WOOT!
Hey! This chapter's late! Well…yeah. SORRY! WILL I EVER GET BACK TO REGULAR UPDATES! EVER! Basically, I just started writing this chapter two weeks ago, worked on seven hundred words…and just stopped.
YA! It's time for insanity! Oh my God, I can't believe we made it to thirty whole chapters. THIRTY! Can you believe it? I can't. It just creeps me out. Really creeps me out. But thank you all for helping me make it to Thirty! J00 GUYZ R0X!
Chapter Thirty
THAT ONE CHAPTER WHEN SETO IS FINALLY BRAVE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY ASK BIANCA OUT BUT THEN COLLAPSES TEN SECONDS LATER, BUT STAYS CONSCIOUS JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO HEAR HER SAY YES
In which we have quite a long chapter title
"EB-ON-NE CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"
For just one moment, Ebony Crow stared ahead of her, as if having no sense of feeling of the world around her. With that, her eyes clouded over, and slowly, she lopsidedly fell to the ground with a sickening thud of her hitting flower petal covered grass.
"She…blocked that ball…so Red Dwarf wouldn't be dubbed…" said Alexis.
"Ebony Crow! No!" screamed Red Dwarf, running toward the fallen fangirl ninja. "Ebony Crow…you didn't…no…"
Odion, Alexis, and Syrus looked forlornly at the scene before them, as Red Dwarf was begging for something to change so that Ebony Crow would no longer be dubbed.
"Wait, why are we upset again?" asked Marik, as he got elbowed in the side by Alexis.
"Well you have to admit…so many dubbers…one of them had to…hit a not-that-important-character-but-important-enough…" said Odion.
"SHE WAS GOING TO DO SO MUCH!" screamed Ebony Crow. "She was going to graduate…she was going to go to college…she was going to watch my 'Peacemaker' boxed set!"
"GOLLY GEE!" screamed Ebony Crow, getting up, now with a super-happy, high-pitched voice. "I feel, like, ultra-mega fem!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Red Dwarf.
"Is there anything we can do?" asked Syrus.
"I'm not sure," said Alexis. "But one thing's for sure…we won't be able to do anything if we stay in this world for too long and become dubbed ourselves..."
"BOR-ING!" yelled Marik angrily, but thankfully, out of nowhere, an anvil dropped down and crushed his tiny skull.
"Hey, an anvil can't come from such a dubbed place with such high concentration like this one!" said Alexis.
"So that means that…" Odion said.
"There's a way out!" Syrus finished, pointing to a huge hole in the dimensions that was floating above their heads.
"Great, so how are we going to get up there?" asked Odion.
"Hmm…let me think…" said Alexis, tapping a finger to her chin. "Do we have any rope or something on us?"
"Well we did but…" said Syrus pathetically, holding out a very, very long gummy worm. "I really don't think it's going to support our weight."
"Wait!" said Odion, as Marik somehow managed to shove the anvil off his body. "Maybe Ebon…ah…never mind…"
"It's okay…I mean…it could be worse, couldn't it?" asked Red Dwarf, looking down at the ground, tears threatening her eyes.
"I LOVE PONIES!" screamed Ebony Crow.
"No, you don't have to ask her, I will," said Alexis, as Red Dwarf nodded and got out of the way so that she could walk up to her. "Ebony Crow…do you have anything that could help us get out of this dimension?"
"NO WAY!" said Ebony Crow. "I'm a super weak wussy girl!"
"DON'T WORRY IDIOTS!" said Marik bravely. "I have…A PLAN!"
"I've heard this one before…" said Odion.
"Well, you know how things evolve so that they can do all kinds of weird things, like sprout gills and have really long necks and cool looking horns and stuff?" asked Marik.
"Yeeeeeeeeeees," said Odion.
"Well, why don't we evolve, sprout wings, and fly out of here?" asked Marik. With that, he closed his eyes, and then he looked like he was under a massive amount of strain, as veins popped up on his forehead, and it looked like his eyes were going to exploud out of his sockets.
"COME ON!" he said. "SPROUT WINGS! SPROUT WINGS! SPROUT WINGS DARNIT! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!"
