Author Note: Hey guys, its me again - Padme's Sister! I've been away for a while, trying to catch ideas in a very large net, but the holes were too big and they just slipped through. Then I got a smaller net, and hey presto, here I am, back to writting my favourite story again! So what's happened while I've been away?
The TARDIS exploded? OH MY GOD!
Oh no wait, its alright. Phew. Thought we were gonna have a mass murder then. I bet right now you're wondering what the hell I'm going on about, right? Yep? Thought so. Ok, I'll explain.
oOo
So everyone had just collapsed through the door, right. Then the TARDIS exploded - from the outside! (Like in Parting of the Ways with the Dalek missile)
Well, technically no-one ever mentioned removing the tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator (the slitheen surfboard thingy) from the TARDIS, meaning that its still there to create a forcefield, meaning that the TARDIS and everyone inside it survived! Ta da!
Still don't get it? The Doctor will explain.
The Doctor looked up from the book he was reading (Idiots guide to programming the VCR) "Erm yeah, what she said."
Padme's Sister rolled her eyes and went back to arranging her Doctor Who action figures in her TARDIS playset. Rose came running down the hallway accompanied by a Stefan drumroll, and skidded into the author's bedroom.
"Quick! You have to save me! I was mucking about on google just now," Rose explained, although she was hard to understand through all her pants thanks to the mad dash.
"Did you google yourself? I love doing that!" Padme's Sister grinned. "Mind you, all the websites it pulls up for my name are all about this Sola Naberrie...who's she when she's at home?" Rose frowned and Padme's Sister realised she'd got sidetracked. "Sorry, back to you."
"Thanks. Yeah I googled myself and every website said I'm possibly gonna die in an episode called Doomsday! I don't wanna die! I'm too young and pretty to die!" Rose wailed hysterically.
"Calm down dear, its only a commercial," Padme's Sister replied, then frowned. "No its not...hang on..." she sat staring at the ceiling, trying to remember what it was (because her brain still has a few loose connections after it was stolen...wait, why am I saying she? I mean ME! I - whatever!")
"Oh right!" she remembered at last. "What I mean was, don't worry. You're not going to die."
"I'm not?" Rose asked hopefully.
"Not in this story you're not. Not unless Billie Piper annoys me, which is highly unlikely."
"Who's Billie Piper?"
"Never mind. You're not gonna die. End. Of."
"End of what?"
"Blimey, I thought you were meant to be clever? Look, stop asking questions or you will die."
"You just said I wouldn't!"
"I lied."
"Do you lie alot?"
"What do you consider alot?"
"Enough for people to call you a liar."
"People call me lots of things..."
"Is one of them liar?"
"I could say no," Padme's Sister grinned. "But how would you know I'm not lying?"
"I guess I could choose to trust you."
"You could do that?"
"I could try."
"Awwwww, thats sweet, but don't think I won't kill you in the future if you annoy me."
"You won't though, thats the thing," Rose argued.
"Says who? I'm the author. I can easily kill anyone I want!"
"But if you kill me, I could just come back again. I mean, no one ever stays dead in science fiction!"
Padme's Sister opened her mouth to argue, realised Rose was right and closed it again. Rose pulled out a huge bar of Galaxy chocolate and the two were friends again - their argument forgotten.
oOo
"Land ho! Land ahoy! I saw a ship go sailing by," Jack sung to himself as he re-adjusted his bandana, the toga lying forgotten under his boots.
Orlando wandered into the wardrobe looking for something to change into and the two noticed each other for the first time.
"Who are you?" they both asked together, then there was silence before Jack finally answered.
"Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savy?"
"You're a pirate?"
"No shit Sherlock! Say, you seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"
"I make a point of - (insert ringing phone here) hold on." Orlando pulled out his phone and answered it. "Yo Cess! Look, I'm kinda in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back? Cool. Bye."
He hung up the phone and turned appologetically back to Jack. "Sorry, that was Brad Pitt's brother, Cess. So what was I saying? Oh yeah," he turned all serious again. "I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates."
"Well then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record, so if you'll excuse me..." Jack stepped past Orlando who reached into a rack of coats and pulled out an umbrella, pointing it at Jack, who pulled a broom out of another rack and turned to face him.
"You think this wise boy? Crossing long pointy things with a pirate."
"You stole my pot plant," Orlando accused and then the fight began - slowly at first, but gradually building up until Jack was fighting with a mop, whilst Orlando now had the broom, plus a dustpan and brush set.
Just as they were about to clean each other, Ads wandered in and the two paused for a second, then started to innocently clean the floor. Ads just shrugged and went over to the stereo in the corner, inserted the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack and switched it to track number 5 - Swords crossed (the music from the duel in the movie).
"If you're gonna fight, at least do it to music," he suggested and Jack and Orlando nodded, liking this idea. Then they were fighting again while Ads began taking bets as to who would win.
5-1 said Jack
10-1 said Orlando
20-1 said a draw and 50-1 said that the fight would be stopped due to unforseen circumstances. All those who chose this last option were soon to be very rich as Joshwales and Flying Beastie came trundling in to find out what all the comotion was about. Flying Beastie tripped on his 20 foot scarf and fell into a clothes rack, starting a domino effect that caused every rack and shelf to collapse around the room. Joshwales dived for cover behind Flying Beastie.
"Its Volcano Day!" Kates Master cried as a bowler hat fell on her head and fell over her eyes, blinding her. A large coat had fallen over Flying Beastie.
"My-vision-is-impaired. I-cannot-see!" it cried, whizzing round the room with the coat arms flapping madly behind him.
"Oh my god!" Padme's Sister, Rose and the Doctor cried together as they ran in to find clothes and hysterical fans scattered everywhere, causing absolute mayhem. Jack and Orlando were still trying to clean each other, now balancing on two clothes rails, while everyone else was frantically trying to dig their way out of the mountains of clothes that had fallen around them.
"Who did this?" the Doctor asked, but received no reply. "I SAID, WHO DID THIS?"
Everyone stopped and Padme's Sister turned to him. "Oi, no matter the situation, there is no need to SHOUT!""It-was-my-fault." Flying Beastie replied from under the coat.
"I might have known. Stupid Daleks always ruin everything!" The Doctor replied angrily.
"We-are-not-stupid! Do-not-insult-us! Do-not-insult-us!"
"I'll do what the hell I want! You destroyed my boat - ship - thing! I think maybe you'de better leave."
"I-was-leaving-anyway," Flying Beastie growled, trundling past him. Everyone watched in shock as he left the room.
"He's leaving?" Rose whispered at last.
"He can't. I haven't written him out of the script yet," Padme's Sister replied. "I promsed he'd leave in a blaze of glory and we'd give him a great send off!"
"Well we can still do that, can't we?" Mayuko-Chan wondered. Padme's Sister thought for a moment, then smiled and began giving orders.
"Ok, Timeless Escape, you and Rose go get as many fireworks as you can. Jack go get the time machine you made in chapter two. Joshwales, you help Jack. Orlando, go get that remote that I made, which brought you here in the first place. And everyone else, make as many party streamers, hats and banners as you can. You've got ten minutes. GO GO GO!"
"What about you?" Rose asked.
"Me? I'm off to have a chat with a Dalek about a sequel," Padme's Sister replied, then vanished in blue smoke.
"Weird," Rose muttered.
"Tell me about it," the Doctor replied.
"Oh no, I'm not talking to you. You were mean to Flying Beastie!"
"But thats who I am! I'm rude and not ginger!"
"Not listening! Lalalalalalalalala." Rose stuck her fingers in her ears and ran off.
"Curse you Dalek! You've turned my own companion against me!" the Doctor sulked.