Chapter 75: Stricken

A/N- This chapter was proof-read by Frost-Eva-00, thanks!

"God, Ikari!" I slowly begin to pull the trigger. I can already feel my soul being ripped away into hell. My sins flash in front of me. I have broken every single one of the seven sins.

Lust: My time with Asuka. I wanted it so bad… I damn near craved it. She was so beautiful that night, in more ways then one. Her eyes were different; they had a new sparkle in them, a new shine. I knew that we both wanted it, but I knew that she wasn't ready for it. Even so, I still went along with it, knowing that so many things could go wrong. I let myself go and slept with Asuka, not that I regret it, but I certainly think about if I made the right choice. My time with Sam. I'm not even too sure if that could be called sex, but at the time I thought it was. During the act, I felt as if I was taking advantage of her. She loved Cass, not me, and yet I was still the one to take her virginity. She didn't say a word when I finished, she just went to sleep and that was it. In my case with Asuka, we talked for quite awhile afterwards. The conversation wasn't even about sex, it was about normal subjects. It was the same as if we were on the streets; the only difference was that we weren't on the streets, but in a bed with her head on my chest and a leg around me. Sam was just… odd during the act. She would occasionally stop and not move a muscle, then continue. Sure, I knew that she was Lust, but it was such a perfect copy, I still see her as the real thing. Two times, Two times I have broken that sin, and I don't regret either one. I deserve this.

Pride: This began when I first started to date Asuka. I felt proud that I was able to date the girl that boys at school could only dream of dating. I was proud of the fact that I was kissing, sleeping, and spending time with such a beautiful woman. I knew that I wasn't exactly lucky to have gotten her. I did work – in my eyes – hard to get that. I never gave up on trying to get her, and when I did, I felt awesome. My pride after actually having sex with her was… astronomical to say the least. How was it that such a weak boy could have the opportunity of sleeping with her? That is the question in my mind now, but back then I thought it was simply because of our love. Apparently I was wrong. I deserve this.

Envy: Every single day before I dated Asuka, I envied Asuka, I envied Misato, and I even envied my father at times. I would have taken any other life beside my own; I just wanted to switch lives with anyone. I still do envy Asuka at times, her strength and looks have always gotten my attention. How I wish I was even one iota as strong as her. She wouldn't have resorted to killing men for money. She would have had the will power to find another way. I can honestly see her working at some run-down store for chump change before she would do this. I – on the other hand - had made the wrong choice. I chose the cowards way out. I chose the path of darkness. I deserve this.

Gluttony: This basically exists in all of us at times. I doubt anyone can say that they have never either craved to or actually eaten until they felt sick. Whenever I would finish a meal that I have damn near inhaled, I can't help but think of people out there starving while I eat like a wild animal. I deserve this.

Sloth: Simply taking this job was enough to be called sloth. I took the fastest and easiest way to earn money. Instead of working an honest job like most people, I have a job where I can easily earn three times in a day what most earn in one day. All I have to do is apply pressure to a trigger, some people actually die they work so hard. Hell, even sellers work harder then I do for less money. I deserve this.

Greed: I have many cases of this. The most apparent is me wanting Asuka all to myself. I would get so pissed when I saw other guys looking at her with desire, like Gahiji would. I would constantly wish for strength when I fought. I would always want the highest sync score, whether I showed it or not. I would desire death to those I hate. I desired death to my father, and almost went as far as to kill him myself. I loved seeing him so helpless, and I wanted more of it. I also wanted to see Karsten die. I wanted to feel his pulse stop under my grip. I deserve this.

Wrath: I show this more than anyone will ever know. Sometimes it may be mentally, but I have a very angry soul. The smallest thing can set my mind off. I have showed this anger before when my Eva would go berserk. All my hate, anger, and strength would be at an all-time high at those points. I would literally go crazy at those times; destroying, beating, and even eating my opponents. When someone would hurt Asuka, it would do the same thing. Seeing her hurt makes me… there just isn't a word for it. I simply lose my mind. I am willing to kill anyone and anything that would try to hurt her, including myself. I deserve this… I deserve death!

"Shinji!" I whip open my eyes and look around to see where the call came from, "Shinji!" another call. It sounded familiar… like someone I knew, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I still see nothing. When my eyes glance over to the garage door, I see Ritsuko standing there.

"What are you doing here?" the gun leaves my neck.

"Shinji… what have you done? Did you…?" I see a tear form in her eye, "Give me that!" she takes the gun from my hands, "What the hell are you thinking?"

"I… don't want to live… I deserve to die…" I drop my head in shame, "Please… just leave…"

"Why did you do this? Why did you kill this man?" at least I had a reason for that. I struggle to my feet and look her in the eye. I feel myself starting to cry, and I simply let it go. With tears running down my cheeks, I give my pathetic excuse.

