DISCLAIMER : I don't own SGA nor it's characters. Everything belongs to the cast and brains behind this wonderful show. Props go out to them. :D
AUTHOR'S NOTE : Set Post-Sunday. A little unsure as to how this is all going to end so you'll have to bear with the slow updates and bad writing.
Still digging through my inspiration for a title to this story.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
She glances at her watch and sees she's been standing out here for over an hour. She feels it has been forever and she shivers. She feels cold despite the sun's rays bathing her form in warmth as it sets in the horizon.
Teyla Emmagan is a leader. A leader of a people who have known death many times over. She's known the loss of both parents, family, friends and have come close to losing her own life many times in the past. Living through such a past should have hardened her from feeling a deep sense of hurt and loss whenever somebody she knew died. She tells herself that she no longer has tears to shed, yet here she stands mourning the loss of a friend.
She wipes a tear running down her cheek as she hears the door to the balcony slide open. She knows who it is without turning around. She's been avoiding him for hours hoping to get some air and some time to sort out her jumbled emotions.
"What are you doing out here? You should be in the infirmary." John Sheppard's voice broke the silence enveloping Teyla, with a note of frustration in his voice.
She waited for him to reach the railings where she had been standing before turning to give him what she hoped to look like a smile. She must have failed because the next expression that ran through his handsome features was worry.
"Are you alright? Is something wrong?" he asked gently making it far more difficult for Teyla to try and keep her tears from falling again.
"I needed some place else to be," she answered as she looked away from him and into the setting sun once more. "The infirmary was ... I keep expecting ... Carson to come around and ask after my wounds." She chokes on Carson's name and couldn't help her voice from breaking a little. She doesn't look at him to see how her words affected him.
As silence spread around them once again, she heard rather than saw John look at the horizon as she did. Unlike the feeling she experienced before his arrival, she now somehow feels peaceful having him stand there with her. She knew he was probably thinking about Carson too and she remembered the conversation they had the day of the memorial. She wonders if Carson's death had sunk in yet. But seeing as it was John, she knew that he'll always have his guard up, no matter how much something affected him.
That was one thing Teyla admired about John Sheppard. Admired? Loved? Who was she kidding? Dr. Houston certainly wasn't fooled. Dr. Houston -- Teyla found it strange and cruel that the only other person she had confided in about liking John Sheppard is now gone. Exploding just mere seconds after she turned away.
A deep sigh escapes her as she realizes that she's tired. Tired of thinking and for today, tired of dissecting every single emotion that is rampaging through her.
"I think I should go back to the infirmary now," she breaks away from the scene in front of her to look at her companion.
"Would you like me to walk you there?" John offers with a smile.
Teyla shakes her head and gently refuses the offer, although it was something she wanted greatly. "No, I will be fine. You should stay here and enjoy the sunset. It's always beautiful this time of the day."
He gives her one of his charming smiles and she feels her stomach knot. How long she can keep up pretending that he's more than just a friend and colleague to her, she does not know. She turns and begins to walk away, slowly and a bit stiffly as she still feels pain from the last surgery she'll ever get from Carson.
Carson and Houston. Two of the many people whose lives have been suddenly ended. No time for goodbyes. No time for resolutions. How long does one life really last in this galaxy?
She's halfway to the balcony door when she hears her name spoken. She turns around to see John watching her with worried eyes while he asks, "Have you been avoiding me?"
Teyla doesn't know how to answer his question. She wants to say yes and tell him how she's afraid of telling him what Dr. Houston wants her to tell John. But this is not the time nor was she brave enough to do it. So instead she says, "Yes, I have. I was afraid that you'd pack me off straight back to the infirmary if you saw me. And I was right."
This solicited a small laugh from John. "Hey, I let you have a couple more minutes out here, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did." she smiled sincerely at him, grateful for the time he shared with her. She gave him a small nod and turned away. Hesitating at the door, she turned back around and saw that he was still watching her from the railings.
She's flustered at the look he was giving her. She summons up some courage to maybe begin telling him how she felt about him. "John ... I..."
She sees his eyes look at her and she loses her words. She recovers and quirks her mouth and then says, "I hope you enjoy the rest of your day."
She doesn't wait for his reply and leaves the balcony as quick as she can. She silenty calls herself all sorts of fool for chickening out at the last minute.
As she makes her way back to her bed at the infirmary, Teyla wishes all the death she has witnessed hardened her feelings. Because then she won't have to deal with loving someone secretly and wondering if he'll make it through the next mission alive and unhurt.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
To be continued ...