Author's note: CORRECTED VERSION (Dec 8)!!!

Changes Sequel – I. Darkness Part 19

The snow on the outside was still thick, especially after it had stormed for nearly the whole night. The sky had a light grey shade and Logan was sure by looking up into heaven that it would snow again soon. Nevertheless, he still had to chop some wood for the stove before he could go inside again. But even if it was snowing right now, he wouldn't care. He was used to those extreme temperatures and he liked it as much as he liked the dark. To him there was nothing better than going for a walk in the dark when only the moon illuminated the scenery. Chopping more wood, his gaze turned towards the white wolf that had accompanied them back to Canada again. Smirking, when the animal looked towards him, Logan felt amused about it. When he'd been in Canada after his trip to Japan the wolf had followed him wherever he'd went. Therefore, he'd decided to just take him with him back to the mansion, after he'd walked most of his way back to the US and the wolf was still behind him. He didn't know why the animal did it, but he also didn't mind it. He'd always preferred the wild to civilization. Animals either trusted you or not, they never lied or betrayed you and stuck to you no matter what. Far different from humans as he'd learned too often in his life. Still looking at the wolf, Logan felt how snow fell onto his bare hands and looked up. Again, he'd been right. Chopping the last wood to pieces, he carried everything over to the cabin and opened the door with his foot, while the wolf decided to lie down next to it.

Inside, Logan began to frown when he found the cabin empty. By now it had been a week since they had traveled up to Canada and not much had changed. He was glad that Jean finally ate and slept regularly, but still it worried him a lot that she never really talked about herself. He knew what she was capable of if she got too depressed and it scared him to death. Not caring about it, he dropped the logs next to the stove and called out her name once, then twice, but again there was no respond. While he quickly walked over to the small bathroom his heart nearly tore his chest open. "Jean?" Logan called again and climbed up the small ladder which led to another, open room that he mostly used for logs. But still he couldn't find her even if her scent was everywhere. His eyes caught the sight of a small window. Following his instinct, he quickly walked towards it and looked out…only to get hit by a snowball from aside. Pausing for a brief moment, he turned his head and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Funny…"

The redhead smiled slightly and he could only shake his head. He would give anything to get a real smile from her that also reached her eyes. "Come inside, it's freezing cold," Logan said but she shook her head.

"I wanted to watch the sunset," Jean replied and he gave her an even more confused look.

"It's snowing, girl. The sky is grey, there's no sunset…" Seeing how she pointed out her finger, he noticed that he was wrong. Very far in the distance, there was indeed the sun visible between two mountains. "'Kay, guess I was wrong… But that doesn't change the fact that you'll get sick. So come on…" Giving her a look, which she mirrored with a pleading one of her own, Logan finally sighed. "Fine, I'll get a blanket…" He disappeared through the window again, just to reappear briefly afterwards. Carefully, he climbed through the opening and gave her a sign to get up so that he could put another blanket underneath them. After doing so, he sat down next to her, pulled her close and wrapped the second blanket around them. "Satisfied now?"

Smiling at him, Jean pulled him down for a kiss. "Yeah…" Sighing satisfied, she saw the wolf strolling around in the snow before her eyes looked at the sunset again. "The two of you are a real item, you know that?" she said calmly and he smirked a bit. "What's it about that wolf?"

"Well, he followed me the whole time through while I was here. Even after I left and traveled mostly by foot back to the US border. So I decided to leave it up to him if he wanted to follow me the rest of the way, too…"

"Sure that it's a he?"

Chuckling slightly, Logan nuzzled her neck softly with his nose. "Yeah…"

Giving him a look, Jean frowned a bit. "I don't have to worry about that, do I?"

"Watch your sunset, darlin'," he replied and pulled her closer. "And after that we eat,'kay?"

Only nodding, her eyes were fixed on the spot between the mountains again where the sun slowly disappeared. Leaning her head against his chest, she felt the warmth he spread through his clothes and closed her eyes for a brief moment. Even if he was here with her, Jean still felt the emptiness within her. Not as strong as before, thanks to him, but it was still present deep within her. Watching how the last bit of the sun disappeared and dipped the spot between the mountains into a deep red first that slowly changed into black, she felt him moving behind her. "Come on. It's getting too cold, Red." Pulling her carefully up with him, he helped her back towards the open window and took the soaked blankets with him back inside.

