hello, all...
here's chapter four! huzzah!
thanks to my two reviewers, MikoHatome and Tansiana! and (hint, hint) i REALLY like reviews...
disclaimer: poor Tolkien...he's probably writhing in his grave because of this thing...
…Eight hours later…
Pippin: (pants) That must have been a good twenty-mile walk! I doubt my poor feet will ever be comfortable again.
Gandalf: Cheer up, my Hobbit friend. I have chosen the correct path, and we will soon be out of these dark mines.
Pippin: Yes, but we still have quite a ways to go after we get out of here.
Gandalf: Well, I can't argue with you there.
Pippin: (sigh) That's what I thought.
Frodo: (gasp) Look, the walls are gone!
Gandalf: WHAT?
Everyone: (looks around) (collective gasp)
Gandalf: That's because we are in one of the great Halls of the Dwarves of this land. If I remember rightly, there are some windows that lead up to the surface of the mountains that let light in this room, but it's still dark because it is night. We shall rest here, and wait until morning to continue.
Lavender: (sighs happily) Good, I'm glad we don't have to go any further…y'know, I could hug him for not making us go on…
The 8th: (grins) You'd better not…Aragorn might get jealous…
Lavender: (shoves The 8th)
Sam: I have a question. Even though it is very dark, I imagine that this place must have held hoards of Dwarves in it's time. Why did they come here? And so many too?
Gandalf: For mithril. It is found in no other place in the whole world, and all the Races dearly loved it. It's brighter than silver, yet stronger than steel, and is especially valuable, since very little above-land is left. Bilbo once had a mail shirt made of mithril that Thorin gave him. I wonder what ever became of it…
Gimli: Are you joking? Gandalf, that was a gift fit for a king! A corslet of mithril…?
Pippin: Do you know what happened to it, Frodo?
Frodo: What? Oh, no, I don't. (looks around furtively, then feels under his tunic for his mail shirt) (thinks to himself) Wow…and to think I've been tramping around with the price of the Eastfarthing under my jacket…
Pippin: Frodo, what exactly are you doing with your hand in your shirt like that?
Frodo: (takes hand hastily away from tunic) Nothing.
Pippin: Whatever you say, Frodo…
…Hours later…
Gandalf: Good morning! And it is morning, since some light is shining through those windows I've mentioned. Look!
Pippin: (jumps out of bed) I can see!
Merry: (jumps out of bed) I haven't gone blind!
Merry & Pippin: (link arms and start jigging) We can SEE!
Gandalf: Shut up, you two, and stop dancing like that.
Lavender: (moans) Who's yelling so loud? opens eyes Ow! And why is it so bright in here?
The 8th: (covers Lavender's mouth with hands) (whispers) Shut up! It's light, so they might see us!
Both: (draw back into the shadows)
Gandalf: As I was saying before these two started their absurd little dance, we should be out of these mines before the day is out.
Aragorn: (jumps up and down) (claps hands) We made it! We made it!
Boromir: (jumps up and down) (claps hands) We're alive! We're alive!
Aragorn & Boromir: (link arms and start jigging) We can get OUT of here!
Everyone Else: (stares in shocked silence)
Legolas: Oh, my. (covers eyes with hands)
Gandalf: "Oh, my" is right. Clearly we need to get out of here…this place is doing some odd things to the minds of two perfectly sane Men I know…
Aragorn: (cough) We're not crazy, Gandalf, simply elated. If you recall, not too many of us wanted to go in here in the first place…
Boromir: And as I recall, two of our Hobbit friends were doing the exact same thing only a few moments ago. I wonder…why are Men of the West pronounced crazy when they imitate the actions of Hobbits, while the Hobbits are merely called foolish?
Frodo: (narrows eyes) Are you trying to say something, Boromir?
Boromir: Nothing at all, Master Frodo, simply making an observation.
Sam: (whispers to Frodo) Mr. Frodo, I don't know if you noticed, but Boromir has been acting quite strangely lately…I'd watch out if I was you…you remember how he acted back at Rivendell…
Frodo: (whispers) Hush, Sam. It may be simply this darkness that's affecting him, and nothing about the Ring at all.
Sam: (whispers) All right, Mr. Frodo…but don't say I haven't warned you.
Frodo: (still whispering…) I'll say nothing of the kind Sam. Right now, though, let's pack up and focus on getting out of here.
Sam: Right you are, Mr. Frodo.
…Ten minutes later…
Gandalf: All right, everyone. Before we continue, I just want to do some exploring. The path divides again a little farther on and I want to see which one we should take.
Boromir: I thought you said you knew where you were going!
Gandalf: I am fairly sure of myself, I just want to confirm my suspicions. You can go on, of course, but there are no promises that we'll retrieve you from some dark place you've managed to become ensnared in.
Aragorn: (smirks)
Boromir: (mumbles) I'll stay with you.
Gandalf: Good. Now, let's go and peek into that chamber with so much light coming from it.
…In the room…
Frodo: (stands in front of a curious table in the middle of the room) It looks like a tomb…
Gandalf: (reads inscription) Dang it!
Everyone Else: What?
Gandalf: Balin's dead.
