20
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"Inwardly Obi-Wan gave a sigh. Qui-Gon often told him reassuring news, only to contradict it in the next sentence. It was his way of telling Obi-Wan that situations were not fixed, but fluid."
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Atri stared at the river. He closed his eyes and sat cross legged next to it. He listened to the slight rushing of water and felt the cool wind on his face. Atri had remarked that the air was different, but no one understood what he meant. Finally Shiko discovered that Atri was talking about the temperature and that it was getting colder. This led to a long explanation of the weather and the seasons which Atri tried to listen to, but it became too much for him. He didn't like changes in the environment around him. He liked constants. It was very soon that Atri found out that nothing was truly constant. This was one of the hardest things for him to accept. He stared at a rock. It didn't appear to be changing at all, but Atri looked deeper and deeper and he felt it. It was breaking down into sand at a pace that was impossible to fathom.
Atri's eyes opened again and he was once again drawn to the river. There was something about the river that was familiar. If he concentrated long enough he could almost remember. He looked at the boy in the river that was always there when he was. Today he looked sort of sad and Atri wondered why. He waved and the boy waved back. He stared and stared but the boy would not speak to him.
"I wonder if you have a name." Atri said softly.
The boy's mouth moved but no words came out. Again the boy looked sad and Atri felt that sorrow with him.
"Do you remember anything?" Atri pondered as he picked up a wet rock in the stream. It was smooth and he ran his fingers over it.
The boy in the river drew his gaze again. Why couldn't he speak to him? Was he so far away? With his other hand Atri reached out to touch the boy, but he only touched the water. The water rippled and the boy was obscured. After a few seconds he came back with a confused expression on his face.
"Where are you?" Atri asked the boy. The boy didn't answer. He never did. Maybe he didn't know where he was. "That's all right," Atri soothed. "There are a lot of things I don't know either."
Both Atri and the boy smiled. Atri then began to speak to the boy in the river, telling him everything he knew. The boy moved his mouth but no words ever came out and Atri wondered if that boy could hear him either. How far away were they? He looked so close…
"Atri?" He heard a familiar voice call. "Who are you talking to?"
Atri looked away from the boy to see Sera looking at him with a strange look. Could she not see the boy in the river? Didn't she see? She kneeled next to Atri and looked to where he pointed. She looked puzzled for a second as she looked at the reflection of herself and Atri.
"He doesn't talk back to me," Atri admitted. "But I keep talking to him. He looks… alone."
Sera enclosed Atri in a tight embrace and whispered something comforting but unintelligible. Atri looked at her with confusion.
"Oh Atri, that's you." She breathed softly.
"What?" The boy asked as his eyes darted back to the boy in the river.
"That's you." She repeated. "It's your reflection."
"But… I'm me. That can't be me. I'm here." Atri tried to reason. His voice became softer and softer and his eyes looked lost.
"Look at me Atri," Sera smiled as Atri obeyed. "Now look at the river."
Atri looked and his eyes widened as he saw Sera next to the boy in the river. He looked back and forth between the two and his breath seized up in his throat. His body began to tremble slightly. How could she be here and in the river at the same time? The Sera in the river put a hand on the boy's shoulder and Atri nearly jumped when he felt that same hand on his shoulder. He looked closer and he soon began to see that the boy copied his moves exactly.
"You see? That's you." Sera said with a smile.
"H-how can that be me?" Atri stammered.
He was not accepting and moving on. He couldn't. That boy was not him. It couldn't be, could it?
"Sometimes we see ourselves in other things. Things that are shiny or clear like the water. We couldn't know who or what we are if we didn't see ourselves in other things or people." Sera said.
"T-t-that's not me," Atri shook his head and his throat began to hurt.
The boy backed as far away from the stream as he could and looked at the ground. His eyes began to sting and he knew he was crying. He was not afraid… He was not!
"Oh Atri, I know it's hard for you to accept. There is only one you; even if you can't remember who that is." Sera put her arm around the boy. "We all have reflections. Sometimes we don't want to see them, but they're still there just like we're still here. It'll never go away until you yourself are gone."
Atri sobbed quietly and Sera did what she could for him. She couldn't understand what upset the boy so much. She didn't know that Atri had not only lost his first friend but that he never existed. The boy in the probot had been the first person who didn't try to hurt him. That boy never really existed. It had been Atri all along.
"It's okay Atri, shhh." Sera soothed.
"That is me…" Atri admitted pitifully.
"Come on, I'll make you something to eat. It's almost lunch-time. How does that sound?" Sera said, hoping to make the boy feel better.
