Chapter 2

A lead

YAI FOR CHAPTER 2! I didn't get as many reviews as I had hoped, probably because I posted this with absolutely NO warning whatsoever…but…clearly its not MY fault as much as it is the fault of…..some random scapegoat I can blame this on… BUSH! It's all Bush's fault.

RazieliumGuardian: Only one yet? Are my three other fics irrelevant? A figment of my own over active imagination?...like the not copyrighted leprechaun that tells me to burn things! It must be a conspiracy! Or is the conspiracy that there IS a conspiracy which I don't know about which takes the form of a conspiracy that I do know about which probably doesn't even exist thus meaning I don't KNOW about it as much as I am simply insane…………

Shadow Gravemind: ……..ok…..here it is…….

The Keeper of Truth: What? Are my own ideas no good anymore! I wasn't going to use another idea unless it looked like there was a substantial amount of time and effort put into thinking about it. I don't want to just make a fic about an idea thought of 2 seconds b4 making the review. That offer was for people who had a GOOD idea and wouldn't mind if I stole it! I mean uh….people who had a good idea…but only had the rough plot down…and wanted some1 else to work with it… yah. That's what I meant to say….

Val: Yes, Maybe, A lot more than you would think, because you feel like it…. I know all. The answers to your next set of questions are, Yes, Yes, no, Sasuke, no, oh GOD no, maybe, depends how much money is involved, Suicide, not for your life… now the only question is, what is the next set of questions you will ask me…… and yes, maiming people IS very fun

Clark cradic: Yes, out of mind plays a large part in this story I didn't plan it to at first, but it seems to fit in quite well.

Tony: Not the funniest ever! What! How could you! I am insulted! That's it! I am going to go into this random corner and pretend to cry! WILL THAT MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY! HUH! WELL I TH-…OOOOH SHINY!

Griff, Church, and Tucker gathered around the briefcase. The moment of truth seemed at hand. Tucker reached down and slowly opened the case, bracing himself for shock, trauma, and possibly heart failure.

Caboose: "Wow."

Griff: "No way."

Tucker: "Oh my god that is a lot of coffee."

The suit case was lined with Starbucks coffee, with only one sheet of paper inside of it.

Tucker: "The sheet of paper! It must be important!"

Griff: "It says, Note to self, there is enough room in this suit case to put in a sheet of paper… that means that there is more room for coffee! Buy more coffee or I shall commit seppuku……yah that's right you heard me...I know where you/me live."

Tucker: "But….he had to have carried something else with him!"

Griff: "There is only a suitcase! And this is the only one!"

Caboose: "I don't think so Church…I think there is also a lot of coffee…and some paper.

Griff: "Did he just call me Church?"

Tucker: "Caboose, remember your identification class…the orange one is…"

Caboose: "Orange is a fruit."

Tucker: "And…"

Caboose: "Orange is…a stupid color?"

Griff: "HEY!"

Tucker: "AND!"

Caboose: "…Orange is…the pink one?"

Tucker: "No the pink one is the pink one."

Griff: "No! The pink one is donut."

Tucker: "That's what I said."

Griff: "No you said that the pink one is the pink one."

Tucker: "Yes but since the pink one is Donut it is just like saying the pink one is Donut."

Griff: "Wait doesn't that mean your saying that Donut is a Donut?"

Tucker: "I'm not sure…"

Caboose: "So…..the orange one is a pink donut?"

Tucker: "Close enough."

Caboose: "Yai! I got it right! I just want to thank the three of you for supporting me!"

Griff: "The….three….of us?"

Griff and Tucker felt cold breath going down their spine…they both turned around to face…

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Caboose: "No the third person is right next to you. Not behind you."

Griff: "Oh, okay..."

Griff and Tucker turned to the left…..

SUSPENCFUL SCENE CHANGE!

Church: "So, what do we got here."

Sheila: "I believe the correct way to phrase that question is, what do we have here? Note the question mark at the end and the change between the word got, and have, indincati-,"

Church: "Sentence correction mode, off."

Sheila: "Sentence correction mode off, is a sentence fragment."

Church: "Wait, no it isn't…is it? Wait. I said OFF!"

Sheila: "The order off is not a registered order in the-,"

Church: "Your just doing this to annoy me arent you?"

Sheila: "…….aren't is spelled with a ' between the n and t."

Church: "Right…..so ignoring that…. What is going on here?"

Simmons: "We were about to ask the same question."

Sarge: "No we weren't! We were going to charge into him shooting randomly into the air."

