"Show me the way to go home, boom ba doom ba doom. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, boom ba doom ba doom," The Doctor was singing as he wandered around the console, hitting buttons needlessly every now and then.
"Erm Doctor, you are home," Rose pointed out as she looked up from the magazine she was reading (Spongebob Squarepants - Halloween special). Then Jack darted into the room, carrying a pair of shoes that vaguelly resembled ice skates...actually, no, that's a lie...they were just a pair of old boots with knives tied to the bottom.
"Where ya goin Jack?"
"I wanna go ice skating. Haven't skated since that time in the arctic when I had to skate for three days across frozen ice, just to try and escape that bloody Norrington!"
"Erm, yeah...whatever," Rose shrugged, going back to her magazine. "Ooh! Pop out mask!"
Just then Padme's Sister wandered in. "I'm bored!"
"I wanna go ice skating!" Jack whined.
"Ice skating? Who's going ice skating? Can I come?" Padme's Sister piped up. "Pwease? Pwetty pwease with a cherry on top? Oh please take me with you!"
"Can we Doctor?" Jack asked.
"I don't see why not," the Doctor shrugged, flicking a switch. There was a heavy jerk and the TARDIS landed on an ice rink, skidded along then crashed into a snow pile. An avalanche of snow fell on top, burying it, and sending the temperature inside into sub-zero ice cold warmth.
Hang on, sub zero ice cold warmth? What on New Earth? Oh, you know what I mean, anyway...so...
"Doctor, we're cold!" Rose and Miss Kiwi moaned, frantically trying to keep warm by jogging on the spot and hugging themselves.
"I'm not," Timeless Escape replied cheerfully, emerging from the wardrobe, and looking like the Mitchellin Man. She was wearing almost every single item of clothing from the TARDIS's wardrobe and could now barely move. But she was happy. Unlike everyone else, who were trying to stop themselves from freezing to death.
"Dddddid you aaaaaactually leave an...an...any clothes in the wwwwwwardrobe?" the Doctor stuttered, breaking an icicle from his fringe and dropping it at his feet.
"Erm...there's this scarf...it was too long for me though...whoever knitted you a twenty foot scarf certainly had way too much time on their hands!"
"Tttttttwenty fffffffoot scarf?" everyone gasped. Then there was a mad dash towards the wardrobe.
oOo
Timeless Escape had, infact, missed a whole level of the 13 storey wardrobe, and it just so happened that it was the one that held all the thick winter coats, so now everyone was at least wrapped up warm and ready to skate.
The Doctor had also managed to find just enough skates for everyone, so Jack didn't have to use his makeshift ones after all. Now they were all skating about on the frozen lake outside the TARDIS...well, I say skating. I actually mean falling flat on their backsides every ten seconds.
"Oof!" Mayuko-Chan exclaimed as she skidded to a halt, before falling down. I guess that way it doesn't hurt as much. Well...I'm only guessing. Could hurt more for all I know. After all I've only ever been ice skating once and -"Get on with it!" The Doctor snapped, so Padme's Sister skated up behind him and shoved him hard in the back.
"Heeeeeeeeelp!" he screeched as he rocketed across the lake and into another snowdrift.
"Wheee!" Timeless Escape cried as she whizzed past, fell over backwards then bounced back up and skated off again.
"See, I told you all those layers of clothes would come in handy!" she grinned. "They keep you warm AND make great crash pads!"
"S'cuse me! Coming through! I can't see a thing!" Silent Seabreeze cried as she zoomed past - the twenty foot scarf wrapped right up round her face and over her eyes. And even then, there was still about ten feet dragging along behind her.
"Free lift!" TTDC (The Tenth Doctor's Companion, incase you'd forgotten) yelled, jumping on the end of the scarf and allowing Silent Seabreeze to drag her along.
Ads230...who I'm gonna call Ads from now on...was sitting at the side of the lake, shivering like mad. The Doctor, having recovered from his snow drift attack skated over, tumbled head over heels and landed on his back beside Ads, looking up at him.
"Hi."
"Hi," Ads stuttered back as he frantically rubbed his arms. "Can we go somewhere warmer, please?"
"Yeah it is a bit chilly in't it," the Doctor agreed. "I can't even feel my glasses, I'm so cold."
"Doctor?"
"Yeah?"
"You're not wearing any glasses."
"Oh...that be why I can't feel them then, I guess. But yes, we can go somewhere warmer, I think. Where would you like to go? Name your terms."