Atri made a sniffling sound and let Sera drag him to his feet. He looked blankly at his surroundings and let Sera guide him back to the house. He kept seeing the boy in the river—himself—and didn't believe. That was his reflection, but it didn't belong to him. It was the boy before. That was him wasn't it though? He was the same body so wasn't he the same? He couldn't remember… Who was he? Was he betraying his self before by being Atri, and if he wasn't Atri then who was he?
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"Atri," Keta called through the house.
Atri looked up from the hands he was examining and waited for Keta to find him. She always called out and then found him. She never waited for him to answer. It confused Atri a little so he just waited for her to find him. Atri looked at Keta's golden hair and touched his own. It was quite different and it amazed him every single time. Once he had touched her 'forbidden' hair and she became extremely angry. Atri couldn't figure out why the girl was so protective of her hair, but he learned never to try touching it again. Today her hair was in a single interwoven pattern that Keta called a braid. Atri had noticed that he had a smaller and messier version of a braid. He didn't understand its purpose. He never tried taking it out though. He wouldn't know how to braid it again if he did.
"Atri," She said once she found him sitting at the small table adjacent to the kitchen.
"Keta," Atri responded.
He didn't feel like talking to her right now. He usually got bad feelings around her and he didn't like it. He didn't get any bad feelings around the rest of the family. It was just her, but not her.
"Will you tell my father that I'm going to Galu to meet Kiban today?" She asked sweetly.
Atri was confused enough already and it shone unequivocally on his face. Why would Keta ask him to tell Avlo something? Couldn't she do it herself? He felt a sting of the bad feeling course through him. No, something wasn't right.
"Why?" Atri asked (it was one of his favorite words).
Annoyance briefly flashed over her young face. She had expected immediate compliance without question. Those were Atri's usual actions when someone told him to do something.
"Because I don't want to trouble him. He doesn't like to be interrupted when he's working…" Keta trailed off lamely.
Atri's face flinched slightly. Keta was not telling the truth. He felt this. It didn't make sense as it was. Atri felt a feeling of dread well up within him.
"But either way he would be interrupted. Why not you?" Atri asked.
Keta's eyes narrowed slightly as she regarded the boy.
"I don't have to answer to you. Just tell him." She bickered.
"No!" Atri said adamantly.
Keta was taken aback as the normally dazed and passive Atri stood up to her. They were about the same height even though she was older. His blank eyes bore into Keta and she felt a shiver go through her. It was like looking at a void. She felt afraid for some reason. The boy stared at her for a minute and then his blank gaze faltered and was filled up with a desperate look.
"Don't go," He pleaded. "Not today… tomorrow!"
Atri latched onto her arm and Keta flinched at the contact. The boy's touch was cold and his hands were trembling slightly. Atri looked on the verge of throwing a crying-fit and his shaking hands would not let go.
"This is my choice. None of you can stop me!" Keta yelled and tried to free herself.
Atri grasped her tighter and closed his eyes. Keta struggled further and finally threw the boy off of her. She looked at him with horror and then backed away out of the kitchen. Atri continued to stare after her, but didn't follow. He didn't know what he should do. He saw—he saw something and he didn't understand what it meant. Atri was paralyzed by the swirling currents inside of his head. He knew he had to do something, but he didn't know what to do. What he saw he had not experienced before. He felt like he had a voice inside of him screaming at him that could not be silenced unless he heeded it, but it never told him what to do!
Atri knew that that standing would not solve the problem so he began to move his paralyzed feet. He didn't know where he was going but he was going to move. He took a step and then another. He finally gained momentum and he went running out of the house. He headed towards the fields. His mind was racing faster than his legs and he couldn't keep up. His foot hit a rock and Atri felt strange as he started flying through the air. The air became heavy again and slowed down. His eyes closed and his body started moving on its own. He absorbed some of the impact in his hands and rolled forward. Atri was back on his feet before he knew it and he began to run faster.
He had to tell someone!
Atri stopped for a second and caught his breath as he took a look around him. The house was far behind him and the fields were off in the distance as well. He felt a sinking feeling inside of himself as he realized that there was no one around. Would they understand anyway? Did they see what he saw? If so, where were they? What did he see? Was it real?
The sun struggled to shine through the overcast cloud cover and Atri felt a chill go through him. The wind brushed against his skin. The invisible force always amazed him even when he was anxious. What was he going to do? The boy's eyes strained to see as far as he could. The sun peaked out of the clouds for a second and Atri caught a glimpse of someone coming towards him. Atri felt a large sense of relief go through him. He ran over towards the figure.
"Slow down young Atri!" Tiku said with a smile.
Atri's face was pale and he looked absolutely miserable. Tiku grasped Atri's shoulders in an effort to calm him down. Atri was almost vibrating with tension.
"What is it?" Tiku asked with concern.
