As a treat: a recovery chapter (a teensy bit inspired by Splitbeak, thank you). I realized I had done what TPTB do and had skipped ahead a month or two and completely ignored the healing part! So, here's a bonus chapter. There'll be one more after this, to conclude the fic. Thank you for the reviews, as always. :)

CHAPTER 17: Even Monsters are flawed

It was the one time when he was little that his father had been comforting. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he'd been three at the time and his mother had just left them.

Monsters.

He'd seen them in the shadows. They were pressing in on him. Suffocating him. His imagination ran wild. Saw things that were never really there.

And then his father was there. Embracing him in a full bear hug, tight enough for him to squirm his face around so he could find air to breathe. His father was shuddering. There was no more hint than that, but John realized a long time later, that his father had been crying.

This man had been capable of loving, once upon a time. He hadn't always been a monster, himself.

And this is how John had developed the compassion that drove him to do things like risking his own life to save another.

If only he could see that he hadn't become a monster, just like his father. If only he could remember who he used to be. Yet that was where the problem lay: who he used to be. The mission to Herac had changed him.

Now? Now he had no idea who he was.

-------o-------

When you don't have the power to close your own eyes, they dry out. Nurses had to constantly flush Sheppard's eyes with saline solution to keep them saturated enough that no problems arose. Sheppard was never aware of any of this, nor the other daily duties the nurses preformed on a comatose body. It was better that way.

Until today.

Of all the times to finally become fully aware of his surroundings, Sheppard had to do it when a nurse was hovering inches over his face. He had blinked and focused on her. It sent both of them nearly crashing to the floor in shock.

The nurse screamed, unintentionally of course. Sheppard yelled, in a manly fashion no doubt, and fought the instinct to flee. Instant realization told him that his body was connected in every way possible to machines and the bed he lay in. One inch in any direction would have him in serious trouble.

Moments later another face was hovering over his and he nearly yelled again in surprise. The concerned blues of Beckett's eyes peered into his before fingers were prying open one lid to shine a migraine-inducing white light into his pupil. The motion was repeated on his other eye, leaving him blinking away the vestiges of white morphing into red.

It took another moment or two for Sheppard to realize Beckett was talking to him. Being catatonic tended to make you a little slow on the uptake.

"…you hear me? Sheppard?" Beckett shook his shoulder his brow furrowed with worry.

"Doc?" He responded in a cracked voice. Eyes weren't the only things to dry up in such a state.

Relief smoothed out Beckett's face and he nodded.

"Aye. Take it easy, lad. You've had a tough time of it." Beckett squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

Sheppard took note of the small notion, realizing how he would always cringe at such display of affection. At this very moment it was the one thing that kept him grounded and it solidified the fact that he was finally back. In response, he smiled, closing his eyes for a very long time.

Unfortunately, flashes of bad things plagued his memory when he should have simply relaxed and taken comfort in being back in the company of those he cared most about. These were things that weren't going to go away in the blink of an eye. With this realization, his stomach plummeted, and so did his elation at finding himself back in the land of consciousness.

"Colonel?" Beckett's voice called in the darkness.

Monsters loved the dark. And Sheppard intended to stay there.

"John?" Beckett's voice was tinged in worry by now. That and determination. Sheppard had finally woken and responded to him: the good doctor wasn't about to gloss over the fact. A hand shook his shoulder once more.

"Go away." John mumbled tiredly.

"No." Came the sharp reply.

That got him to open his eyes. He stared at Beckett and Beckett stared at him. It was a Mexican Stand-off. They both blinked at the same time and Sheppard looked away.

"Come on lad, you can't hide forever."

Sheppard glared back at the doctor, his upper lip curling in true monster fashion.

"Hiding from what? I don't hide." Sheppard spat.

Beckett leaned back, frowning at the sudden shift in mood of the colonel. That's when Sheppard's arm began to twitch. The twitching rapidly changed to seizing and Sheppard blacked out.

-------o-------

The next time the monster awoke, he was in a world of pain, throwing up bile onto a sterile gray floor, wishing to the powers that be that life would just leave him alone. Death never sounded so sweet when your entire body was rejecting you.

Someone was holding his hand, and another was soothing his brow. Their touch should have been comforting. But his state of mind would not allow it.

His heart was dancing to an off tune, his body was shaking, and he couldn't seem to recall how he had gotten to such a sour state. He pleaded for the end.

Alas, not even death would comfort him.

-------o-------

"…not really catatonia, as I discussed with Ronon. The poison was so concentrated it in a sense paralyzed his motor functions. Now, he has only just metabolized the last of the poison, blood tests confirmed it. The seizure was just another in a long list of complications the colonel's dealing with. The poor lad's going to be in for a rough couple of days until his brain chemistry stabilizes. He may experience mood swings, perhaps even violent behavior, but you have to be patient and be there for him. I know you all suffered a great deal, believe me. All I ask is that you set that aside if you can, and let the colonel know that you're here. That you're his team and you will not abandon him. He needs you even if he doesn't think he does."

The speech was followed by a long silence. Sheppard wanted to open his eyes, but exhaustion kept them sealed. Was his team there? Where had they been all this time? Were they okay?

"You're in the company of monsters, colonel." A voice whispered in his ear. It spooked him, and his heart rate quickened. Somewhere in the distance, a racing beeping noise announced his distress to the rest of the world.

That voice. His father. A shiver spread across his body. No…not a shiver. A tremor that triggered yet another seizure. Darkness once again cloaked the monster and he smiled.

-------o-------

It took another day of his body's instability to lead to a healthy sleep that lasted over thirty-two hours. When he next awoke, he was more coherent than he had been in a very long time.

A comfort that had nothing to do with darkness swept over him. He could hear the normal chatter of his team surrounding him, discussing arbitrary things. Hands were resting upon his, soothing him.

He was home.

Opening his eyes to face the present was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

He saw his teammates. The facades they had constructed for his sake were cracked and flawed. He could see the pain, the sorrow. They were just as broken as he. Seeing this was enough for Sheppard to feel an overwhelming need to protect them. They didn't deserve this. Tears began to leak from his eyes and embarrassingly enough he couldn't stop them.

Teyla drew him into a hug. Rodney simply stared, his mouth in a thin line, chin trembling. Ronon clenched his jaw and locked eyes with Sheppard.

"It's over, John. It's over." Teyla mumbled into his shoulder.

And then he knew it was.

-------tbc-------