"I'm… getting Asuka back… you didn't help with it, so I took it into my hands. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm going to Asuka…" I get a quick and hard slap from her.

"That is no fucking excuse! You took life Shinji, do you understand that? I don't care what you think of it, what will God think of you? What will Asuka think?" like that hasn't crossed my mind.

"I couldn't care less what God sees in me… and Asuka…" I stop. Ritsuko looks at me, and then takes me in her arms.

"She won't know… I promise. I won't let her find out. No one will find out… I'll make sure of it," I cry into her shoulder, "Shinji… look at me," I pull back and look into her eyes.

"I'm… so sorry…" like it mattered what I said at this point.

"Don't apologize to me. I should apologize to you. I let you get like this, I let you become so sinful, and I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm sorry… for letting you go…" she hugs me again. We stood there for awhile, simply standing there crying.

"We… need to get going… now…" I get away from her and start to walk off. I knew that the men might be back soon, so we needed to leave, "Get in your car and get back to NERV now. I'll explain later," I still had tears running down my face.

"Meet me back in my office, okay?" she climes into her car and drives off fairly quickly. Apparently she knew what was going to happen. After she got out of sight, I go back to the body and get my proof. Cutting it off was horrible, blood poured onto the cement as I saw at his wrist. He was still warm, and I felt as if he was still alive. When I finally get it off, I grab one of the fabric bags nearby and wrap it up. I had to go back to Rei's before the night was over, so I sped down the streets and ran into her house.

"YY! I need to go, but here," I throw the hand on his desk and start to jog out.

"Nice kid! Too bad I'm losing you, you're the best there is!" I slam the door as I exit. I once again speed to NERV and run inside. I needed to make it look like I came straight here, so I had to hurry. Before I walk into Akagi's office, I catch my breath and casually walk in.

"Okay, the first thing I needed to ask you was how are you getting to Germany?" I thought we cleared this up.

"I'm not going to lie to you. I was being paid to kill men. He was the last one, I'm leaving tomorrow," I can literally see her heart sink as I spoke those words.

"How… many… did you kill?" she wasn't going to like the answer.

"He was the third," she damn near faints.

"You killed three people! Oh my God! Shinji, I know you wanted to see Asuka, but three!" she was going to get me caught!

"Lower your voice!" she takes a long sigh, "I know what I did was far beyond wrong, and I know that I will pay for it later, but right now I don't care," she gets up and goes over to a file cabinet.

"I wasn't going to show you this, but it looks like you need some convincing," she takes out a CD and puts it in a computer, "Asuka is… not how you know her. The NERV in Germany can do as they wish to there pilots," my heart sank when she said that.

"Is something wrong with Asuka?" she still hasn't pressed play.

"You don't want her back…" she presses the button and a screen pops up with her in an entry plug hugging her legs.

"Please… let me go… I don't want this…" I hear a faint mumbling coming from her, "Don't do it again…" her voice is uneasy. The LCL starts to fade to black, and she starts screaming. "Don't do it again! Stop! Please! I don't want…" she stops and the LCL turns back to yellow to show her ghost white. She has let go of her legs and she loosely hung in her seat. Her eyes are wide and her jaw is hanging wide open. She looks over at the comm. screen. She starts to mouth words, "Please… kill… me…" the LCL once again turned black and she screamed once more. It wasn't even words at this point, just a painful scream. After a few more seconds, the LCL turns back to yellow. Her eyes were now only slightly open and revealing a dark shade of red where her beautiful blue eyes were. She swings her head back up to the screen and once again mouthed words, "Just… end it… kill me…" the screen goes black.

"A-Asuka…" I fall to my knees sobbing into my hands.

"This was sent here as a push for the new dummy plugs. They are supposed to be used on top of the unmanned Evas, but they are testing it on Asuka. I still have no idea what exactly it's doing to her," I can't breathe… I really can't breathe. Seeing her like that… it was torture. My chest is killing me and I find it impossible to take in breaths, "You're going to need more then just a sob story to get to her. She's basically living in the Eva. She's not allowed to leave the plug until the experiment is over," I still couldn't breath, "Shinji, get up. I want to… Shinji?" she leans down and looks at me, "Oh shit!" she runs over to her desk and pulls out something, "Open your mouth!" with my eyes clenched, I stress my jaw open. She puts something under my tongue and I black out.

A/N- What do you think happened to Shinji? What IS happening to Asuka? Will Shinji get to her? Okay, seriously, there are so many things going on right now, I can't sum up this chapter and the next with questions. Just read the next chapter; One More Problem, until then, keep on keepin' on!