After having dinner and also feeding the wolf on the outside, that still laid next to the door, both began to tidy up the cabin a bit. Handing her the old sheets of the bed, Logan watched her closely with an intensive stare. Recalling how he had treated her in the past months, it made him feel more than terrible. Of course he had done it to protect her, but he could feel that she still wasn't sure of how to act around him. It appeared to him as if he hadn't shown her in an eternity what she meant to him, how important she was for him and how much he'd missed her.

Noticing his stare, Jean looked up briefly and gave him a short smile, before she turned around to put the sheets to the pile with the laundry. Not hearing anything at all from him, she suddenly gasped when two arms wrapped themselves around her slim form and she was pressed against his body. Not reckoning with it, her heart kicked into high gear and her muscles tensed when he snuggled up to her from behind; leaning against her while his arms were wrapped around her hip. Still, Jean didn't know what to think about it. By know she was too used of him rejecting her.

"I love you…," Logan whispered into her ear and waited for her reaction.

Surprised to hear him saying it after over a year, her heart began to hammer even more in her chest. Slowly, Jean turned around in his grip and looked at him slightly shocked. "What…?"

He couldn't help but chuckle when he touched her right cheek softly. "I love ya, darlin'," he said again and looked deep into her eyes. "Haven't said it in a while…"

Still not believing it, she could only stare at him. When his words finally reached through her shell, she bit her lip hard to suppress a sob before Jean hugged him tightly and sighed in relief aloud. Logan only pulled her close and closed his eyes while he stroked over her back and heard her crying heartrendingly. He could only guess how much pain he'd caused her and practically felt how a heavy burden fell from her shoulders. When she turned her head in to his direction, she placed a tender kiss on his right cheek first and wrapped her arms around his neck sniffing; burying her face on it. "I love you, too… So much…"

Smiling, Logan cupped her face and kissed her on the lips tenderly; feeling how she deepened the kiss soon. Kissing her after all this time like this again, kicked his senses into high gear. Every single one focused on her completely and sent shivers down his spine. Again he realized how much he had missed her in the past months. How much all the torture and fighting had been worth it. He felt how her left hand began to stroke down his back and pulled his hip closer. Panting, to fill his lungs with new air again, Logan looked at her from aside while Jean still held him close and was kissing his neck softly. Suddenly, she let go of him and met his gaze directly. "Love me…," she pleaded in a whisper and made him frown in surprise. Any other time he wouldn't have hesitated, but since he was completely aware of her condition he was torn between giving in and pushing her away. Noticing it, Jean kissed him tenderly again. "Please…," she said once more barely audible and her eyes mirrored her inner turmoil completely. She wanted it, she was convinced of it. She needed him so much right now that it practically burned her from within. Meeting her eyes, Logan let himself being slowly pushed to the bed by her, but still he wasn't sure what to think. While Jean rested her eyes on his she began to undress him. When her hands touched the buttons of his jeans, Logan quickly grabbed her hands and made her stop; seeing her confused look, he bit his lip hard. He absolutely didn't know what to do…

"What's wrong?" Jean asked him calmly and was afraid that she had done something wrong.

He looked into her eyes for a moment before he bent forward and kissed her slow and softly while his grip on her hands loosened a bit. "Not so fast… It's been a while and we've time," he finally said and she nodded; letting herself being pulled by him to the bed slowly, before he sat down on it and positioned her on his lap. Sitting astride on him, Jean's hands stroked through his thick dark hair with both hands while her heart hammered in her chest and he caressed the side of her neck tenderly. Bending forward, she kissed him softly and he kissed her back before Logan let himself fall backwards and pulled her with him.

Back in the mansion everyone was gathered in the kitchen for lunch after the self defense course, which was still held by Scott. Talking about it with her friends, Jubilee could only roll her eyes. If she hated something then it was self defense with Scott. But not only did she, also Peter missed his sparing partner, while Bobby hated it that Scott thought it was too dangerous for him to change into his ice form. He hated it that the man still babied them, whereas Logan just let them try things out and only intervened if they did something wrong or it really was too dangerous. He really hoped he would be back soon and that he would still do his classes. Not that Bobby didn't like teaching PE, but the kids just too often complained about his way of doing it. Either he did things too fast for them or they thought about it as boring. He really had no idea what Logan did differently…

"Hey, are you listening?" Jubilee asked and poked him into the side. Looking at her, he hadn't even noticed that they'd been talking about something. Sighing, the woman rolled her eyes. "Alright…once more for our Popsicklehead….," she said and nodded towards Scott. "You're in for a revolt against One –Eye over there?"

