oh, joy, another update. have fun.
thanks so much to Miko and islington...you guys make my day. :D
disclaimer: Lavender and The 8th and anything else you don't recognize belong to me. Savvy?
…An hour or so later…
Frodo: (gasps for breath as he is supported by Sam)
Legolas: (looks back and sees the two Hobbits lagging) (to Aragorn) Aragorn, Frodo and Sam have fallen behind.
Aragorn: What?
Legolas: Frodo and Sam—you remember them—well, it appears that they have fallen behind.
Aragorn: Stop being snide, Legolas. (looks back) (repeatedly slaps forehead with hand) Stupid…stupid…stupid… (sigh) I'll go get them. Boromir, come with me. (runs)
Boromir: (runs after Aragorn)
Everyone Else: (halts)
Legolas: (watches Aragorn & Boromir run towards the Hobbits) (shakes head) They call that running…?
Aragorn: (calls out to the Hobbits, who are hobbling along) Oh, geez, I'm sorry Frodo. (reaches them) Please forgive me. It's just that, with trying to get as far away as possible from the Gates, I'd forgotten how you were nearly skewered.
Sam: Hmph!
Frodo: (breathes heavily) Perfectly understandable, Aragorn. Could we move at a slower pace though?
Aragorn: We're not going anywhere until we've had a look at that wound you've received.
Frodo: I'm not woun—
Aragorn: (interrupts him) Don't tell me that you're not wounded; why else would you be clutching your side like that?
Frodo: I'm fine Aragorn, really, I am. (bends over to prove his point) See, I'm— (sharp intake of breath) (clutches side)
Aragorn: Okay, you need to stop moving. Here, I'll carry you… (picks Frodo up) Boromir, you carry Sam.
Boromir: (picks Sam up)
Sam: (attempts to wriggle free of Boromir's grasp)
Boromir: I advise that you stop moving, Sam. Remember, if you fall and crack your head open, it'll be entirely your fault.
Sam: (pouts) (crosses arms)
…Late,r at the hastily set up camp…
Aragorn: Okay, Frodo. Now that you're fed and rested somewhat, let's have a looksie at your battle wound.
Frodo: I'm all right, all I needed was food and rest.
Aragorn: Take off your shirt, Frodo, or I'll do it.
The 8th: (cough) Gay! (cough)
Lavender: (elbows The 8th in the ribs)
Frodo: (takes off shirt to reveal mithril coat)
Aragorn: (whistles) That explains it… (carefully removes coat from Frodo) (holds it up) Look, everyone! Isn't this a pretty little thing?
Gimli: (gasp) Mithril!
Legolas: Cool.
Lavender & The 8th: (in unison) Ooh…pretty…
Pippin: Did Bilbo give that to you, Frodo?
Frodo: Of course; where else would I have gotten it?
Merry: (looks at Frodo's side) Nice bruise.
Frodo: I know! Isn't it? Ow… (puts hand on bruise) Painful though.
Aragorn: (puts the mithril coat down and washes Frodo's bruise in athelas water) There. (in an infuriatingly-babyish voice) Is da wittle Hobbit all better?
Frodo: Why are you talking like that?
Aragorn: (shrugs) I don't know…it's fun, I guess.
Frodo: Oka-ay…
Aragorn: Let's pack up. We still have a ways to go before we reach Lothlórien.
Legolas: (sigh) My heart will be glad when my eyes behold the golden eaves of Lothlórien.
Gimli: I know I won't. That's the realm of the Elves, if it hasn't been deserted already.
Aragorn: (angrily) What did I say about dissing Elves?
Gimli: Uhhh… nothing, actually.
Aragorn: Well, I'm saying it right now: you will not diss Elves within five miles of me, do you understand?
Gimli: Okay.
Aragorn: Shall we go?
Boromir: Yes, we shall.
Aragorn & Boromir: (go sauntering off with arms linked)
Pippin: Do we…know them…?
Merry: No, I don't think we do.
Pippin: Just making sure.
Everyone (except Aragorn & Boromir, of course): (follow the two very odd Men of the West)
…Some hours later…
Wind: (blows leaves of some pretty golden-colored trees)
Legolas: Look! Lothlórien!
Aragorn: Good, we're here. We should go into the forest, since it's dark and there are bound to be Orcs around, just waiting to find us.
Everyone: (goes into wood except…)
Lavender: We can't go in there…Galadriel will sense our presence, and we don't want that to happen…plus, the Elves might decide to go head-hunting.
The 8th: Elves don't go head-hunting!
Lavender: Of course they do. (looks at the Company, who are now fading rapidly into the forest) We're gonna have to go around the forest and catch up with them later.
The 8th: Do we have to? I really wanna see Lothlórien… (looks towards forest with yearning)
Lavender: NO! I swear…you're almost as bad as Sam and his really wanting to see Elves…
The 8th: No, actually, I'm much worse. You see, Sam was just fascinated; I, however, am totally and completely obsessed.
Lavender: (sigh) Whatever. Let's get going, if we're ever gonna catch up with them again.
The 8th: But—but, what if the Orcs get us?
Lavender: Oh, please. You're not scared of some measly Orcs, are you?
The 8th: Yeah.
Lavender: I am too, actually. Let's go.
Together: (start their trek around the golden forest that is Lothlórien)
…Two weeks later…
The 8th: What a stroke of luck! We haven't met any Orcs!
Lavender: Yet.
The 8th: Oh, don't be such a pessimist. We'll be fine.
Lavender: You know, it's actually very peaceful and beautiful, this wood, I mean.
