end.
That's another thing…WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO THE END OF THE STORY AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR THE NEXT ONE! So basically…Shri's in mental crisis mode. Oh well…
Chapter Twenty Three
WOOT! RIOT!
In which Joey swing from a floresent light
"Okay Odion, our plan is thus," said Marik, drawing a lot of Xs, Os, and stick figures all over his math notebook. "While those two turbo nerds square off, we make our daring escape! When the yelling really begins, I'll cause some sort of distraction. I'm leaning toward exploding but…"
"Marik, you realize we can just sneak out the door right now when they're talking, right?" said Odion.
"Shut up!" said Marik. "Okay, making something explode, how are we going to pull that…Odion, what can we cause to explode in a way that nobody will notice us doing it?"
Silence.
"You really don't have a clue, do you?" asked Odion.
"SHUT UP!" said Marik, frantically scribbling on his paper again. "Grr…stupid Odion, stupid math…stupid people…stupid math nerds…"
"And we still haven't really had any true inspiration on how we can steal Yugi's puzzle yet," said Odion. "Well, snatching it while Yugi was distracted nearly worked last time-"
"ODION! THAT'S IT!" screamed Marik at the very top of his lungs. "WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE? ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS STEAL THE SMEGGIN' PUZZLE AND RUN OFF! IT'S BRILLIANT! BLOODY BRILLIANT!"
Everyone in the room now looked right at him.
"As usual, you take a good, simple plan, and you completely screw it up," said Odion.
"I DO NOT!" yelled Marik again. "At least we didn't tell them about the part when I was going to try to create a distraction by blowing something up and-oh, Ra, I just did. Sorry!"
"WHY DOES IT SEEM THAT THE GODS ARE AGAINST ME?" yelled Odion.
---ooo---
"Okay…stuck in a pound…this is new…" said Ryou, as he and Mobster sat in a cage, as all around them they heard the sound of dogs barking like mad.
"Yeah, I mean getting stuck in jail's typical, but this is really broadening our horizons," said Mobster, holding one of the dog dishes in her hand. "Hey, I'll eat this whole thing right now for five bucks!"
"Okay…I just need some peace and quiet to think…a little peace and quiet…" said Ryou.
"Was that directed at me?" asked Mobster.
"Partially," said Ryou.
"So I can partially talk?" asked Mobster.
"You can do anything you want, but I would prefer to have some quiet so I can think of a way out of here," said Ryou. "Alright, we would need another distraction, but to do that, we'd need some outside help, and no one knows that we're stuck here-"
"I'm bored!" yelled Mobster.
"And I'm just barely hanging on at the edge of my seat," said Ryou. "If only we had some way to get a hold of someone, but-"
"What are you doing that's so interesting then?" asked Mobster.
"I was being sarcastic," said Ryou.
"So it's fun to be sarcastic?" asked Mobster.
"No, it's not," said Ryou.
"So it's not fun to be sarcastic," said Mobster.
"It's not really fun, but it's not really not fun," said Ryou. "It's more for the sake of wit and for the speakers own brief amusement."
"So it is fun to be sarcastic!" said Mobster.
"That's not the point you hyperactive, deranged, sick little British-obsessed pre-teen," said Ryou. "The point is that we are stuck in a pound, and either I find a way to contact the outside world or bail us out, or we're going to be stuck here until the police come and drag us back to prison."
"OH! Let me try to be sarcastic!" said Mobster. "You are like, so thin!"
Silence.
"My God, you and Fubuki are two of a kind, aren't you?" said Ryou. "Your poor teammates…I can't imagine their psychotherapy bills…"
---ooo---
Speaking of Fubuki…
"I am telling you, it's salmon!" said one of the alien warriors from Planet Nor of the Arterial Galaxy that we had brief reference to back in chapter two and an even briefer reference in chapter sixteen, as he and some of his crewmates were observing some photos of the school parking lot.
"It's too gray to be salmon! It's more of an ashy pink!" said the other one.
Suddenly, on the teleportation pad, Fubuki materialized, still holding Butch, the deranged, homicidal duck.
"Alright, we've teleported the life form," said the head alien. "Earth Creature of the current dominant species, do you have a sense of individual identity, or can we give you a really stupid name to refer you by?"
Silence.
"DO…YOU…SPEAK…ENGLISH?" asked one of the alien.
"Maybe he's of a different sub group…whatdaya call it…nationatlity?" asked one of the aliens.
"DUDE! I've been abducted!" said Fubuki.
"This earth creature seems slow on the uptake," said one of the aliens.
