Day Twenty-one

Haven't heard from the light voice yet. Maybe he gave up on me.

Day Twenty-two

I'm getting really bored for waiting for the voice to come back.

Took a bath in the fountain at the bottom of the twisty stairs. Made the water all nasty with all the monster blood. Have started to notice my hair is getting kind of purple. Tried to clean it to get it back to its red-brown beauty, but it didn't work. Very sad.

Agro left today. Decided to let him go. Stupid horse will come back to me soon enough.

Day Twenty-five

Light voice came back the day after my bath, and make a really lame fart joke, "ripple of thunder". Then he told me that I needed to find an underground lake. So I grabbed my trusty sword and headed out on foot. Stupid Agro didn't come back. Running cross country sucks.

Day Twenty-six

Camping outside this "underground lake". This is the most un-underground lake I have ever seen. I'm pretty sure this lake is above ground.

Cooked a lizard and I ate it. Why aren't there bigger animals around here? I could go for some squirrel or a rabbit. Any warm blooded animal would be nice. I mean I am sick and tried of lizard!

Day Twenty-eight

Once again I've woken up in the temple/castle/thing after being attacked by ghost snakes.

The last colossus was a fucking bitch! It is in the water and it is ELECTRIC! That is NOT a good mix. I mean, it isn't like water conducts electricity or anything like that.

Doesn't really matter because I killed the son of a bitch. Yes, I got shocked more times that I can count, and yes, I was shocked so much I don't remember how to count, but that isn't the point. The point is I killed it. He's… or she's dead. Took a while, and I almost drowned, but life goes on.

Agro came back. Took that damn horse long enough.

I also decided to take a vacation from all this killing. Agro and I will go see the sights. Possible go down to the beach where I killed colossus number two. You know the one, the one that looked like an overgrown sheep. Doesn't matter. I need time off, and the bath. You have no idea how hard it is to get colossus blood out of your clothes.

Day Twenty-nine

My day at the beach has sucked. It's cold, windy, and the surf is so strong that I couldn't go swimming. Because of this I spend most of my day hanging out with the body of colossus number two. I talked to it, told it about how much I hated it, and then we laughed about the good and the bad times… I really need to bring my girlfriend back to life.

Day Thirty

Started towards colossus number eight today. The countryside is very pretty, and when my girlfriend wakes up I will bring her here for a picnic or something. I bet it is just lovely in the fall when the leaves change… I will stop now.

Later

Going to camp by the lake tonight, might even get that swim I was denied at the beach. Colossus blood stains might be past the point of cleaning out though.

Day Thirty-one

No fucking way! There is no fucking way I am going to fight that thing! It shot fucking magma and mustard gas at me! I could really die this time!

Oh, I am currently hiding on the top level of the "pail" where this son of a bitch lives. Not that this will really help me seeing as the bastard can climb up the fucking walls!

I could turn around still, go home, and forget that I was ever here. But I love my girlfriend, but I also love my life. NO! I'm almost half done, I can do this!

Day Thirty-two

Woke up early from this one. Mainly because my nightmares about colossus number eight. God that guy was a dick. I don't think I have ever pissed myself as much as when that fucker shot magma and mustard gas at me.

At this point I'm not really sure I can take much more of this. I mean I have killed eight of these things and light voice man has never once said thank you. I just wake up, and he gives me my next assignment. It's a good thing I really like my girlfriend.

Oh well, colossus nine awaits.

Day Thirty-three

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! A) This dude took all day to find, B) He is a huge turtle and, C) He shoots fucking lasers! Not only does he shoot lasers, but he isn't afraid to hit me while I'm on Agro. PETA would have a heyday if they existed on this plane, or if they were around at this time.

Oh, currently hiding behind a rock a mile away. Want to be safe. You never know how far the dick will chase me.

FUCK! He's coming! I guess I will have the face the music and go fight him. When I kill all these guys, and my girlfriend wakes up she is going to owe me big time.

Day Thirty-five

Back in the temple/castle/thing and still no thank you from the disembodied voice. Stupid bastard. I mean I am slightly over halfway done, about to risk my life yet again, and the dude can't mutter two words! Not even a "thanks"! If I didn't like my girlfriend so much I wouldn't even try. That girl is lucky.

Sword told me where to go, so I'm off.

Day Thirty-seven

The last colossus was a fucking dick! I almost died like eight times!

Ok, here is how it went, I, like the good little wanderer I am, headed into the cave that the sword told me to go into. There I met a freaking sand snake! First a water snake, and now a sand snake, I fucking hate snakes. Anyway, Agro and I ride around trying to shoot the bastard in the eye, which is hard, while trying not to get smashed when he/she/it dives out of the sand to try and eat me!

