Nothing Will Ever Change That
Chapter 100: Nightmares
A/N- This chapter was proof-read by Frost-Eva-04. Thanks again for the help!
A/A/N- WOO! One hundred chapters! I finally broke the one hundred marker! On top of that, I also broke… okay, YOU broke 500 reviews! Thanks for reviewing! Okay, this chapter and the next few will be written in first person view with Asuka.
That Night – 8:00 PM
After we got all of the formalities out of the way when he first woke up, we've basically been watching TV. I had to stop myself from leaning on his shoulder at least four times. How am I supposed to break that habit? He was always there for me whether it was when I was crying or just someone to be with, he never left me alone. What am I supposed to do now that he's gone?
"You hungry?" out of nowhere, he turns and breaks me from my deep thought.
"Um… sure, I'll go make something," there goes my cook…
"No, it's okay, I'll do it. Thanks though," I sit back down and just let him fend for himself. Might as well treat him the same as when we first met… not that I CAN do that to that extent anymore.
"Need help finding the stuff?" damnit Asuka! Let him do it by himself!
"No thank you," he reached down under the stove and pulled out the pans, then went to get the food… how the hell?
"Shinji? How'd you know where all of that was?" he shrugs as he begins to make whatever the hell he had in mind.
"Dunno, just a guess. Pots and pans are normally under the stove, and food is normally in the fridge!" okay… I may have over looked that little detail, "So, what do you want?" looks like he already had something in mind…
"I don't care, anything you want," as he began to cook, I realize that I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Watching him like this was weird, he's fourteen on the inside, but physically he's seventeen, damn near a man. His attitude and body just don't match. In fact, his attitude is kinda getting on my nerves. He agrees with everything I'm saying! I liked it better when he put up a fight!
"So, if you don't mind my asking, where's that Dietlinde you told me about before? She's your daughter, right?" did he have to bring this up? This of all things?
"Yeah, she… was. She passed away a few months ago…" he didn't even remember that…
"Oh… I'm sorry about that… what about the other child? You said you had two," you'd think after what I just said he'd keep away from the subject of children… apparently not.
"Well, it's going to be two. I'm pregnant," he damn near spills the pot of boiling water on himself!
"Y-You're… pregnant? By who? The same guy?" Jesus Christ! He really needs to learn to think before he opens his mouth!
"YES! I'm not some whore off the streets!" I came so close to yelling at him for actually saying that when he's the father…
"Oh… sorry… so was that one man the father? The one that you were hugging before?" drop it already!
"No, he's… gone… he died a few days ago…" hey, I wasn't lying, in my mind, Shinji was dead. All that I saw was his shell, nothing more.
"Sorry…" finally, he shut up! Every damn sentence made me feel worse and worse! After I said that about Shinji being dead, I realized something… legally, I'm still married… I'm married to a fourteen year old!
"Okay, food's ready," I hear him set down two bowls and take his seat, "Hope you like ramen," it's all I ate at Misato's, sure as hell better like it!
"Yeah, that's fine, thanks," knowing that at least his cooking skill didn't get lost, I dig in knowing it'll be fine, "Oh hey, I've been meaning to ask you," for three years now, "Where did you live before you came to NERV?"
"With my aunt and uncle… I hated every minute of it. After… my mother died, my son of a bitch father sent me there. Now all of the sudden he wants me back… arrogant asshole…" I set down my sticks and glare at him.
"You should really try and get to know people before you judge. He's a better man then you think," he glares right back at me.
"Yeah right! Have you met the man? He abandoned me when I was two!"
"That MAN saved my life! He paid for my wedding, he gave my husband the commander position of NERV, and above all, he sacrificed himself for me! Don't you EVER insult him in my presents again!" he was surprised to say the least at my reaction.
"He's… dead?" I saw a small smile escape his lips, but I brushed it off, "So, who's the commander now?"
"Like you care…" was he still head of NERV? I mean, he's technically alive and well…
"I do!" I slam my hands on the table as I jet to my feet.
"Bull shit! I know exactly how you feel!" mainly because I know of how he acted when I first met him.
"You don't know crap about me!" I storm out of the room, knocking over the chair as I do.
"Like hell I don't!" I slam the door on my way out. How could he say that? He never acted like this, even when he first moved in! What's with the sudden change of attitude? Was the topic of his father really that touchy? Even if, what makes him think he can talk to me like that? I go the only place I could think of – Sam and Cass's room. I knock on the door, "Hey, it's me, can I come in?"
"Y-Yeah…" it sounded like Sam just saw a ghost! I walk in to see her pale-faced staring at me, "A-Are you… okay?"
"Fine, why?" Sam raises an eyebrow… has Cass not told her yet?
"Well… Shinji…"
"Yes, I know, he's an asshole," her eyes go wide.
"Asuka! How could you say that? He was your husband!" damnit Cass! Why didn't you tell her?