"There are just two small problems with your theory Marik," said Odion. "One, flight doesn't just require wings. It requires hallow bones and strong muscles. So unless you can do all of that in one go-"
"SHUT UP ODION!" yelled Marik. "I'm trying…to…concentrate…"
"Also, evolution is a series of genetic mutations," said Odion. "That means that it involves a series of offspring having random mutations that just get passed down from generation to generation…so we need three million years at least just to sprout wings-"
"QUIET!" said Marik. "They say that you can be whatever you want when you grow up. And right now I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealy want to be a huge-winged freak that can fly!"
"And everyone thought I was insane when I said I wanted to be a secret agent…" said Alexis, as the entire gang sweatdropped as the watched Marik strain his tiny brain in an attempt to sprout wings.
---ooo---
"You're…you're…" Tish said, her eyes bugged out in horror, staring at the true identity of the man behind the curtain, the man who had controlled massive amounts of savage brutes to do his duty, the man, who through cunning tactics, was using insane pencil lovers to commit deeds of ultimate evil-
Oh, sorry. It's his job to do the monologue giving away virtually every aspect of the plot that the writer was much too lazy to develop.
"Yes…fear it…" said the man.
"YOU'RE…"
"QUAKE IN FEAR! SCREACH OUT YOUR MORTAL TERROR!"
"Adorable," said Tish flatly.
"I AM NOT AORABLE, DANGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"
"Yeah you are."
"Shut up!" screamed the commiter of foul deeds…who just happened to be an adorable "I SAID SHUT UP!" little kid with huge, green eyes, and freckles and red hair that feel in cute little bangs and was tied back in small pony tail that made him extra cute. "I AM LEON DANGIT! LEON SCHRODER FROM SCHRODER CORP!"
"Such a cute kid," said Tish.
"I SAID SHUT UP, DANGIT!" yelled Leon. "YOU THINK YOUR SO COOL JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A SECRET AGENT THAT LOOKS GOOD IN SKIN-TIGHT BLACK CLOTHING WITH LOTS OF COOL WEAPONS AND STUFF WHILE I'M JUST A LITTLE KID?"
"Yeah," said Tish.
"SHUT UH-UP!" yelled the little kid. "Well even if you do look better in skin tight black clothes than me…THAT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE! I have a bunch of mind controlled, unambitious, dweebish cult members on my side!"
"I suppose most weak-but-charasmatic people who are much too pathetic and spineless to do things by themselves do," said Tish.
"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled Leon. "Not that it matters…considering now, the second Marik suffocates and dies in the land of the dub, NOTHING WILL STAND IN MY WAY!"
"You seem like a man of many issues…" said Tish. "Perhaps you'd like to monolog on about all kinds of inner plot mechanisms to this whole plan that the writer was much to lazy to develop in the story."
"HEY! I RANT WHEN I WANT TO RANT!" yelled Leon.
There was a few moments of silence.
"Okay, so it started something like this…" said Leon, as Tish's head drooped. "You see, one day, me and some buddies down at the forums got into a little argument-"
"Wait, your saying this whole thing got started because of something said in the forums!" said Tish.
"ARE YOU LISTENIG TO THIS RANT OR NOT?" said Leon. "Oh, and SHUT UP!"
"Well actually-" said Tish.
"ANYWAY!" said Leon. "So GunsNButter243 said that my older brother Zigfried was the stupidest character ever, and there wasn't a single half-way cool thing about him!"
"Uh huh…so instead of letting it go, you?" said Tish.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP OR NOT!" yelled Leon. "Anyway, normally, I would let it go, but then…I really just starting thinking about it, and you know what? They're right. And it's not just Zigfried. All of our other relatives…Pegasus…Dartz…they don't have a single fangirl to their names!"
"Most long haired men at least ten years older than the heroes with abnormally colored hair don't," said Tish.
"SHUT UP!" said Leon. "That being said, when I realize it, they're pratically the only characters on the show that don't have any fans. HECK! We are the blunt of every single bashing, naughty humor, and fangirl slashdown riot on the show! AND WHAT DO WE DO! Nothing! Nothing at all! Heck, we even help the darn main cast eventually! WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET THIS KIND OF BEEPING TREATMENT!"
"Not true, what about whatshisname…Kaiba's stepdad…um…Geraldo?" asked Tish.
"SHUT U-U-UP!" yelled Leon, waving his arms wildly. "That being said, I decided…it was time. It's time that we finally gain some respect! We are the villains, but lost of villains have fangirls! I mean look at Yami-bloody-Bakura! He does nothing but run around, cackling, and losing periodically, and what! HE'S SURROUND BY GIRLS WHO DROOL AT THE SIGHT OF HIM AND HIS OH-SO-SLIM LEGS!"