Gimli: (hides face with hood of cloak)
Lavender: That sucks.
The 8th: Obviously.
Pippin: (gasp) Gandalf, look at the floor.
Gandalf: Well, I guess that's what happened to the rest of them… (looks more closely at various skeletons and weapons lying on the floor) Killed by Orcs.
Merry: (points) Look over there, in that corner…what is that?
Gandalf: (picks up object) It's an old book… (flips through book gently)
Boromir: It looks as though it's about to fall apart.
Sam: (gasp) And what is that horrible stain on the front cover? Is that…?
Gandalf: Blood.
Sam: (shudders)
Gandalf: Hmmm…this appears to be a record of Balin and his exploits here in Moria…let's see here…"found mithril…found some gold…Balin is lord of Moria…" sigh I fear it is grim reading from here on…
Gimli: No matter how grim, I will bear it, but what happened to my folk?
Gandalf: Listen: "…We cannot get out. We cannot get out. They have taken the Bridge and the second hall…the pool is up to the wall at Westgate. The Watcher in the Water took Óin. We cannot get out. The end comes…drums, drums in the deep…they are coming."
Boromir: (whistles) Dang…
Gandalf: (hands book to Gimli) Here, Gimli. You keep it, and we can look at it more closely later. Now…let's get back to the hall.
…Just then…
Scary Drums: boom, doom, doom!
…The place has been filled with…ORCS!
Legolas: "They are coming!"
Gimli: "…We cannot get out…"
Gandalf: Aw, crap!
Lavender: We're all gonna die…we're all gonna die…
Aragorn: Quick! Close the doors!
Gandalf: No! Keep that back door open! We must not get trapped in here.
Company: (draws swords)
Lavender & The 8th: (huddle helplessly in a corner)
Boromir: (starts closing the door)
Gandalf: Wait! Don't close it yet. (walks over to door and thrusts magic walking-stick out into the hall)
Magic Walking-Stick: (lights)
Gandalf: (looks out door jumps back) There are definitely Orcs out there and a cave-troll or two. It's suicide if we try that way.
Boromir: And certain death if they start coming from the back door.
Aragorn: There isn't any sound coming from that way, but it's no good to run blindly while they are just behind us. We need to delay the enemy long enough to escape.
Pippin: (sigh) We have to fight, don't we.
Aragorn: I'm afraid so.
Boromir: (slams door shut and wedges it with broken swords)
…To their dismay…
Cave-Troll: (pushes one arm and one foot through door)
Lavender & The 8th: (whimper in fear)
Boromir: The door isn't holding! (hacks at troll-arm with sword)
Sword: (flies out of Boromir's hand)
Boromir: CRAP! My sword is notched.
Frodo: (gets really angry) For the Shire! (stabs troll-foot with Sting)
Sting: (stings)
Cave-Troll: OOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! (withdraws body parts)
Boromir: (slams door shut)
Aragorn: (to Frodo) Nice work.
Frodo: Naturally.
…Suddenly…
Orcs: (batter door with battering rams)
Gandalf: Stupid Orcs! They're using battering rams!
Door: (opens)
Orcs: (charge)
(fighting ensues)
…To everyone's surprise…
Verizon Wireless Guy: (holds cell phone up to ear) Can you hear me now? Good.
Lavender: WHAT THE HECK…? Where did he come from?
Verizon Wireless Guy: (holds cell phone up to ear) Can you hear me now? Goo—
Orc #53: (chops Verizon Wireless Guy's head off)
Legolas: (shoots Orc #53)
13 Orcs: (are killed by the Company)
Rest: (run like the Dickens!)
Gandalf: Now's our chance! RUN!
…But…
Big, Smelly Orc & Co.: (run in room)
Big, Smelly Orc: (charges at Frodo with his huge spear spears Frodo)
Frodo: (driven back against wall with spear) OOOF!
Sam: MR. FRODO! (hacks at spear with sword)
Big, Smelly Orc: (draws scimitar)
Aragorn: (bashes Orc's head in with sword)
Big, Smelly Orc's Co.: (flees)
Aragorn & Boromir: (chase them out)
Gandalf: NOW! Let's GO!
Lavender & The 8th: (sprint through back door nearly kill themselves, as there is a steep staircase)
Aragorn: (picks up Frodo runs out of room)
Rest Of Company: (runs out of room)
Boromir: (slams door shut)
Frodo: Put me down. I can walk.
Aragorn: (nearly drops Frodo) Holy crap! I thought you were dead! (sets him on the ground)
Gandalf: Get down those stairs as quickly as possible, all of you! Wait for me at the bottom for a few minutes, but if I take too long, go on without me. Take paths that go to the right and downwards.
Aragorn: Are you crazy? You can't hold the door alone!
Gandalf: Do what I said. Swords are of no use now. Just go!
Everyone Else: (waits at the bottom of the stairs)
…A couple of minutes later…
Gandalf: (flies down the stairs) Whew…that was tough…let's go on, but we'll have to go without a light for a while…I am very tired…
Pippin: (to Merry) I wonder what happened…
Merry: Well, he's obviously not very inclined to tell us…maybe when we're safely out of here…
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