Author Note: Hey guys, sorry its been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages since I last posted, but I've been so busy turning 18, driving and winning at bingo that I haven't had time yet. Anyways, I actually have quite a serious authors note today (and a rather long one, actually)...uh-oh...
Ok, can I just say,
NEVER EVER EVER PUT FIREWORKS IN YOUR POCKET! DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER TRY TO COPY WHAT THE DOCTOR DOES IN THIS CHAPTER, BECAUSE ITS DANGEROUS!
SO IS WHAT TIMELESS ESCAPE DOES TOO! SO DON'T COPY THAT EITHER!
(scans rest of chapter for any more dangerous should-not-be-attempted-at-home-type stunts)
OR WHAT JACK DOES ON THE BALCONY!
OR...oh no, thats it...SO DON'T DO IT!
YEAH?
AND IF YOU DO, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
BECAUSE I DID!
SO THERE!
Oh, and Flying Beastie's story's in hiatus (apparently) , so that means - oh no, wait...sorry...was in hiatus. He's just informed me that he now has too much time on his hands, and The Brand New Adventures Of Flying Beastie are only just beginning...sounds fun! But not as fun as mine! Lol...nothing like a bit of self advertising to start the day...that, with a hint of pride and loads of chocolate make the day so much more fun! Lol.
Enjoy!
oOo
Timeless Escape waited impatiently in line at the front of the DIY and Home Furnashings (is that right?) store, glancing at her watch every five seconds to see if the time had changed. When the doors eventually opened, she ran past the other shoppers, straight to the back of the store, skidded on the shiny floor and skated across to the paint.
"Hmmm, cornflour white, cloud white, snow white, frost white, blue white, red white, pink white, white white...all they have is white!" she cried as she looked at the different paints. Then she shrugged and began loading the trolley - not hers, another shoppers. She'd just borrowed it without asking - and then she went round to the other sections.
An hour later, she was loading up her car - a little red, white and blue mini she'd found in the TARDIS - with everything she'd brought. There was a comfy arm chair tied on top, a matress and the tins of paint inside, along with a broom, a mop and a ball of string...and no room for her to sit.
"Oh damn," she sighed, when she realised. Then she saw the mop, broom and string, and was struck by a brilliant idea. Tying the mop and broom together, sitting a brick under the front wheel, setting a paint can on the clutch and putting the car into gear, she tied everything with bits of string that would reach up to the chair. And then she started the engine and climbed up into the chair on top (and yes folks, if you've seen Mr Bean, you know what's gonna happen now!)
Feeding the broom through the window, into the footwell and onto the accelerator, she jerked the string attached to the brick and the other attached to the can on the clutch, pulling them away from what they were holding and she was off! Using the string attached to the steering wheel to stear, and the broom to operate the pedals, she drove the car down the road back towards the TARDIS from the comfort of the arm-chair. Of course the heavy load meant that the poor mini couldn't travel very fast, but she didn't mind. She was enjoying the light breeze, and the view. Plus she couldn't change to anything higher than first gear, so she wouldn't have been able to go very fast anyway.
oOo
Rose, meanwhile, had woken up back in her room, only to find Captain Jack and the Doctor sword fighting out on the balcony (because the TARDIS is magic and has balconies...and even a garden!).
"Crapulum terriblem habeo" she groaned, then frowned. She tried again. "Crapulum terriblem habeo." Nope, that definately wasn't English. It sounded Latin. Frowning again, she wandered onto the balcony.
"Doctor? Crapulum terriblem habeo," she said and he looked at her.
"Well what do you expect! You can't get drunk, then not expect to have a hangover the next morning."
"What did she say?" Jack asked in confusion, as they put their swords down, fight forgotten.
"She said that she had a terrible hangover, stupid!"
"No she didn't! She said something different...like in a different language. And why can't you try being nicer for once?"
"I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter!" the Doctor snapped, then he frowned. "Rose, were you speaking latin then?"
Rose shrugged, not knowing what the hell was going on.
"Ok, um...say something else."
Rose thought for a moment, then she grinned and said "Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus! (lets all wear mood rings!)"
"O...k...Rose is speaking latin and only the Doctor can understand her...this is gonna be fun," Jack sighed. Then he leapt over the balcony, landed in the swimming pool and scrambled out, then ran away to tell the others.
"Why doesn't he just use the door, like everyone else?" the Doctor wondered and Rose shrugged. Then she thought of something else. "Doctor?"
"Mmmm."
"Braccae tuae aperiuntur." Then she rushed out of the door, stiffling a giggle as the Doctor worked out what she said.
