Nothing Will Ever Change That
Chapter 89: That Song
A/N- This chapter was proof-read by Frost-Eva-04, thanks for the help man!
In Front Of Rei's Apartment
"Follow me, and when you get inside, try not to step on anyone. Whatever you do, do NOT say your name or mine." I take her hand and help her out of the car. She kept quiet and did as she was told. Just like before, I casually walk inside and see junkies all over. Down at the end of the hallway was YY, once again counting money, "Hey YY!" he pops up his head and looks at me.
"Monster? Hey man! Holy Shit! Did you two kill a guy or what? And who's that with you, huh?" he walked over to us and puts out his hand to Asuka. She uneasily takes it and shakes his hand.
"Forget it. Listen, I'm going to need your help one last time. I'm going to need a few guns, but none of that .9mm crap," he lets out a small chuckle.
"Man, you just keep on getting in more trouble, huh? Okay, follow me," he guides us over to the closet where that first person I killed was in and opened it, "This is the last favor I'm giving you, got it? If you're not wanting that '.9mm' crap you so blandly put it, I got other things." Inside of the closet was a rack with many guns on it, and on the floor were two boxes filled to the rim with ammo.
"We're going to need something fast," with a smile, he reaches out and grabs one of them.
"Say hello to the Tec-9! Up to fifty rounds per magazine, fifty-five meter range, and perfect for clearing a room quick! Pretty light too," it was a solid black gun with a long magazine in front of the trigger. It was a little more then a foot long, and looked pretty damn mean. I saw Asuka shudder at the sight.
"Okay, that's good. Got two of em?" he leans down and picks another one up.
"Hell yeah! Now, is that it?" I doubt it.
"No, I also need one with power. Got that?" he gets another smile on his face.
"Why, yes I do!" he reaches out and pulls out a long rifle, "This is the M5! Think of it as a seriously supped-up AK-47. I think this will suit you just fine. I only have one though, so she's going to have to get a different one. What are you looking for pretty little lady?" like Asuka knew anything about guns!
"Give me a MP5 with an optical sight, a retractable stock and a thirty round clip." Uh… never mind…
"Black or brown?"
"Black." He reaches down and takes out a jet-black gun. It was two feet long, and made my gun look like a friggen blade, "eight-hundred rounds a minute, two-hundred meter range, and above all, German…" how the hell did she know all of that?
"Uh… yeah… okay, now for the ammo." He picks up a small brown bag and hands it to me, "I think this'll be enough. Is that it?" with a wave, I start to walk out.
"Yeah, thanks YY," we left the house and got into the car, trying to hide our guns. Like it mattered, we're not going to get in trouble in this neighborhood. Nobody cared. When we got into the car, I saw that Asuka was extremely uneasy, "Sorry you had to see that Asuka," I really wished that I never had to go back there, but instead I ended up going with Asuka.
"No… don't worry about it… lets just go, I want to go today…" she had a monotone voice as she spoke. I wasn't even going to go back to NERV, I was just driving straight there. We had nothing left at NERV, not even friends, so why go back? This was going to be a long drive though; it was all the way up in northern Japan. This might take us all day to get there. Asuka's personality was creeping me out, she was monotone now, and she seemed uncaring, "Are we just going to go straight there?"
"Yeah… unless you want to stop by NERV," she nodded.
"I do…" she didn't give a reason as to why, but I just followed her request. When we got to NERV, she got out of car and began to walk on her own. She seemed so helpless right now. Her arms were wrapped around her chest as she walked. I followed not too far behind her, but I still tried to keep close. She eventually made her way back to her room. I didn't want to go back in there… I couldn't stand to see Dietlinde like that again, yet I still followed her inside.
"Oh… Asuka…" Akagi was in the room talking with one of the guards. When I walk in, I damn near started to cry again. The smell… the smell of my baby… was nauseating. The human being that me and Asuka made, that we were raising, that we loved, was already decaying. Asuka didn't say a word as she made her way over to the crib, "Wait! Don't look in there!"
"Oh my God!" Asuka once again fell to her knees crying. I go over and peek inside myself and nearly faint.
"Shinji! Get away from there!" Akagi grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away from the sight, "God I wish you hadn't seen that…" me to…
"D-Dietlinde…" I knew that I was white as flour, "What… d-did he do to her?" just like Asuka, I felt tears once again run down my cheeks. What kind of sick bastard was this? Not only did he decapitate her, that fucker cut her to pieces! I couldn't even see my child anymore… God, I would give my life just to see her one more time… one more smile…
"I'm so sorry… we're doing everything we can…" she did NOT just say that!
"Bullshit! You already know who did this, so why are you still here? You should be out getting to SEELE!" she just shook her head.
"We can't attack a superior organization," I push her away.