"Earth creature, do you have what you commonly refer to as a name?" asked one of the aliens in a slow, clear voice.
"I'M FUBUKI!" said Fubuki. "F IS FOR FUBUKI, WHICH IS WHAT MY NAME IS, I COULD SAY T'S FOR-"
"Okay, that's…idiotic," said the alien leader. "Okay earth creature, we are simply going to ask you a few questions to determine just how advanced your race is. Now then, has you species managed to solve and prevent any kind of disease no matter how fast a new one is created?"
"NO!" said Fubuki.
"Have you found a way to create power in ways besides using flimsy natural resources?" asked the head alien.
"Uh…nope," said Fubuki.
"Have you discovered the secret to perpetual motion?" asked the head alien.
"IS THAT LIKE THOSE LITTLE BALLS YOU BANG TOGETHER?" asked Fubuki.
"…have you found a way to feed all members of your population of species?" asked the alien.
"I love those bally things!" said Fubuki.
"Okay then," said the aliens. "If your species is so advanced, than what accomplishments do you have?"
"PLASTIC SURGERY, WEASEL-LIKE POLITICIANS, WARS, AND PRIME TIME TELEVISION!" said Fubuki.
Silence.
"Alright, I've seen enough," said the head alien. "We've gathered enough field data. We've come in enough contact with the locals. This planet is so close, so close, to be going on it's way to become a truly advanced planet, but now, they've wrapped themselves around wars, violence, and amateur pantomime."
"Yeah, they haven't even gotten over the whole stupid 'war' thing!" said one of the aliens.
"And they have awful customer service!" said another.
"Alright dim witted creature self proclaimed 'Fubuki'," said one of the aliens, handing Fubuki a huge back and an envelope sealed with an odd sort of green lump. "Please give this to your main political and economic leaders, a sum of rare Norian gems worth about sixty billion earth dollars a lump, and this letter expressing any sorrow for the inconvenience of enslaving your entire planet for farmland for producing cash crops."
"RIGHTO SKIPPER!" said Fubuki, saluting.
"Uh…great," said the alien. "Okay then, have fun delivering the message of your global enslavement."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" said Fubuki, as he was beamed down by the ships teleportation thingy.
---ooo---
"Niiiiiiiiice warm spot…" said the huge teddy bear, as at that moment, Fubuki was beamed down right next to him from the alien space ship with a flash of green, as his atoms slowly arranged in his shape. "Oh, hey Fubuki, what's up?"
"I gotta go to the UN and tell them that our planet is enslaved carrying this huge sack of really valuable rocks," said Fubuki.
"Bummer dude," said the teddy bear.
"Yeah, well, I probably should head to the air port to get a plane ticket, and-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! CANDY STORE!" said Fubuki, suddenly spying such a store. "Hey, want some Blowpops? I'm buying."
"Sweet," said the teddy bear, as the two began to head off toward the purveyor of fine dental bills.
----ooo---
"HI! I'm Cheryl, and I have nothing to do with the storyline!" screamed a girl in front of the screen. "I paid Shri ten bucks to be here so I could have fifty whole words to say in this fanfic! Now I should probably say something cool… I've got it-"
Your fifty world limit has expired! Have a nice day!
---ooo---
"So you came crawling back to us, just as I thought," Nomi, glaring at Misawa right in the eye. "The revolution is already one Misawa. There's nothing you can do. Others are slowly beginning to realize our cause. Your morality shall abandon you in the end."
"You really amuse me Nomi," said Misawa. "But I must point out that you still are technically on the run, and that now you've officially crossed the border to fugitive. You must have violated ten codes by bringing a motorcycle into this building, and another fifteen for dressing like a-"
"I don't have time for your trash!" said Nomi. "You never saw any meaning to our cause! You didn't see just how amusing it was to take the masses, the ones who have long mocked us, and force them to play our game!"
"Boy, someone doesn't bear a grudge," said Asuka.
"SILENCE YOU!" said Nomi. "And you Misawa! You shouldn't be saying anything! You claim to love math, but you're just a coward! You're not a true math nerd, like we are!"
"Here's our chance Odion!" said Marik, cackling evily. "Time to spring our plan into action! Create the distraction Odion!"
"Which is?" said Marik.
"HEY! It was your job to think that part up!" said Marik.
"No it wasn't," said Odion.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Marik.
"Oh God, if your going to plot an escape, at least do it so at least a few people can't hear you," said Asuka.
"YOU TOO!" yelled Marik. "I WANT EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS ROOM TO SHUT UP!"
Everyone went silent for a second.
