Sorry the update took so long. The chapters should be coming a bit faster now and I think/hope you will like what is coming up! Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all belongs to Ron Moore and Sci-fi ect.
Roslin wandered out of the noisy hanger deck in a daze. The clanking of metal and rumble of machines was a faint buzz in the back of her mind. How tackless, how obvious, how pathetic she was to trick Tyrol into coming to dinner. When she first decided to pay him a visit she had no intention of doing more than watching her son from afar. And now, now she had gotten herself into a mess the Lord of Mischief would praise her for.
She rounded a corner and stopped before one of the storage rooms near the exit of the hanger deck. With a nod toward her security detail she disappeared from there view. A deep breath flowed from her lips. The much needed moment to herself was helping calm her nerves. Mentally she thanked Tory for being a faultless employee. Roslin appreciated the girl's careful selection of a security detail that could take a hint when to back off. They kept their distance but where never too far away. Right now Roslin was grateful for the moment of privacy.
Once her jumping nerve endings settled she put a hand to her eyes to rub away the embarrassment, anger and frustration she felt fizzing up as she talked to Tyrol. Roslin prided herself of keeping her heart out of military matters, and now, she had willingly invited it to a business dinner. Tyrol posed more of a threat than Roslin initially realized. Her hand fell away from her eyes and became a fist pressed to her lips.
Though she was in a daze, she was aware enough to recognize the raised voices of Lee Adama and Kara Thrace coming from inside the storage room.
"You never would have married Dee if I hadn't married Anders," Kara's hiss carried out the door. Roslin's eyes grew wide and her hand fell to her side.
"You were wrong about there not being an 'us.' And now look at us, we're pretty frakked up Kara," Lee yelled back.
At this point Roslin started taking small quite steps away from the door. The two Viper pilots were having a private conversation Roslin wanted no part in. Before she could maneuver out of range Lee came marching out the door paying no attention when he nearly knocked Roslin to the ground. He mumbled something that sounded like "sorry" and continued his blazing romp toward the hanger deck.
"Oh, great," Kara spat. Roslin brought her attention back to the doorway, in which Kara was leaning with her arms folded.
"I guess you heard all that," she shrugged. Roslin glanced at her shoes.
"You have any idea what it's like to love someone you can't be with?" Kara asked smugly.
Roslin felt her face suddenly become very hot. The hurt in Kara's voice dampened any harsh feeling the President might have at such an ignorant comment. Kara's head whipped around as if she realized what she had just said and to whom she had said it. The Viper pilot's bloodshot eyes pleaded for forgiveness.
"Yes, too well," Roslin blurted quietly before she could stop the words.
Kara's expression softened with comprehension.
Damn it, Laura, Roslin thought, fighting the urge to smack herself on the forehead. Kara Thrace was far too smart not to put two and two together, especially after the incident in the vent a year ago.
"What are you doing down here?" Kara asked, in such a way Roslin thought she might have added, Adama's in the CIC.
"It's a secret," Roslin told the girl with a wide smile.
The depths of Kara's despair were revealed to Roslin by her inability to do anything but stare blankly. No smile, no comeback, no vulgar remark. Roslin began to worry.
"Sorry I asked," Kara replied.
"I was teasing Captain," Roslin said before Kara could leave, "I came down here to boost moral for the deck hands."
"I heard you and the old man had a blow out," Kara abruptly injected. Roslin's mouth dropped in surprised but she quickly recovered. The blond continued before Roslin could respond.
"Must be running in the family," she said with a defiantly lifted chin in the direction Lee escaped to.
"A word of advice. Don't fall in love with the Adama men," Kara began and stepped into Roslin's personal space. The president could tell she had been drinking.
"…just fraks up your life."
Roslin knew for all her tough outer persona Starbuck was hurt by whatever had just happened between her and young Adama. Before Roslin was sure there were tears coming Starbuck laughed coldly and took off in the opposite direction Lee went.
Standing alone now, in the deserted storage area, Roslin wished there was something she could have done to help the young would-be lovers. Life dealt them an unfair hand. At least she was too old to think about more children, life with a husband, or family. Of course, Roslin hadn't chosen those things even when it would have been easy.
Since the attack the young had a much harder path in front of them. For all it was worth, Roslin adored Samuel Anders, who seemed to have disappeared without a trace, and she wished Kara had not given up on that relationship. More to the point, ever since the, Roslin winced, death of Billy and the circumstances surrounding it Dualla dropped a peg in Roslin's opinion. Not that she let it show, but, young Adama seemed far too…she hated to say 'good' because in this world good and evil were merely relative terms, but it stuck anyway…Lee Adama seemed far too good for Dee.
Now, whatever mess Lee and Kara had gotten into it seemed to be affecting Dee and Anders as well. Perhaps, it was something she should bring up to Adama.
Adama. Roslin placed a hand against the cold metal wall. She had to balance herself. The force of his name hit her like the left jab of a Cylon centurion. Kara had said love.
A jolt of energy surged through Roslin. She squealed in irritation and perhaps, a little excitement. She allowed herself a few tiny swift hops from side to side and shook fists at her side. She hoped the physical action would take her mind away from finally coming to terms with the one subject avoided like the plague. Laura, a tiny giddy voice informed her with sick pleasure, you do love him, ha, ha, ha. You thought you could bury it but it's just too strong even for you to fight.
"Frak," she growled and then sighed.
First Lt. Agathon, then Chief Tyrol, and now Bill Adama managed to crawl under her skin like an unwanted rash. The worst part of it all was, where Agathon left her feeling cold, where Tyrol had left her dazed and alarmed, Adama left her feeling…good…for lack of a better term…yes, oh, so good.
"Madame President, are you okay?" the tall young security officer questioned with a raised eyebrow.
