I licked all the cookies!
Well, it's finally happened. I've been asked if I was a Fubuki-Ryou-shipper. After taking a quick look at some of the previous chapters, I thought…wow, it really looks that way, doesn't it? No, I just like to see Ryou in pain X).
CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
MY BEST FRIEND SPONGY
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM-
"DARNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"
-BAM SMACKA BAM BAM BAM-
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I HATE THIS STUPID THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"
-RIP SLASH BANG SLAM BANG CRASH-
"Sandy, I told you to stop trying to solve the 'hard' Sudokos," said one of Sandy's coworkers to her, as Sandy was currently beating the podium to a state of a bunch of splinters with a very large, very heavy looking aluminum baseball bat, panting angrily, a vein bulging and pulsing on her forehead, as her mouth was gaping open, filled with ragged breaths of sheer anger.
"It temps me so…foul…siren…but now it's dead…" said Sandy, a darkly evil smile springing on her face.
"Actually, it's still in one piece," said the coworker, holding the Sudoko book gingerly by an extremely battered cover. Despite the cover, the book itself remained relatively intact.
That's when Sandy pulled out a flamethrower, aimed it at the book, and set forth a burst of flame, which promptly turned it into a ball of ash very quickly, as well as the man's left hand, which he used to hold it out.
"And now…it's not…" Sandy said with a cheerful smile.
"…you incinerated my hand…" said the other waiter.
"Shut up, customers, are coming," said Sandy, as the bell rung, and Alister and Valon walked into the room. "Bonjour monsieur et mademoiselle, and welcome to Chez Moufette!"
Alister and Valon entered the room, Alister wearing the dreaded dress that Dartz brought him, Valon just wearing a tuxedo, while holding Alister's hand. Alister's hand was completely limp in Valon's, and it looked like he was trying to will his arm to fall off, or at least go limp so he wouldn't have to feel Valon's ten layers of filth coated on his hands, because Valon's monthly hand washing had been eighteen days ago.
"Ah, another beautiful couple!" said Sandy oozingly, as Alister bit his lip in anger until a small trickle of blood slithered down a corner of his mouth. "The table for two, I'm assuming?"
"Table for TWO?" asked Valon in a confused tone.
"…yes, the table for two," said Sandy.
"Table…for two…table…for…" said Valon to himself. "HEY! Why would you want to give us a table for two? There's three of us, you stupid waiter! CAN'T YOU SEE?"
"…three of you?" Sandy echoed.
"Yes, THREE of us!" yelled Valon at the top of his lungs. "COUNT 'EM! ONE-" he pointed to Alister, "-TWO-" he pointed to himself, "-AND-"
He pointed to the right of him, but to his shock, no one was there. He continued to stare at the large portion of empty air that he was pointing to, looking for something to actually point at. For several seconds, everything was quiet.
"He must have snuck off…" said Valon.
"I…see…" said Sandy. "Table for two than?"
"MAKE IT SEVEN!" yelled Valon.
"…two it is then," said Sandy, picking up two menus. "And how are you doing this evening…miss…"
Alister looked like he was trying to bleed himself to death through his lips.
"Well, it's your fault for picking him, sweetheart," said Sandy, as Alister gripped Valon's hand with the intention to cut off all its circulation and cause it to fall off. "Oh well, this way please."
---ooo---
"I had three cookies in my backpack, but I gave one to a hungry squirrel, one to an evil old man, and then I ate one!" said Seta to herself, as she continued to skip down the street at a rather fast pace, unaware that she was being chased down by two special agents. "So I guess I don't have any now! Yayz!"
"CATCH HER SHOU! CATCH HER!" yelled Asuka angrily, as both of their footsteps hammered on sidewalk.
"I CAN'T!" sad Shou. "Besides, why are you bugging me? You have longer legs than I do!"
"Well your hair's more aerodynamic than mine!" yelled Asuka.
"No it's not!" yelled Shou angrily.
"…good point, just run!" yelled Asuka. "Oh…no, she's heading the subway!"
"That's bad right?" said Shou.
"She'll have complete access to any area of the town through an underground network, and with so many dozens of options of stops and re-entry points, it'll be virtually impossible to trace her!" said Asuka.
"Assuming that she has enough money!" said Shou optimistically.
"Uh…yeah," said Asuka. "JUST DON'T LET HER-"
Her comment was interrupted as the sound of boots bounced down the subway steps.
"Never mind just…GET HER!" yelled Asuka.