"Then fuck off!" I go over and grab Asuka's hand, guiding her out of the room afterwards. She pulled away from my grip, still crying, and walked back over to the crib, "Asuka, come on. We have to get going," sure, I was crying my eyes out, but I was so pissed I just ignored it. With a frantically shaking hand, she reached into the crib. She pulled out Dietlinde's bear and looked down onto it. Surprisingly, it had only a few spots of blood on it. She hugged it tight as she walked back over to me. Before I walk out of the room I grab a two pairs of clothes. I put my arm around her shoulders and walk out of the room. She buried her nose in the head of the bear, smelling out old child.
"God… I can't believe she's gone…" tears soaked into the light-brown fabric of the bear, "I want her back… so bad…" she clenched her eyes shut and cried freely.
"I know… me too…" I know that I had just as many tears as her – if not more – but I had to be the strong one in this. The walk from there was quiet. She got into the car quietly, still hugging the bear.
"I love you Dietlinde… mommy loves you…" she had her eyes closed as I began to drive off, "I'm so sorry Dietlinde… please forgive me…" I see more tears fall from her eyes, only to fall on the bear. Even through clenched eyes, tears still flowed rapidly, "sleep well my baby… I hope you're happy…" her bottom lip quivered as she spoke. God, it was even getting to me! I wipe off my tears and look back onto the road, "never forget that I love you…" while still holding the bear, she leans to one side so her body is resting on the door. After a few minutes, I heard a slight snoring coming from her. After what happened today, I could use a good sleep… hell, let me stay asleep. I'd rather be dead right now…
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Six Hours Later
Six hours on the road and I'm barely half way there. I was making a stop for gas after I saw that I was running on empty. Asuka was still asleep as I got out the car. With a sigh, I slide my bank card in the gas pump. Of course, it was over-priced as hell.
"Mmmmm…" I look back at Asuka, now moving around, and starting to wake up, "Shinji?" she slowly opens her eyes and looks up at me, "Please tell me it was a dream… tell me that I was asleep this whole time…" I see tears once again form in her eyes.
"Just… go back to sleep, I'll wake you up when we get there, okay?" she looks down at the bear.
"So it was real…" she lays her head backwards onto the seat, "and we're still doing this…" she's the one that wanted to come, I was going to go on my own.
"Do you want me to take you back? I'd rather not have you there anyway," she slowly shook her head.
"No…" that was all she said as she got back into her old position on the door. I finish pumping the gas and crawl back in. I still had a long way to go until we arrive at SEELE, so I tried not to waste too much time. After about an hour of driving in silence, Asuka turns and looks at me. She was still awake?
"Y-You need something?" she had a blank look on her face.
"Shinji…" her eyes once again became glassy, "I'm… sorry… I know that it doesn't mean anything… but I'm sorry…" the tears eventually build up and rolled down her cheek, "I didn't let you out of bed… she was begging for help… and I didn't let you go…" even though that was true, I didn't see this as her fault, even a little bit.
"Stop right there, don't even start to blame this on yourself. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't mine, some killer from SEELE did this, and we're going to get him back. Got me?" she still stared at me with those glassy blue eyes. She once again brought the bear up to her face and averted her stare to the floor.
"But you could've saved her…"
"I said enough! I could have gotten up if I wanted, you weren't the one that stopped me!" she still stared at the floor, "Asuka! Are you listening to me? Don't just ignore me like that!"
"Please… stop yelling…" she brought her knees up to her chest, putting the bear in between her torso and her legs, "don't yell at me…" she hid her face in her knees. She hugged her legs tight, almost as if she was trying to make a physical shell, simply to keep the pain out.
"Okay… sorry…" I put my hand on her shoulder, "Just please don't blame yourself, okay?" she shivers under my touch. Seeing her in this fetal position was – to say the least – depressing. If a person as strong as Asuka was acting like this, then how the hell am I going to make it through? The only reason I haven't broken down as much as her was because of my pride getting in the way. When she didn't react to my touch, I took back my hand and paid attention to the road. After a few minutes, I hear a faint humming. That humming eventually morphed into words.
"Stille, mein Kind, bin ich hier. Schreien Sie nicht, bleiben Sie stolz und stark. Wissen Sie wo Sie sind von, wissen Sie, wo Sie sind und... daß I... morgens hier wissen Sie." God, I loved that song. It was one of the few things that calmed me these days, "Sie schreien während der Vergangenheit, aber nicht der Zukunft. Es gibt nichts, das Sie sich fürchten, dort ist nichts Sie hassen. Der Grund ist dieser; Sie kennen die Wahrheit." I still remember when we first sang this song to Dietlinde, "Bitte schauen mein Kind, vorwärts und weg von mir, denn ich habe nicht gegeben. Für habe mich nicht geliefert. Für habe mich nicht mich interessiert." She was at the climax of the song now, "Stille, mein Kind, sind Sie nicht allein. Schreien Sie nicht, halten Sie Ihren Kopf gehalten stolz. Wissen Sie wo ich sind von, die Wahlen, die kennen Sie ich traf, was wissen Sie zu tun, wenn Sie mit Mühe gegenübergestellt werden, und bitte... immer... wissen Sie, daß ich liebe dich..." as always, she ended on that perfect high note. I could actually feel my eyes starting to water afterwards. That song brought back memories t of Dietlinde, memories that I know can never happen again. Her eyes never opened during the song, she just kept her face buried in her knees.