"One could really put up the same argument for Mai," said Tish. "Except instead of girls-"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled Leon. "Well…no more, that's what I say! We're going to win respect, and we're going to do it by any means necessary! So even if I have to dub every single person so badly that they become so utterly lame that NO ONE will like them, I will!"
"But why are you so into beating on Marik?" asked Tish.
"HAVE YOU SEEN THAT GUY!" screamed Leon. "He's so girlish it's scary! I MEAN, BLEACHED BLONDE, MEGA-TAN, WEARS EARINGS AND BRACELETS, AND RUNS AROUND IN A BLOODY PINK NAVEL BAREING HOODIE, AND WHAT! WHAT! HE'S SWAMPED BY FANGIRLS! SWAMPED! SWAAAAAAMPED!"
"You're not exactly Mr. Butch either ponytail boy," said Tish.
"I DON'T NEED YOUR SASS LADY!" said Leon. "Besides, once the dubbers have turned your school into a bunch of babbling wimps, I shall take over, and at last, the cult of long haired men with bizarre accents will be the king of the ranting fangirl's world!"
"But how did you manage to get the dubbers to go along with all of this?" said Tish. "I mean, aren't your insane, megalomania-based rants and their ideology completely different?"
"Simple," said Leon. "You know the one thing that the dubbers are driven into fanatical squealing about?"
"Silly outfits?" asked Tish.
"Yeeeeeeeees BUT SOMETHING ELSE TOO!" said Leon.
"I dunno…" said Tish.
"PENCILS!" screamed Leon. "Oh yes…they want everyone on the entire planet to become enslaved to the might and the glory of pencils! They love them! They worship the darn things! I mean, there's something seriously wrong with people who have fixations over sharpened sticks filled with graphite."
"And what does that have to do with anything?" asked Tish.
"You know how, like, in Elementary school, everything is all 'pencils, pencils, pencils'?" said Leon. "Well, when you get into High School, it's all about PENS! I'm serious! No matter where you go, it's pens this, pens that, you don't write your paper in pen, and I'll rip it to little pits, shed those little bits, dump those little bits on the floor and stamp them into the dust, pour lighter fluid on them and set them ablaze! They're sick of it…and let's just say the fact that all the main characters are high school characters! SHUT UP!"
"I didn't say anything!" yelled Tish.
"Well so-o-ry!" yelled Leon.
Silence.
"I've gotten used to…saying it you know."
Silence.
"Uh…"
Silence.
"Where did you get that outfit anyway?"
"Am I safe to assume that you're no longer ranting hysterically?" asked Tish.
"Yeah, I'm pretty much done," said Leon.
"So I can start the whole 'oh, you'll never get away for this' hero mantra?" asked Tish.
"Feel free," said Leon.
"You've spoken too much!" said Tish. "I know what your plans are, and you'll never get away with them! Your forces are weak, and they shall fall under our order!"
"Whoa, that was lame," said Leon.
"As if you've done much better!" yelled Tish.
"Well come on!" said Leon. "Who the heck's gonna stop me? The wall?"
SHRILANKA-SAN WISHES TO APPOLOGIZE FOR BEING PREDICTABLE
BAM!
"LEON!" yelled a fancy-pants voice from behind him, heavy with the horror of a German Accent, as a huge chunk of the demolished wall crumbled down like an extra-thick, extra dusty piece of cookie. Zigfried had a very disturbed look plastered across his face, his eyes turning to little green specks in a mass of white eyes, holding Raphael in what appeared to be the way one would hold a battering ram, and it seemed like he used Raffy in a similar manner, considering like Raffy was having a combination between nervous arrest and a seizure.
"VAT ARE YOU DOING!" screamed Zigfried, dropping Raffy like a stone, causing him to twitch even more, as Dartz and Pegasus walked in behind him. "I TOLD YOU TO STAY HOME AND NOT MANIPULATE CULTIST ACTIVITIES FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT! CAN'T YOU EVEN REGISTER THAT!"
"Z…Ziggy?" asked Leon, tears appearing in his eyes.
"Hey Leon," said Dartz, waving.
"Oh hey Dartz," said Leon. "Whatup?"
"Hi. I'm Tish. I'm being held against my will," sad Tish.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Leon.