---ooo---
"When she said 'dark and secluded', I seriously thought she was kidding," said Ryou, as he and Bucky Drag-join, as they sat in a corner of the restaurant that was decorated with ceiling lights that were on it's last leg, buzzing and flickering at occasional points, cobwebs, two-inch-thick layers of dust, and a skeleton of what seemed to be a customer with a fork wedged in a bony hand.
"I think it's romantic!" said Fubuki.
"No one's here Fubuki, you can seriously stop pretending to be a girl now," said Ryou.
"Let me just brush my long hair, and re-do my makeup!" said Fubuki, plopping a little black purse on the table, and flipping through it, trying to find the necessary items he'd need for such a task.
"Fubuki…please stop…you're going to regret this later…well, no you aren't, but you should, so stop," said Ryou.
"I FEEL PRETTY!" sung Fubuki, brushing his hair with a sickeningly giddy smile on his face.
"Fubuki…" Ryou said dangerously.
"Does this outfit make me look fat?" Fubuki asked.
"…why am I friends with you again?" asked Fubuki.
"Evening repulsive shrew and his hot girlfriend," said Marik, walking up to the table, winking at Fubuki, who giggled, as Ryou slapped his face. "Welcome to Burger King…SORRY Mc-NO! Friend-NO! WHERE ARE WE? WHERE ARE-"
"Chez Moufette?" asked Ryou.
"Oh…yeah…whatever," said Marik, picking up the little notebook. "Welcome to…wherever the heck we are. How may I swerve-SERVE-you?"
"…can you start by leaving?" asked Ryou.
"Before I begin slapping you, I wish to introduce all of you to my greatest friend in the world, Spongy!" said Marik, pulling out a sponge that had a pair of eyes and a smiley face drawn on it in permanent marker. "Isn't he cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute?"
"…Spongy…" said Fubuki, his eyes wide. "What a…beautiful name…"
"Come to think of it, why don't we even have menus?" said Ryou.
"PICK PICK PICK! NAG NAG NAG! IS THAT ALL YOU DO?" Marik yelled angrily. "GOD, I HATE YOUR KIND, NITPICKER! YOU CAN NEVER JUST ACCEPT ANYONE'S MISTAKES, NOOOOOOOOOOO ALWAYS WANTING PERFECTION YOU-"
"Can I…hold him?" asked Atticus with shining eyes.
"…what?" asked Marik.
"Spongy…I want to hold him," said Fubuki. "Pleeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?"
"Fine, sure, whatever freak," said Marik, throwing the sponge at Fubuki's spongy head. "Now, back to my angry rant-FILTH! I CAN'T STAND TO EVEN LOOK-"
"SPONGY!" said Fubuki, giving the sponge a hug. "My true, first love!"
"WHAT?" yelled Marik.
"Don't worry Spongy!" said Fubuki bravely, lovingly embracing his cleaning tool. "Oh, dear Spongy! I have planed this day for ages! I shall take you away from the horrors of this life, to a land of happiness and joy!"
With that, leaped out of his chair, the sponge held tight in his arms, and screaming like a loony, ran away from the table as fast as he could.
"HOW DARE YOU TAKE SPONGY AWAY FROM ME?" screamed Marik, leaping over the table that Ryou sat at with one bound. "AH'LL KEEL YOU!"
Ryou only stared as the two sped all over the room, ricocheting off tables, walls, and sometimes other customers in their mad catfight over the love of Spongy the sponge, that became a melee of clanking, scratching sounds, yelling, and the occasional sound of shattering priceless table wear.
Silence.
"I'm almost hoping that they'll kill each other," said Ryou.
---ooo---
"RAILS OF DEATH?" screamed Shou, looking at the huge sign that was plastered over the ticket counter.
"It's pronounced 'Deeth'," said the man at the ticket counter, who looked very sad and grim. "Anyway…how may I provide you with lackluster and mediocre service today?"
"Yeah, have you seen a homicidal maniac that looks just like me, except wearing a green-and-white, spaghetti-starpped crop-top, a dusty pink skirt, and a pair of pink calf-high boots?" asked Asuka at the counter.
"Hang on, let me interrupt your query to make a personal phone call," said the man at the counter, dully picking up the phone, beginning to dial a number into it. "Hello Mom…yeah..I like kitties…the sky is blue…Mr. Morton is the subject of the sentence…I want cheese…I'm an incredibly boring person…"
"Shou, try to question some of the people here," said Asuka. "I'm going to stay here in the off chance that he actually stops talking long enough to answer question."
"Won't he have to talk to answer it?" asked Shou.
"Demon first, logic later," said Asuka. "Just go!"
