WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! yay for lack-of-sleep-induced-hyperness!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
many thanks to my reviewers and readers. love you, guys.
disclaimer: Lavender and The 8th belong to me...everything else, not so much
…Two days later, along the banks of the Anduin…
Lavender: Are you absolutely sure you saw them back there?
The 8th: How hard is it to mistake the appearance of three Elvish boats with two Men, four Hobbits, an Elf, and a Dwarf?
Lavender: Very hard, I guess.
The 8th: I thought you would see it my way…
Lavender: Let's make camp, then we can go looking for something to eat.
The 8th: Like what? We have some crumbs of lembas left, and there's a river twenty feet away from us…there's bound to be some fish…
Lavender: I dunno…I guess I just wanna go exploring, is all.
The 8th: Why didn't you just say so? Let's go!
…A couple of hours later…
Gollum: Ooh! What have we here, precious? Bagses that look like the girlses'! Have we found them, precious? (rummages through packs) Yes!!! Now we can pay the girlses back for their kind treatment of us, precious…all we was was hungry, precious, we was only hungry. Now the girlses will go hungry, instead of us. Gollum…gollum… (looks for any and all food in the packs) NOOOO!!! They haves no food! What can we do instead, precious, what can we do instead?
…At that moment…
The 8th: What were you thinking when you started talking to that wolf? It could have eaten you alive, if it was hungry enough.
Lavender: That wasn't an ordinary wolf, or I'm a statue. That was a human…I'm sure of it.
The 8th: Magic?
Lavender: (shrugs) This is Middle Earth, after all. (looks around, and spots an unwanted someone by the camp) HEY!!!
The 8th: What are you doing here???
Together: (walk towards Gollum, rolling up sleeves)
Gollum: (backs up warily) Nice girlses…pretty girlses…you wouldn't hurt us, would you…? Nice girlses…why don't you let us leave, then you will never see us again?
Lavender: (raises an eyebrow) Nice try, Gollum, but you're not getting away that easy. I thought we told you to leave us alone?
Gollum: Yes, yes, the girlses did tell us, but we wanted to come back…to repay the girlses for their treatment to us. (attempts an innocent smile, but fails considerably)
Lavender: (looks at The 8th) What do you think, The 8th?
The 8th: Not a chance. (looks at Gollum) Sorry Gollum, but, you see, you've betrayed our trust already…and since you're already so familiar with the concept of revenge, I'm sure you'll forgive us of our disreputable actions.
Lavender: Nicely put.
The 8th: Of course; did you expect otherwise?
Lavender: Never mind… (looks at Gollum) Well, Gollum…any last words?
Gollum: (sneers) What can you two girlses do to us?
The 8th: Plenty. Shall we, Lavender?
Lavender: Yes, we shall.
Together: (charge) (push Gollum into river so fast, even the river is surprised)
Gollum: (sputters) (grabs hold of a passing log in the water) (shakes fist at Lavender & The 8th) You will pay, girlses!!! YOU WILL PAY!!! (floats downstream)
Lavender: Too bad he can swim…
The 8th: Lavender! You don't seriously want him dead, do you?
Lavender: No, I guess you're right… (looks out at river) Hey…what's that…? (gasp) (whispers) Get down! Quick!
The 8th: (lowers herself to the ground) Why?
Lavender: (points)
The 8th: (gasp) The Company!
Together: (watch as Company floats on a ways downstream, then comes to a stop)
Sun: (sets)
Lavender: Oh, wow…I didn't even realize how late it is…
The 8th: I know… Hey, Lavender, I've been thinking…we should really introduce ourselves to the Company soon, instead of continuing to stalk them like this.
Lavender: Hmmm…I think you're right, The 8th. How about we do it, say…tonight?
The 8th: Sounds okay to me.
Together: (watch as Company sets up camp along the banks of the river)
…About an hour later…
The 8th: (whispers) Lavender, do you think we should go over there now?
Lavender: (whispers) Sure, let's get it over with.
Together: (move stealthily towards Company)
The 8th: (whispers) We should just walk up to them all casual-like…you know, so they don't kill us if they think we're Orcs sneaking around or something.
Lavender: (whispers) Good idea. (takes a deep breath) You know, it's really funny, but I'm feeling kinda nervous.
The 8th: (whispers) Me too.
Together: (stand up) (shake hands) (in unison) Good luck.
