Tobi is like, the SHIZNIT. But then Kakashi opened his big fat covered-up mouth.

Disclaimer: Sue me, and all you'll get is a half-empty pint of ice cream. And I licked it. So go right ahead.

This was supposed to be a tidy little 100 word drabble. I didn't really want to focus on Kakashi. But noooooo, the jerk had to go on and on until I just stopped with the word limit and typed until he shut up. And there's barely anything in this about Tobi, although there's plenty on dead-but-not-really!Obito and Kakashi being a weirdass. XD.

I stuck it up anyway. And this is probably going to just turn into a Naruto-drabble semi-continuous thingy because the more I read, the more characters show up that just won't Shut Up. So please feed the author so she can cram the pesky shinobi into neat little drabbles and be done with them?

Word count: 811.

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That Big Stone

Kakashi has visited the Memorial Stone every morning for more than fifteen years now. Nothing short of ICU care or really good sedatives can keep him away, and it pisses the nurses off like nothing else.

It's just part of who he is. Was. Whatever.

Habit is a good thing, something consistent to hold onto in a world of death and change. Obito's name is always on the memorial stone, just like Naruto will always worship ramen, Sakura will never keep a cap on her temper (Her tantrums are actually quite frightening, now that Tsunade's trained her), and Obito's eye always cries when the winter weather is hot and parched.

He says more to Obito than he does to anyone else, and that probably qualifies him for Konoha's Most Insane competition, but insanity is practically a requirement for Jounins, so it doesn't really matter.

Some people have journals. He knows Sakura has one and writes in it every three days, and that Naruto tells every single thing to Umino Iruka over endless bowls of ramen.

Kakashi has Obito. His best friend can't see the future, because the Sharingan eye is rarely uncovered, so Kakashi does his best to fill him in on the future anyway. Knowing instead of seeing. It's almost as good, he thinks, almost.

Kakashi likes to think Obito can hear him. Likes to think there's more left of Obito than just wet tissue and optic nerves. That those words weren't just a pretty speech before Obito's head was squashed like an egg. (Kakashi cringes inside at the thought, but the image is in his head now for good and really, he doesn't need to add more shit onto the pile he already has. Stupid Jounin.)

When he can't think of things to say, the Jounin reads him passages of the latest Icha Icha. Obito might appreciate it, but judging on how the boy shrieked at Jiraiya whenever the old fart was peeking, Kakashi doubts it.

He reads his porn to Obito anyway, just to piss him off. He used to join him at the training field, ignore the Uchiha and his struggles, and chuck kunai at a target without looking, one after another, bull's-eye after bull's-eye, until Obito yelled at him, called him an arrogant bastard, and stomped away. But since that won't work anymore, he'll keep on corrupting Obito's fifteen year-old censor-happy ghost.

Jiraiya's writing has really improved over the years, and if there was just a little less sex Icha Icha could probably be considered a romance or adventure novel. Not that he's complaining or anything. Romance just doesn't have the same impact as porn.

He's getting to a rather juicy bit and voices the girl's part in squeaky tones that would have Naruto (and probably Sakura) in shrieking, disapproving hysterics, when he realizes that he isn't two hours late (as usual), but five, which simply isn't acceptable.

So with a quick promise to finish the chapter later, and a lazy goodbye, he saunters off to the red bridge where Sakura and Naruto have probably waited for two and a half hours. When he gets there, he's rather pleased to see that his two former students have started training without him.

After some exciting hours of training where Naruto and Sakura designate him as the target for their Jutsus-of-Death and major bodily damage, Kakashi informs them that he was educating a large family of boulders. The best lies--excuses, after all, are part truth. His students don't buy it, such adorable little demons. He gives them a lecture full of metaphors, plausible references, and not much beneath but bullshit. Then he gives in and buys them all ramen.

Two weeks later he's woken to an urgent summons, and after dressing he rather grumpily poofs into the ANBU Holding Cells. Kakashi doesn't bother acting the buffoon, because he's tired and hungry, and he should be at the Memorial Stone now, damn it.

Then he looks into the cell they're guarding so anxiously, and mismatched eyes blink at him from a lopsided, horrifically scarred face. This is why they dragged him out of bed at six AM, and Tsunade is explaining, asking him to confirm this person's identity.

There's enough wary intelligence in black and glassy orange eyes that he's sure that the dead are still buried. Obito looked a lot stupider when frustrated, besides.

And then the bastard opens his mouth and blurts out something completely inane that Kakashi doesn't quite pay attention to, and the man squints his eyes with a pout that twists his scars in painful-looking ways.

Kakashi's not sure what to make of it, beyond that the man's an idiot and Akatsuki has definitely lowered its standards. Or that his best friend is alive and he's wasted five thousand five hundred and thirty-seven mornings talking to a big stone with names on it.

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The reason for the lack of updates is because my hard drive on my laptop just DIED. Totally died, and I had to get a new one and lost all of my data. Including seven shiny new drabbles, dozens of fragments, and some pretty good smut scenes. The biggest pain is that I really really really want to include some of those lost drabbles in this fic. Boohoohoo.

I'm not quite sure whether or not to be happy with this one, because the ending isn't very clear -- i.e. happy/not-happy

There will be a CONTEST. Because I'm too lazy to come up with it myself, I'm begging all you guys to come up with the stupid thing Tobi said towards the end. (Begs on bended knee) I'll pick the best one and use it in the next drabble, which is this from Tobi's POV and the events thereafter.

Tralalala.