Donut: "I thought that was plan B."

Sarge: "It was plan C. But since we need Griff to execute plan A, we had to switch to plan C."

Donut: "What happened to plan B."

Sarge: "We couldn't pull it off due to something called the laws of physics. Stupid rules, just trying to keep me down!"

Donut: "I thought you liked rules."

Sarge: "Only when they help me."

Church: "So you're saying that none of you know what's going on?"

Sarge: "Which logically means that YOU know what's going on and are trying to hide it from us."

Church: "Those snipers weren't just shooting at you, they were attacking both of us…I think…Actually I don't know they had a pretty bad shot. Almost as bad as mine. And that says a lot."

Sarge: "SHUT IT YOU YELLOWBELLY!"

Simmons: "You obviously kidnapped Griff and are trying to interrogate him for information. Well here's some news for you pal. Griff doesn't know anything and WE want to torture him!"

Donut: "YAH!...and actually I would like it if you guys would torture me…"

Red team stopped for a moment, most likely to wonder what Donut meant by "torture" but then decided to shake it off and charge head first into Church.

Sheila: "Firing main cannon."

Sheila shot the ground between the two parties, instantly reminding red team that people with tanks are never outnumbered.

Sarge: "Although if you have any alternatives to violence, then we are willing to discuss a solution to benefit both parties."

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Simmons: "I know that scream anywhere! It's Griff being a coward!"

Sarge: "And I propose that our course of action is to charge into the cave that noise is coming from, head first with no regard for our safety. Any questions?"

Church: "…Just as long as you guys charge first."

Sarge: "FOR RED TEAM!"

Sarge started running in a random direction.

Church: "Try the opposite direction, it may get you closer to the cave."

Speaking of the cave….Griff, Tucker and Caboose are still in the cave aren't they?

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Person: "Please do not be alarmed."

Griff: "IT'S A RANDOM SOLDIER IN GRAY ARMOR!"

Person: "I have a name."

Tucker: "Which is?"

Person who apparently has a name: "They call me, Oregon."

Tucker: "Oregon?"

Griff: "That's a stupid name."

Caboose: "CALIFONIA!"

Oregon: "Its not that unusual…there are 49 others named after states."

Tucker: "Wait…you don't mean…"

Private Ovland stepped in line next to the other soldiers. 50 in all, the best of the best, the top of the elite…or just random people selected from the street…at any rate they were all tough.

The General turned towards his test subjects. "I am not a man of many words…I AM however a man with a lot of influence in the military, despite only having a seventh grade education."

The other soldiers remained still, unsure as to how they should react.

This project is designed to make you stronger, faster, better, less laggy… or was that an AOL commercial?...the point of the matter is, that you will each be paired up with an AI designed to make you the perfect soldier. Everything that goes on within these grounds is classified. If you fail to hold any and all information secret…then you shall fail to keep your life."

While this last comment was meant to be intimidating the 50 soldiers stood completely unphased.

"And we know where you live."

Still there was no response.

"And you will each be inspected by Michel Jackson every night!"

A number of the soldiers shuddered. Those who did were immediately shot, and another four soldiers immediately came in to replace them.

"What about now? Any cold feet?"

Fortunately by this time every other soldier was too busy sleeping while standing up, or like Ovland, were listening to their I-pods.

"Very well, you have your orders. You are each to receive your new AI…your new names…are whatever state you are from. This is both inside, and outside these grounds for the rest of your lives."

Private Ovland, now Special Spartan Oregon, departed with the other soldiers to the AI room.

Oregon: "Yes…I was part of a special military program…why?"

Tucker: "Um…why could we see that flashback?"

Griff: "And why was it written in italics?"

Caboose: "What are Italics?"

Oregon: "Look. I know you must have a lot of questions. Major Major can answer all of them. Where is he?"

Tucker: "Um….."

Oregon looked down at the blood stained suit case.

Oregon: "Oh….this is bad…"

FOR RED TEAM!

Sarge ran into the cave, shooting at the walls.

Simmons ran in shooting at the ground.

Donut ran in shooting at the Ceiling.

Church walked in considering if he should shoot himself in the head to stop the madness.

Sarge: "CHURCH! I told you to shoot the air! We got everything else covered!"

Church: "yah, and if there's a problem whose left to shoot it?"

Sarge: "Sheila is right outside."

Church: "Which helps us in here...how?

Sarge: "If a problem manages to escalate to a point that we can not stop it, Sheila can kill It before it can harm anyone else."

Simmons: "That's very noble sir."