"AND YOU HOLD PEOPLE AGAINST THEIR WILL!" said Ziggy in horror. "Zis is an inzult! YEW ARE NOTHING BUT A SHAME TO THE FAMILY! Thank God that we managed to get here so quickly! Traveling can be such a pain zees days…"
"Um…how did you manage to get here anyway?" said Tish. "I mean, haven't the city's transportation systems been completely shut down due to the massive dubber attacks?"
---ooo---
"I think…my brain broke…" said Alister, twitching in pain, his head mended on contact to a telephone pole right above Valon, with a penny recently stuck into his mouth.
---ooo---
"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, NOW IZ IT!" said Zigfried. "Vat is important iz zat this entire school is in a massive mess of trouble! Ugh! Fool! Don't you know that it will take millions of dollars worth of funds, fantastic amounts of time, and thousands of men who have been tickled in very bizarre places to fix this terrible mess!"
"I…I just wanted to help the family…" said Leon, with tears dripping down his eyes. "I've been the youngest and…I figured…I oughta…help…"
"This is very touching," said Tish. "Now one of you untie me before I kill you with subliminal mind signals."
"SHUT UP!" yelled Leon.
"And just how did you plan on helping zee family?" asked Ziggy.
"Well…it's a bit of a long and a somewhat complicated story…" said Leon. "Not to mention that my tongue is pretty tired from talking about it for the first time…thank goodness for timecards…:
ONE INCREDIBLY LONG AND REPETITIVE RANT LATER
"So that's basically-AHEM! BOLD SHRI!" said Leon.
Oh, terribly sorry.
"So that's basically the jist of the entire thing," said Leon. "I make the cast look like a bunch of idiots, they lose fangirls, we get fangirls. Simple, eh?"
"BRILLIANT!" yelled Pegasus. "Why didn't I think of it before?"
"Because you're an insane man with a somewhat disgusting fixation with caricature animals?" asked Dartz.
"That doezn't change the fact zat zis is overly drastic and overall stupid!" said Ziggy angrily. "I am utterly disappointed in your behavior! I order you to stop this right now!"
"But this is…for the benefit of our entire family!" said Leon, his eyes turning into huge, tear-filled orbs.
"That doesn't change zee fact that you've destroyed a school, made me break down a perfectly good wall, and indirectly give all of zee Doom Bikers massive head injuries!" said Ziggy angrily. "Leon…I am utterly disappointed in you."
For some reason, even though Ziggy had been screaming various angry insults at Leon for quite awhile up to this point, for some reason, what Ziggy just said…really hurt. It hurt much more than Leon thought it was going to hurt though. His eyes were welling up with tears at a greater pace, and he hung his head down. For a moment, the entire room was consumed in silence.
"Is anyone going to untie me, or what?" asked Tish.
I SAID SILENCE!
"Yeesh!" said Tish.
"…no," said Leon.
"Excuse me?" asked Dartz.
"No…I'm sorry…I've come to far…" said Leon, turning up to the three feminine men, his eyes now consumed in a blaze that was a very disturbing combination of fury, anger, and basic homicidal mania. "I thought I was going to please you Ziggy…I thought you'd be a little reluctant at first…but I never knew you'd reject it entirely…"
"Uh oh…" said Dartz, backing off as he started to see the ranting megalomaniac genes slowly start to kick in.
"Well guess what!" said Leon. "I'm going to make you proud whether you like it or not! So the whole school wasn't good enough for you! Well…how about the whole world?"
"Ooooooh world domination plot!" said Pegasus, clapping. "Love it!"
"Are you mad?" said Ziggy. "That's the stupidest attempt to take over the world that I have ever heard of! And I should know…I've made several myself."
"SHUT UP!" said Leon. "I'll have made it my call in life to somehow win the respect of my family for being someone that fangirls actually squeal over…AND I SHALL DO IT BY WHATEVER MEANS NESSESSARY!"
"Oh great," said Dartz. "Now is one of those days I wish I was adopted…"
"We shall meet again!" said Leon, and with that, he clapped his hands-
-and all the lights went off.
"OH DARN IT!" said Dartz, clapping, as all the lights turned on again, but when they did, it only revealed that Leon was gone.
---ooo---
"Not…working…not…sprouting…wings…" panted Marik, running out of energy, steam coming out of his ears, and looking like he was going to fall over and die from straining his brain so hard at any second.
"Well…I guess this is the end…" said Alexis, her back on a grassy patch.
"Yeah…" said Syrus.
"It's a shame…" said Alexis.
