Chapter 13

Recovering, Part 3

Thank-you to Becca T, Galaxya, Jessiy Landroz, Lunar-ninja, Jen, horvagab, incinera, Takato Metallium, pacphys, Celeste38, Ginger, Stormy1x2, and chuckles ,who reviewed to the last couple of chapters.

Still not mine. Well, Team X is.

No persons, living, dead, sidhe or chelonian were harmed (much) during the making of this production. Not tested on animals. Please recycle packaging.

Leo entered the living room and placed the package of letters they had received from Mikey on the table. He then placed the sketchpad on the small table also. Interspersed between the leaves were all the other letters Mikey had written, the diary of letters never sent . Don looked at Leo's set face and then at the letters. He swallowed a sudden lump but said nothing. Raph froze when Leo entered but continued to stare a screen which flickered but now didn't make any sense to him. But despite himself, his eyes were drawn to the papers.

Leo had been surprised that Raph hadn't called immediate vengeance on Mikey's…killers. He had been even more surprised that he hadn't. Why not? It had taken a while to realise that Raph had in a way. Always out, never speaking, moving in that grim fury. He'd asked Raph where he was going once. It was late and he heard his brother open the door. He'd been brooding in the living-room, unable to sleep and he was out by the culprit in under a second. He called after Raph, needing to know where he was going. He'd been surprised how strange his voice sounded. Raph had glanced back, caustic remark already on his tongue, but his face had softened slightly as he took in his brother's white face and the strain in his voice.

"I'm going out. I 'm trying to track down the woman who warned me. I'll be careful," he added after a second.

But Leo wondered why it had taken himself so long to react.

Raph didn't want to look at the letters. He knew what they were all right. He knew that they might contain answers. He needed to read them- needed to find out why this had happened. But…he was scared.

He had pushed aside his own sorrow by pounding the pavements, following up his own leads, trying to get in contact with the woman- Oracle, he remembered her name to have been. But it was like she'd never existed. Sometimes, in the night, he wondered had he just dreamed the whole thing. Then he would get up and quietly leave the Lair to pound the streets again, cracking heads if needed- muggers, vigilante mobs if they were there. With every punch he felt like he was gaining vengeance for his brother. Later, when his head cooled and his split knuckles hurt, he knew he hadn't. Raph's knuckles never got time to heal nowadays. But he still hadn't talked to his brothers. Still hadn't cried and still hadn't mentioned Mikey's name aloud. He couldn't. Sometimes he felt like he might but then the heat of his fury seemed to burn the threatening tears away.

"It's time to do this." Leo said when nobody spoke. "These are the letters Mikey sent us." He indicated the small pile. "This is what Don found in his bag." He picked up the sketchpad, holding it carefully. "It's full of letters, addressed to us…but…" He sat down, still cradling the pad. "These were never sent. I think they were…more like a diary. There might…might be some sort of clue…something in here that can help us. We…we're too late to save him but we can avenge him." His voice, which had gone rather shaky now came back into focus and a note of steel gave menace to the words. He licked his lips, a nervous flicker of his tongue before he pronounced the next words.

"I, Leonardo Hamato, call blood-feud on the murderers of my brother, Michelangelo Hamato. He was killed by people of no honour and I pledge to restore his name and his honour by avenging his death. If, by my life or death, I can accomplish this, I will."

Splinter had not spoken, as he watched the proceedings with sad eyes. Now sighed and nodded. "I had hoped you would never have to call blood-feud, my sons. But your brother was murdered and it is up to us, his family to avenge his death and restore the honour to his name. Blood-feud is called and accepted by Leonardo Hamato and accepted as a just cause by his Sensei." He bowed his head and waited.

"I want to get the people that did this too. Mike's my bro too. I call blood-feud on the people that did this." He paused and then said, rather gruffly. "I, Raphael Hamato, also of this clan, join my brother in calling blood-feud on the p…people that killed Mikey." He sealed his lips tightly after this, the first time he had said his brother's name. But his eyes met those of first Leo and then Splinter challengingly, dry and fierce.