Sarge: "And if I by some chance happen to be the only one who survives, I can pilot her into victory and kill all of the blues!"

Church: "If I die the only one at our base will be Doc whose neutral. You don't need Sheila."

Sarge: "Oh…how IS Doc?"

Church: "Uh….."

Back at blue base, the baby elite had torn up the chair that had previously stopped him from devouring Doc….now he was moving onto said person.

Doc: "HELP ME!"

Church: "He's….baby sitting."

Donut: "What! WHY DON'T I GET TO BABYSIT!"

Simmons: "Wait…why are we in here?"

Sarge: "To find Griff."

Simmons: "But Griff isn't here…all that is here is a briefcase full of lots of Coffee…"

The sound of a warthog driving away could be heard outside.

Sarge: "THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!"

Sarge ran out to Sheila as the Warthog drove into the distance.

Sarge: "Why didn't you stop it?"

Sheila: "Private Caboose and Tucker were in that car, as well as Griff and a fourth person."

Church: "Wait…how did they fit FOUR people into a warthog?"

OWWWWW

Griff screamed in pain as the Warthog dragged him along the blood red sand.

Tucker: "Wow, why is it always Griff that gets hurt?"

Oregon: "Well I need to drive the hog, It would seem cruel to put a person with a learning disorder on the outside of the car, and I dislike the color orange more than green."

Tucker: "This isn't green its…sa"

Oregon gave Tucker a threatening look.

Tucker: "…Light green…"

Oregon: "Oh. Ok. That's still not as bad as orange., Sage, or any stupid color in between normal colors."

Tucker: "Hey wait didn't we forget something?"

Oregon looked back at Griff, still tied to the back of the Warthog.

Oregon: "Nope. He's still alive."

Tucker: "No I mean we are trying to escape from a boxed canyon."

Simmons: "There's no way they can get away from us. They're driving around in a boxed Canyon."

Sarge: "Didn't we get here from Zanzibar?"

Simmons: "It's a one way slope. You can't go back out of this Gulch."

The warthog in question started driving up the side of the Gulch.

Simmons: "It will never make it."

Then a section of the canyon wall opened up to reveal a hidden passage.

Simmons: "THERE ARE SECET DOORS IN THIS CANYON!"

The warthog went in, and the doors quickly closed behind it.

Sarge: "Command said NOTHING about secret passages. So logically that means they don't exist."

Simmons: "But sir I just saw it. You just saw it. WE ALL SAW IT!"

Sarge: "Says who? I didn't see anything that red command ordered me not to see…"

Simmons: "…"

Sarge: "…"

Simmons: "…"

Sarge: "…"

Simmons: "Okay…your right…there is still no way out of this canyon sir…now if you will excuse me…I need to borrow some Rock Climbing equipment from the base."

Sarge: "I see. Obviously for some kind of elaborate plan to kill the blues."

Simmons: "Whatever makes you sleep at night sir."

Church groaned and hit his head against the wall.

Donut: "I'm pretty sure that's not how you open it."

Church: "I'm trying to open my skull so I can pull my brain out of my head and end all of this misery."

Donut: "oh…"

Church: "Go ahead"

Donut: "What?"

Church: "Say it!"

Donut: "Say what?"

Church: "I'm sorry. I am so use to Caboose saying stupid things…its weird when he isn't here to annoy me…wait…I should be happy. No more Caboose…NO MORE CABOOSE! HEY DOC! CABOOSE IS GONE!"

Doc: "IT HAS MY LEG!"

Church ran around in circles screaming in joy.

Sarge: "The poor guy…look at him screaming in pain over the loss of his friend. I almost pity the enemy."

Church: "I'M HAPPIER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN BEFORE!"

Sarge: "He is already in denial!"

Church: "WHOEVER DID THIS! JUST KNOW I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN!"

Donut: "It was me!"

Simmons: "No it wasn't."

Donut: "Shhhh don't tell him."

Meanwhile…in a dark secret tunnel of secretness

Caboose: "Church must miss me already. I can feel it."

Griff: "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

Tucker: "So does this conspiracy involve hot naked chicks in any way?"

Oregon: "Judging by the length of that last flashback I still must have at least…two more to go through…so the author won't kill me off for at least a couple more chapters…I hope."

Tucker: "Hey. Are you even listening to me?"

Caboose: "Yes."

Griff: "OW?"

Oregon: "No."

The conspiracy continues…will Tucker ever find out the truth? Will Church continue being happy? Will the author ever explain the title? If you want to know just wait for the next chapter!