"Somewhere warm."
"Yes I know that one, but anything else...anything more specific?"
"Erm...somewhere warm and sunny?"
"Why do I bother?" the Doctor sighed as he pushed off from the bank with his feet, and skidded back towards the TARDIS on his back.
"Hey everyone!" he called as he staggered back to his feet at the TARDIS. "Inside, now!"
"Why?" Padme's Sister asked as she skated in a circle around Jack.
"Because there's free ice cream inside?" the Doctor replied. He immediately regretted it as he was pelted with snowballs. "Ok, maybe not the right type of bribe...erm...FREE HOT CHOCOLATE?"
There was huge crash as Jack fell through the hole in the ice that Padme's Sister had accidentally made around him, and then there was a major stampede to the TARDIS again.
"Seriously, these stampedes have to stop!" The Doctor moaned from the snow drift where he'd been pushed, yet again.
oOo
"So, where are we going?" Miss Kiwi asked as the Doctor plugged Mysticalbeckie's I-pod into the TARDIS console.
"Well, I'm gonna use the I-pod's randomiser to choose our next location, so we'll either end up in some completely random, and hopefully warm place...or we'll end up inside Cascada.
"Casc-who?" Who Wolf and Kates Master asked together.
"Cascada!" Rose, Padme's Sister and Mysticalbeckie cried together, then they started bouncing round the console singing.
"Everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss, I swear I can fly!
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side!"
"Oh, Cascada!" Ldyknight cried. "I thought you said Cassandra!" Then she and Stefan joined in the dancing and singing too.
"Your arms are my castle, yor heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall!
Coz everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear - "
"We're here!" the Doctor interupted, rather rudely and everyone death glared him.
"Nope, won't work this time," The Doctor replied stubbornly. Then he stepped out of the TARDIS door. There was a whoosh and he shrieked like a girl as an arrow embedded itself in the woodwork next to his head. "But that will! HEEEEEELP! We're under attack!"
Padme's Sister peered carefully out of the door and then grinned. "Hey Robin!"
"Who the hell are you?"
"Hey Muck - I mean Much!"
"Wait, are we in Sherwood?" Joshwales asked as he joined Padme's Sister in the doorway. She turned to him in surprise.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"I've been right here, this whole time."
"Oh...well you've been awfully quiet."
"Sorry. Been busy watching Torchwood."
"You've been making a torch out of wood?" Briar Elwood asked, bemused, as he joined them in the doorway.
"Ok, this doorway's getting a little cramped now," Padme's Sister gasped. There was a loud POP and all three of them tumbled from the door, landing flat in a pile of leaves. The others followed them out, and gasped as they realised they were surrounded by outlaws.
"I surrender! I surrender! Just please don't hurt me!" Ads shrieked, throwing his hands in the air and whacking Little John in the eye.
"Ow! Why you little - "
"EEEEK!" Ads screamed, running away into the woods with Little John chasing him.
"Hey Robin, long time no see," Padme's Sister greeted as she walked up to the leader of the outlaws, Robin Hood.
"Heya back. How've you been?" he asked as they walked away towards the camp fire together.
"And what's with all the facial hair? You need a shave mate!"
"So...erm..." Much muttered as he looked at his toes. Rose took it upon herself to make the introductions, seeing as no one else would.
"I'm Rose Tyler, and these are my friends, Ldyknight, Ads230 aka Ads, Silent Seabreeze, Briar Elwood, The Tenth Doctor's Companion aka TTDC, Mayuko-Chan, Miss Kiwi, Timeless Escape (who is, for some unknown reason, still wearing all those layers of clothes), Joshwales, Light Queen of Lilies, Cloudhaven94, Who Wolf, Kates Master, Souless-Tears, Stefan, Mysticalbeckie, The Doctor and Captain Jack...and of course, you've met the author I take it?"
"Oh yeah, just didn't recognize her."
"Ahem," Jack interupted and Rose turned to him.
"What?"
"You got my name wrong."
"I said Captain Jack...what more do you want?"
"Captain Jack SPARROW if you please!"
"Fine, alright, may I introduce Captain Jack Once-a-very-flexible-all-loving--fifty-first-century-time-agent-called-Harkness-now-called-SPARROW. He's a pirate."
"Pirate? As in outlaw?"
"If you like, " Jack shrugged.
"So, you rob stuff, yeah?" Allan A Dale asked, finally stepping away from the other outlaws.