"By doing what? Throwing moldy tomatoes at him?" he gave back and she giggled.

"That's a good idea. Could you freeze them before we throw them?"

"No, honestly, Jubes. What will you do?" he asked her and she shrugged.

"Anything that's makes the courses at least half as interesting as Wolvie's always are…," she said thinking and folded his arms.

"Well, then tell Scott to pull off his shirt, maybe that helps," Peter muttered and saw that Bobby grinned, while Kitty and Jubilee gave him a look.

"You wanna say that this boy over there is as sexy as Wolvie without his shirt on?" Jubilee asked him sternly before she exchanged another look with Kitty. Suddenly, both women burst out into laughter.

Giving Bobby a look, this one only shrugged while the others were staring into their direction in confusion. "What's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Moira asked and stopped next to Kitty and Jubilee, who desperately tried to fill their lungs with air again.

"Those…those figures of fun think that if One-Eye there pulls his shirt off…he looks as sexy as Wolvie does with his clothes on…," Jubilee giggled and had a hard time to even make herself speak.

Looking at Bobby and Peter who only rolled their eyes, Moira bent forward and met Scott's more than disturbed gaze and suddenly had to laugh aloud, too. "That one was really good, guys! I must give you that!" Wiping away her tears of laughter, she couldn't help but went on giggling. "Have you ever seen Logan without a shirt on?" the woman asked them through her giggles.

"Obviously not!" Kitty said with a wide grin.

"Oh, so you're in his fan club, too?" Peter asked her dryly and gave her a jealous look.

"Tell me one girl who isn't," Moira only laughed and went over to Hank again.

"Ah, come on," Kitty said and gave her husband a kiss on the cheek. "I didn't say you're not hot, my sexy hubby!" Only snorting, Peter shook his head.

"Now he's pissed," Jubilee commented on it. "So, you guys are in for a revolt now, or not?"

"Nope," both men said at the same time and made her pout.

"Who was complaining about Scott's being a better babysitter than teacher, huh?" she mocked and gave both men a look. "So, don't climb down now and shit your pants, boys! I wanna have my Wolvie back and learn useful stuff again."

"Then wait for him to come back," Peter replied and sipped on his soda. "It's not even said that he will return to teaching his classes at all…"

"He will," Kitty gave back and met his gaze.

"I doubt that!" Bobby shook his head. "Not after everything that had happened…"

"Wanna bet?" Jubilee challenged with a sly smile. "Or are the too of ya too afraid, huh?" Exchanging a grin with Kitty, Bobby cocked an eyebrow at Peter, who only nodded. "Okay, so…we girls bet that Wolvie comes back and kicks One Eye's butt for being such a sassy and you guys think that he won't. We'll win anyway!"

"We'll see, Jubes!" Bobby said and drank the rest of his coke.

Some time later in Canada , both mutants laid tightly cuddled up to each other in the bed. While Jean had her back to him, Logan held her tight with his left arm. Resting his head on his other, he was watching her for some time and wondered what she was thinking about. Gently, he stroked over her belly and placed a kiss on her shoulder. Immediately, Logan began to frown, since she didn't react to it. "Did I hurt you?" he asked her worriedly and also frightened when Jean finally turned her head a bit.

No…," she replied barely audible and covered his arm with her left hand; playing with his hair absently.

"You sure?" he demanded to know in disbelief since he felt that something was wrong with her. "I felt ya wincing before…"

Sighing, Jean entwined her hand with his and looked at it for a while. "It was because I wasn't used to you anymore… But you didn't hurt me, Logan."

Still not completely convinced, he cocked an eyebrow at her and gave her an insecure look. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Moving a bit, Logan put a hand on her left shoulder to turn her around. Looking down on her, he tried to read in her eyes what was bothering her, but even if he wanted to, he couldn't tell what it was. "What is it then, darlin'?" he asked her softly and gave her a worried look. "Is it…because of the baby?" he added carefully and she instantly broke eye contact.

