Don't worry…I'm a certified loony.
Well…the final chapter countdown has begun I suppose. Sad…but at the same time, it's always a thrill to write the words 'the end'. A sad thrill. It's sort of like…seeing your kids go off to college, or away from home, or something like that. Do you know what I'm saying? And am I just digging way too deep into this? Probably…
I finished Fire Emblem! Yayz! It only took me two tries!
Chapter Thirty Five
I GOT FREAKY MIND POWERS
In which there's one last closet locking
"Ow…bruises…ow…in…ow…uncomfortable…spots…" said Marik weakly, struggling through the doorway of his and Odion's home on the suburbs, collapsing onto the floor the second he opened the door (even though his exposed abdomin was in the doorway). "Odion…rub my feet…"
"I wouldn't…even if I…could feel my arms…" said Odion, collapsing on top of Marik, panting wildly. "I can't believe it…we get tied up…beaten up…and then we have to walk all the way home…"
"Well…if it makes you feel better…I have a plan!" Marik managed to choke off being both exhausted and crushed by Odion's body weight.
"No, it doesn't actually," said Odion.
"SILENCE!" said Marik. "Odion, get your lazy carcass off me…AND FETCH THE NUMBER FOR RENT-A-TUX!"
"Oh Ra, I don't like where this is going already," Odion muttered.
---ooo---
"Hello…Random Las Vegas Casino and Hotel?" said Asuka, a random phone book propped up in front of her, as behind the glass of the phone booth, the sun began to set behind her, turning the sky into a bath of orange, yellow, and red. "Yes, I'm looking to see if your hotel currently is being occupied by one of my collegues…his name is Shou Marafuji, and according to a note he left me…yes…oh…I see…he's a what?"
A strange expression crossed over her face while she listened to what the hotel person said.
"How can he be a runaway bride?" asked Asuka in disgust and horror. "I know that he's…oh…I see…a runaway groom. Well, that's a little…better. Are you sure you had no idea where he went?...well, you must know something. There aren't any…would I like the number for the local police? Yes, that would be wonderful…thank you, thank…okay, hang on, let me get a sheet of paper…"
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a few pieces of tissue paper, then frantically took out a random mini golf pencil and scratched out the number on the piece of thin paper.
"Yes, this is very helpful…thank you again…okay, bye," she said, hanging up, as she frantically shuffled through her pocket for another quarter, holding the golf pencil awkwardly in her mouth. She let out a muffled 'mff!' of triumph as she found yet another shiny quarter, and she quickly popped it into the coin slot and quickly poked the buttons on the phone in the order they were listed on the sheet of paper, taking the pencil out of her mouth as she listened to the ring tone on the other end of the phone.
"Hello? LVPD?" she asked. "Yes, I'm here to inquire any leads that you have on the whereabouts of my friend, Shou Marafuji…yes, the 'runaway bride' case….yes, I'm one of his…what? You want to know…"
Another weird expression crossed her face.
"Look, I don't see how knowing whether or not I'm single will help this investigation…" said Alexis. "No…my age? Why would you…hair color? Are you…am I…yes I'm a minor! Why are you…WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT COLOR'S MY UNDERWEAR? Are you-I AM NOT GOING TO ANSWER THAT YOU PIG! THAT'S IT! GOOD-BYE, AND GOOD RIDDANCE!"
She slammed the phone back onto the hook, at about the exact same time a car slammed into the last unscathed telephone pole behind her.
"COULD WE PLEASE GO A LITTLE EASIER ON THE CRASHES?"
"Ryou?" asked Asuka, turning toward the sound of the voice, as Ryou looked rather sick after suffering another crash from the driver while strapped to the roof of the car. "Eh? What are you doing on the car roof?"
"Well I didn't ask to be here…" said Ryou.
"WOOT! ASUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" sung Fubuki, as he hopped out of the car, while performing some wicked cool ninja moves for no particular reason at all. "I HAD THE FUNNEST TIME EVER! I got locked in a jail cell, I got to meet a cool duck named Butch, who's currently in my shirt, I got to beat up police officers, I got abducted by aliens, I got kidnapped and then thrown out of a car, and I solved a bad case of street justice! Isn't that cool?"
Silence.
"What?" asked Asuka.
"It's a long, very painful, story…" said Ryou.
ONE LONG AND VERY PAINFUL STORY LATER
"Oh…" said Asuka.
Silence.
"It still makes no sense," she said.
"I know…" Ryou said, as all of the Sohma's were out of the car with tears in their eyes from the wonder of that fantastic tale of everything that's happened so far. "So what's been going on here?"
"Nothing really…except Shou ran away to marry a random hobo, and now he's disappeared," said Asuka. "Oh yeah, and I found a really dangerous portable weapon of sheer doom."
