ooh, i love updates, don't you? almost as much as reviews! speaking of which...
thanks very much to islington, Tansy, and Miko for reviewing (yeah, i love the Verizon guy too...only, if i did, i wouldn't have had him killed...oh, whatever...)
and thanks to those who've been reading and have been too shy to review! (hint hint)
disclaimer: uhh...yeah...I love Tolkien for coming up with all this...
…One hour later…
Everyone: (reaches a series of flights of stairs proceeds down til the 7th flight)
Gandalf: It's getting really hot down here…I must rest, though…I am very weary… (sits down on a step)
Gimli: What happened back there, Gandalf?
Gandalf: I have no idea. I suddenly found myself facing something I've never met before. I was concentrating on the shutting spell I was using to close the door, then something grasped the iron handle on the other side and perceived me and my spell…the counter-spell was horrible…it nearly destroyed me, and for an instant, it gained control of the door…it started to open! I spoke a word of Command, but that strained the door too much, and it flew to pieces. There was something very black hovering in front of the door, and it blocked all light, and I was thrown backwards down the stairs. Then the wall collapsed, along with the roof of the chamber, I think… But what about you, Frodo? I, along with everyone here, doubtless, thought you were dead. You have no idea how happy I was to hear you speak.
Frodo: I'm alright, I'm not dead, and I am in some pain, but not too much.
Aragorn: All I can say is that Hobbits are obviously made of stronger stuff than I suspected…that thrust would have skewered almost anything!
Frodo: Well, lucky it didn't skewer me, I suppose.
Gandalf: Let us continue! I have rested enough.
…Soon…
Gimli: I think there is a light up ahead. But it is not sunlight…it looks red.
The 8th: (quietly) Hey, that rhymed!
Boromir: Firelight?
Gandalf: Perhaps…all we can do is go on.
…Five minutes later…
Gandalf: Look. They've set the lower levels on fire…for our welcome reception, no doubt…
Lavender: Y'know, for being excessively ugly, Orcs are rather intelligent. I mean, where would they get the idea to light the lower levels on fire?
The 8th: Probably from some power higher than themselves?
Lavender: What, do you mean Saur—
The 8th: SHHHH! Don't say his name!
Lavender: (mumbles) Geez…you're almost as bad as the people in Harry Potter and their obsession with saying "You-Know-Who"…
Legolas: I don't think they expected us to come from where we did…we're on the wrong side of the trap!
Gandalf: Yes. If we had come down the main road from the upper halls, we would have been trapped. But now we must surely run for it…we might even escape if there is still daylight outside!
The 8th: Oh, that sounds promising…
Gandalf: Follow me! We go towards the Bridge of Khazad-Dum! (runs)
Everyone Else: (follows)
Orcs: (shoot at Company)
Gandalf: Look ahead! The bridge is coming up…I don't need for any of you to fall off…not even Master Peregrin…
Frodo: Why on earth is it so narrow! What were you Dwarves thinking?
Gimli: It was a defense against intruders; they could only go across single file.
Frodo: Well, it's not much of a help to us now, I'm afraid.
Gandalf: Gimli, you go first; Merry and Pippin, you next.
Orcs: (still shoot arrows)
Legolas: (mumbles) I'm getting really tired of this… (nocks arrow) (draws) (gasp) Oh no!
Everyone Else: (turns around) What?
Legolas: A Balrog! Ai! A Balrog!
Gimli: (covers face with hands)
Gandalf: Oh, I get it now…but this is horrible…I'm already so tired…
Balrog: (runs towards the Company)
Boromir: (blows horn)
Orcs: (pause a bit before charging)
Gandalf: Over the Bridge! Run! This enemy is no match for any of you, and I must hold the way. Run!
Aragorn & Boromir: (stand their ground)
Everyone Else: (runs over Bridge) (stands by the edge on the other side, watching)
Balrog: (approaches the Bridge)
Gandalf: You cannot pass.
Balrog: (swings sword)
Gandalf: (parries blow with Glamdring)
Balrog's Sword: (explodes, for some reason or another)
Gandalf: I said, you cannot pass.
Balrog: (leaps onto Bridge)
Gandalf: You cannot pass, you flaming pile of crud!
Aragorn: He can't stand alone! (runs forward, sword in hand)
Boromir: (follows rebellious example set by Aragorn)
Gandalf: (mumbles) Ugh, those idiots! Oh well… (raises magic walking-stick above head, then brings it down on Bridge) BREAK!
Bridge: (cracks)
Balrog: Oh, sh— (falls) (swings whip and drags Gandalf with him)
Gandalf: Get out of here! (falls)
Frodo: NOOOOO!
The 8th: That was heroic… (sniff) A little drastic perhaps, but still heroic…
Lavender: No, that was stupid. Who's going to lead us now, eh?
Aragorn & Boromir: (run back across Bridge, just as the rest is falling to pieces)
Rest of Bridge: (breaks)
Scary Drums: boom…doom…doom…
Aragorn: Don't just stand there looking stupid! I will lead you now. Follow me! (runs)
Everyone Else: (follows)
Lavender: (to reader) Hey, what else were we supposed to do?
The 8th: Who are you talking to?
Lavender: Oh, nobody in particular.
…Finally, the Company, now joined by Lavender and The 8th, make it out of the mines of Moria!
Company: (breaks down and cries for a good ten minutes)
Lavender: (in disgust) Look at them, The 8th…crying like babies…surely some of them must have some sense to not break down like that…
The 8th: (sobs)
Lavender: (looks at The 8th) Oh, please, not you too!