"Thank you!" said Marik.
"I brought back the idiots," said Nomo, carrying Joey and Tristan back in, both hanging by their underwear.
"See Misawa?" said Nomi, walking over to Tristan and Joey, who both looked like they were going to burst into sobs of pain at any minute. "This is the excuses that are the enemies of all nerds. Loser…pathetic losers…and yet they mock us! They vote us really unkind positions in the yearbook! They are the ones who laugh at us EVERY SMEGGING VALENTINES DAY AND DANCE OF THE YEAR!"
"Bitter," said Shou. "Very hot, but very bitter…"
"AND YOU CAN SHUT UP TOO!" yelled Nomi.
"NO, YOU SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO PLOT!" yelled Marik.
"YOUR PLOTS AREN'T WORTH TRASH!" yelled Nomi.
"THEY ARE TOO WORTH TRASH!" yelled Marik.
"I've had enough of this banter!" yelled Nomi. "Look Misawa, I'll give you one last chance to join our cause, and if you take it, then whoopee for you. If you don't…then things will get nasty…"
"I will never join your cause Nomi," said Misawa. "I love math…if math was a girl I would date her…if math was a type of pasta, I'd have it every night…"
"Not so hot on English though I see," said Asuka.
"However, I will never stoop down to this level! I will purposely humiliate the masses in the name of Math!" yelled Misawa passionately, as he was suddenly immersed in a super-sparkly spotlight thing. "Is this how you want history to remember math fanatics? Do you want the generations to see us as heartless fiends who destroy in order to create? DO YOU WANT OUR CHILDREN TO FOREVER WALK IN SHAME OF THEIR FOREFATHER'S MISDEEDS?"
"I stand corrected," said Asuka.
"That's very cute, but you forget that I have a whole classroom of students hostage, not to mention I have two soulless drones that, other then names, own no identity or personality."
"That's not true!" yelled Nomo. "I actually have a friend personality, have a major in Biomedics and a minor in physics, I work part time as a firefighter, I busted eighteen black market deals, and I love cats and hot chocolate!"
"And I actually harbor a dark secret that I'm searching for my long lost mother from a war-torn land that I just managed to escape from with my kind and generous adopted family!" said Mono. "I now am a member of the peace core, and risk my life every day to make sure people are safe!"
"Well whoop-dee-do for you," said Nomi. "The fact is Misawa, you're outnumbered, and you know it. What do you have that could possibly hope to outmatch my skills?"
"I have a TI-89 Titan, and believe me Nomi, I'm not afraid to use it," said Misawa with an almost homicidal grin, whipping out a graphing calculator. Everyone in the room gasps.
"No! Only a nerd with true power can master the dark and dangerous arts of the graphing calculator!" said Shou in awe.
"I bet he even knows how to play games on them!" said Tristan.
"Heh…is that all?" said Nomi. "You're a fool Misawa…an utter fool…even I can see that…"
"You can't afford one, can you?" said Misawa.
"SHUT UP!" she yelled, whipping out a graphing calculator. "I'm sick of you Misawa. I'm shutting you up for good!"
"You borrowed it, didn't you?" said Misawa.
"I SAID SHUT UP!" yelled Nomi.
---ooo---
"HEY! I'M JEFF!" said another random person. "I only paid Shri two dollars, so that means I only get twenty-"
---ooo---
"No, I'm telling you, Blow Pops are so much better than Tootsiepops!" yelled Fubuki, as both he and the giant teddy bear were chewing on lollipops, Fubuki now holding two huge bags, one of the really rare rocks, and the other of lollipops that he bought with one rare rock.
"Whatever man," said the teddy bear.
"Helloooooooooooo Fubuki!" said a huge, larger-than-life voice, as Fubuki turned around to see a man with down-to-the floor silver hair, wearing a super-long coat and had big, feathery wings coming out of his back. "I'm Ayame Sohma, and I'm here to warp your itty bitty brain!"
"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE THE GUY I OWE TEN BUCKS TOO!" yelled the teddy bear. "Oh wait…no, your not…"
"HI MISS!" yelled Fubuki, spraying Ayame with little bits of crystallized sugar.
"I'm not a miss you naughty boy!" said Ayame. "I am a celestial being here to beg you to stop the horrible warring between the Sohma Boiz and Tohru Honda the Homicidal Maniac so that we don't get too much negative publicity and are able to sell our next book this April!"
"You're not a celestial being, you're an insane man with little fluffy wings glued to his back," said the teddy bear.
"No, I am a celestial being. Deal with it!" said Ayame.