"I don't care what you say, you can sing pretty good. Are you ever going to tell me where you learned it?" she finally raised her head, but only to rest it on her knees. Why won't she look at me?
"My mother… she would force me to sing that song when I would visit her. My great-great grandmother wrote it, and it has been passed down sense. She would always say 'You're going to have a daughter one day too', like I believed that. I never wanted kids, up until Dietlinde was born, I despised them…" and what was up with the new monotone voice? She sounded like Gendo.
"Uh… can you… tell me the words?" not only was this an awkward moment, but it was an awkward question. The air in this car was so thick, I could actually see it.
"No… I'm the only one that knows the words… and I'm going to die just that way…" no, that wasn't depressing. Not knowing exactly how to respond to that, the silence once again made an appearance. The only sound that could be heard was the humming of the under-passing pavement. Asuka didn't go back to sleep though, she stayed in that position, simply staring out the front window. After another hour of driving, still nothing had happened. Once again, I was the one to break the silence.
"Hey Asuka?" no response, "Did… you like the wedding? I mean, did you have fun?" finally, she looked over at me. Her blood-shot eyes had small bags under them. Asuka, always being the one to care deeply about how she looked, would normally never let this happen, so this was new – and slightly creepy – to me.
"Yes, and after all this time, I'm happy to finally be Asuka Langley Ikari… now please… just stay quiet…" she rested her head back on her knees. Looks like the silence will continue to kill me, but I had to admit, hearing that name still brings a smile to my face. I glance down at the brown bag filled with bullets and guns, and all that it implied. On one hand, we were going to get revenge for what they did to Dietlinde, but on the other hand, I'm going back to my old ways. Truthfully, I was okay with that, because I knew that I can get out, but Asuka… Asuka is the one I'm worried about. I'm dragging her into this, I'm making her a killer too. I can't do this… I can't do this with Asuka here… if she dies… I won't do this!
"Asuka, you're going home. I'm going to drop you off at the airport, go back to NERV." I take an exit from the freeway and head to the airport.
"No I'm not… I'm going with you," if I saw her die… I couldn't live with myself…
"No you're not! I'm not going to lose you too!" the airport is starting to come into view.
"Shinji… stop…" her voice had some emotion in it, "You're taking me with you…"
"No I'm not!" I quickly pull over to a side street and glare at her, "Asuka, I already lost Dietlinde, I'm not going to lose my wife! Will you please just drop the pride and let me take you home!" she glared right back at me.
"And I'm not going to lose you!" she held up her hand to my face, "See this ring? It means that we're together for the rest of our lives, and if that means me dieing, I'm fine with that! 'For better and for worse' were you even listening when he said that? We're in this together, got it?" that was the first sign of emotion she's shown all day… even though it was anger, I loved it.
"But Asuka, I-" I was cut off with a harsh slap.
"Enough! I've heard enough of your fucking selfish talk! I'm going with you, and if that means that I have to beat the shit out of you to do it, I will! You think I'm joking around about this Shinji, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm not in a joking mood!" holy shit… what just happened? I don't care what happens, she's not going.
"Asuka, I'm not going to let you go. Conversation over, you're going home. I'm not some fourteen year old brat anymore; and you can't beat me up anymore. I'm sorry that I'm doing this, but frankly, you don't have a choice." She got that fire in her eyes. With a quick thrust, she reaches down into the brown bag and whips out the MP5.
"I swear to God, I will blow your fucking head off!" she holds it to my forehead, "I know damn well how to drive, I don't need you! Now turn this fucking car around!" she wasn't kidding… she was serious about this… "You heard me!" with an uneasy hand, I put the car back into drive and turn back around. I wasn't about just let this go, but at the time, I didn't have much of a choice. She lowered the gun and put it back in the bag, "If you think that I'm just going to let Dietlinde's death go, you're wrong. I swear to God… whoever did that to her is going to die…" she had he monotone voice again. She once again held the bear in her arms as I drove.
"Asuka… I'm so-"
"Just shut up! Don't say another word!" and I didn't. I've heard that voice before, and it's not one to mess with. The idea of avenging Dietlinde was engraved in her brain now; she couldn't shake it if she wanted to, and if she didn't get what she wanted, it would surly eat at her soul. With anger in her eyes, she put her body-weight against the door and soon was asleep again. She really would have killed me… it wasn't like last time… she really would have pulled the trigger… this is all that matters to her now. Nothing else in the world could distract her right now, she was like a machine. She was becoming… me…
A/N- Asuka got pissed yet again! Okay, I once again cried during this chapter when I wrote about Asuka talking to Dietlinde. As for the song, I did write it, so there is no need for disclaimers, and no, I won't tell you the words until the end of the fic. I'm sure by now all of you are cursing me out by now, and I'll take it. All I ask is that you stick with this story, I think you'll like the ending. Anyway, what do you think will happen when they get to SEELE? Will they even live? Find out in the next chapter; One More, until then, keep on keepin' on!