The 8th: Isn't it? (takes a deep breath) I love it here…
…Suddenly…
Underbrush: (rustles)
Lavender: (gasp) What was that?
Voice: Gollum…gollum… (mutters) We hates it, precious! We hates it! Where is it, the nasty Hobbitses…and their little Elvish pals…when we gets it back, precious, we will rule, and eat all the fishes we wants!
Gollum: (comes out from the underbrush)
Lavender & The 8th: (stare in horror)
Gollum: (hiss) What is it, precious? Is it tasty, like fishies?
Lavender: N-no, actually, we're not tasty, unless you like teenage girls to eat.
Gollum: Girlses? What are girlses?
The 8th: Us. Uhhh…would you like to travel with us?
Lavender: (elbows The 8th in the ribs harder than usual) The 8th! Are you crazy?
The 8th: But, look at him, Lavender…he's so helpless…
Lavender: (whispers) But what about the Company?
The 8th: What about them? He's gonna catch up with them anyway…plus, he could lead us to them.
Lavender: Well…I guess I never thought about it that way…
The 8th: Of course you didn't; that's why I had to tell you. (pats Lavender on the head)
Lavender: (rolls eyes) Okay then, Gollum. You can travel with us, as long as you don't try and steal anything from us or attack us. Promise?
Gollum: (hiss) And why would we want to travel with two annoying girlses?
Lavender: (sigh) Our reputation precedes us…
The 8th: (cryptically) We can help you find what you seek.
Gollum: Really? (with a sly expression on face) Come then, precious…we must continues… outside of forest, yes?
Lavender: Yes; we don't want to go inside.
Gollum: Excellent, precious, excellent. Follow me.
…A couple of days later…
Elf #28: (sigh) What's the point of looking for Orcs when there are obviously no more to that hunting party we killed a few nights back?
Elf #147: We don't want to anger the Lady. Besides, I like going to the outskirts of the Wood…I feel all adventuresome, and it gives me something to do.
Elf #85: Weirdo.
Elf #56: (looks around) (spots something in the shadows) Quiet…what's that…over there, in the shadows?
Lavender: (hides in the shadows) Crap…they've spotted us. We're done for.
Gollum: Hush, girlses. Let us investigate what the Elfses are up to. (slinks off)
Elf #85: (nocks arrow) (whispers) Have we figured out what it is yet?
Elf #56: No, not yet.
Elf #85: (draws arrow) Let's kill it, then find out what it is.
Elf #147: No! Don't shoot yet. Be patient.
Elf #85: (mumbles) Patience, coming from Mr. Adventuresome over here…
Gollum: (comes out from the shadows)(hiss)
Elf #28: What is that?
Elf #56: Doesn't look like an Orc…
Lavender: What is taking him so long? (gets up and follows after Gollum)
The 8th: Lavender! What are you doing? (sigh) Well, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." (follows Lavender & Gollum)
Elf #28: Ack! Here come some more!
Elf #147: Dude, let's get out of here…
Elves: (run frantically away)
Lavender: Woot! Look at them run! We survived our encounter with the head-hunting Elves!
The 8th: Elves do not go head-hunting.
Lavender: Whatever.
Gollum: We must hurry, precious. The Elfses will come back, yes, they will. We must be far, far away, so they will not catch us, precious. Gollum…gollum…
Lavender: Okay then, let's go.
…Approximately one week, six days, twenty-one hours, fifty-four minutes, and nineteen seconds later…
Gollum: (groans) Oh, precious, we are so hungry…gollum…gollum…
Lavender: I know what you mean…The 8th, has our lembas multiplied to double its size yet?
The 8th: Not when I last checked, which was three seconds ago.
Lavender: (sigh) Great…we're gonna starve to death.
Gollum: (mutters) We wonders if we will starve, precious…we wonders…is it tasty? Which of the girlses would be delicious…like fishes? (licks lips)
Lavender: What did you say, Gollum?
Gollum: Nothing, precious, nothing… (mutters) Good-for-nothing-girlses…yes…it would be better to eat them…but which one, precious? Which one?
Lavender: (looks around) This looks like a good spot to camp for the night… (sets pack down) Let's get some sleep, The 8th.
The 8th: Right-o!
Lavender & The 8th: (roll out blankets and fall asleep)
Gollum: (slinks towards the sleeping pair) Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe…catch a girlses by the toe…if it hollers, squeeze its throat…Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe. (licks lips) Yes, precious, this girlses will do… (pounces on Lavender)
Lavender: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GET OFF OF ME, YOU SLINKING FIEND!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (tries desperately to get Gollum off of her)
The 8th: (sits bolt upright) (gasp) GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU—YOU… (launches herself at Gollum) HIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Gollum: (flies a grand total of twelve feet into the air, then falls to the ground with a loud THUD) But—but, we was hungry, precious, we was hungry!
Lavender: (shakes with rage) That doesn't mean you go and eat me instead, you—you—GOLLUM!
The 8th: Get out of here—NOW!
Gollum: (mutters) Stupid girlses…you will pay for this…yes…you will pay… (slinks off)
Lavender: (sigh) I don't think I'm gonna get anymore sleep tonight…not after that little encounter…
The 8th: You're right… (looks at wrist-watch) It's almost four in the morning…we start now, we could reach the Company by tomorrow…they should leave today…if my estimation is right.
Lavender: You still have your watch???!!!
The 8th: Of course…what, did you think I lost it or something?
Lavender: (stares in disbelief)
The 8th: C'mon…let's get going.
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