...be thankful for the randomness! It's Thanksgiving, after all...
speaking of thanks...super-warm regards go out to all readers and reviewers! you make all this stupidity worthwhile!
disclaimer: i own nothing except Lavender and The 8th.
…In the morning…
Aragorn: Let's load the boats and get out of here.
Everyone: (makes their way down to the banks of the river)
Boromir: I just thought of something!
Gimli: (mutters to Legolas) Wow…Boromir's actually thinking this morning.
Legolas: (grins)
Boromir: How are we going to travel using the boats without them sinking when we add the girls to the weight?
Lavender: (in a mock-hurt tone of voice) It's not like I'm fat or anything…
The 8th: (jokingly) What are you talking about, Lavender? Of course you are!
Legolas: (chuckles) I like this one!
The 8th: (blushes)
Lavender: (bursts out laughing)
Everyone Else: What's so funny?
Lavender: (gasps for breath) Nothing…nothing… (looks at The 8th) (giggles)
The 8th: (glares at Lavender)
Lavender: (cracks up)
Company: (looks at each other)
Gimli: Are you absolutely sure about this, Aragorn?
Aragorn: What is it with you people? I've already said "yes" like, a billion times!
Pippin: Just making sure, is all.
Aragorn: Well, now that we're all sure, let's figure out how to keep the boats floating.
…Six minutes later…
Aragorn: Okay, Lavender, you're in Legolas' boat, and The 8th, you're in Boromir's. Any questions?
Everyone Else: (is silent for once)
Aragorn: Okay then…let's go.
…A couple of days later…
Sam: Mr. Frodo, earlier in the boat, I had a weird dream…only, I'm not so sure that it's a dream anymore.
Frodo: What was it, Sam?
Sam: Well, I dreamt that I saw a log in the water, but it had eyes.
Frodo: That's one weird dream, Sam.
Sam: I know…
Frodo: Unfortunately, I can't say it's a dream…I think what you saw was Gollum following us.
Sam: (gasp) Gollum, that nasty creature who Mr. Bilbo played those riddles with?
Frodo: (nods) Yup, that's him.
Sam: (shudders)
Lavender: (walks up to the pair of them) Whatcha talking about, guys?
Frodo: Gollum. We think he's following us.
Lavender: (usual sunny expression turns dark) Oh…him…
Sam: What, do you have something against him too?
Lavender: Well, considering that he tried to eat me, yes, I believe I do.
Frodo & Sam: (stare at Lavender with an expression of shock and awe)
Lavender: Yeah…The 8th and I had a little…experience…with him while we were traveling on the outskirts of Lothlórien…no hard feelings between us anymore though, because we pushed him in the river, The 8th and I did…it was actually quite fun.
Frodo & Sam: (stare at Lavender with an expression of awe and fear)
Lavender: (laughs) You two are so funny, did you know that? Well, I'm going to bed now. Goodnight. (leaves)
Frodo & Sam: (mumble) Goodnight.
Frodo: (watches as Lavender goes over to the opposite edge of the camp) She is so random, it scares me…actually both of them do. What do you think, Sam?
Sam: (thinks) Well…they are unique ones, those two. I wonder how they got here…surely they don't live here, because I don't think all of Middle Earth has ever been the home of anyone like them.
Frodo: (smiles) I'd like to lay a very large wager on that proposition…well, Sam…if you'd like to take the watch until midnight, then wake me up then, I'd be very grateful.
Sam: Of course, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: (falls asleep)
…About five hours later…
Sam: (shakes Frodo) (whispers) Mr. Frodo…Mr. Frodo…
Frodo: (groans in sleep) Please, mom…five more minutes…
Sam: (grins) (shakes Frodo harder) (whispers) Mr. Frodo, you asked me to wake you up, so I am! Wake up, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: (sits up wearily) (yawns) Thank you for waking me up, Sa-a—(huge yawn)—am…
Sam: I'm sorry to wake you up, but you asked me too…nothing's happened all night.
Frodo: Well, that's good at least. Have a pleasant sleep, Sam.
Sam: Goodnight, Mr. Frodo. (falls asleep)
…Couple of hours later…
Frodo: (head nods as he tries to resist sleep) (resistance is futile…or so someone thought…)
Gollum: (creeps up the bank and heads towards Frodo)
Frodo: (wakes up suddenly) (draws Sting)
Sting: (glows a faint blue)
Gollum: (hurries back to the river and gets on his log with a splash) (paddles away)
Aragorn: (wakes up) (looks at Frodo) What's wrong? Why have you drawn your sword?
Frodo: Gollum. He's here.
Aragorn: Ah, you've finally noticed him. He's been following after us since we entered Moria.
Frodo: Oh…that explains that noise I heard constantly…but wait…weren't Lavender and The 8th following us through Moria too?
Aragorn: Now that you mention it… (thinks) They were, weren't they? Oh well…I guess you could say we were being stalked by two teenage girls and Gollum through Moria then.
Frodo: But, isn't that exactly…oh, never mind…my head hurts.
Aragorn: What, are you Harry Potter?
Frodo: Who's that?
Aragorn: Actually, I'm not sure…I just had a sudden impulse to say that.
Frodo: (eyebrows raise) Ok-ay…
Aragorn: Anyways…you go get some sleep, and I'll keep watch for the rest of the night. Maybe I'll try to catch that little wretch…he seems much more intent on us than he was in Moria, and he might be leading an enemy after us.
Frodo: (eyes widen) OH!
Aragorn: What sudden revelation hath bestowed itself upon the Halfling, I wonder?
Frodo: (sigh) I wish you wouldn't talk like that…anyway…Lavender said that there was some spite between them and Gollum while we were in Lothlórien.
Aragorn: Huh?
Frodo: I guess Gollum tried to eat Lavender…don't ask…so they caught up with him and pushed him into the river…I think he's trying to get back at the girls for pushing him in the river.
Aragorn: (swears)
Frodo: Aragorn! "Not in front of the kids!"
Aragorn: (grins) You just think you are so clever, don't you?
Frodo: Of course…you doubted my cleverness?
Aragorn: (sigh) Never mind…what I'm getting at is, we need to move twice as fast if we're gonna ever lose Gollum…now he's after you and the girls…oh well, I guess that's my problem, since I'm leading this little group…anyway, you go to sleep, Frodo, and I'll keep watch.
Frodo: Thanks, Aragorn. (falls asleep)
Aragorn: No problem.
…In the morning…
Aragorn: (hums to himself)
Everyone Else: (wakes up)
Aragorn: You all can go back to sleep, if you'd like. I've decided that we should travel by night and rest by day…we're too exposed when we travel during the day.
Sam: Thank the Heavens! (falls asleep again)
Legolas: I'll take the watch now if you'd like, Aragorn. (peers into Aragorn's eyes) It looks like you need some sleep.
Aragorn: (shakes head) No, I don't need sl—(huge yawn)—eep…
Legolas: Go and get some sleep right now, before I shoot you.
Aragorn: (smirks) Empty threat!
Legolas: Yeah, I know, but still…it was worth a shot…ha, no pun intended.
Aragorn: What a loser…well, I shall heed thy request, noble companion of mine. (bows)
Legolas: (rolls eyes)