"So…nothing out of the ordinary?" said Ryou.
"Not really," said Asuka. "Thanks for babysitting Fubuki…he didn't sing 'The Fubuki Song' did he?"
"He did," said Ryou.
"Oh god…" said Asuka. "Well, onto other problems. Now, my problems have been whittled down two only three. One, find where the dubbers are going to strike next and shut them down for good. Two, find the resurrected evil one and send it back to the abyss from which it came. Three, find Shou."
"I can't help that won't be as easy as it first seems," said Ryou.
---ooo---
"Honestly, what is taking those idiots so long to get back here?" said Ka'aewu angrily, tapping his huge, rabbit foot on the ground in an irritated manor. "I just ask them to go out and look for a stupid tome, and they don't come back for forever and a day. THAT'S IT! They're losing their appreciation tip!"
"FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS!"
CrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRASH!
The sound of an entire tree falling down on top of a section of the school building filled Ka'aewu's ears, and sure enough, at the base of it's fallen trunk, just above its uprooted leaves was Seta, her huge, blue eyes turned into clouded pools of sadness from tears that were streaming down her face.
"Mr. Buuuuuuuuuneeeeeeeeee…" she sobbed.
"Oh for…what?" asked Ka'aewu angrily. "And for pity's sake, my name's 'Ka'aewu, not 'Mr. Bunny', not 'Bunny Bun', and certainly not 'Jay Leno'! Call me by Ka'aewu already!"
"I can't find any more friends to make Mr. Bunny!" said Seta with a whine in her voice. "And all of my old friends have gone away! I'm aloooooooooone and saaaaaaaaaaaad and I want a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug…"
"And what do you expect me to-" Ka'aewu started, before he squeeked in angry surprise as Seta's arms wrapped around him and scooped him up, squeezing him in a huge, sentimental, tear-filled hug. "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN, YOU HOMICIDAL, FRIEND-OBSESSED YABBO!"
"I WANT FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS!" sobbed Seta, stuffing here tear-filled eyes into Ka'aewu's nice, soft fur.
"I SAID STOP IT ALREADY! YEESH!" yelled Ka'aewu. "AND GET YOUR SNOTTY NOSE OUT OF MY FUR! Do you know how much it shows up on white?"
"I just want friends…" said Seta.
"Just friends?" asked Ka'aewu. "Ha. They're hard enough to find when you're not charging foreword full speed and acting like an idiot."
"GIVE ME FRIENDS NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" yelled Seta in a dark, sinister voice very much unlike her own, her eyes suddenly transforming into blood red orbs, holding up a huge, assassinating dagger over Ka'aewu's head.
"HUG ME PAL!" screamed Ka'aewu desperately, as Seta almost instantly changed back to normal, and began hugging the paranormal creature/bunny even harder than before, tears still glittering at the corners of her eyes.
"No…I can't believe it…I can't believe our operation failed…" said a random dubber, stumbling into the scene, his red cloak hanging in shreds on his body, his face beaten up, and a huge, rectangular patch of his hair shaved off on the back with the words 'This Space 4 Rent' written in the bald spot. "Gotta…find headquarters…and fast…"
"FRIEND!" said Seta in a sing-song voice, holding the plot bunny even closer to her body. "This is a dream come true!"
"AH! NO! ANOTHER ONE!" screamed the man in utmost horror, his body consumed with mad shuddering. "NO! NO! Please don't kill me! I have suffered much at the hands of your kind!"
"Friends?" chirped Seta.
"WAIT! No!" said the man again. "He must be stopped! He's a madman! He plans to do the unthinkable…the horrible!"
"Friends?" chirped Seta.
"But if I hand over such valuable information…I'd be a traitor…and the only suitable punishment for treason is…is…"
"Friends?" asked Seta.
"NO! I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!" yelled the man. "Beat me, kill me, steal my money, throw something big and heavy at me! I will never bow to your will! YOU WILL-"
"Friends?" asked Seta again.
"I CAN'T DO IT!" yelled the man. "I don't want to die! What he plans on doing…what they all plan on doing…it's…IT'S UTTERLY INSANE! He'll never succeed! He'll destroy the whole, wide world in the process! He's a madman! A MADMAN!"
"Friends?" asked Seta.
"Okay, I'll…I'll tell you everything…" said the pencil lover. "Please…just…I never said this to you…and…OKAY, I DON'T CARE! Just listen! This is very important!"
---ooo---
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM SERVICE?" Bianca sung into the one-way telephone in her room in a small hotel in Domino. "Yes, I would like a HUGE basket of fruit up here. With lots of apples, oranges, bananas, etc. etc. OH! And Pinapples! I want pinapples too! Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah-"
"Bianca, do you have any idea how much room service costs these days?" yelled Tish angrily, exiting the small bathroom with her bathrobe on and a towel wrapped around her hair.
