Nothing Will Ever Change That
Chapter 91: A Broken Heart Will Heal
A/N- This chapter was proof-read by Frost-Eva-04. Once again, thanks for the help.
"Shinji wait out here. You can't come in," her voice was firm, actually making me back off. My heart was pounding at this point. What is going on in there? I simply stood there staring at the doors for a few minutes until Akagi comes back out with closed eyes and tears running down her face.
"Ritsuko…?" without opening her eyes, she puts a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm going to need for you to stay calm…" I feel my heart sink to my stomach, "You can see her… but…" I push her aside and run into the ER to see Asuka lying on her stomach with closed eyes. I froze in the middle of the room staring at her pale face. All of the doctors had their heads turned away from me. I stare at Asuka's lifeless body for what seemed like hours. I fall to my knees crying into my hands. Akagi walks up behind me and lifts me up. "Whoa! What are you crying about? She's okay; it's just that the anesthesia wore off during the operation. Sorry if it came across that way…" I look her in the eyes.
"Well you came out of the ER crying… what was I supposed to think?" she gives me a sweet smile.
"I was crying because of how much pain she was in during the operation. We couldn't give her any more aesthesia, and seeing her like that hurt me. Sorry about that… she's awake, you can talk to her," I look back over at a smiling Asuka. She was still pale as ever, but seeing her eyes more then made up for it.
"Baby…" I walk over to her bedside and kneel to meet her face to face, "Crying just because of that…" I thought she was dead! How was I supposed to act?
"How do you feel?" she chuckled a little.
"Like crap… how about you?" I wasn't the one that just got shot!
"I'm fine, I was just worried about you… why did you take off like that?" all I asked of her was four hours, and yet she couldn't give me that. Because of her stubbornness, she was almost killed.
"I told you, I just couldn't wait. Knowing that that bastard was out there still alive was eating at me… and after all of that… I still have no idea who did it…" the way she put it nearly drove me into a rage. She was right, Dietlinde's killer is still out there, and he still lives.
"We'll get him eventually, I promise…" I close my eyes and walk back over to Akagi and whisper in her ear, "Get all of these people out of here… you leave too…" she smiles and does as I told her to.
"Okay everyone, great job, but let's leave the couple alone for awhile. Come on," she waves her hand in the air as she walks out. All of the doctors follow soon after her, leaving me and Asuka alone. I once again walk to her bedside and kneel next to her.
"Shinji?" I take her hand in mine and look her in the eyes with a serious face.
"Asuka… I need you to stay calm about this… promise me that you'll do that for me," she nods.
"Okay… what is it?" I take a deep sigh.
"When Akagi was doing to surgery… she found something…" Asuka gives me a worried look. I could feel her heart start to race.
"What's the matter with me? What did she find?" I don't know whether to smile right now or cry, I really don't know.
"Asuka… you're… pregnant…" she jumps a little at the comment.
"I'm… pregnant…? But…" her heart was racing and she was starting to breath heavily, "But you pulled out… you never…" she paused, "Did you? You did pull out, right?" her eyes were wide with either fear or surprise.
"Akagi said that that doesn't always work… you're pregnant…" she closed her eyes.
"I can't… I don't want to have another child… I don't want this!" she clenched my hand as she began to cry, "I don't want another baby! I won't do this!" she buried her face in her pillow and sobbed. Not knowing what to say, I put my hand on her back and try to comfort her.
"I'm sorry… you have to though…" slowly, she raised her head and looked at me with teary eyes.
"I want an abortion… I want to have an abortion Shinji…" her bottom lip was quivering under her tears, "I'm sorry… but I can't have this child…"
"We'll… talk about it later…" I know why she didn't want this child, and I felt the same way. It would be like we were just replacing Dietlinde, like we just go ahead and have another baby when one is gone. I didn't want to forget about Dietlinde, not by any means, but I wouldn't be able to deal with her having an abortion. She once again buries her face in the pillow and cries. I look over my shoulder to see Ritsuko looking at us with a concerned face.
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The Next Day – Morning
I'm just now waking up from my sleep. I was still at Asuka's bedside, and still holding her hand. She fell asleep crying last night, and I barely got any sleep myself. How am I supposed to act right now? She's pregnant, that's for sure, and I just don't know what to do. I suddenly feel a touch on my shoulder and look up to see Akagi smiling down on me. She motioned me to follow her outside so I slowly release Asuka's hand and follow her. When we get outside, she losses the smile and glares at me.
"I thought I told you not to tell her yet! I told you that she wouldn't be ready yet, and yet you still disobeyed me and told her. Now look at her, she wants an abortion! I know damn well that you don't want that, but she's the mother, she can do what she wants. Either you talk her out of this, or you lose your child. It's your choice," she had anger in her eyes that I've never seen before. It actually made me take a small step back, "So you're just going to keep quiet? Say something!"
"Yes, I want this child, but Asuka obviously doesn't. I can't make her give birth, but I sure as hell can convince her to and I was determined to do just that.