"No…," Jean replied in a whisper and shook her head. "Not only…"

Tilting his head, he touched her cheek gently and gave her a light kiss on the lips before he looked at her again. "Stop bottlin' it up, Jeannie. I'm not gonna eat ya, no matter what it is. You know that!"

Hearing it, Jean paused for a moment while she was aware of him looking at her. Not knowing what to say, since she couldn't tell how he'd react towards it, she let out a sigh. "You once said you'd do anything for me… Is it still valid?" she asked him insecurely.

"'f course! What is it?"

Finally looking at him with a complete serious look, Logan could tell that it was something serious. He even felt slightly scared that everything happened too fast for her and now she was about to tell him that she needed some time alone this time. Even if it was her demand, he would give her every time she needed… "I want it to stop," Jean finally said and he saw her despair and fear in her green eyes.

"What, darlin'?" he asked since he had no idea what she was referring to. He only hoped that she wouldn't demand of him to kill her… That was the only thing he couldn't do for her…

"I want us to leave the X-Men," Jean went on and saw how his face changed.

"What?" Logan asked her shocked and sat up a bit. "But where do ya wanna go?"

"Not leaving the mansion! I also don't mind you training and teaching them… But I don't want us to go on any missions anymore, except something very big happens and many lives are at stake." After saying this, she met his gaze with a pleading look of hers and felt tears coming up due to her despair and fear. Reaching out, she touched his cheek softly. "Please, Logan … I can't go through this again! The past 15 months have been hell on earth for me," she explained sobbing and bit her lip hard. "I could never endure losing you again, so please…" Pulling him close, Jean buried her face on his neck and cried heavily, while Logan still didn't know what to think about her wish.

Still, he remembered too well why they were here in Canada … Leaning back a bit, he cupped her face with one hand and made her look at him directly. "Only on one condition…"

"What?"

"You talk," he replied and instantly, Jean looked away. Not giving up since he wanted to break through the shell, he turned her head to him again. "And I mean about everything, Red. Everything you've been through in the past 15 months…"

Shaking her head crying, she begged him not to do this. "I can't…"

"You have to, darlin'! You gave me the shock of my life when I saw you after I'd come back," Logan said insistently and stroked over her wet cheek. "You need to talk, baby. Especially about Jake…"

Looking into his hazel pools, Jean thought about it. She knew he was right, but still it was too painful and hard for her to do it. Nevertheless, she had felt a sudden wave of sorrow through their mental link and knew he felt the same way. "I'll try…," she finally said in a whisper and made him smile slightly before he kissed her once more.

"Good."

"So, no more missions?" the redhead asked again and he nodded.

"No more missions," Logan promised. "I was thinking about quitting anyway…"

Frowning when she heard him saying it, she raised one eyebrow a bit. "You were?" she asked in surprise and suddenly saw how his eyes changed a lot.

"Yeah," he nodded and stroked over her cheeks barely noticeable when she noticed the sadness in his eyes. "I felt so lonely without you and the kids… I'm so sorry for giving you hell on earth twice, darlin'."

Wrapping her arms around his neck while she shook her head, Jean pulled him down and buried his face on her neck. "I'm only glad to have you back. I missed you so much…" Heaving a deep sigh she let go just to cuddle up to him again.

Enjoying the feeling, he absently stroked through her long hair and closed his eyes for a moment. "I really didn't hurt you?" he asked once more. "Honestly…"

"For less than a second maybe. You really don't have to worry, Logan ," she said and nuzzled him from aside. "As you said, it's been a while and you've been as gentle as possible. So stop worrying about me…"

"You know that I hate hurting you."

Looking up a bit, Jean shook her head sighing and kissed him. "It's okay. Sleep now."

Chuckling, Logan kissed her tenderly back and rolled over so that she laid half on top of him. Wrapping his arms around her protectively, she rested her head on his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat that slowly lulled her into sleep.

"Night, darlin'," he said calmly and pulled a strand out of her face, while he heard a yawn and satisfied sigh from her.

