REAL Author's Note: Posted as per the request of two people. This is a parody and is not meant to offend anyone. I'm just poking fun at the cliches of fanfiction in this section.You'll have to assume where I'm being "serious" and where I'm just being sarcastic and all that jazz. XD

You guys are the most super reviewers, though. Real Author's Notes will be in italics. Fake ones... won't. Thanks SO much!


a/n: I don't own Edo... BUT I WISH I DID! lol... the Love Alchemist Kokoro belongs 2 me though so DON'T STEAL!!! Aru has his body back in this but they still live in there world so its not like the movie.

Once upon a time (well, not really), Ed and Al were hanging out in Central. Al had his body back for no actual reason, and Ed was still working for the military, because it's not like he was only doing that for leads on the Philosopher's Stone or anything unimportant like that. So, they were just hanging out, because it's not like working for the military is a job, so obviously Ed was in the best position to be wasting time for nothing. As they were in the midst of doing nothing of any real significance--- CRASH BOOM FSSSSSSH--- a storm came out of nowhere, complete with my horrific sound effects. Even though Al is something like fourteen or fifteen by this point, his human body complete with pretty ponytail magically makes him into a total wimp. "BOOM!" said the crappy thunder.

Then the power went out for some reason.

"Niiiisaaaan!" wailed pathetic wimpy pretty-ponytail Al, clinging to his older brother around the waist in the total pitch blackness of the library.

"Uh, there there, my pathetic wimpy pretty-ponytail brother," said Ed, patting him awkwardly on the head. "I'd love to comfort you, but I have something to go do, although I'm not entirely sure what it is. In any case, just stay here and cower in the dark, and I'll come back for you."

"O-okay," sniffled Al. (a/n: lol aru's soooo kawaii 3)

Meanwhile, Kokoro the Love Alchemist was wandering through the rain all alone! (By the way, love is obviously a transmutable substance.) She was looking for the FullMetal Alchemist Edward Elric. She was actually his long lost sister-- not Al's, just Ed's; don't ask how-- and she knew because of her glittering love senses that she was destined to help him fall in love with his True Wuv... which is totally Roy, even though he was flirting with some girl in his office at that exact moment. This is only because he needs to realize his true feelings. Yes.

Al, who was still a quivering blob of useless wimpiness all alone in the dark, suddenly decided he no longer feared the dark, or thunder, and bravely ventured outside. There he found a defenseless... neko-chan! "Awww, a nekochan!" said Aru, because goodness forbid I call it by anything but a Japanese name. "It's okay," he said, gathering up the tiny fluff ball in his arms. (Notice how I switch between "Aru" and "Al" interchangeably.) "I'll take you with me!" He carefully tucked it into the jacket he obviously stole from Ed as to prevent it from getting wetter.

Edo was just coming back from eating fifty tacos when he walked into Roy in the dark hallway. Ed was not in a good mood, what with the whole fifty tacos thing and all, and he cursed loudly about crashing into the bastard colonel.

"Watch where you're going, FullMetal," Roy said stiffly.

"Whatever," grumbled Ed. Then he quite nearly walked into Al, who was dripping from head to foot. Ed looked surprised.

"Niisan!" exclaimed Al. "I... I found a nekochan, and it was raining outside and..."

"Al!" Ed blurted frustratedly. "Have you forgotten we've been over this forty thousand times before?! We can't have a cat because I said so!"

"You hate meee!" wailed Al, who was, by now, starting to sound more like a six year old than a fourteen year old. "Boo hoo, sob, wail!" ...and he bolted from the room. Err, hallway.

Ed sighed. "Well, that went well..."

Just then, Kokoro appeared! Ed wasn't surprised or anything though, because by now, he was used to pointless things happening to him.

"Hello!" said Kokoro. She was beautiful with long blonde hair down to her waist and a little tuft thingy like Edo. She had eyes the color of sapphire moonbeams and she was wearing a miniskirt and a bright pink t-shirt that said "Loveless!" on the front. She was also wearing a necklace with a really big gemstone heart on it. "I'm Kokoro the Love Alchemist," she said in her beautiful voice that flowed like music.

"Uhm, hi."

"I've come to help you!" she said, her abnormally huge and glittery eyes boring uncomfortable holes into the cushy part of Ed's soul. "I can't say who I am, but--"

"--You already did say who--"

"--I can't say who I am, but I'm here to help you!" She clapped her hands together and then touched his chest softly. Pink glittery hearts filled the air. "Soon you'll realize your true love!" she said. "I hope you guys will be happy!" And she disappeared.

"Whoa," said Ed. "That was really creepy. I don't feel different, though, so maybe I'll go eat some more tacos."

Ignoring this lovely incident, he walked back down the hallway, only to crash into Roy again because the maintenance staff was a bunch of lazy twits who still hadn't done anything about the lights, even though the storm was over. Despite the dark, Ed and Roy saw each other in a new light. (Haha, pun.)

"E-Edo..?" Roy murmured.

"...Roy?"

"Edo!" exclaimed Roy, jumping to his feet and seizing the smaller alchemist in his arms. "I never realized how I felt! You mean so much to me, because Riza just dropped off the face of the earth! Never leave me, because I could never live without you!"

Ed, who had just lost almost all of his manliness in about 0.5 seconds, giggled at Roy's extremely lame wooing attempt, although didn't seem to notice how blindingly lame it really was. "Oh, Roy..." And of course, his golden locks came from his ponytail and fell around his shoulders like a waterfall of riches. "I need to go make myself into an even girlier blob of out-of-characterness! Be right baaaack!" And off he skipped.

When he returned a minute later (it felt like an eternity to Roy 3), he was wearing a very feminine and sparkly dress that fit him for no actual reason. Huzzah! "Now we can be together!"

"Yes, my love..." (a/n: omg roy/edo is soooo cute!!!!)

Just as they were about to kiss, the door fell flat on the floor and in strode Armstrong, glittering in all his pink Armstrong glory. However, because Armstrong are teh uggo, he's obviously a homophobe. "Gentlemen!" he began loudly. "I..." Pause.

Awkwaaaaaaaard.

Le gasp! "YOU!" he boomed in all his manliness. "You two are not meant to be! If you don't cease this obvious act of out-of-characterness, the Fuhrer will fire you both! ...did I mention extreme authority has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations?"

Alas, alack! Roy and Edo were not meant to be! Or were they?...

TO BE CONTINUED... maybe.

a/n: this is my first stoery so no flames plz!!!! if I don't get 10 reviews I WILL NOT CONTINUE! so review plz