"A MILLION MABAJILLION DOLLARS AND SEVENTY-EIGHT CENTS!" said Bianca, giving Tish a thumbs up, as well as a really stupid looking smile.
---ooo---
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the hotel employee at the other end of the line to a few of her fellow imployees. "Someone on this phone is demanding a million something-or-other dollars!"
"IT'S A ROBBERY!" screamed someone.
"SOME CALL THE COPS!" screamed another.
---ooo---
"…ee…yeah…" said Tish, rolling her eyes. "That's it. That's it exactly. Now just hang up the phone and stop acting goofy."
"KAY!" screamed Bianca, ripping the phone out of the wall with one tug, then happily skipping to the highest window of the hotel and chucking it out the window, watching it eagerly as it was pulled down at monumental speed by gravity, hitting the earth with a very satisfying crunch.
"Well, this day has been a complete and utter waste," said Tish with a sigh, collapsing in one of the beds in the room. "We find barely any traces of Marik, now we've got a bunch of other garbage to deal with. We'll never complete this mission at this rate. And this was supposed to be an 'in-and-out' job. Great, great great great. It's going to be a fun talk on the phone with HQ tonight."
"Yeah, that's cool I guess," said Bianca absentmindedly, suddenly interested in a little dust ball that was floating in the air. "Hey Tish, do you have that one pair of strap-up high heels that are black and shiny and make me look hot?"
"…why?" asked Tish, not liking the sudden direction the conversation was taking.
"I GOTS A DATE TONIGHT WITH THE KOREAN KID!" sung Bianca, giving Tish another thumbs up.
"The Korean Ki…" Tish started, but then suddenly had a certain unpleasant memory of someone she had to shove into a closet previously that day. "Uh…Bianca, is this 'Korean Kid' a little above six feet tall?"
"Yep!" said Bianca.
"And this Korean Kid, does he have brown hair and blue eyes?" asked Tish.
"Uuuuuuuuh….yeah, think so…" said Bianca, tilting her head back to recall just how certain aspects of the 'Korean Kid's body was colored by cell pigments.
"And does he look like we could easily grab him by the waste and slip him under a door all the way through?" asked Tish.
"Eh?" asked Bianca.
"Is he a stick figure?" asked Tish, turning down the wit just a little bit.
"Eh?" asked Bianca.
"…is he skinny?" asked Tish, taking down her English skills to the lowest peg.
"Yep! That's him!" said Bianca.
"I've heard enough," said Tish. "You're not going out with him. End of story."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?" asked Bianca, tears already starting to well up in her eyes. "WHY NOT?"
"Because first of all, please notice that there is just a BIT of an age difference between a sixteen year old high school student and a twenty-two year old grad student!" said Tish, her eyes turning into slits. "Don't you know you can get in trouble for that? You can even get arrest! Which, by the way, WOULD NOT LOOK GOOD ON OUR RECORDS!"
"Aw come on! You're so old-fassioned!" said Bianca, absentmindedly waving it away with a goofy smile on her face.
"And you're as dumb as a sack of quick-dry cement," said Tish. "Second of all, it is very bad to date people who aren't in your intelligence bracket. I did a background check on him, and it turns out that he's the top student in his school, and several of the top schools, even Yale, is after him! You were so lucky to get through college that Omega Delta Epsilon started the trend of saying 'That's like Bianca passing her term paperr' when something impossible would happen."
Silence.
"YOU CALLIN' ME STUPID?" Bianca asked.
"In comparison to him, yeah!" said Tish. "Face it Bianca, you are NOT a rocket scientist! I dated a rocket scientist, and it was about as fun as being stabbed by a dull pencil repeatedly! You wouldn't be happy with him, and I suggest you BACK OUT NOW!"
"NO! NEVER! I LOVE HIM!" said Bianca.
"You'd fall in love with that chair if you stared at it long enough!" yelled Tish, pointing to one of the chairs. "It's illegal, it's impractical, and I'm not letting you do this! It's better if you just drop it and concentrate on the acquisition of fruit."
"Alright…" said Bianca hanging her head sadly. "I supposed I won't do it…"
---ooo---
"Not with your consent, anyway!" said Bianca, eagerly waiting on the corner with a red, sequin dress on with a side slit, pearl necklace, and the strap-up heels, with her hair super extra supermodel curly.
"BI-ANC-AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled Tish's voice frm the top of the building, where the window to their hotel room was still open. "LET ME OUT OF THIS CLOSET NOW, AND THEY MAY FIND YOU REMAINS!"
"…what does consent me anyway?" asked Bianca.
---ooo---
"We're going to WHAT?" asked Odion in horror.
"Go to Domino Springs, the fanciest restaurant in town!" said Marik, flipping through the phone book for the number.