"Night…"

A few days later, Hank sipped on a coffee in the kitchen during a break from his lab work. While his eyes were fixed on the outside, quick footsteps could be heard and he asked himself who was running around the mansion like a maniac. It didn't take long and a silver head with black streaks came to a halt in the door and looked at him panting with widened eyes. To his big surprise, he could only give her the same stare since he hadn't heard them coming. "You're back?" Hank asked Ororo in surprise while she looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"I just brought the kids upstairs," she said out of breath and came closer. "Where's Jean? I can't find her anywhere. Did something happen? I told you to call if…"

"'Ro, stop it!" he said and quickly grabbed her by her shoulders. "It's okay. Jean's fine. She's in Canada …"

"What?" she asked him in return and sounded more than confused. " Canada ? What is she doing in Canada in her condition? How could you let her go? She's not alone up there, isn't she?"

Sighing, Hank closed his eyes briefly. "Ororo, please… I already have a headache because of you. Would you just let me finish my sentences?" Running a hand through her face, she nodded. "She's not alone up there. Logan's with her."

"What?!" Ororo shrieked aloud and her jaw dropped when she stared at him in shock. " Logan's back?"

"Yes, he returned past midnight the day after you left."

"Oh my God…," she gasped and had to sit down. "How is he?"

"Fine again as far as I can tell… I didn't talk much with him. Hearing the news about his son and seeing Jean afterwards have practically given him the shock of his life…"

Nodding sadly, she heaved a deep breath. "When will they be back? Did they say that?"

"Yeah, Logan said in two weeks. So I guess they should be back tomorrow."

"Well,…the next thing he can deal with is Jack. He's still pissed at him," Ororo told Hank, when this one's head suddenly jerked up. "What?"

"Was that a car?" he asked her and headed out of the door. Quickly, she jumped off her stool and followed him down the corridor towards the main entrance, where he had already opened the door in a rush and gave her a bright smile. "It's them!"

Curiously, but also nervous, Ororo stopped right next to her friend and watched how Logan got out of the car first and walked around to open the trunk. Staring at him since he was wearing one of his casual wife-beaters, her jaw dropped once more. "Look at him! He trained a lot, didn't he?"

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Hank shook his head. "Women… You see him for the first time again after ten months and the only thing you can think about is that he trained a lot…"

"But it's true! He has much more muscles than before," she defended herself and crossed her arms, still waiting for Jean to appear.

"See?" he gave back. "I think no other body here is as famous as Logan's, huh? At least when it comes to you girls…" Turning his head again, he watched how Logan opened the passenger's side and leant into the car. It took quiet a while before he was fully visible again. Reaching out, they watched how he helped Jean out of the car and kissed her briefly before he opened the backdoor and a white wolf jumped out of it.

"What's that?" Ororo asked and gave her friend a look.

"Don't ask me. The wolf and him are an item…," Hank shrugged. "But at least everything seems to be fine between Jean and Logan again, what do you think?"

About to reply, Ororo felt how someone poked into her leg softly. "Aunt 'Roro, we're hung…," Lily began when she suddenly stared with widened eyes at the two approaching people. Rachel, who stood behind her sister, followed her look and the expression of her face was pure shock, too, while Jack narrowed his eyes. Beginning to pant, both sisters exchanged a look swallowing hard and were close to start crying. As soon as Rachel made the tiniest move, Lily grabbed her arm quickly and began to run.

Taking the bag out of Jean's hand, Logan gave her a weak smile and turned around his head, while walking towards the main entrance, to look what the wolf was doing. "Daddy!" Hearing the cry, he quickly turned his head and saw his girls running towards them. Dropping the bags in an instant, Logan fell down to his knees and embraced them strongly, while they clung to him sobbing. Kissing them, he buried his face between them and closed his eyes. He couldn't help but cry, too. He'd missed them so much. Every minute without his family had shown him once more how much he'd changed during the years. By now he couldn't imagine to be alone anymore. Looking at them smiling, he kissed them once more and wiped their tears away, before he realized that they looked a bit different. Lily's dark hair was only shoulder length anymore while Rachel's red hair was a bit longer. "You've grown…," he noticed next and they hugged him again; hearing them saying how much they'd missed him, he pulled them close again. "I missed ya, too, pum'kins… So much…"

Looking at the whole scene from aside Jean smiled, while she was crying, too. Kneeling down next to them, her children hugged her next, whereas Logan wiped his tears quickly away and noticed the look his son gave him from the door too well. He knew that he was mad…

"Are you still sick, mommy?" Rachel asked her mother after this one had kissed her tenderly and saw how she shook her head.