The 8th: (sniff) You're heartless, Lavender.
Lavender: Why, thank you, The 8th! How thoughtful of you to compliment me like that!
The 8th: (sigh) (shakes head)
Aragorn: (sniff) Well, we can't stay here much longer, I'm afraid. As soon as the sun sets, there will be Orcs beyond count scouring this area looking for us. C'mon Boromir, and you too Legolas; help me get the Little Folk up.
Gimli: Excuse me, but I am not that little. (rises) I can get up myself.
Legolas: Begging your pardon, Master Dwarf, but isn't that why you are called a Dwarf? Because you are little?
Gimli: (makes unintelligent noises of rage)
Legolas: (grins) It appears that our friend is a trifle upset…
The 8th: (stifles laughter)
Aragorn: That's enough, Legolas. Can't you two put aside your people's prejudices and be at peace for once?
Legolas: Sorry, Aragorn. I'm just trying to banish my grief by teasing Gimli here. (to Gimli) Nothing personal, of course.
Gimli: (mutters) Oh, I'll get you for that one, Elf. You can be sure of it…
Meanwhile…Boromir: (walks over to Hobbits, who are still sobbing) There now…you mustn't cry anymore…there will be other times, but now isn't really the best time for you to sob continually.
Pippin: (sniff) He's right guys…we need to get away from here, and I won't be fully satisfied until there are at least a few miles between me and that Gate.
Sam: (gets up) Come on, Mr. Frodo. We need to get going, or the Orcs will get us.
Frodo: Leave me alone, Sam.
Sam: (pouts)
Merry: Yeah, Sam…he's dealing with a lot right now…
Sam: You're making it sound like he's a teenage girl…
Lavender & The 8th: (in unison) Hey!
Legolas: (looks around) What was that?
Lavender & The 8th: (clamp hands over their mouths and back up silently)
Aragorn: What was what?
Legolas: I dunno…it sounded an awful lot like two annoyingly obsessive teenage girls stalking us…oh well, don't mind me…this place is doing things to me.
Gimli: What's there to do to you? Your brains have already deteriorated, your eyesight is likened to that of a dead fish, and now you've just proved you're hard of hearing too.
The 8th: Oh, he is so gonna… (walks purposely over to Company…but…)
Lavender: (stops her0 What are you doing?
Legolas: (stands there for a moment with shocked expression on face) (smiles) (bows graciously) Why, thank you for such a kind statement…I'm sure I'd never be able to come up with a better one for you.
Gimli: Don't mention it…HEY! (brandishes axe)
Legolas: (aims bow, complete with arrow, at Gimli) Just try me.
Aragorn: ENOUGH!
(crickets sound)
Lavender: (mutters under breath) Curséd crickets…
Pippin: Hey, where did those crickets come from? (looks around)
Merry: Who knows? (shrugs)
Sam: Who cares?
Pippin: I do, so there. (crosses arms and sticks out tongue)
Sam: (mutters) How immature…
Aragorn: (to Legolas & Gimli, who are standing on opposite ends of a group of boulders) Okay you two, I've had enough of this childishness. What, do I have to put you on time out?
Gimli: (raises voice) Excuse me, but—
Aragorn: (cuts him off) Oh, shut up. Listen, and listen well. You will not, either of you, trade insults anymore. Frankly, I'm sick of it, as I'm sure the rest of this happy little group are. I don't care if you find it amusing, or whatever you get out of regularly injuring each other's egos; I don't care. However, if I hear just one insult leave your mouths, I swear I'll punch you both. Hard.
Legolas & Gimli: (bow heads in meek submission)
Merry: (grins) (mutters) Yes, mother…
Sam, Pippin & Boromir: (stifle laughter)
Aragorn: What was that you said, Meriadoc Brandybuck?
The 8th: (whispers) Ooh, full name.
Merry: (blushes) Nothing, nothing…
Aragorn: Yeah, it better have been "nothing"… (looks around) Hey, where's Frodo?
Sam: (panics) Ohmygosh…ohmygosh…I've lost him!
Frodo: (less than 10 feet away from Sam) (sigh) I'm over here, Sam.
Sam: Mr. Frodo! (runs over and hugs him) Thank goodness.
Lavender: (whispers) Sam is acting sorta gay…
The 8th: (elbows Lavender in the ribs)
Lavender: Ow! (rubs side with hand) (mutters) He is though…
The 8th: (rolls eyes)
Frodo: All right, Sam, you can let go of me now.
Sam: (coughs) Oh, sorry, Mr. Frodo.
Aragorn: (cheerfully) All right, now that we're all accounted for, and Legolas and Gimli are actually silent for once, let's get the heck out of here. (starts walking) (pats Gimli's head in passing)
Gimli: (rubs thumb against blade of axe to test how sharp it is) (glares at Aragorn)
…And so, the Company departs from the Mines of Moria forever…
The 8th: (looks at Aragorn, then at Gimli) Y'know, it's times like these when I admire Aragorn. He's got guts, man…that Dwarf looks positively murderous.
Lavender: (in an extremely girly voice) You mean, you don't admire him all the time?
The 8th: (exasperated sigh)
Lavender: No, but seriously, Gimli looks like that all the time.
The 8th: (covers mouth with hand to stifle laughter) I guess you have a point…maybe that's why he creeps me out…he looks ready to kill someone.
Lavender: (grins) Nobody's perfect…
heh. true that.
please reivew! please?