"Aren't you that guy who's had the biggest crush on Hatori for, like, ever?" said the teddy bear.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Ayame. "The point is Fubuki, only you and your bizarre sense of timing, as well as your need to do outlandishly stupid things to solve problems, can hope to counter the random, senseless violence! Or make it worse…much worse…in fact, maybe even start another war…again…for the third time this week…"
"Can I have your number?" asked Fubuki.
"SURE!" said Ayame, holding out his number, written on pink paper covered in little pink hearts.
"I'LL DO IT!" yelled Fubuki. "Become a peacekeeper is at the top of my list, right under spaceman, oppressive dictator of an obscure European country, and synchronized swimmer!"
"Well good for you hon!" said Ayame, as Fubuki bounced off eagerly. "OH! Wait! Come back! You don't know where it is!"
But Fubuki had already jumped a fence, and screamed as he fell down and cracked his ribs, as well as creating a huge explosion, for some odd reason.
"Ah, what a treasure!" said Ayame, bouncing away.
---ooo---
"So…at last we meet Sohma…" said Tohru, holding up a really big looking scary weapon of random attack power that is random and scary.
"Indeed Tohru!" said Yuki, also armed with an equally dangerous and random cannon thing.
"You know, I think Shri's really running out of ideas of what to call random tools of extreme violence," said Double S.
"No, really?" asked ASV, his voice excessively eeking with sarcasm.
"Yes!" said Double S, as ASV gave him a long, sad, critical look.
"ENOUGH OF THIS SENSLESS BANTER, I WANT TO BLOW SOMETHING UP!" yelled Kisa, brandishing a weapon.
"Fine, fine, I just want to see what pathetic excuse they give us for hostages this time," said Tohru. "The last one was a librarian and a out-of-work mime. Let's see if they could top it off."
"We were going to have two weird hostages named Ryou something and Mobster something, but they…um…" said Yuki. "Hold on, let me start over, your hostages are…wait…um…"
"HERE THEY ARE!" yelled Kyo, holding out two frantically sewn plushies, that looked a little like Ryou and Mobster…if they were both shrunk to the size of beanie babies, turned into felt, shoved in a blender, and passed through a cow's digestive system.
"THEY TOPPED IT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! THEY TOPPED IT!" yelled Kisa in shock, as a random crowd from the Olympic games ran in and cheered, holding up flags, etc.
"Now Tohru Honda, surrender over your power as queen of the angry ex-bubble head girls, and we shall reward you with extra underwear to iron press!" yelled Kyo.
"Underwear…WAIT! NO! I'M NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE!" yelled Tohru, pulling up the really dangerous weapon. "Is that all you think I am now? Some soulless doll who'll bend to your every little whim?"
"Pretty much, I MEAN NO!" yelled Yuki.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Tohru. "SAY BYE-BYE YUKI!"
"Then you can say bye-bye Tohru!" yelled Kyo, holding up another random weapon.
"Then you can say bye-bye Kyo!" yelled Kisa.
"Then you can say bye-bye Kisa!" yelled Yuki.
Silence.
"There's some really deep symbolism here, I just know it…" said Double S.
"Why don't we just blow up the entire town and be done with it?" asked Kisa.
"YAY!" screamed the other three.
"STOP! STOP IT ALL OF YOU! STOP THIS MADNESS!"
That's when Fubuki, for some odd reason, just fell right out of the sky and landed right in the middle of the group of the four.
This was followed by another period of silence.
"Lets blow him up too!" yelled Tohru.
"YAY!" cheered the other three.
"Wait! No! I need to say something first!" yelled Fubuki.
"Can we then blow you up?" asked Tohru.
"Okay!" said Fubuki.
"YAY!" screamed the four.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS? WHY MUST YOUR LIFE BE RIDDLED IN SENSLESS VIOLENCE?" yelled Fubuki, suddenly switching to a dramatic tone. "Don't you ever wonder if there's something beyond this? Don't you ever thing that there are more entertaining things that you can do with your lives than blow up stuff? Don't you see all the people you hurt? Don't you see all of this destruction?"
"Whoa, Fubuki sounds so…inspiring…" said ASV.
"What a beautiful soul!" said Double S, with tears in his eyes.
"We can't go on living like this, destroying in order to amuse!" said Fubuki. "We must struggle for a higher level of thought, one that will not harm anyone! One that wont destroy buildings or break things or cause terribly melodramatic television programs about how all kids should watch Barney until their eighteen!"
All the heavily armed whackos started to cry.