"What's that?" Lily asked her father and pointed to the wolf that had come closer again.

"A friend from Canada ," Logan replied and looked the wolf directly in the eyes, while this one eyed the children curiously. He knew by following him, the wolf had accepted Logan as the alpha male and therefore wouldn't attack his pack. Reaching out with his hand, the animal came slowly closer and sniffed. "Slowly," Logan warned his daughter when she wanted to touch the animal. "Wait for him to catch your scent…" Watching closely what the wolf was doing, he smirked a bit when the animal licked on the palm of Lily first and then did the same with Rachel's. "He likes ya."

"What's his name?" Rachel asked and stroked over the head of the wolf gently before she gave her father a questioning look.

This one only shrugged and got up to pull the bags up from the ground again. "Dunno… How do ya want to name him?"

"We think about it!" Lily smiled and watched how the animal disappeared into the garden.

Turning around, they walked towards the main entrance where Ororo was smiling at them happily and hugged Jean first, before she clung to Logan crying. "So good to see you again…," she said and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're really alright again?" she added worriedly and was relieved to see a nod from him. "And you look better, too," Ororo said towards Jean, while Logan kneeled down in front of his son, who still glared at him angrily.

"I feel better," the redhead only replied and took her daughters by the hands. "Come on. We prepare something to eat, what do you think?"

"We're starving!" Lily said and dragged her towards the kitchen, when Hank gave Ororo a sign to follow him; leaving Logan and his son alone.

Not knowing what to say, the adult waited for a reaction of the boy, but this one only sized him up for a coffin. "When do you leave again?" Jack finally asked and crossed his arms angrily. "Now or tomorrow?"

"I'm not leaving anymore, Jack," Logan replied and shook his head. "Look, I had to leave…"

"Happens to you quiet often lately, doesn't it?"

"It's over now, I promise." Sighing in frustration, since the boy still shut himself completely off, he ran a hand through his hair and finally sat down on the ground. "Look… Before I left I told you about how important control is when Wolverine's a part of you, right? That it's dangerous to lose it." Jack only nodded slowly. "I had to leave because I lost it, Jack. I wasn't in control anymore and I didn't want to hurt anyone. So I had to leave to regain control over him again… I'd never leave ya voluntarily alone, kid. You know that… I love you, your mom and sisters far too much for it to just leave because of nothing. You have to believe me…"

Only looking at his opposite with a cocked eyebrow and a look that reminded Logan too much of himself, the boy snorted. "The pancakes have to be more than delicious and I wanna hear ya imitating Tinkerbell's voice the whole evening through while reading bedtime stories, got that?" Turning around, while Logan had to frown, Jack walked towards the kitchen, when the adult suddenly realized what his son meant with it. Growling playfully, he grabbed the kid quickly and pulled him over his shoulder. "So, ya think ya can give me orders, eh?" he grunted and ignored the playful shriek of Jack when he carried him towards the kitchen. Shifting the boy back into his arms, he hugged him tightly and gave him a kiss, being glad when the boy did the same. "I missed ya…"

"Missed ya, too," the boy mumbled into his shoulder. "And I won't forgive ya next time, remember that, dad!"

"I will, don't worry." Walking further down the corridor with him on his arms, Logan gave him a look. "So, pancakes, huh? For lunch?"

"Yeah, and you're gonna make them!" Jack said and crossed his arms.

"Fine, but you'll eat normal stuff for dinner, kid!"

"Depends on what you cook, dad!" the boy replied with a sly grin and made Logan shake his head.

After unpacking their bags, Logan gave Jean a look from aside. She was practically overwhelmed by the emotions he didn't show openly but radiated in giant waves. Worried, she turned around to him and met his eyes; noticing the weird expression in them. "What?" she asked him concerned but he only shook his head. "Come on, what bothers you so much…?"

Looking everywhere but at her, Logan put the last clothes into the wardrobe again and bit his lip briefly. "Is…is he buried here?" he asked her barely audible and saw how she looked down first, before she nodded slowly.