Don was last to speak and he no longer looked the pacifist as he spoke the binding words. They were accepted by Splinter. By the customs of blood-feud they only had a certain period of time to avenge the death before they were dishonoured also.. But for the moment that wasn't a consideration as the moment of seriousness dropped a silence over the room. Don reached out with a deliberate hand and picked up the letter they had received. He went to the bottom of the heap and looked at the dates until he'd found the earliest.

"I think, at least at the beginning, these'll correspond. We can find out what he was leaving out. Leo?" Leo handed him the sketchpad, letting go of it almost reluctantly. Don tried not the look at the pictures- he couldn't afford to get distracted. This was a puzzle, just an impersonal challenge to his scientific mind. A…murder mystery his unhelpful mind supplied.

"Here!" he said rather louder then necessary, trying to shut up that blasted little voice.

"We should all go through each one, not split them up." said Leo reluctantly. "Better chance of picking up everything." Don nodded and started to read aloud, first the 'official' one and then the longer one that was dated the same day. He finished the short one and frowned.

"The only thing he tells us is that some of the people in the barracks would be likely to rifle his mail. That's pretty normal hazing though. No names given- well, his teammates' but…that's not going to be helpful now…" He trailed off and angrily shook his head. He started to read the diary letter. They listened in silence, taking notes on important bits but for all four it was like the youngest member of their family actually talking to them, much more so then the stilted tone of the one they'd received so many weeks before. When Don reached the line

"Don't think I've seen anyone so mad since we defeated Shredder- the, what, seventh time? The one when he threw a complete and utter wobbly over it."

even Splinter smiled gently at the phrase that was so irrepressibly Mikey.

There was a pause when he'd finished. No-one spoke for a second. Don forced his scientist- tone. He could not afford to get distracted. There were so many letters to go! They had to be professional…cold…

"Tells us a bit more." he managed, his voice more under control as he continued talking. "We have some names to follow up- George Henry and Paddy Malone. And the attacks- why didn't he tell us about that? Hard to tell, but it sounds like four separate attacks too- at least one serious enough for someone to be in hospital over it."

"Damnit Mikey, ya couldn't have been a bit more… told us, no?"

"Would you have, if you were in Michelangelo's place?" asked Splinter, not unkindly. "He seems to have felt he had something to prove, to himself if nothing else."

Raph shrugged, but his eyes dropped.

Don read the next several in his scientist-voice, cold and clipped, and dissected the content even more clinically. They were learning a lot but Leo could see Raph's temper rising at his brother's impassive tone. He found it painful himself but he understood Don's reasons. Raph didn't and misplaced hurt and anger was getting ready to unleash.

"Dunno why I'm still doing this really. By this point I know I'm never going to send any of these letters. I'll just write a short note, glossing over the bad stuff and avoiding saying…well, pretty much anything about anything." read Don. It was if he was reading a damn shopping list or somethingto Raph's ears and the pain in the writing coupled with Don's apparent indifference finally added that bit of pressure that brought all the fury and pain of the last week out in a deadly hiss.

"Go on, it's not like it's your brother there - you know, the one who was murdered- who's hurtin' in these letters. It's just some damn project to you, isn't it!" He found himself shaking, fists clenching and unclenching. To his horror something swelled in his throat, thankfully blocking any more speech. Don had faltered into silence at the unjust accusation. The thin shell of science he had wrapped around himself to read the letters cracked like the fragile skin it was and he found himself staring at blurred characters scrawled on the page. Leo was shocked speechless, fury and fear welling up inside him for both brothers.

"Raphael! Apologise to your brother- do not suggest that this has no affected him as much as it has yourself or Leonardo or myself."

