3
"And did you complete the Padawan birthday ritual?" Qui-Gon asked. "Only by remembering the past are we able to learn from the present."
Obi-Wan was limp with shock and despair as the Syndicate guards dragged him to a prisoner cell. He was going to be renewed. 'You know the penalty.' Obi-Wan couldn't accept it. It wasn't fair! He had finally started on the path to his destiny. He was Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. They hadn't even gone on their first official mission together and everything was now coming to a horrible end. 'Why? Why me?' Obi-Wan asked himself and then rebuked himself. Self-pity was not a trait of the Jedi. A Jedi accepted his fate. Before death a Jedi is at peace. A Jedi is calm. Obi-Wan was going to die. Maybe not his body, but the part that truly made him Obi-Wan would be removed.
Obi-Wan took no notice of his surroundings as the guards pushed him onwards. They stopped, unlocked a tiny prisoner cell, and threw him inside. Obi-Wan crashed against the smooth durasteel wall and collapsed on the ground. He didn't move. A Jedi accepted his death... But this was worse than death. He would lose everything and not know that he lost it.
The cold dusty floor caused Obi-Wan to sneeze and he slowly got up into a crouching position. He felt dizzy, but soon that feeling dissipated. The cell was more of a cage than an actual room. He couldn't even stand all the way up in it. Did they have to be this cruel? How could someone wipe the memory of another person and not even give them enough space to stand on their last moments before it happened? How much time did he have? Why did they even wait? It was beyond cruelty.
Obi-Wan didn't know what to do. What could he do? He was trapped. He grasped the bars to his cell and tried to force them apart. They did not budge. He took a deep breath and focused his mind. He tried to will them apart with the force, but nothing happened. Perhaps not even Qui-Gon could do such a feat. The fact didn't make him feel any better. He checked carefully to see if any of the bars were weak or pliable, but they were all strong. There was no way out. Obi-Wan sighed and sat back against the wall. He tucked his knees underneath his chin and waited.
Obi-Wan only had one idea left, but he was certain it would not work. He could try reaching out to his Master through their bond. Would Qui-Gon come in time? The seconds ticked away and Obi-Wan felt fear consume his heart as each minute passed away. Obi-Wan tried to shake the fear away, but it clung to him like a leech. Fear was a leech, Obi-Wan realized. It drained you of hope and once hope was gone there was only despair. There was anguish so deep that no light breached the desolation. It was a void, an abyss of misery. 'And all of this,' Obi-Wan thought. 'Comes from fear.' Now he understood why fear was so dangerous.
Obi-Wan reached out for his Master. He vaguely felt a sense of anxiety coming from his Master, but it seemed so far away. Then Obi-Wan realized that Qui-Gon could not come in time to save him. Nothing could save him. It seemed that through all the time since he met his Master he had always found himself in impossible situations. He had never lost hope though. He always found a way to escape or Qui-Gon would rescue him. Even on the mining platform on Bandomeer when he accepted his death there was still hope. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and imagined himself as a great Jedi. He always believed he would be a Jedi Knight. It wasn't just belief, he knew he would be a Jedi Knight. He was destined for it. 'Perhaps I mistook belief for knowledge. Destiny for a possible outcome.' Obi-Wan thought. 'Maybe I wasn't meant to be a Jedi.'
With that Obi-Wan's dreams died. He could no longer see himself as a noble Jedi Knight protecting the innocent and bringing justice to evil. He just saw a boy wandering around with a void in his eyes. He saw a lost boy who knew nothing and lost everything. He lost his friends, his teachers, his home, his Master, and the Force? No, no memory-wiping machine could take away the Force. He would loose the knowledge of its existence and how to harness it. He would be blind to it as well. Obi-Wan shivered in the chilly air and curled further into a ball. His throat felt tight and his eyes started stinging. He sobbed and felt a wetness on his cheek. He could not stop the onslaught of tears as he cried out for help and no one heard him.
"What do you mean he is not coming?" Qui-Gon asked, trying to keep the annoyance and worry out of his tone.
They were still hiding in the shadows of the Syndicat warehouse. Qui-Gon, Guerra, and Paxxi stood unobserved. Guerra's shoulders were slumped and he looked about ready to cry.
"He... was taken by the Syndicat guards." Guerra whispered.
Qui-Gon almost roared at the young Phindian, but only the dire circumstances he was facing kept his voice in check.
"And how did you escape?" Qui-Gon asked icily.
"My comlink sounded and they wanted to know what I was doing and I said that it was a warehouse delivery. They said it was unscheduled. They wouldn't accept any excuse. Me and Obawan found the device. We thought if we just made it out of the building quick we were safe, but then they announced the guard whose uniform I was wearing number..." Guerra started to explain.
Qui-Gon remembered when he heard the intercom announcement. He had hoped it wasn't Obi-Wan or Guerra. He was mistaken.
"Obawan told me to give him my coat. He said the Force would protect him. I gave it to him and he told me to go. So I did." Guerra finished.
Qui-Gon took a deep shuddering breath. He tried to find his calm center but it eluded him.
"You abandoned him!" Qui-Gon accused and Guerra's skin went pale.
"Not so, Jedi-Gon! He insisted!" Guerra cried.
Qui-Gon began to pace around with a furrowed brow.
"It all happened so fast. I did not know what to do!" Guerra said in a muffled whine.
"You could have stayed with him!" Qui-Gon retorted.
"But Obawan told me to take the anti-register and leave. It was most important he said." Guerra cried again.
Paxxi watched and pitied his brother. He knew Guerra would never abandon Obawan unless he had no other choice.
"It does sound like something a Jedi would do." Paxxi said silently, supporting his brother.
Guerra looked with gratefully at Paxxi.