"STUPID KNITTING NEEDLES!" screamed an old woman at a bench, who was knitting what looked like a dead animal out of dull, muck-colored yarn. "ALWAYS STABBING ME! ONE DAY, I'LL SHOW THEM A THING OR TWO!"
"Excuse me Ma'am!" said Shou, walking up to the lady. "I was wondering if-"
"I'M A MAN YOU IDIOT!" yelled the…um, man, slapping Shou sharply across the back of the head. "HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT FOR YOUR ELDERS, YOU DOT-COM GENERATION GUTTER RAT!"
"I'm…sorry…" Shou squeeked, massaging the now injured spot on his head. "Um…but you're wearing a dress…"
"SHUT UP!" said the old man, giving Shou another swift slap at the back of his head. "Now what do you want, whipper-snapper?"
"Um…uh…have you seen a tall girl, wearing a-" Shou started.
"SPEAK UP!" yelled the man.
"Have you seen a-" Shou tried again, a little louder.
"I SAID SPEAK UP BRAT!" yelled the old man, decking Shou again.
"HAVE YOU SEEN A GIRL THAT'S ABOUT SIX FEET TALL, WEARS A-"
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHUT UP!" yelled the man, once again decking Shou. "I'm not deaf you little brat!"
"Ah…sorry…" said Shou.
"SPEAK UP!" yelled the man, decking him again.
"SORRY!" yelled Shou.
"SHUT UP!" yelled the old man, slapping him on the back of the head.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-SUK-AAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Shou.
"No, it's never easy, is it?" sighed Asuka, as she buried her head in her hand, as the man at the counter continued to aimlessly blabber into his phone.
---ooo---
"Alright men, do we have all the tools necessary to break into this establishment?" said Dartz.
"Yes," said Raffy.
"Ja!" said Ziggy.
"Flashlights?" said Dartz.
"Here," said Raffy, holding one up.
"Rope?" said Dartz.
"Here!" said Ziggy, holding up a huge coil of it.
"Really hot black clothing?" said Dartz.
Raffy flexed his muscles that bulged against his skin-tight black turtle neck, as somewhere, a massive crowd of fangirls screamed at the top of their lungs.
"And last but not least…APPROPRIATE MUSIC?" Dartz said.
Ziggy held up a pink boombox, slammed his pointer finger on 'play', and began belting out the mission impossible theme song.
"THEN WE'RE READY!" said Dartz, pointing to the dark window that lead to the basement of the building. "MOVE FORWARD TROOPS! TODAY, WE GRASP VICTORY!"
They both snuck on their hands and knees toward the window, guided only by their hearts and the theme music. At about the same time they managed to reach that particular spot on the lawn that they could begin their break in, they stopped. Silent…waiting…
…
"Now what?" asked Raffy.
"Give me the glass cutter," said Dartz.
"…the what?" asked Raffy.
"The glass cutter…to cut the glass…so we can unlock the window and…creep in…" said Dartz, his tone becoming more and more agitated as the sentence went on.
"You didn't say anything about a glass cutter," said Ziggy.
"Of course…common sense…what made me think that either of you had it?" said Dartz. "Well, maybe if we can pop the window pane out of the frame using a pocket knife-"
"Pocket knife?" asked Raffy.
"Of course, that would be way too convenient too…" said Dartz angrily. "Okay, what do we have that we can use to break into this window?"
"Um…this rope!" said Raffy.
"How will that work?" asked Dartz.
"We…could…make…it…into a whip?" Raffy tried.
"…I wish you brought your medicine…" said Dartz.
"Wait!" said Ziggy. "Zey say zat you can use diamonds to cut glass, yez?"
"Yes, why?" asked Dartz.
"Well, Herr Raphael's muscles are quite large and as dense and amazing as zeez diamonds!" said Ziggy. "Vee can use his muscles to cut zee glass!"
"Well, that's the stupidest idea that I've heard all night," said Dartz. "However…giving it a slight modification…maybe not! Raffy can just punch out the window!"
Silence.
"Though in retrospect, it feels a little stupid that I didn't think of that earlier," said Dartz. "Whatever! FIRE AWAY!"
With one quick punch, the glass shattered with a loud crash, as large panes flew all over the place, all clattering and shattering on each other and the ground.
"Ooooooh because it makes so much noise done that way…" said Dartz, sweat dropping at his own stupidity.
"Quick, let us-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Ziggy, as he jumped in, but one still-protruding piece of glass gave him a small cut on the palm of his hand. "MEIN GOTT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH PAIN! BLOOD! AAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Now I know why it was such a bad idea to take idiots along on this mission…" said Dartz. "Raffy, can't you shut him up?"