"K-keta," Atri stuttered. "Sh-she is…"
Tiku immediately focused all of his attention on the boy and his grip became tighter. His pale blue eyes looked strangely intense and Atri tried to not look at them.
"What about Keta?"
"Sh-she goes to Galu and then she doesn't c-come back." Atri sobbed.
"Atri, start at the beginning. What happened?" Tiku asked in confusion.
"She w-wanted me to tell Avlo she was going to Galu to meet Kiban, but I said no."
"She's going where?" Tiku asked with incredulity.
Tiku began to pace around with the same nervous energy that Atri was displaying. Alarms were going off in Tiku's head. Keta never went to Galu to meet Kiban. Avlo paid for Kiban to come to their house exclusively. Why would he ask her to come to the capital? Something wasn't right…
"I asked her why and she said she didn't want to trouble him… but it wasn't…" Atri searched for a word. "It wasn't right."
"Do you mean she was lying?" Tiku asked seriously.
"Lying?" Atri didn't know the word.
"When someone says something and they don't mean it." Tiku immediately clarified.
"I...I don't know. It just wasn't right."
Tiku said some words that Atri had never heard before and clenched his fists. He let out a frustrated growl and shook his head in annoyance.
"Damn it!" Tiku shouted and began to march off towards the house. Atri ran after him and struggled to keep up with his pace. "What does she think she is doing?" He muttered.
"Tiku…" Atri said softly.
Tiku stopped and looked down at the boy and he felt a chill go up his spine. The boy looked absolutely terrified and was trembling all over. What had scared him so badly?
"I saw…" He tried to explain. "She doesn't come back. She leaves. It hasn't happened yet, but I saw."
Tiku hugged the boy tightly. The boy was not making any sense. Tiku always believed there was something a little off about Atri, but not in a bad way. Sometimes Atri understood difficult and adult concepts without any instruction but he didn't know what a fork was at first glance. He would clear all of this up when he came back with Keta.
The young adult hiked back to the house and went into an adjacent storage shed. He brought out an old and barely functioning swoop. He uttered a small prayer as he pressed the ignition switch. It sputtered to life and Tiku let out a roar of triumph. He hopped on top of the swoop. Atri watched in silence.
"I'll bring her back," Tiku said and Atri nodded.
Tiku raced towards the main road and began the journey to Galu. He hoped he would catch his sister on the way. He forgot to ask how long ago Keta had left.
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It was a few hours before the brother and sister returned. Keta stormed inside the house with a growl and Tiku followed behind with a stern expression. Atri and Shiko were in the kitchen watching Sera intently as she made dinner. Avlo was still out working in the fields. It was nearing harvest season and he had more work now than ever. Sera looked up in concern as she saw her only daughter in such a state. Keta stalked off to her room and slammed the door. Tiku winced and sighed in frustration.
"Where have you been? Your father needs your help now more than ever. He wasn't so happy when you just disappeared on him." Sera scolded lightly.
Tiku filled up a glass with water and gulped it greedily. His brows furrowed as he tried to compose himself.
"I was stopping Keta from making a stupid mistake." He muttered.
Tiku looked on the verge of strangling something and Sera knew this. She took a deep breath and waited for her son to continue. She was slightly peeved when he sat down and stared out the window.
"I don't think your father is going to take that excuse young man." Sera commented wryly.
"I'm sure he wouldn't." Tiku said bitterly.
"Tiku! Do not use that disrespectful tone in this house!"
Tiku almost openly glared at his mother. His lip twitched and he narrowed his eyes. Sera was a little shaken. Something had obviously gone on between her two oldest children.
"Maybe you should ask Keta what happened then." Tiku muttered again.
"You know I won't have any luck with that. Keta doesn't talk to anyone if she doesn't want to." Sera said.
Tiku let out a short and bitter laugh as he took another drink of water. Atri and Shiko were finally curious enough to overcome their trepidation at Tiku's anger. They sat on both sides of the young man and stared at him. Tiku looked over at Atri and his eyes asked a silent question. Atri's eyes revealed nothing back but the boy didn't look quite as terrified as he had before.
"Will you at least tell me where you two went?" Sera asked with a suffering sigh.
"Hah! Ask Keta where she was going. I was lucky enough to find her on the way though." Tiku said scathingly.
"Tiku, please, just tell me what is going on between you two. You haven't said a civil word to each other in days."
"I caught her on the way to Galu," Tiku finally said. "She was going by herself."
"She knows better than that!"
"I'm sure she does, but that didn't stop her."
"There's something else isn't there?" Sera asked not bothering to mask her worry.
Tiku smiled sardonically and tapped his chin. Shiko almost laughed out loud. His older brother was always respectful towards his parents. Maybe Tiku was going to get in trouble! That would be fun to watch…
"Oh yes mother, there is definitely something else. I am not allowed to say at the moment, but perhaps you should ask Keta about that."
