Chapter 6

This fic still exists?

……..which excuse do you like better? I got hit by a truck, my computer got possessed by an evil fan-fiction hating spirit, or I just forgot about this fic in general. Take your pick...

Shousou Konkoro: psh, Vic is here because he is secretly an evil mastermind behind a vague plot, which may or may not threaten life as we know it…and he's also here because SOMONE has to pick up the phone at red/blue command…it just happens to be him.

Konoha's Kage: …you thought it was Dick? Lock yourself in a cage and don't come out until you're an inch from starvation! That ought to teach you for confusing names.

Isaac Malott: ….you can type while talking? Amazing… I should learn how to do that… yah…that's all I have to say. I can't ALWAYS have a dragged out and slightly humorous review for people.

Drew829: that's because recycled jokes become reoccurring jokes after a while, and reoccurring jokes are funny. And there are no such things as new jokes, only cleverly disguised old jokes. )

Mister Frodo: The random bunny had a stroke, I'm sorry, but he didn't make it. Instead we are using this not random bunny with a pancake on its head...Oregon had to die. There were too many flash backs…TOO MANY FLASHBACKS!!! Which isn't my fault, because I'm sure as hell not the one who types all of them…

The Keeper of Truth: The good news is, if you hadn't reviewed, I may have forgotten about this fic for even longer….Twilight princess has been keeping me chained down. It's not MY fault it's so damn awesome! It really isn't.

Last time, on Red vs Blue…

Church: "IT'S NOT A CAT!!!"

And that just about sums it up.

Church stood alone in the canyon, the marines slowly raised their pistols.

Marine: "It is time to execute order 66."

Church: "I don't suppose order 66 means something other than killing me?"

Marine: "Of course it doesn't. It means kill everyone in this canyon… speaking of which, where is everybody else?"

Church: "Well, I got mad at a stupid comment…and I yelled…and somehow the force of my voice knocked everyone away from me… so I'm alone now."

Marine: "Then you will die alone."

Across the canyon, the sound of a gun being fired could be heard.

Sarge: "That's strange, how did we get here?"

Simmons: "When Church yelled something at us, a huge gust of wind flung us over to this side of the canyon."

Sarge: "That must be part of the blue's secret weapon. Those damn bastards got us."

Simmons: "Actually… I don't think we have any casualties."

Sarge: "What about Donut?"

Donut: "Here."

Sarge: "The cat?"

Simmons: "I'm not sure sir."

Sarge: "Well then we have a man down. That cat was the most treasured part of our team."

Simmons: "But it was part of their team."

Sarge: "Simmons, you obviously aren't on top of our tactical plans. The cat was a spy. He's been working for us since this war started."

Simmons: "Sir...don't tell me that you think…that the enemies cat…is Moris?"

Sarge: "That's stupid. Moris the cat is too well known to infiltrate an enemy base. That cat is one of our secret black ops operatives."

Simmons: "Well…if you say so sir."

Donut: "I for one think its much more likely that the cat were talking about, is the offspring of one of their soldiers and some sort of parasitic alien life form, which in order to put its seed inside of a soldier, must have been near their company for a while, which may have something to do with what the Reds were doing before they came back here."

Sarge: "Donut, that's a dumb idea. Privates aren't supposed to think. They're supposed to shoot! Every time you find yourself thinking, shoot the person next to you."

Donut shot Simmons.

Simmons: "OW! That was a joke! He didn't mean it!"

Sarge: "Yes I did. Donut, do you think that I was joking?"

Donut: "Well… I think that-,"

Sarge: "See! Your thinking again! Shoot Simmons instead."

Simmons: "Son of a bitch."

Church opened his eyes. His body was only a few feet in front of him.

Church: "Why does this only happen to me? Can't anyone else turn into a ghost?"

The Marines marched forward, towards a purple clad soldier, and a small cat which could be mistaken for an alien.

Church: "Well, at least Doc will die two… oh shit! I don't want to endure his company when I'm dead! I better go stop the marines."

On a nearby section of the planet, Tucker was also waking up.