With one swift move, Raffy dove into the tiny hole (a bit of a surprise with his muscles) and clobbered Ziggy at the back of the head. With that, Ziggy teetered over and fell to the ground, knocked completely unconscious.
"NOT THAT WELL!" yelled Dartz.
"Well at least he's being quiet," said Raffy.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…" Dartz said, suppressing a scream of furry.
---ooo---
"Well, at least we haven't seen anything weird or suspicious, right Girly Man?" said Valon, sitting with a very angry Alister at the table.
"Uh, hello?" said Alister. "The second we've gotten into this mess, everything we came in contact with in this restaurant is weird! The waitress was nuts, this place is swarming with date-goers, there's a three foot tall kid hitting on a girl that looks twice his age-"
"Yugi, I think they're talking about us," whispered Tea across the table.
"-and on top of everything else, there's a pirate playing the violin in the corner who sounds like he's killing a cat!" yelled Alister angrily.
"Yarg, well 'Crawling' isn't the easiest thing tah turn into a sea-shanty, yeh barnacle-gutted little pansy," said the pirate angrily, trying to play the violin with the violin bow loosely to his hook.
"And no sign of any pencil-nuts either," said Alister. "Now can we please go, or can I at least get out of this dress?"
"But Girly Man, for all we know, the pencil bandits can be lurking anywhere!" said Valon.
"That would be as likely of a team of neurological scientist finding any function in your brain," said Alister. "Whatever, I'm just going to-"
"I'LL SAVE YOU SPONGEY!" screamed Marik, as Fubuki crashed into their table at full speed, causing it to completely break in half and collapse on the ground, nearly sending Alister and Valon flying out of their chairs. Frantically, Fubuki scampered into an upright position and broke into a run as fast as his legs could carry him, while Marik leaped on the table and, using it as a springboard, threw himself in the air, landing hard on the ground, and causing him to chase wildly after Valon.
Silence.
"Wow…that was stupid," said Alister.
"Yes, I am!" said Valon.
"The girl was pretty cute though…" said Alister.
"Yeah…" said Valon.
Silence.
"So…now what…" said Alister, looking bewildered at the table that was lying on the ground.
"Let's stare lovingly into each others eyes!" said Valon, his huge, blue eyes suddenly growing to twice their size.
"Stick a sock in it Valon," said Alister.
---ooo---
"Well, it looks like we're just going to have to sit tight and wait for the next stop," said Asuka, as she and Shou barely managed to cram their way onto the overcrowded and densely packed subway. "Our tip says she's heading towards downtown, so we're just going to have to travel on this route, and cut her off when we make the exit."
"That sounds so simple, it more than likely is going to fail!" said Shou cheerfully."
"No one likes a pessimist Shou," said Alexis dully. "Besides, it's not like there's any way you can possibly get brutally maimed on this place. Sure it's tightly packed, inadequetly lit, and filled with strange, fuzzy objects that seem to scamper across the floor but-never mind, we're in a death trap on wheels."
"WHEW!" said Shou. "Thanks Asuka, I-WHAT THE HEY?"
"Just quiet down," said Asuka. "Maybe we can pass the time by-"
"THERE YOU ARE, YOU FILTHY WHIPPER SNAPPER!" yelled the old man in the dress, walking up to Shou with a very pointy, very scary looking cane. "I'M GONNA TEACH YOU A LESSEN YE'LL NEVER FORGET!"
"AAAAAAH! ASUKA! HE'S COME BACK TO KILL ME!" screamed Shou, nearly jumping into her arms in terror.
"Shou come on, she's just a little old lady-" Asuka said.
"I'M A MAN YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WHELP!" screamed the old man, giving Asuka a sharp slap at the back of her head with his cane. "AS PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR INSULENCE, BOTH OF YOU MUST RUB MY FEET!"
"What?" said Asuka. "That's ridiculous! Why would anyone want to-"
However, her tune quickly changed as the old man gave her four sharp smacks at the back of her head for saying such things, causing her to nearly fall into the huge mass of commuters.
"OKAY! OKAY!" she cried in pain. "STOP IT ALREADY! YEESH! I GIVE! I GIVE!"
"THAT'S BETTER!" said the old man, pulling off a shoe and sock, revealing a huge, wrinkled, not-too-attractive looking foot, covered in yellowed toenails, and very sickening looking patches of crumbly dry spots. "START RUBBING BOYS AND GIRLS!"
"…Asuka…I think…I've just gone blind…" said Shou.
"I can only pray…" said Asuka.
---ooo---
Next time, another sinister plot, and several crazy random things that seem to get in it's way! See you soon!