Tiku then drank the rest of his water and put the cup in the sink. He stalked out of the house and headed towards the fields. Sera's forehead broke out into worried wrinkles as she watched the closed door to her normally happy home.
"Is Tiku in trrrroooouuuubbbbllleeee?" Shiko asked drawling out the last word.
"No honey," Sera said softly.
"Why not?" Shiko asked with a frown.
Sera didn't answer. She temporarily abandoned her cooking and went towards her daughter's room. She knocked softly on the door and waited for Keta to answer.
"Keta!" Sera called.
"What!" Keta answered back in a tone dripping with acid.
"Can I come in?" Sera kindly asked.
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to let you in!"
Sera slowly opened the door and was met by an icy glare from Keta. Sera crushed the hurt that look generated and pushed it down. Her daughter had her arms crossed and was sitting on her bed with a datapad in her lap. Meanwhile Shiko and Atri left the table and went to hear what was going on. They listened at the partially opened door.
"What's wrong?" Sera asked keeping her distance from her daughter.
"What, didn't Tiku tell you?" She asked with hatred coating every word.
"No, honey, he didn't." Sera said in her quiet voice and took a few steps forward.
Keta looked a little startled and the anger left her face to be replaced by shock. Her lips twitched and her blue eyes looked down at the datapad.
"Oh, I thought he would…" She admitted.
"He's angry though," The mother admitted. "I've never seen him so angry in his life. He was always so calm and rational."
"Yeah, I know he's mad." Keta said insolently. "I don't care."
"Yes you do. You might not realize it right now, but you care a lot. Maybe it's why you are so angry at him."
"You don't even know what this is all about so how would you know?"
"Because you're my children and I know a lot more than you think."
"Yeah right," Keta sulked.
Sera looked sharply at her daughter and frowned.
"I know why your brother is covering up for you and taking most of your punishment. I know he's not going to tell me or your father what happened. I only hope that you see your brother's actions for what they really are." Sera said pointedly.
Keta visibly flinched and Sera left her alone in her room. Sera went back to her neglected cooking with a heavy heart. Shiko and Atri (happy for not being spotted) looked at each other in confusion. Keta got up and closed her door all the way. Atri flinched at the sound. He was glad that Keta had come back, but he knew the trouble was not over. He couldn't really remember the images from what he saw, but he remembered the feelings. He knew that Keta was going to leave for Galu and that she would not come back. He had felt the sadness that came from Keta's brothers and parents. He had felt the guilt and the anger. He had felt the wrongness.
The danger was not over, but the boy felt a lot better. He had done the right thing and somehow he felt that things would be okay. It was a very comforting feeling that he and Shiko seemed to share exclusively.
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Dinner was a tense and awkward moment. Tiku and Keta sat as far away as possible and did not look or speak to each other throughout the whole meal. Avlo continued to berate Tiku for leaving him in the fields when he promised to help. Tiku offered only non-committal and almost rude answers. Every once in awhile after Avlo pronounced his disbelief over his son's thoughtlessness Tiku would look up and stare directly at Keta. A few seconds later he would allow his gaze to drop with a look in his eyes that said that only a small glance was enough to pain him.
Keta stubbornly refused to say anything and she would frequently sneak a strange and almost malicious glimpse at Atri. Sera had a scowl on her face as she watched her cooking go to waste as no one seemed to enjoy anything at the moment. Avlo was annoyed with his eldest and was letting it show quite plainly. It was only Shiko and Atri who seemed to be oblivious to the tense atmosphere. They giggled and laughed at anything and everything they could. They played with their food and were overjoyed when everyone was too preoccupied to even notice. Shiko even managed to teach Atri the art of hiding food that they did not want to eat.
"So I heard that Prince Beju has finally returned from Phindar," Sera said, trying to get some sort of conversation going.
Tiku shrugged and continued to stare at his food. Sera sighed heavily. Something was going on with her family and she was going to find out. If politics couldn't get Tiku to talk then she didn't know what could. She looked at Shiko and Atri and a small smile crept on her face. The two were carrying out some sort of dramatic duel with their spoons. Both were smiling and oblivious to everything else. At least some things never changed. Seeing him at the river and denying his reflection had been a little heart-breaking, but the boy looked fine now. It was at that moment that she could no longer deny that Atri had become one of her children and that she loved him. They all loved him.
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A/N: Wow, probably my fastest update yet. You can blame college life. I have this five hour break between classes on most days and there is this completely silent room in the library that is very conducive to writing. Next chapter… Qui-Gon searches for Obi-Wan but gets sucked into the already existing Jedi mission. Poor Qui. Thanks again for reviewing.