Vic: "Hey there pal, does your head still hurt?"

Tucker: "No."

Vic: "Really?"

Tucker: "Yah, why?"

Vic: "Because your bleeding profusely."

Sure enough, Tucker was bleeding from the back of his head.

Tucker fainted from blood loss.

Church ran towards the Marines, whom were already sneaking over to Doc's position. Church was invisible, so getting through them should be no problem.

Church noticed then, that not all of the soldiers were Marines. In the back, a Spartan in white armor walked calmly past the marines and surveyed the rock formation Doc was in. As the Spartan turned, his gaze was fixed upon Church's location.

Church: "Ha, he can't see me. I'm a ghost."

The soldier pointed at Church's position and shouted. Instantly the marines turned and fired at Church… the bullets went through him, doing nothing.

The Spartan signaled the marines to carry on, and slowly walked towards Church.

Spartan: "Its no good Church. They can't see you, but I can."

Church stood perfectly still, expecting the Spartan to walk through him.

The Spartan stopped, just an inch away from Church's face.

Spartan: "Long time no see…" The Spartan threw a punch, and Church was on the ground.

Church: "Ow! You can't hit me! I'm a ghost."

Spartan: "Why should that stop me? I'm not a solid object, what's preventing me from hitting you?"

Church: "What do you mean by that?"

Spartan: "Are you really that dense Church?"

Church: "If I said yes, could that be viewed as an insult towards myself?"

Spartan: "Church, you're a really self absorbed person aren't you? What makes you think that you're the only one who stays as a ghost when he dies?"

Church: "What does that have to do with anything?"

Spartan: "What do you think?"

Church: "I really don't know."

Spartan: "Let me give you a hint, it rhymes with, I'm a most."

Church: "You're a toast?"

Spartan: "…I don't remember you being that dumb."

Church: "This place can do that to you…who are you again?"

Spartan: "Oh, where are my manners. I suppose its only to be expected that you don't recognize me. All of those years, the millennia that you were gone. You threw yourself into a time loop, and thusly trapped me in this form."

Church: "Why can't you just tell me who you are?"

Spartan: "Do you know why some of us become ghosts, and the others don't?"

Church: "Are you even listening to me…"

Spartan: "It's because were missing something, because we can't move on to the next world until we are whole, until we have recovered what is lost."

Church: "Hang on, what's so great about the afterlife? I saw heaven before dying, and it consisted of an old gift shop and a couple of benches to sit in… I don't think anyone goes there."

Spartan: "Well Hell is one Hell of a party…ha, I made a joke. Its been a while since I've done that. Now where are we?"

Church: "You were ranting, and I wasn't listening."

Spartan: "Oh right. As I was saying, the only way we can recover what we lost, is by taking it back, from someone who helped take it away from us in the first place."

Church: "Is there some kind of Ghost manual I don't know about?"

Spartan: "You could have told her to stop, you could have done something. I know you could. After thousands of years, waiting for you to return to this world, I have lost my patience."

Church: "I know your trying to lead up to something, but your doing a bad job."

Spartan: "Now, you have given me the only weapon I need to kill you. The only way you can harm a ghost, is with something you lost, or with the person who made you lose it."

Church: "Your just making all of this up on the spot aren't you."

Spartan: "Pretty much. But it doesn't matter, because I really can hit you, as we have both seen. As long as I have this, I can kill you."

The Spartan held out, what looked like a human skull.

Church: "Wow that thing is dented. Its like someone repeatedly bashed it against someone else's body, after ripping it out of some ones head… oh… don't tell me…"

Spartan: "Now are you getting it?"

Church: "Are you Chuck Norris's ghost?"

Spartan: "What?!"

Church: "Well it's a well known fact that Chuck Norris can only be killed if he kills himself by ripping his head out of his skull and beating himself to death with it."

Spartan: "I'M JIMMY YOU IDIOT!"

Church: "Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Yes! Your friend! The one your psycho girlfriend beat to death!!"

Church: "Oh. I remember you."

Jimmy: "You knew her, you could have stopped her. You LET me die Church. You LET me. And now I am going to take from you, what she took from me?"