"Where Charles, Scott and I were buried…," Jean replied and her heart beat in every inch of her body. She suddenly felt frightened. Even if she'd somehow sensed that he would ask… Only nodding, Logan turned around, while the redhead still paused on the same spot. Walking down the corridor with his hands in his pockets, he entered the kitchen to get out through the backdoor and nodded briefly at the others without saying anything. "Wait!" Hearing it, Logan stopped in surprise and looked at Jean, who was standing at the door. One look into her eyes was enough to see her torrent of emotions. "I'm coming with you…"

"Sure?" he asked barely audible since he thought that she was still not ready for it.

When he gave her an insecure look, she looked down as if she had to think about her decision again, before she came closer and took his hand into hers; meeting his gaze with a nod. "Yeah…"

"'Kay…" Pulling her with him they walked towards the backdoor, when Storm leant back a bit to have a better look at the couple.

"Where are you going?" she asked curiously since the scene before hadn't made sense to her at all.

" Memorial Garden ," Jean replied in a whisper without turning around and left with her husband.

Switching towards the others, Ororo gave them a look while her eyes were widened. To her it was a complete shock. "She hadn't been there once…"

"We'll see if that's a good or bad sign… But if you ask me, Logan does her good. At least she's gained weight again and looks better," Hank replied and went on preparing the dinner.

"Yeah, but still… She can't have changed completely within two weeks only. Even Logan couldn't have caused such a rapid change," she gave back worriedly and only slowly began to cut more vegetables.

"What if he could?" he asked her and turned to face the woman, but she only shook her head. "Ororo, think about it! Remember what Logan was like after Jean died. You've seen him! He didn't eat or sleep and was aggressive like never before. And then Jean came back and he was completely different from one second to the next…"

"I know, but still," she said, but this time Hank shook his head and turned towards the stove.

"Jean reacted in the same way after Jake died…," he said. "Only that instead of being aggressive she completely withdrew from us… So why shouldn't she react towards Logan as he did to her?"

Sighing, while she put the paprika down, Ororo crossed her arms and leant against the counter. "But it's different, Hank! She lost her son…"

"They, 'Ro! The fact that Logan wasn't here when it happened, doesn't mean that he doesn't grieves, too!" he corrected her with a short glare. "And besides, it's not different. In both cases they lost someone they love. It doesn't matter whom or how. The pain is always the same…"

On the outside the couple slowly approached the gravestones. Two of them belonged to Sunfire and Thunderbird, who had been buried after the rescue team had returned from Mexico, while a small one was right next to them. The closer they got, the more Jean clung to Logan's arm while his expression was far more than tensed. Stopping in front of it, Jean immediately began to cry silently, while Logan lowered himself onto his knees and stared at the date on the small stone. Turning his head and looking at her in shock, he could only shake his head in disbelief. "On Ray's birthday?" he asked her unable to believe it.

Jean bit her lip hard while she shook due to heavy sobs and kneeled down next to him. "He would have been born this month…," she hardly managed to say and her face was a mask of sorrow and pain. "I keep on asking myself why him? Why not me? He was just a baby…"

"No! Don't even start thinking like that!" he instantly said and shook his head with a warning look in his eyes. But still she knew that he felt the same and he couldn't stand knowing that she did. Even if he tried as hard as he could, he couldn't manage to control his emotions. Looking at the stone again while he swallowed hard, he only shook his head. "It just wasn't meant to be…," he added and couldn't keep his voice from breaking slightly. Logan heaved a deep breath and ran a hand through his face while he rested his head against it to shield his eyes by doing so. He couldn't believe that the whole situation could even get worse…

Neither of them said anything for quiet some time and dealt with their own thoughts and emotions, when Logan suddenly glared at the stone hatred and clenched his fists hard. "I should have been there for ya…"

"You're here now…," Jean said and touched his shoulder but he didn't turn to look at her. "Logan, I was scared to death that I might never see you again. You're here now…and it helps me…" Still, he didn't said one word or even moved an inch. Letting out a deep sigh, her eyes switched to the name on the stone and again she was close to cry her eyes out. "I don't know what I'd done if you hadn't come back. I was so close to do it again, Logan … I couldn't deal with it alone. Having you here now helps me. More than anything else could ever do…," she went on and shrugged. "It's just like…you're close by and everything's better. I can't describe it…"

"So, you're not blaming yourself for it as Hank thought?" he asked her calmly and she kneaded her hands nervously. He instantly knew that she would do now what he'd demanded from her days ago…