"WHY?" asked Odion.
"Because word on the yard says that Yugi's got a date with a hot chick named Tea tonight!" said Marik, giggling like a loon. "So chances are that when they're staring at each other with those big, stupid eyes couples usually have when they stare at each other, we grab the puzzle and run! And I even added the RUNNING part, and then, once we get home, THEN I burst into homicidal laughter! IT'S GENIUS!"
"It's stupid!" said Odion. "It sounds like this one is going to end the same way that all your dim-witted and backward plans end!"
"It so won't end the same way my dim witted and backwards plans end!" yelled Marik angrily. "I thought every detail over through perfectly! It has to work! We will get that puzzle no matter what!"
"Obviously you didn't think of how we're going to actually get into the building unnoticed!" said Odion angrily. "We've already hit the wall with the whole thing that it's Friday night and they only let you in with a reservation, and then how are we going to supposed to get close to either of them completely unnoticed long enough to snatch something from a spiky haired kid's head without him or his date catching on that we're trying to steal something?"
"Simple! I got us both jobs!" said Marik, hanging up the phone.
"WHAT?" said Odion. "How? They can't just hire people in an instant! It goes against regularities and common sense! And we have to fill out applications and everything else!"
"No we don't!" said Marik. "I just threatened them with their lives! They complied pretty darn quickly after that!"
"ARE YOU ON SOMETHING, IDIOT?" yelled Odion. "They'll probably have a bunch of cop cars just waiting there to book us!"
"No, because I told them I had freaky mind powers, and if they hired cops to come and take me out, I'd just blow up their brains!" said Marik.
"…your head is like a great big bowl of pudding, isn't it Marik?" said Odion.
"SOFT AND SQUISHY!" said Marik, poking it.
"Great. Isn't going to happen," said Odion.
"Odioooooooooooooooooon who oooooooooooooooooooowns yoooooooooooooou?" asked Marik in a sing-song voice.
"…me?" asked Odion hopefully.
"Nope!" said Marik.
"…you…" said Odion with a sigh.
"CORRECT!" said Marik. "So you're going to partake in my ridiculous whims, and GOSH DARN IT, YOU'LL LIKE IT! Now stand still Odion, I need to get your measurements!"
"I am NOT going to give you my measurements!" yelled Odion angrily. "Do you know how cold that tape measurer is?"
"YOU'RE BARE SKIN WILL BE CONTACTED BY THIS TAPE, AND IT WILL LIKE IT, BUTTHEAD!" yelled Marik, whipping out the tape.
---ooo---
"So it's come down to this…" said Asuka to herself. "The one thing we need to do is find the happy chorus. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling that it's the key to stopping the madness."
"Why do you think this?" asked Ryou.
"It's the only lead I got, and I'm using it!" said Asuka.
"La la la la la la la…" sung Seta to herself, turning around a corner of the school, skipping along the sidewalk that circled around the school. Ka'aewu was being swung by his ears, who was sobbing in open pain, feeling like his ears were being pulled out of their sockets, but his cries falling on basically deaf ears. "Goin' to da place, la la la la la…"
"Evil one…" said Asuka acidly, whriling around to face Seta, who stopped in mid-skip, causing Ka'aewu to slam into her leg. "Well, I'm just about to solve one of the problems-"
"HI FRIEND!" said Seta, waving cheerfully. "Guess what? I've gots to go now, so I can't stop and play! Sorry!"
"Is that the evil thing?" asked Ryou.
"Yes…" said Asuka.
"…little pink for a vessel of chaos, isn't she?" said Ryou.
"You aren't going anywhere!" said Asuka, pointing to Seta angrily. "I've had enough of you! I've been chasing you around all day, and now, it's high time I send you back to where you came from!"
"Sorry! Gotta go now! Some creepy guy said that some mean people are going to do mean things!" said Seta. "GOTTA GO MAKE FRIENDS NOW! BYYYYYYYYYYE!"
"Wait! No! Come back!" yelled Asuka trying to chase after her, but instantly, Seta disappeared, almost in a cloud of smoke.
"Darn it! She used teleportation powers!" yelled Asuka, snapping her fingers. "This is great. I've got to go track her…"
"What about the happy chorus and Shou?" asked Tohru.
"I…keep an eye out for both of them," said Asuka, running off. "Just stay here, and don't cause any trouble! If you find Shou, tell him to follow my tracking signal! I'll come back in a bit, I promise!"
And with that, she ran off away from the school, following the long, sweaping sidewalk next to the road into the city beyond.
There was silence from everyone else who was left behind.
"I GOT AN IDEA!" said Fubuki, as Ryou's eye twitched.
---ooo---
And for now, that's all.
Next time, date pickups, Odion's a busboy, and CROSSDRESSING! See you later!