…And the world holds its breath as Lavender & The 8th make the first steps in acquainting themselves with the Company…
Lavender & The 8th: (walk into the camp) (in unison) Hello.
Company: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lavender & The 8th: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Company: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lavender & The 8th: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Company: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…Five minutes later…
Lavender & The 8th: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aragorn: Wait…why are we screaming?
The 8th: And how long have we been screaming? (stares intently at watch)
Merry: Uhhh…I don't mean to be rude, or anything, but who are you, and what do you want?
Lavender: Oh, how silly of us. I'm Lavender…
The 8th: And I'm The 8th.
Gimli: (snorts in laughter) The 8th? What kind of idiotic name is that???
The 8th: You watch it, buster…your name isn't the prettiest name in the world either, Gimli.
Aragorn: You know our names???
Lavender: Yeah.
Legolas: (suddenly rouses after being deep in thought) I KNEW IT!!!!
Everyone Else: (turns to look at Legolas) Knew what?
Legolas: There were two teenage girls stalking us earlier!!!! Ha! Beat that, Gimli. I didn't prove I was hard of hearing; in fact it's just the opposite. My ears are so good, I even managed to pick up their personality traits, along with what they were saying!!!
Lavender: Hey!
The 8th: We're not that "annoyingly obsessive"…
Legolas: Oh…sorry about that.
Pippin: I still don't get why or even how you're here. And why are you wearing pants? Aren't you girls?
Lavender & The 8th: (look down at their jeans)
The 8th: Girls wear pants where we come from.
Boromir: And where do you come from?
Lavender: I think it's what would be referred to as an "alternate universe"…something like that.
Frodo: How did you get here?
Lavender & The 8th: (look at each other) (in unison) How did we get here?
Sam: You mean you don't know?
Lavender: Nope.
Aragorn: Hmmm…well, ladies, if you'll excuse us, we'd like to have a little conference about what to do with you…uhhh, well, I mean…you might be an endangerment to the Quest and…
The 8th: Save your breath, Aragorn. We know what you mean, and no offense taken.
Aragorn: Oh…okay then. (walks over to the edge of the camp)
Company: (follows Aragorn)
Lavender: (smirks) So, what do you think they're gonna do? Keep us, or turn us away?
The 8th: We'll just have to wait and see.
Jeopardy music plays in background)
Lavender: (groans) You've got to be joking me…first crickets, now this?
The 8th: (dances to music) Hey, this is actually quite entertaining!
Lavender: (slaps palm to forehead) I am surrounded by idiots…
…Three minutes later…
Aragorn: Okay, you two are coming with us.
Lavender & The 8th: (jump up and down) (clap hands) YAY!
Legolas: (to Aragorn) It isn't too late to change your mind, you know…
Aragorn: (sigh) I know…but we don't really have that much of a choice. I mean, what if the Enemy gets a hold of them? At least if they're with us, we'll be able to keep an eye on them.
Legolas: (shrugs) Your hair…
Aragorn: What?
Legolas: Do you have any idea how fast hair grays when teenage girls are involved? And we are watching two of them…
Aragorn: Well…I'm getting pretty old anyways…
Lavender: (yawns) I'm getting kinda tired, Aragorn. Where should me and The 8th set up our blankets?
Aragorn: Uhhh…over there is good. (points to an uninhabited space of the campsite)
Lavender: Okay, thanks. (walks over to place indicated and lays out blankets)
…Meanwhile…
Pippin: Are you sure Aragorn didn't really lose his mind back in Moria? Because it's going to be absolutely insane traveling with those two.
Merry: Well, what would you rather have? Them traveling with us, or them stalking us?
Pippin: I prefer the stalking, actually…at least they were quieter…
Merry: (laughs) I guess you're right. But they might not be so bad…
Pippin: (snorts) Fat chance…
Merry: (thoughtful) You know, I've never really understood how that expression came about.
Pippin: Does it matter, as long as it makes sense?
Merry: That's just it! It doesn't really make any sense whatsoever!
Pippin: (thinks) You're right, Merry…it doesn't make sense…
Frodo: (approaches) What are you talking about?
Merry: We're contemplating the origins of the expression "fat chance".
Frodo: (sigh) Sometimes I just don't understand you two…
Pippin: What's there to understand? I thought it was quite clear.
Frodo: (shakes head) Never mind… (walks away)
Merry: (sigh) Sometimes I just don't understand him…