"Oh Shinji…" she closed her eyes and shook her head, "You really think that it'll be that easy… if you think she was freaked out before, that was nothing. All I can say is good luck…" she patted me on the shoulder and walked off to another patient's room. With a sigh on my part, I go back into Asuka's room to see her awake.
"Why'd ya leave?" she had a half sarcastic, half begging voice.
"I just had to talk with Akagi about something," I take my seat next to her once more.
"Would that something have to do with me?" she had her sarcastic smile that I've seen hundreds of times before on.
"Actually… yeah…" the smile faded instantly.
"Would that something have to do with the baby?" ah crap…
"Yeah… Asuka, please don't get an abortion, I'm begging you," she put a finger on my lips.
"I thought about it for awhile… I won't get one if you don't want me to, but know that this child will grow up without a mother. I flat-out refuse to replace Dietlinde, but if you want to, go ahead," ouch…
"Whoa, hold on, you think I'm replacing Dietlinde?" to my surprise, she actually nodded, "Like hell I am!" I stand up and look down on her, "You know damn well how much I loved that child! Nothing will EVER replace her, but a new child is on the way, and I'm not saying to forget about Dietlinde, but both of us need to worry about this one! You always told Dietlinde that you didn't want her to grow up like you did, without a mother, but now look at you. You don't even want to claim responsibility for it!" she damn near stands up in anger, but she settles for being propped up on her forearms.
"Of course I am! I'm not saying that I won't be there, but I sure as hell won't be a mother to it! I will NOT simply move on from Dietlinde, she's the only other person that I've ever loved, and I won't let that go!" this was basically turning into a yelling contest.
"Dietlinde's dead!" that made both of our eyes go wide. I stood there staring down at Asuka for awhile before she makes another comment.
"Get out… screw this baby, I gave you a chance to have it, now just forget about it. Get out… now…" I take a step forward.
"Asuka… I'm sorry…" she slapped me across the face.
"No you're not! Don't even try and pull that sorry crap with me! You crossed the line right there Shinji, you went to damn far!" like I didn't know that!
"Okay…" I take a deep breath, "You're right, I shouldn't have said that. I will say this though, I don't want to forget about her, but we do need to move past it. Ritsuko's worried about your mental state, she thinks it's getting to you too much." I once again sit down and put a hand on her back, "I'm not by any means asking you to forget about her. I know I won't." I see tears form in her eyes as she relaxes back onto the bed.
"I just want her back…" God I hated to cry…
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Same Place – Afternoon
Asuka has fallen back to sleep, and I was about to myself. I had my head resting on her upper back and I was holding her hand. Just as I was falling asleep, I hear the door swing open.
"Asuka! Are you okay?" there was the thirteen year old brat… I shot up my head and put my finger to my lips, telling him to quiet down, "Oh, sorry…" he whispered. I slowly get up and guide him out of the room, "Sorry, didn't know she was asleep."
"Don't worry about it, just keep it down. Did you need something?" he looks up at me with a fairly concerned face.
"Is she okay? I heard she got shot," this was the first sign of maturity he's ever shown to me. I had to admit, he actually gained some respect right there.
"Yeah, she's okay, she just needs some rest. Thanks for checking up on her, that was nice of you," he averted his stare to the floor.
"How are you two handling the whole Dietlinde thing…?"
"I'd… rather not talk about it right now…" how'd he even know about it? He must have over heard one of the NERV employees talking.
"Sorry… I just came to see how you two were doing," he once again looked up at me, "Okay, I'll talk with you later. We should start to hang out more, I haven't seen you much lately," apparently he didn't know about everything else.
"Maybe, but for now just let me go back, okay?" with a wave, he left. I walk back into Asuka's room and see her still asleep. Before I could sit down I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look back to see Akagi with a concerned face on. With a sigh I follow her outside.
"I heard you guys yelling from across the hall. Is everything okay?" I shake my head.
"No, not at all. She's willing to give birth, but she'd refusing to raise it." Akagi laughs a little, "What's so funny about that?"
"You have nothing to worry about Shinji. Remember how she reacted the first few days of being pregnant? She didn't want that one either. Give it a month or two, she'll come around. Once she sees her stomach start to grow, she'll grow attached to it. A mother just can't have birth without any emotional attachment. Trust me on this one, everything will be okay," she actually calmed me quite a bit right there.
"I really hope so… any word on SEELE?" kinda random, but I had the right to know.
"Yeah actually. Apparently Asuka did some serious damage to their work force. SEELE's trying to cover it up, but having some serious trouble with it. The families of the men are suing SEELE for all they're worth. Looks like you might actually bring down SEELE simply by them running out of profit!" the families…
"Oh… thanks…" not exactly what I wanted to hear, "Any idea when Asuka will be able to get out of that bed?" I had to change the subject; I didn't want to hear about what Asuka did.
"ADD much? Well actually…" I feel a tapping on my shoulder.
A/N- Ahhh… finally getting out of the action. About time. So, how'd you like this chapter? Do you think Asuka will hold to her word? Do you think Akagi is right? Let's hope so… read the next chapter; Makeup, until then, keep on keepin' on!