Church: "But I'm already dead."

Jimmy: "Oh Church, not your life, your skull."

Church: "What? You can't have my skull."

Jimmy: "I wasn't asking."

Jimmy hit Church over his head with his own skull.

Church: "Son of a bitch."

Only a few yards away, the marines were about to open fire on Doc and the baby Elite, when suddenly.

Donut: "I wonder if…DAMN!" Donut had to shoot something for thinking, and killed one of the marines.

Marine: "Our position has been compromised! GO NOW!"

Sarge: "Look! A bunch of blues! Lets get them!"

Simmons, Sarge and Donut charged in, guns blazing. The baby elite, sensing that a new chew toy was near, ran up to the marines, and started clawing through them.

Doc, being the protective person that he was, grabbed the Elite and ran towards the pelican.

In a few seconds, the marines were dead. No, not because Red team killed them. Each of the marines happened to be given a grenade…and…well…yah. Use your imagination.

Sarge: "We have defeated the enemy!"

Simmons: "Actually they blew them selves up."

Sarge: "Donut! What's the secret of life?"

Donut shot Simmons.

Simmons: "Son of a bitch!"

Donut: "Hey, isn't that purple soldier getting away with our cat? I mean…" Donut shot Simmons again.

Simmons: "Will you quit doing that?"

Sarge: "Donut is right, head into that second drop ship and follow them!"

Church saw Doc run into the pelican and start it up.

Church: "Hey, what's that behind you?"

Jimmy: "Most likely a wall."

Church: "And what's next to the wall?"

Jimmy: "Um…I don't know actually."

Jimmy turned around to see.

Church jumped into the first Pelican as Doc jumped off.

Jimmy: "HEY!"

Red team ran into the second Pelican and started it.

Jimmy jumped into the second Pelican.

The second Pelican took off.

Doc: "Don't worry guy, were going to give you back to your mommy, where you should be."

Elite: "Blarg?"

Doc: "Um… lets see if I can speak your language to some extent…blarg honk honk, blarg honk, blarg?"

The elite shot into a corner, trembling in fear of Doc.

Doc: "What did I just say?"

Unknown to Doc, Church was laughing his head off, due to the fact that somehow, Doc had mixed up "We're going to take you back to mommy," with "I'm gonna bite your head off and use your corpse as fuel for this ship if you don't shut up." How Church knew what Doc was saying, I don't know. No one knows. Church probably doesn't know, but that doesn't stop HIM from laughing.

While this was going on, the third dropship landed on top of a huge structure.

Vic: "Welcome, to the command center."

Griff: "Wait, isn't this red command?"

Sure enough, the entire side of the building was red, with the red command symbol on it.

Vic: "That's only one side. Check this out."

Griff turned around and noticed that another side was entirely blue.

Griff: "You don't mean…"

Vic: "Yes, red command and blue command are the same place. In one half of this building, the Red Generals meet and talk about the blues, unaware of the fact that on the other side of the dividing wall, the blues are plotting to kill the reds, and above them, the masterminds work both sides."

Griff: "What if anyone goes to the side of the building?"

Vic: "No one ever does."

Griff: "Well what if someone did."

Vic: "Our whole operation would be ruined."

Griff: "So why bother with such a risky method of deception?"

Vic: "There is no risk."

Griff: "You just said, that if someone walks to the side of the building, your entire plan would be ruined."

Vic: "Amazing, in just a few minutes, you've figured out our plans biggest weakness. You are truly the tactical genius that we thought you were."

Griff: "Um…"

Vic: "And when we brake you and your friends, the last people who know about our plans will be gone!"

Griff: "But we only know about your plans because of you!"

Vic: "A rebel are you? Fine then. Marines! Take them to the chamber of fears!"

An armed group of marines dragged Griff, Tucker, and Caboose, inside of the building.

Vic: "The plan is almost complete. Soon, all of the loose ends will be tied."

Oh no! what is the chamber of fears? What is Vic's plan? How can Church stop Jimmy? Will the author remember to update?