Anyway, once I would shot him in the eye I would get a chance, a tiny chance, to stab him in his glowing tattoos.

Doesn't matter, it's over. I have ten down and only six to go.

Day Thirty-nine

What a let down. I mean… Gosh!

Here's the thing, I ride out of my way across the desert on a horse with a name, to fight a "colossus" that was slightly bigger than agro. And it was a pig! A pig that was afraid of the flames it was supposed to keep burning (learned that from our Mr. Disembodied voice)! It was so… anticlimactic I could hardly stand it.

I think I will wait until tomorrow before I go out. Possibly even the next day. For Christ's sake I have been going at this for almost forty days! I can use all the rest I can get. Besides, those black worms are really starting to bother me. They could give me cancer or something like that.

Day Forty

Spent most of the day with my dead girlfriend. She looks so peaceful just sleeping here… Ok, lying there dead. I couldn't help but bitch to her beautiful corpse about all the hardships I have gone through just for her. Bitch.

Day Forty-one

Didn't get any rest after killing this last colossus. Stupid Agro stepping on me. God, I feel like shit! No wonder I usually sleep for a day after my battle. Ok, sometimes two days.

Anyway, the last colossus was a real bitch! The dude was A) Huge, like an NFL linebacker huge, and he looked like one too (if the NFL existed, and I knew what linebackers looked like), B) He was in the water, and C) He too shot fucking lasers! FYI, adding lasers makes everything harder.

And as if that wasn't hard enough I had to climb onto his back, to his head, where I then had to drive him by smacking tooth like things, jump off his head, and then taunt him until he showed me his stomach. I then had to make a death defying leap onto his fuzzy chest, and stab him. I then had to wash rinse and repeat.

Now I have to go after number thirteen. Lucky number thirteen. By the look of the statue it is another damn snake. I hate snakes.

Day Forty-five

I was wrong. It wasn't a snake like I originally thought. It was a flying sand tapeworm with dorsal fins, and air bags, and wings! Not sure if I have said this before, but I hate colossi that A) Fly, B) Swim, C) Shoot lasers/magma, or D) Carry big things they can swing at you. Also any blend of more than one of those above sucks all the much more.

Not sure how many people have tried, but jumping onto a flying tapeworm with dorsal fins, airbags, and wings while its moving around, and turning, it no easy feat. Trust me. I tried for the good part of the day. I was about to give up right before I finally succeeded. I have never been happier to see the black ghost worms in my whole quest, or hear the light boys voice either.

I only have three more colossi before my girlfriend comes back to life!

Day Forty-five

What a joke! This last colossus was just like colossus number eleven. Ok, they were not exactly the same because this on was kind of like a dog, where the other was kind of like a pig. That really doesn't matter because they were both the most anti-colossi ever! FYI, jumping on it's back was exceedingly difficult, and I should get an award for just being able to do this. Jumping from pillar to pillar while not getting kicked around like a rag doll while trying to get on the dogs back is… ARG!

Day Forty-seven

Now that is what I am talking about! If you are going to call them colossi then they need to be bigger than cities, and look like they want to kill you. The last guy delivered. He was huge, hairy, blue, and weird, but you have to deal with this king of stuff if you want to bring dead chicks back to life.

Went out and ate a lizard today, and I felt stronger. It was nice.

Fell into a pond, saw myself, and realized my hair was purple. Tried to wash it out, but failed. Also, I look like shit! My clothes are blood stained, dirty, and I smell like… Well no one really needs or wants to know. Oh, but I would kill for one of those stain remover pens.

Guess there is no time like the present to go out and get this over and done with.

Day Forty-eight

I can't go on, I am to depressed. I have lost everything I love! My girlfriend, and now my beautiful horse Agro. Why did you have to sacrifice yourself so I could live? I would gladly have fallen down that cliff with you my dear friend. There was no reason for you to die alone. I think I am going to just sit here and waist away. I will join my girlfriend and Agro. I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Day Forty-nine

I gave up on giving up. I got hungry, and the only way I can eat is if I kill this last guy, and then go out and get some food with my newly reborn girlfriend. Maybe we will go out for some Chinese or something good like that.

Later

I got up to where the colossus is located, and I shat myself. This thing is fucking scary! It shoots fireballs, is forty stories tall, and it is wearing a dress! Ok, the dress part isn't so bad, but the fireballs part of it is. I can hardly go a step without getting hit by one! How am I telling you this you ask. Well it is very simple really, I am hiding behind a stone wall thing that will protect me from the blasts. Well I need to get this over with. I am sick and tried of hiding. I have done to much of that. I'm going in.