"Cause all that I'm sayiiiiiiiiiiiiin'," said Fubuki, pulling out his ukulele, and strumming a few random notes on it, "is give peace a chaaaaaaaaaance. Cause if you don't…I'LL RIP, AND I'LL TEAR, AND I'LL BEAT UP! AND I'LL SMAAAAAAAAASH!"
With that, he smashed the ukulele wildly on the ground screaming like a punk rocker, causing a huge schism to form in the pavement, swallowing up both Tohru and Yuki's cars, sending them both to the Earth's fiery core.
"Oh strange and bizarre looking passerby, your words have touched my heart," said Tohru Honda. "Is there anything we can do to thank you for your kindness and your inspiration?"
"Can you give us a ride to the high school?" asked Fubuki.
"Uh," said Tohru, as the schism fixed itself. "No."
"Guess we'll have to ride the bus then," said ASV.
"Darn, I hate the bus," said Kisa.
---ooo---
"Gah…you are…truly a…challenge…" said Nomi, flinching in pure pain as she held up the calculator straight in front of her against Misawa's.
"So are…you…" said Misawa, also in pain. "I didn't expect you to know how to compute advanced polynomials with multiple values of X."
"I didn't expect you to know every single way a right triangle can be determined if you only had the exact measurement of one leg!" said Nomi.
"Nomi…I don't want this to happen…our bodies can only take so much math…then they'll shut down for good…" Misawa said. "You have to stop this…you too good to die Nomi…you have to turn back now while there's still a chance…"
"Boy, this whole 'Tanya' thing's really made you lose your grip," said Nomi.
"SHUTUPI'MTRYINGTOFORGETABOUTIT!" yelled Misawa.
"WAIT! I GOT AN IDEA!" yelled Marik. "Let's just riot!"
Everyone was silent.
"You'd think one of us would think it up sooner," said Tea.
"WOOT! RIOT!" screamed Joey, and that's when pretty much everyone in the room screamed like wild animals. The room then dissolved into total chaos, consisting of people throwing large objects around, screaming, tackling random people, as some kid pulled out a huge boom box and belted it out.
"BLAST!" yelled Nomi, as some guy got thrown over her head with his shirt torn off, pointing her calculator at the ceiling. "No more time for games Misawa! We can handle extreme math, but this supporting beam can't!"
"NOMI! NO!" yelled Misawa.
BAM!
"NOMI ANASAKA!" yelled Seto, kicking open the dorm, backed by about a dozen or so body guards. "You are-"
Seto got nailed by a kid with a bunch of chalk stuck up his nose.
"Okay, that didn't count," said Seto, shoving the kid of. "NOMI ANASAKA, YOU ARE UNDER THE ARREST BY THE ORDER OF THE NATIONAL SOCIETY OF MATH FANATICS!"
"Blast!" said Nomi. "Was this your plan all along?"
"You bet," said Misawa.
"Well too bad, because if you haven't noticed, none of you have any proof, and I'm sure not many people are going to take a rioting crowd's testimony seriously," said Nomi, as Joey was swinging wildly from a florescent light.
"But they do take tape recordings seriously!" said Shou, holding up a voice recorder.
"CURSES!" yelled Nomi, as she was dragged off by the body guards. "I WON'T FORGET THIS MISAWA! I WILL RETURN! AND WHEN I DO, I SHALL HAVE MY SWEET REVENGE!"
"Oh, shut up you nerd," said Misawa, as for a moment, everyone sweat dropped as Nomi cackled insanely.
"Thank you so much Misawa," said Asuka, walking over. "I can't thank you enough for this. Is there any way we can repay you?"
"No Asuka…" said Misawa, as dramatic music began to play in the background. "I only hope that one day, people with a greater than usual interests in math will one day be appreciated…and as long as a single flower blooms in the spring, as long as there's a single drop of life in my body, AS LONG AS THE EARTH SPINS, AND THE SAND RUNS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS, I WILL NEVER-"
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
"IT'S TOTALLY THE END OF THE PERIOD!" yelled Joey, as the rioting students suddenly stampeded (ALLITERATION POLICE!) out of the room, roaring and screaming, and still trying to destroy as many things as they could in the process.
"Misawa…" said Asuka uneasily, looking at the poor man, who was thoroughly trampled and covered in frantic footprints.
"Yeah…fat chance…I know…" said Misawa.
---ooo---
Hey everyone! Guess what? Next time, we have an extra special chapter! The next arch of the story is a tribute to the many, many 'lost' characters of 'There's Something About Marik'. I hope it's to your liking! And I hope to see you for an especially insane chapter!