"Ugh… I'll make this as quick as possible. Ritsuko got Shinji's body, she made a clone, she screwed up BIG time and ended up erasing his memory from after he first came to NERV, he doesn't remember crap about me, you, Cass, or anybody for that matter, and now he's a royal asshole. That about sums it up," to say the least, she was surprised. She damn near fainted!
"So… Shinji's alive?"
"Correction, fourteen year old Shinji is alive, the other one is gone for good…" I feel my jaw cramp up, "Akagi… says that it's impossible for him to remember… he doesn't even know my name…" I couldn't hold it back anymore, I fall to my knees crying. I hate to cry… but I can't help it… "Shinji's gone… three years… wasted…" stop crying!
"Asuka…" once again, Cass is the one to comfort me. He… was actually pretty nice… "Look at me," he puts his finger under my chin and makes me look at him, "Shinji is still in there, I don't care what any damn machine says, your husband is still alive. All he needs is a little push. You're Asuka Langley Ikari… IKARI, got that? You're married to one of the strongest men on the planet, there is no way he's simply gone. You have never been one to pass up a challenge, so go for it. Think of it as payback for all the times he's saved you…" he was really there for me… he was acting like a second Shinji. I still can't believe that he's really in there, but just hearing Cass talk like that helped a little.
"Thanks… but I-" he put his finger over my lips.
"Ah, no buts. You WILL get him back, and you WILL save him," in one ear and out the other basically, I didn't hear a word he just said. I was mesmerized by the intensity in his eyes, I've never seen him like this before… he looked like he'd be able to do anything he wanted right now. Why did he look like this? What was up with him? It's… fairly attracting… not sexually! I mean I feel attracted to him because I feel like he's actually able to help… damn, I'm a married woman for God's sake!
"Okay… looks like I need to go apologize… again…" how many times am I going to have to apologize to him today?
"Good luck Asuka," I walked out of the room and wiped away my tears as best as I could. When I get back into my room, I see him laying on the sofa, apparently already asleep.
"Ah damnit… went to bed angry…" I turn off all the lights and – after pulling up the knocked down door – climb into bed myself. Just like when we were on the sofa, I had to fight TWO habits. One being the fact that he wasn't in here with me, so I didn't have anything to cling to. The second one stopping myself from disrobing down to my bra and panties! Normally when I would sleep with him, I'd either be in a loose fitting shirt with panties, a bra and panties, or – on special occasions – nothing at all… I liked those the best! So, being extremely uncomfortable without him and actually being fully dressed, it was going to take me awhile to get to sleep. Out of nowhere, I start to hear him humming… what is that so-… oh my God… just as suddenly as it began, it disappeared.
"I'm… sorry about before… I didn't mean to offend you…"
"Don't stop, keep humming." Was that…
"Huh? Why?"
"Just do it!" after a few seconds, he began to hum again, "Shinji, where did you learn that song?"
"I dunno, I just kinda heard that tune in my head… pretty good huh?" he once again began to hum the melody. After a few bars, I come in doing the same thing… what was going on? "Why do I feel sad when I hear that? I mean, my heart literally hurts when I hear it…"
"Just… just go to sleep… I'll talk to you tomorrow…" I hear him sigh and roll over. How the hell did he know that song? I'm actually getting freaked out now…
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3:00 AM
"Mmmm…" I wake up to a very load moaning coming from Shinji. The moaning continues for a few minutes, so I get up and walk over to his side. He was drenched in sweat! His hair was literally dripping wet!
"Shinji, wake up," I gently nudge him, "Shinji, are you okay?" he jets up panting heavily with his eyes wide open, "Shinji?" he looks over at me and begins to get teary eyed. Before I could react, he lunges at me and cries into my shoulder.
"Oh my God… what was that?" what the hell? I don't care if he has a fourteen year old mind or not, you don't cry like this over a nightmare!
"What was what?" he gripped me a little tighter.
"A… a baby… what happened to her?" was he talking about… no…
"What happened?"
"A baby… she was killed… she was killed so horribly… why am I so terrified of this?" this had to just be a coincidence, there was no way he was dreaming of her, it's just impossible.
"Do you know her?"
"I… don't know… I think so… but I've never seen her before… God, what the hell is wrong with me?" this… this was impossible… how could he remember her?
"You'll be okay, I'm here…" God, I sounded like mother with a crying child, "It was only a dream," to HIM! After awhile, he falls asleep on my shoulder, still holding me… was this my Shinji? Sure, it looked like him… but he wasn't in there… I think… slowly, I set him back down onto the sofa and go back into my bed.
A/N- Like I said, sticking with it. So, I finally broke 100 chapters! It's about time is all I can say! Glad you all stuck with me on this one, thanks for that. How do you think Asuka is going to move on? WILL she move on? Find out in the next chapter; A Flawed Choice, until then, keep on keepin' on!