Tobi is like, the SHIZNIT. And I want Obito Kakashi plushies.

Disclaimer: Sue me, and all you'll get is a half-empty pint of ice cream. And I licked it. So go right ahead.

I'm not sure if anyone has ever crossed Naruto with Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, but I simply had to do it. I saw Spamalot last weekend, and ever since, I've had Obito in my head, saying 'I'm not dead!' and 'I don't want to go on the cart!' (best line. EVER.) I think it's quite fitting, actually. And I'm quite pleased with this. (Pounds fists on chest like Tarzan.)

Word count: 595.

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I Feel Happy…

Everything was hazy, and Obito couldn't see clearly. There was a sensation of disorientation, combined with a slow, rocking side-to-side movement. So sleepy…

Clang. Clang.

"Bring out yer dead!" A strangely accented voice called out, followed by more clanging.

The shoulder he was slung over jostled hard, and Obito winced as it bumped his shattered arm.

"Here's one." A bored voice said in his ear.

"Ah, that's ninepence." The foreign voice replied pleasantly through the fog, and Obito almost drifted off as he swayed closer to the source of the clanging. He was really, really tired, but somehow he got the feeling that falling asleep here was a very bad idea.

"Here you are." The strong shoulder moved again, but he couldn't bring up the voice to complain.

"That's a right sorry sack of meat you've got there, mate." There was a sigh under him, and he thought hands were on his back, steadying him.

"He's an absolute wreck, but I'll miss him." The familiar voice admitted, and he whimpered as they lurched to a stop.

"W—wait," He gasped, "I'm not dead!"

"What?" Queried the foreign man.

"Nothing. Here's your ninepence."

"'Ere, he says he's not dead!"

"Yes he is." The bored voice drawled.

"Ka-kakashi… bastard!" He banged his left fist into his teammate's side. "I'm not dead!"

"He isn't?" This was insanity. Obito thrashed on Kakashi's shoulder, but his right side was mostly numb and his head hurt.

"Well, he will be soon. He's very ill." Couldn't argue with the last bit, but he wasn't hurt that bad!

"I'll get better!" Rin was good at that sort of stuff, she'd fix him.

"You won't." Kakashi assured him, "You'll be stone dead in a moment."

"I can't take him like that, it's against regulations." The other man protested, and Obito took the chance to yelp;

"I don't want to go on the cart!"

"Oh, don't be such a crybaby!" Kakashi snapped with disdain.

"I can't take him." The cart master repeated, over the Uchiha's cries of

"I feel fine!"

"Well, do us all a favor. You do owe our Sensei."

"I can't." The man was adamant, and the Hatake gave a soft, exasperated huff.

"Can't you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long."

"Some friend you are," Obito grumbled into the back of Kakashi's shirt.

"No, I've got to go on to the Uchihas, they've lost 49 today."

"Well," His friend's voice was resigned, "When's your next round?"

"Thursday."

"Put – put me down, I'm fine!" Obito jerked against his best friend, muscles twitching spasmodically. He could remember Kakashi being this tall. Kakashi was two years younger than him, and though they were of a height, he was far too slender to carry him on his shoulder…

"You not fooling anyone, you know." Kakashi informed him dourly, "Look. Isn't there something you can do? This complicates things and I've got a baron to assassinate in Grass Country. Just make it quick and painless."

"I feel… happy, I feel happy…" A hysterical song burbled off his lips, and that wasn't him singing!

Whock.

Fireworks exploded in the back of his skull, and he thought he heard Kakashi and Rin scream his name, and…

Tobi woke up in a cold sweat. He caught his breath, slipped off the top bunk and made his way through the underlings' quarters to get a glass of water.

"Geez," He muttered, "I'm never watching British comedy with Zetsu-san again!"

…Somewhere, in Fire Country, Kakashi awoke from a rather scarring dream involving Gai, and coconuts. The Sharingan eye hurt.

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There wasn't space to put in the Naruto who says NI, Taunting French Knight Sasuke, or Genma and Raidou as the two guards who discuss coconuts and swallows, but they deserve recognition nonetheless.

Tralala.