Star Fox: Abomination
Achtung: To everybody who gave us positive reviews, we give our utmost thanks. To all who flamed us… we really don't care. Get a life.
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Chapter 4: The Final Confrontation, Finally Resulting in a Finality of Conclusions
"In every generation, there will be a time for hate… A time for war… A time for blood to be shed… A time for muscles to be flexed…"
-OrangeKat
The Lylat System, Planet Corneria, Northern Hemisphere, Western region, Corneria City, near the park
The air was suffocating with blood and bones. Near Corneria City's park, a fierce battle was raging. A Venomian tank crushed several small children as they played hopscotch. Several more tanks barreled over a nearby playground, the sound of assorted child appendages snapping under their weight. Terrified children ran screaming for the hills.
The Cornerian 12th infantry division was putting up a heroic fight, but their numbers were depleting like residents in an elderly home. Dead bodies littered the battle-torn ground. Lasers danced across the battlefield, the screams of the dead and wounded could be heard everywhere within a five mile radius of the battlefield.
Out of nowhere, the Star Fox Team plummeted from the sky, along with Bill and Kevin, all of them thirsty for blood… and Venomian blood is the sweetest of all.
"Oh, crap!" cried a Venomian admiral. "We are totally royally screwed! All 2,600 of us are doomed, just because six Cornerian reinforcements showed up and…"
He never finished his sentence. Fox aimed his gun and fired, hitting the admiral in the face. A nose hit the ground.
"My nose!" exclaimed the admiral, staring at his digit on the ground. "Now I will never be pretty again! I must flee!"
Saying this, the admiral staggered back into the giant cluster of Venomian soldiers.
The arrival of the Star Fox Team boosted the 12th Infantry Division's pathetic morale greatly. They cheered as the rest of the Star Fox Team dismounted from their Arwings and drew their blasters.
"Onward, my brethren!" Fox screamed encouragingly, pointing his blaster at the vast sea of Venomian soldiers and assorted tanks. "Fear not our death, for it is not possible for any of the Star Fox members to die in battle. That would not be canon…"
Just as he was screaming encouragingly, a red Venomian blaster bolt hit Falco directly in the breast (No, not THAT kind of breast, you sicko). The blue avian fell to the ground, coughed, gasped, and dramatically died, letting out an earsplitting girlish shriek.
"Oh, dear," Fox said quietly. "In that case, just shoot everything and try not to die!"
With that, every member of the 12th infantry division opened fire on the Venomians, their morale revitalized. Bodies dropped on both sides, and vicious taunts were exchanged between the two battling sides.
"LOL U JUST GOT P4WNED, YOU FREAKIN NOOB!" a Cornerian soldier exclaimed after blowing the head off a Venomian admiral. In the excitement, his gun discharged accidentally, and the laser blast hit a Cornerian tank, making it explode and kill more Cornerians.
"OMG STOP TEAM KILLING U RETARD!" exclaimed a Cornerian sergeant.
"BAN HIM HE SUX," said a nearby private.
Suddenly, the entire world froze. All the soldiers were suspended in various positions, unable to move.
"WTF GAY LAG!" growled a Cornerian Lieutenant.
"WHO DA LAGGER," demanded a Venomian admiral angrily.
A few hours passed, and finally the world moved once again, the lag eventually clearing itself up. The soldiers, relieved that they could move again, began to immediately scratch themselves, relieving themselves of the itches that had accumulated the past few hours. Then, they picked up their weapons and began killing each other again, their battle cries echoing off into the distance.
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It was one of the bloodiest battles in Corneria City's history of bloody battles. Not only did Corneria lose 1,200 troopers, but they also lost many small children. Not only that, but the Star Fox Team lost Falco, the object of ridicule in this story.
At his funeral, only the Star Fox Team and Falco's mother attended the sad, sad event. That is, all except Peppy, who had a scheduling conflict with replacing the batteries in his alarm clock. Standing before the closed coffin, Fox began his eulogy.
"Well… Falco was one of those guys who you really didn't care if they lived or died. Nobody really liked him, so I can't really say he'll be missed. Bon voyage, you freak."
With that, he kicked the coffin unceremoniously into the freshly dug grave.
"Well, that took a lot out of me," Fox said, dusting his hands off. "I wonder what is at the buffet table."
As Fox walked to the buffet table, he saw a massive cake on the table. Larger than a wedding cake, Fox drooled and approached it saying "Mmm… cake."
Suddenly, the cake exploded, spraying Fox with frosting. A cloaked figure lept out of the cake and landed gracefully on his feet in front of Fox.
"Who… who are you?" Fox asked with wonder and fear.
"Your worst nightmare," the cloaked figure replied.
"Wow, that's cliché," Fox said.
"Your mother is cliché," the cloaked figure replied.
"Oh, THAT'S clever," Fox said sarcastically. "Didn't see THAT coming."
"Enough of your arrogance!" the cloaked figure snarled. With that, he cast off his cloak, revealing the muscular form of Admiral Asher, the bad guy.
"Oh yeah, the bad guy pops out of the cake. Real original," Slippy said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You fools!" Asher shouted. "You may have defeated my army, but you will NEVER defeat me! Prepare to be sliced and diced like sushi!"
With that, he drew a glistening samurai sword from his scabbard, and lunged at Fox with an infernal cry. He swung his sword several thousand times, and Fox was sliced and diced like fine sushi. Small chunks of Fox fell to the ground with wet, sickening plops.
"Away!" Asher screamed, and vanished.
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Fox was never alive again after that. So, if you see any stories with him alive, you will know they are canon pieces of crap.
Thus ends this epic tale. You can't say that there is a lack of anti-canon work here NOW, can you?
THE END
(FIN)