But Raph could barely hear him as the blood roared in his ears and he tried to hold back the lump in his throat and the smarting in his eyes. He couldn't have spoken now if he'd tried. He shook his head, trying to clear it but unfortunately Splinter misinterpreted the gesture. Raph glanced at his purple-banded brother and regretted his harsh words more then he would have had if Splinter had shouted at him for a year. He saw Don's hand shaking as tears slid out and spattered the paper. He was horrified at himself for saying those cruel words to the gentle turtle but was frozen in place. He glanced at the door, wanting to run but Don's shaking stopped him. In a spontaneous gesture that left him utterly shocked he crossed the distance between him and hugged his younger brother, regretting every word. Don didn't pull away but he kept a careful grip on the page, protecting it. For some reason this finished off Raph's carefully built defences and he broke down, suddenly crying as he hadn't done in front of his family since he was three. Don was crying too but he hugged his distraught brother back, trying to comfort him. But Raph had ever been one to feel his emotions deeply and even as he was unreachable in anger, there was no stopping this emotion once it had taken him.

Splinter realised his own error and now moved towards his son, helping him to the couch and talking softly to him. Leo felt almost uncomfortable seeing his brother in this state. Raph angry, yes, Raph wanting to beat him up, yes, Raph sobbing like a child- his world had suddenly turned upside down. He suddenly felt old and uncertain. In a world that could kill Mikey and have Raph shattered and Don not far behind, what else could happen? He leaned over the table and picked up the sketchpad, opening it at the picture Mikey had drawn of him doing katas, a look of serene concentration on his face. The face blurred for a moment and this time he didn't immediately force the tears away. A small part of his brain analysed what was happening. This is normal, this should happen. You should be upset, you should not force yourself to hide it.

On the couch Raph seemed to have calmed down and his breath came in whooping gasps, as violent as the attack had been, he had been close to hyperventilating. Don's quieter weeping had not ceased but he held on to his brother until the attack passed.

"I'm sorry, Don." managed Raph when he could talk again. "I…I don't know why I said that…" His vice was becoming gruffer. In a moment he would be hideously embarrassed and retreat from the room. He'd probably avoid them all for days.

Sure enough, Raph pulled away from Donnie and retreated to the bathroom to wash his face but too everyone's surprise, he returned, face strained, but head high.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered. "But we need to keep going…we're learning too much from this to stop now. Don, I'll take a turn at reading for a while, you've done enough."

Leo looked slightly surprised, Splinter had a flicker of pride in his son's maturity and gave him the smallest of nods.

Raph soon found that reading was hard and he was forced to adopt a voice rather like Don's 'scientist voice'. If he could be someone else while reading them aloud, then the words were just words, not Mikey's letters, the only contact he left behind.

"Leo, you'd never believe this. Actually, none of you would, but…okay…man, this too weird. We were called into Field's office, after he landmine injured Electrode. He wanted to know why I went back for him…"

Raph paused to grin fiercely. "Good for you Mikey. You don't leave someone behind!" He continued.

"He seemed satisfied when said it felt wrong leaving him behind. Anyway, when the others got in he told us that a branch known a 'Special Operations', or 'Black Ops' wanted us. Us, a green team, barely half-way through training. We needed to know if some human who'll resent us from the get-go was going to be in charge. He said that if wee accepted we would be an independent team with me as provisional leader and Siren 2IC. I was gobsmacked, completely and utterly. Being leader…it's weird. I mean, I've always been the youngest, I follow orders but… when I'm leader in team exercises I wonder is this how you feel the whole time Leo? Responsible for everyone's life, on that knife edge of fear and adrenaline, trying to figure out have you covered every possible angle…terrified that someone else will pay the price for your shortcomings…"

Leo nodded. Yes, he'd been there. Many many times.

"Hang on…" said Raph. "It ends there, but there's another sheet- sketchpad paper. He's written all about it here. He was suspicious of the offer. Glacier got angry, there was a row…they finally came down against…he gave up the team-leadership." He read what Mikey had written that day in the bunkhouse, all his problems with the offer. He found himself nodding grimly, impressed at the common-sense and maturity his irresponsible young sib had shown.