"Rob? Me? Never! I'm just dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly."
"That...actually makes sense!" Much replied after thinking about it for a while.
"Yeah, well don't think too hard. You might hurt yourself," The Doctor muttered as he climbed the nearest tree.
"Why am I climbing the nearest tree?"
Erm...good point. How about to get a better view?
"Alright then. So I'm the lookout, yeah?"
You can be whatever you want.
"Actually I can't."
Why not?
"Well, I wanna be a Jedi, but I can't."
The Jedi are made-up! How can you be a made up character who isn't even real?
"Well, Darth Vader's not real! Nor is V. But they were still in the story!"
Yeah alright, again good point. Fine. You can be a Jedi.
"Yay! I'm gonna change my name to...hmmmm...Docty-One Tardobi."
Docty-One Tardobi?
"Yeah, you know, like Obi-Wan Kenobi...Docty is from Doctor and Tardobi is from TARDIS. The One in the middle is coz I'm only 1...No, hang on, wait...I'm 900. I mean there's only one of me."
"There's only one of everyone, you plank!" Joshwales snapped.
"Actually, there are about a dozen Rose's running about somewhere, a million Cybermen and Daleks and countless other doubles, so don't call me a plank, you moron!"
O...K...me thinks the Doctor has lost his mind. Anyways...
oOo
"So, how've you been?" Robin asked again for the second time as he and Padme's Sister toasted marshmallows...mellows...whatever over the campfire.
"I've been...well...stuck in this weird story for god knows how long, but apart from that, great!"
"Oh good. Marian was asking about you the other day."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Said she needed some advice on how to deter Gisbourne."
"He still bothering her?"
"Yup."
"And why does she want help from me?"
"Because you seem to deter men."
"Charming!" Padme's Sister huffed. "I don't deter them! Its just that all the guys I like are already taken. Thats all."
Then her stick caugh fire and she had to drop it. "Bugger it!"
"Here, have mine." Robin offered his marshmellowmallow to her. She took it and popped it in her mouth, then spat it back out again and howled in pain.
"God thats hot!"
"Sorry," Robin muttered. "I'm not a very good cook."
"Me either. The other day I blew up my microwave," Padme's Sister replied (and I'm not lying. I actually did. Was cooking popcorn and left it on for five seconds longer than I was supposed to. That was all. 5 seconds! And when I come back, thick black smoke pouring out of the door! The damned thing won't work now, and my house smells of burning popcorn. Not nice!)
But anyways...I like saying that, don't I? Anyways...anyways...anyways...anyways (voice trails off into the distance and yet another narrator takes over).
oOo
"Did you know, you're not the first time travellers to arrive here?" Much told Rose as they wandered through the forest together.
"Oh? Who else is here?"
As if in answer to her question, Much pulled a branch aside and there, in the middle of the forest, sat Flying Beastie and Maid Marian...snogging!
"Is it just me, or does Beastie snog an awful lot?" Rose muttered as they quietly slipped away so as not to disturb the love birds.
"You know him?" Much whispered as they scouted around the clearing where Beastie and Marian were.
"Yeah. He used to be in this story, but the Doctor expelled him after he destroyed the wardrobe, so he went and started his own story. We keep bumping into each other though. Everywhere we go, they seem to be there already."
"Hmmm, sounds very Bad Wolfish to me."
"Oh don't start! I had this conversation with the Doctor the other day, asking what the hell Bad Wolf was all about, so he pulls out his series 1 box set and shows me the last episode. I get freaked out just thinking about it. I mean, me...a Goddess? I don't think so!"
"Why not? Would be fun. You could do whatever you wanted...kill who you wanted...bring back to life who you wanted..."
"True..." Rose pondered as they continued their treck. "Maybe I'll ask if I can become the Bad Wolf when we get back."
"Well why not. The Doctor's a Jedi now."
"He's what? Oh dear. We're all doomed."
"Yeah, he's calling himself Docty-One Tardobi."
Rose laughed so hard she fell off the branch that I forgot to mention she was balancing along.
"How very inconsiderate of you."
Just fall off the branch!
"Ow! Happy now?"
Yup. So, any-
"Say anyways again, and I'll send the Sheriff to cut out your tongue!"
"Much, that was a bit harsh. She'll punish you now."
Just then, Much fell into a big pile of HORSE POO! Maybe that'll teach him not to talk back to the author like that.
"Told ya so!" Rose laughed as she picked herself up off the floor and dusted herself down.