She didn't know how long he had been standing there, but from his expression, which landed between amused, terrified, worried and tickled, he had seen the mini-dance, heard her swearing like Kara Thrace, and seen the smile of… She didn't even want to think about what that must have looked like…
"Just fine," she said in a sing song voice and turned tail quickly to keep from either laughing or slinking into the corner in embarrassment.
She took no small amount of relief in the fact Bill was mad at her. She probably wouldn't see him, at least for a few days. Maybe by that time the out of control feelings she was having could be force back inside. These days she felt like a shaken champagne bottle ready to erupt at any second.
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Adama let his eyes go out of focus as he read the report in front of him. Burying himself in his work had become second nature. Ever since the civilian fleet began to settle on New Caprica he found the only way to drown out his loneliness was with work. There had been enough work to do back when only a skeleton crew was manning the ship. The paper Adama held in his hand was the last remnant of work at his desk and there was still about three hours to kill before he went to sleep.
Adama forced his eyes back to the typed words on the page. He would find some other work to do if he had to. He knew what it would mean to run out of things to occupy his mind. It would fill with thoughts of her. Always her. He promised himself during the year she spent on New Caprica he would not let his mind and especially his heart remember her. The strategy had worked until now. The fleet was back together…they were back together. Work was still time consuming but not like it had been.
His hands let the paper drop to his desk. Did she cry after she threw him out, he suddenly wondered. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. No, she wasn't the type. Something about her then…what was it? Adama for the first time in a year let his mind think about Roslin in the way he used to. In the past the technique had been useful in revealing some small fact he usually over looked which offered an explanation to her behavior. Not to mention he had fun while doing it.
Helo had given her a thorough breakdown of his grievances. She had taken it as he expected she would. The image of her disappointed face flashed through his mind. Standing up for Helo had put that emotion on her features. It hurt to see her disappointed.
He wondered if she felt the same way when he scolded her about fixing the election. His grand mistake he remembered with a huff. If she remained president he would have never been without her for a year…entering dangerous territory Bill, he warned himself. He had lived without her for a year and like any other addiction; she had been cleansed from his system.
Getting back to the matter at hand, he reflected on why her behavior had struck him as odd. She threw him out of her office, an out of character action but there was more to it. With a shove he pushed off his chair and stood up. All at once the thought came to him.
She only reluctantly defended herself. No lashing out at Helo with a carefully constructed and professionally keen argument, though she did have one. No drawn out lecture for Adama on the finer details of her decision. The fact of the matter was Laura Roslin felt guilty. Helo was right. Her guilt was tearing her apart just like on Kobol. What she needed now was not a verbal tongue lashing, as Adama originally thought, but a gentle reconciliation. Being away from her for a year made Adama a fool in his relationship with her all over again.
"Stupid," he said to himself and pounded a fist on the desk. The sound of his voice rumbled through the room.
Thinking of her in his heart caused problems in their interactions before, and now not thinking of her in his heart had brought about consequences just as bad, perhaps even worse for the fleet. He was bound to lose either way. But if he was going to lose, by hell, he was going to lose his way.
The depression which had settled on his shoulders like a heavy dark cloud suddenly lifted. He stood straight and proud. The air he inhaled gave him comfort once again. Gentle lamp light in his office was soothing and calm again. And best of all, he smiled to himself, he loved Laura Roslin.
"Dad," Lee said marching through the open door of his office. He stopped when he saw Adama's face.
"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."
"Not yet," he said and saw his son regard him with open confusion and curiosity. When Lee finally closed his mouth he took another few steps into the room.
"What does that mean?" Lee asked absently. Adama continued to smile but didn't respond.
"Here is the latest report from Geta on the FTL drives," he said and handed a print out to Adama. "The Geminion Traveler is reporting trouble with theirs. Before the next jump Geta wants to set over to technicians."
Adama nodded as he looked down through the lenses of his glasses to the paper.
"Tell them they are cleared for launch," Adama replied. Lee bobbed his head quickly and lingered for a moment.
Something as trivial as approving technicians for launch had not brought Lee to Adama's office. From the hidden expression behind Lee's eyes Adama could tell his son wanted to say something more. Adama set the paper down and gave his son his full attention. With his hands clasped in front of him Adama waited for Lee to speak up. At times like these Adama knew whatever Lee had to say was personal. Words were always difficult to come by when it was personal for all the Adama men.
"How…" Lee began and then looked toward the wall. Adama waited patiently until his son's eyes came back to him.
"How did you know, when it was over…with mom," Lee asked.
Adama narrowed his eyes. More often than not Adama stood on shaky ground with his son, especially on that subject. He hesitated to answer for fear of alienating his son and ruining the progress they had made in their relationship.
"When she stopped calling me Bill," Adama answered.
Lee's eyes fell to the floor. Adama saw something like guilt spread across his face. He fidgeted under the soft glow of the lamp light and his hand clenched into a fist. Something was wrong. For the first time Adama suspected it had to do with Lee's wife.
"Do you ever think about getting married again," Lee asked abruptly. Adama recognized it as an attempt to alter the course of the conversation away from his marriage.
"My position within the fleet wouldn't allow it," Adama answered slowly. Lee brought his eyes back up and seemed to hear the words but not take them in.
"Well, good night, Admiral," he said with a stiffened stance, saluted and left the room.
"I do think about it," Adama mumbled out loud once his son was out of the room.
He looked down at his calendar. He and Roslin were scheduled for a briefing by Chief Tyrol in a few days. She probably wouldn't expect him to attend but he wanted to patch things up with her as quickly as possible. Besides, he felt bravery pooling in his chest. He knew exactly what he wanted to say to her and like it or not now was the time.