"There was something going on here all right. Mikey did right to turn down that offer- there was something deeply fishy about the whole set-up." said Leo when Raph fell silent at the end.

"Is that it?" asked Don. Raph looked at the date and swallowed hard.

"It's dated June twelfth," he said quietly and the room fell silent again, no-one needing to be reminded of the significance of that date.

They talked a while longer before everyone retreated to their beds, exhausted by the mental trauma of the night. Raph wouldn't feel the need to run tonight, having gained some sort of temporary carthesis from his breakdown. Don would go back to work , feverishly calculating and triangulating before falling into exhausted sleep at his desk.

It was perhaps unsurprising, given the events of the day, that his overstressed mind should take him back to that terrible day in the little graveyard on June fourteenth. He saw again the burial and then…there was something wrong! Why couldn't he remember? The coffins had been lowered! They must have been…so why didn't he remember? He was ninja and a scientist. His brain was, without boasting, in the top percentage of those in the entire nation, quite possibly in the world.. He had a photographic memory and every other detail of that horrible day was etched on the inside of his brain as if carved with a knife. His mind beat at the memory, trying to force sense out of it even as his body shivered and sweated at the desk.

And then…

And there was a crack…a thin crack. No the memory made more sense because there was a space! He worked away at it and was rewarded a lifetime later by two sudden flashes. Two people-a brown-haired man and a woman who looked like him enough for them to be related- brother and sister perhaps. And the coffins…loading them into a van. They had helped them load the coffins into a van! And…and..then the woman had closed her eyes and placed her hands on the sides of the mans' head as he stared into the eyes of each person there…implanting memories…they had faked the memories of the bodies going into the ground. And the recruits and Sergeant? Surely they…illusion! It was an illusion, the thought came to him sharply. The recruits hadn't stopped it because they never saw it happen. The only thing he could not figure, even in that rather warped logic that only makes sense when you are dreaming, was why they had helped. He couldn't…remember…it had only been a a…flash that had come back…

Stop… you remember an unbidden thought. Sleep peaceful now…

He stopped shivering and shaking in his sleep and his body allowed itself to recover naturally.

Leo found it hard to sleep and his rest, when it came, was fitful. It wasn't until late that he finally gave up and went to the dojo to meditate. He sat cross-legged and tried to relax his body and let his mind follow the old patterns. His mind gradually stopped racing and started settling. Without quite realising it, he fell into a much deeper trance then he'd ever tried before. And then…

Can you hear me now? Please, I can't stay long.

I…I hear you, 'said' Leo in surprise. He 'spoke' softly, trying to stay in the place where the 'reception', for want of a better word, was clearest. Who are you?

I…My name was Chrysta… Chrysta Aylward. I have been searching for you… the voice trailed off.

Wait! Why?

The 'voice' when it next spoke sounded strained, as if the owner was using a lot of effort to communicate.

I can't say much, this is very difficult. I…I was partly responsible for what happened to your brother- although believe me, I never suspected…I never meant them harm, please believe me. Find Robert Aylward in Refuge. Country house outside DC and…and trust your brother. I helped him remember something about that day. Your brother is…

The voice had been fading and now Leo strained to hear.

Wait! He begged the voice, sensing that the last word was very important.

…Alive…

TBC

Oh, all right…

Chapter 14

Searching for Refuge

" "Number 401 is awake. Subject seems to be a large humanoid but has a chelonian appearance. Reaction to bright lights, like a human or ape."

The voice was cold, dry and impersonal. A clipboard voice. Mikey hated it on principle.

"Number 401 isn't deaf. Nor is he stupid." he managed angrily, before clamping down on any further words.

Roadtrip for Don, Leo and Raph as they struggle against hope that Mikey may be alive. Chrysta's fate. Mikey returns…and he's in trouble (what else is new?)

Please review…and tune in for the next episode.

AZ