"Yeah…" said Syrus.
Silence, as Marik decided to take a new approach and bang his head against a tree to get some sort of brain juice flowing, as Odion didn't bother doing anything, far from being in the mood, and Red Dwarf continued to quietly angst.
"Boy, could I use some sad violin music right now…" said Alexis.
"HEY! I GOT A NEW IDEA!" screamed Marik to the group, of whom none really seemed to care. "Why don't I try to use my superior brain power to just make this entire dimension to go away!"
"Whatever dubs you into a form that's less annoying faster," said Alexis.
"OKAY WORLD!" screamed Marik. "GO BYE BYE!"
With a small pop, oddly, the entire plane of that universe did just that, causing all three to land flat on their backs on the hard ground, as if they had been suspended in air.
---ooo---
"Well, this completely stinks!" said Dartz angrily. "Way to go for your stupid brotherly problems Ziggy!"
"Well it isn't my fault that he's a little twerp who's far less hot than I am!" said Ziggy.
All he got was a funny look from the other two.
"Well, since I'm kind of trying to destroy the world anyway, it's no skin off my nose which idiot happens to rule it," said Dartz. "Have fun. I'm going to do what I came to do!"
"OH! I'LL HELP! I'LL HELP!" said Pegasus, running after him.
"You can just buzz off," said Dartz. "Ziggy, I hope your conscience tells you what the right thing to do is, and I hope that whatever it is, it doesn't get in my way."
He took his leave, as Pegasus skipped happily behind him. Ziggy just stared at the empty room, absorbing for a little while everything that just happened to him, while listening to the sound of a backhanded slap off of Pegasus's head in the distance. With a small sigh, he turned around and walked away, leaving the ruined room behind him to go off and collect his thoughts.
"Seriously, no one's going to untie me, are they?" asked poor Tish, who was still sitting on the floor.
---ooo---
"YES! WE FINALLY GET SOME PAGE TIME!" said Ryo.
"I'm ready for my closeup!" said Fubuki, slamming more powder on his face, and reaching into his left chest pocket to pull out some more lipstick.
"Oh…hey guys, about this whole scene," said Shri, walking back into the scene for the few remaining girly men who didn't go back to more important scenes. "We decided that since Tea is back and this whole thing was kind of stupid anyway, we're just going to cut it."
They all stared at her.
"What's with that look?" asked Shri.
---ooo---
Seto was walking on legs that felt they were made out of noodles, as Bianca continued to happily hug the vending machine. His movements were almost robotic, as if something else had gained control of his body and soul (which was additionally reinforced by the extremely glazed look in his eye). He stared at the Bianca for a moment…
"I CAN'T DO IT!" he screamed.
"Look, are you going to ask her out, or are you going to stand there like an idiot?" asked Bluesy.
Seto just stared.
"Let me rephrase that," said Bluesy. "TELL HER YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER, OR I'LL GIVE YOU THE WORST FRICTION BURN OF YOUR LIFE!"
"Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!" yelled Seto angrily, shooting an ineffective death glare at Blusey, who just mearly absorbed it in his soft, fluffy fabric and remained oblivious. "Um…hi…Bianca…you…probably don't-I CAN'T DO THIS!"
"KEEP GOING!" yelled Snuggles.
"YOYPROBABLYDON'TREMEMBERMEBUT…" Seto started, much too fast. "I'm…Seto…and…I kinda…can I stop now?"
"No," said Snuggles.
"Had a crush on you!" finished Seto, to Bianca's back. "I hate…to sound shallow…and jerkish but…I'd really like to get to know you better…as a person…I don't think it's fair that I should just admire you from a distance…I want to know more about…your life, you know? And how…"
Silence. Then, Bianaca turned around, and Seto's body suffered a violent wobble.
"HI KOREAN KID!" said Bianca. "Hey, how long have you been here?"
"Uh…uh…" said Seto, looking like his lungs were going to collapse at any minute.
"SAY IT!" commanded Snuggles.
"WANNA GO TO DINNER!" yelled Seto at the top of his lungs.
"Sure!" said Bianca, at the exact same time Seto fell backwards and collapse on the floor.
---ooo---
Ha ha ha…HAPPY THIRTIETH CHAPTER!
Next time, Marik goes out to search for inspiration for a brand new plan, we finally see what's been going on with the Sohma's, and THE RETURN OF THE HAPPY CHORUS! What fresh horrors shall ensure? See you next time!