"Your fly is open? Who's fly?" He looked down and saw what she meant. "Oh my fly...Oh my god! Not again!"
oOo
Meanwhile, meanwhile (coz we've already had a meanwhile this chapter), Timeless Escape was almost home now, and as she pulled up at the junction leading onto the road that the TARDIS was parked on, she wondered what everyone would make of her weird driving style. However, as she pulled away, onto the hill, the end of the broom came off.
"Oh no!" she cried as she lost control of the car and it went whizzing down the hill. Pulling out her mobile, she rung Padme's Sister.
"Oi! Open the TARDIS doors! Quick! And every door leading to Miss Kiwi's room! Do it!" And then she hung up again. Padme's Sister didn't have time to argue, so she did as Timeless Escape asked and seconds later, the mini came shooting into the TARDIS and Timeless Escape managed to just about steer it down the corridors and into Miss Kiwi's room, where she crashed into the bed, sending feathers everywhere with a gigantic POOF! (Again, minds out of the gutters folks...I know its easy to mis-interpret, but please don't.)
"Is that my stuff?" Miss Kiwi asked from under a blanket of feathers.
oOo
"And now! The end is near! And so we face, the final curtain!" The Doctor belted out as he stood in the TARDIS doorway. Beastie and his crew were gathered round the TARDIS, saying a sad farewell to their friends...well it would have been, had they not been high on laughing gas.
"Come on," Mayuko-Chan moaned, dragging the Doctor back inside by his collar, and slamming the door shut. "Lets go! I'm bored!"
"Ok! What's with all the exclamation marks?"
"I don't know!"
The Doctor shrugged and went to the console, singing a new tune (that I made up myself...I'm dead chuffed!)
"We're flying in the TARDIS, we're off to outer space.
To see the mighty Cybermen and the nasty Dalek race.
And shaking shaking shaking. Shaking as we fly.
Shaking like a milkshake
Across the starry sky.
And running through a spaceship
Or saving human lives
We'll go there and back again - "
"With the Doctor by our sides!" Rose finished triumphantly, and he spun round, grinning at her madly.
"You're not Latin anymore!"
"I know!" Rose cried, and then they did another of their hug things, like after the Queen Victoria and Werewolf incidents. Anyone would think they were monster spotters or something. I can just imagine them in their eighties...well when Rose is 80 and the Doctor is...erm...very old...sitting in the TARDIS with their binoculars, notebook and a copy of the Monster Spotter's Guide To the Galaxy sitting between their thermos flasks and little camp chairs. Can't you?
Nope?
Just me then?
Ok...moving swiftly onwards...
oOo
Miss Kiwi was having real trouble decorating her room. After wrapping everything (and I mean everything! Each individual bit of fruit in the bowl, the door handles, everything!) in newspaper, she'd tried to paint the white paint onto the walls with a paintbrush...but as she'd dipped it into the tin, the bristles had fallen of, leaving her with an empty handle. So she'd stuck one of her cuddly toys onto the handle and tried again...but that had only ruined her pink bunny, so now she was out of ideas.
Just then the Doctor happened to be passing by, and peered in.
"Need a hand?"
"Got any ideas for how to get all my walls white?" Miss Kiwi asked, and the Doctor thought for a moment, before grinning and producing a firework from his pocket (Serious warning! Never EVER keep fireworks in your pocket! They could go off and leave a huge hole in your pocket that your money will fall out of! Disaster!) and stuck it in the tin.
"Clear the room!" he announced, and Miss Kiwi, seeing the lighted match heading for the fuse, dived out of the room.
Now, does anyone else think the Doctor has a slight fetish for blowing things up? I mean, Rose's shop, Casandra and the Earth (kind of), the Gelth, Downing Street, the Dalek (kind of), the Jagrafess (kind of), Jack's ship, the locks on the zombies cells, the Krillitaines, the Cybermen...There's practically an explosion every episode!
Anyways, he dived out of the room too and slammed the door shut behind him, then dragged Miss Kiwi away around a corner. They both covered their ears and waited for the explosion.
BOOM!
Uncovering their ears, they started back towards the room. On the way, they passed Briar Elwood, covered in paint.
"What on Raxacoricofallapatorious (never ever ask me to type that again!) was that all about?" The Doctor wondered, watching Jack stagger down the coridoor, leaving white footprints behind him.
When they got back into the room, everything was perfectly white, except for a Briar Elwood shaped patch of wall near the door.
"Oh...now I get it," the Doctor muttered, then burst out laughing. Miss Kiwi did too, and ended up laughing so hard that she fell over backwards.