"I did first…," Jean admitted and sat down next to him before she stared at the stone once more. "I mean… I woke up that morning and knew you'd be gone, but still I hoped that you were there… And when I had to throw up for the first time, I already knew I was pregnant, but… I refused to believe it. I knew it was yours, but there was still this part in me that thought it was Scott's… And I was so terribly scared…" She briefly looked at him while crying, but instead of anger she saw sympathy in his eyes. Feeling how he took her hand into his, she suddenly had enough power to go on. "The more time passed the more I got afraid that you'd never come back. And I was so worried that he caught you again or that something else had happened to you. I called out to you so often…"

"I know…," Logan replied and saw how her head jerked up and she gave him a surprised look. "I heard you once in my head, but I thought it wasn't real… I imagined it too often." Sighing, he squeezed her hand gently. "Go on…"

With a sad look, her gaze fell on the stone again. "On Ray's birthday then, we only had a small party. She refused to celebrate it without you…," Jean went on and he looked away feeling guilty. "When the kids were in bed I was in the kitchen to tidy up when it happened. Ororo immediately got Hank and Moira together and brought me down to the infirmary. I can't even tell you which meds they'd given me… They'd tried so many things, but couldn't stop the labors. So they had to get him and hoped that he had an active healing factor already." Pausing for a moment, she closed her eyes briefly and tried to get her breathing under control again. Remember it was still too hard for her, but speaking about it was even worse. Still, she wanted to finish it for him; he just deserved to know and she knew he was listening attentively. "Afterwards, they disappeared and when they came back…," Jean could only shrug. "But the strange thing is… From the moment I found out that I was pregnant, I knew it would go wrong… I don't know why. But I just knew it…"

Looking at her from aside, Logan pulled her as close as possible. "It's just how nature works, darlin'. You've seen it in Canada when the wolf caught one of those rabbits. Nature always gets rid off those who are too weak t'live. There's nothin' ya could have done about it, Red." Resting his head on hers, his jaw tensed and he had to close his eyes briefly. Even if he knew the law of nature too well, there was nothing he hated more right now. "It just wasn't meant to be…" Getting up, he helped her to her feet before he pulled her close again and felt how she wrapped her arms around him.

Leaning against his strong chest, Jean enjoyed the feeling he gave her and calmed down nearly instantly again. "I want to work again…," she suddenly admitted and immediately he let go of her to give her a shocked look.

"What?" Logan asked aloud and stared at her in disbelief. "Don't ya think that's a bit too fast, darlin'?"

But she only shook her head. "I can't go on like this, Logan. I want to get back to a normal life… I need to have a life again…"

Thinking about it, he lowered his head with a sigh. He knew how stubborn she could be, but also that she was right. Grieving too long only made things worse. He knew that too well… "But you'll start slow, got that?" he finally said completely seriously and with a warning undertone in his voice.

"Yeah…"

"And if ya not feeling well, you'll stop!" he added and she nodded once more.

"Promised…"

"Good!" They pulled each other close again and remained like that for a while. "I love ya," he said calmly and she kissed him tenderly before smiling weakly.

"I love you, too," Jean replied and he dried her cheeks gently. "Wanna go back? It's almost time for dinner…"

"Go ahead. I still need a moment," Logan said and she nodded before she gave him one more kiss. Kneeling down again, he looked at the stone once more lost in thoughts and completely forgot about his surroundings. Right now, he couldn't care less. When he wanted to put his hands into his pockets, he frowned when he found a small bag within one of them, which he'd gotten in Japan . Thinking about it briefly, he began to make a small hole into the ground and put some of the seeds into it, before he closed the hole again. Reaching out, Logan touched the stone briefly and his fingers traveled over the name on it, when suddenly the wolf stopped next to him. Looking aside, he smirked barely noticeable at the animal and got up. Patting the head of the wolf lightly, he nodded towards the stone. "Watch over him, will ya?" Seeing that the wolf remained where he was, Logan walked back to the mansion.

Actually, I wanted to add another scene to it, but I will put that one into the next chapter. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed the last chapter! Glad that you liked it again. : ) Hope this one here was interesting, too. I will try to finish Chapter 20 on this weekend. I am not quiet sure now, but I think there will be a jump in time, too… Well, we'll see. So, hope ya enjoyed reading. Can't wait to read what you guys think again, so please review!! See ya! ; )