Qui-Gon sighed and tried to banish all of his anger and annoyance. He took another deep breath and closed his eyes. Paxxi was right. It did sound like something a Jedi would do. That Obi-Wan would do. Even before Obi-Wan was his padawan he had tried to sacrifice himself when they were trapped in the Bandomeer mine. Obi-Wan had done it again and this time Qui-Gon wasn't there to stop him.
A new thought entered Qui-Gon's mind and he glanced at Guerra. Guerra had betrayed Obi-Wan, again. Qui-Gon looked at Guerra with anger, but it evaporated when he saw the deep guilt in Guerra's eyes. No. He hadn't betrayed Obi-Wan. Guerra would never do that again.
"I did not know what to do Jedi-Gon." Guerra said mournfully. "He said the Force would protect him. Now I know it was a trick to get me to obey him. I would have gone in his place if I knew he was going to get captured."
Qui-Gon sighed heavily. He had no right to be mad at Guerra. His padawan acted like a Jedi should, but he wasn't a Jedi yet. He was just beginning. Had he lost his padawan before they even got to their first official mission? Qui-Gon couldn't help but feel proud of his new padawan. He would have done the same thing in Obi-Wan's place.
"We can signal Duenna for emergencies. She could meet us tomorrow and tell us how Obawan is and what they are planning for him. We can arrange rescue then." Paxxi spoke up softly.
Insistent warnings went off in Qui-Gon's head. Tomorrow would be too late. Who knew what was happening to Obi-Wan right now? He felt a sudden spike of anxiety and fear and knew it was from Obi-Wan.
"It will be too late by then!" Qui-Gon insisted. It has to be tonight. It has to be now."
Qui-Gon looked back at the Syndicat Headquarters with determination in his eyes. Paxxi and Guerra looked at each other with sadness in their eyes.
"So sorry to say not so Jedi-Gon." Paxxi said calmly and Qui-Gon whirled around.
"I will not leave Obi-Wan there for so long." Qui-Gon said firmly.
"Headquarters locks down for the night. Nobody can get in. Not even Terra or Baftu." Paxxi said.
"The anti-register device..." Qui-Gon began but the Derida brothers shook their heads.
"Not into headquarters after lockdown." Guerra said mournfully.
Qui-Gon shook his head in defeat. It would have to be tomorrow. He hoped his feeling that tomorrow would be too late just came from his own worry. He felt helpless. He should have gone with Obi-Wan and let the Derida brothers look for it together. That probably wouldn't have worked anyways. They had a better chance of finding the device in the groups they went in.
"Duenna will watch out for Obawan." Guerra assured softly. "She will protect him as best as she can."
Qui-Gon nodded and thought about what Yoda said to him once.
"Make the decision, make another. Remake ones past you cannot."
Qui-Gon and the Derida brothers made their way back to their hideout. Qui-Gon knew in his heart that he couldn't rescue Obi-Wan tonight.
It had been a couple of hours and Obi-Wan was still in that cramped cell. Each second that ticked by was torture. He tried not to think of all the precious memories he would loose, but he couldn't help it. Most of the memories he had were from the temple. He had spent most of his life there so it was no surprise. There were his friends Bant, Garen, and even Reeft. They had all supported him and sometimes fought with him. There was Yoda. The old and green Jedi Master who guided him and had always knew much more than he said. Lastly there was his Master Qui-Gon. He had known him the shortest, but he knew that if he wasn't going to loose his memory they would have been a very close knit Master and Padawan. There was no chance for that now.
Obi-Wan now thought of his thirteenth birthday. The day he officially was a padawan. The day he had waited for his entire life and now it seemed so far away. Obi-Wan thought of the gift that Qui-Gon gave him. He wished he had it now. Besides his lightsaber, which had been taken away, it was the only object which connected him to the Jedi. Both were gone and so was he.
He thought of the recollection exercise. He had not done it, but he had thought of every memory he would loose. Stuck in his tiny cell he remembered the past. Even if it was painful he had remembered everything that he would loose. His master had admonished him for not doing it the exercise.
'I hope that it's good enough for you Master.' Obi-Wan thought inconsolably.
Obi-Wan shivered. Guerra had said that some strong-minded beings could withstand part of the memory wipe. Obi-Wan's spirits lifted a little. Perhaps he could withstand the wipe as well! A strong voice of doubt and despair rebuked him. That hope would only lead to more disappointment. Obi-Wan shivered again and hugged his legs.
Obi-Wan didn't hear when the guards entered the room and walked up noisily to his cell. He saw two faces staring down at him and he backed up against the wall.
"Oh look, he's scared!" One of the guards mocked.
The other nodded and smiled, but there was pity in his eyes.
Obi-Wan was terrified and now he was angry. He had never liked it when people mocked him.
The guards opened up his cell and grabbed him forcefully and pushed him out. He hit the ground hard and coughed. The guards heaved him to his feet and started to drag him towards the memory-wiping machine. Something in Obi-Wan snapped and he lost all of his Jedi calm. He stomped on one of the guards feet with enough force to make the guard let go. Obi-Wan started thrashing around wildly and with his free fist he hit the other Phindian guard in the nose. The other guard let go and Obi-Wan started running away, but his legs had been cramped up in that cell for hours and they were unused to moving. He fell and hit the floor. The guards were on him again and one kicked him in the stomach and all the breath was knocked out of Obi-Wan. They hauled Obi-Wan to his feet and dragged Obi-Wan down the long dull hallway. Obi-Wan tried getting away, but they held his arms like an iron vice.
Obi-Wan struggled anyway and began shrieking and thrashing like a wild animal.
"NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM! THEY'RE MINE!"
His screams echoed down the long cold hallway.