Author's Notes: PhDelicious rocks as always. And my eternal thanks to everyone here and on the board for all the kind words:)
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The Last Embrace
by Kristen Elizabeth
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May 2005
"I wasn't expecting that."
The woman lying beside him let out a sigh of pure satisfaction. "I was hoping for it."
Grissom turned his head just in time to see her do the same. Her cheeks were still flushed pink; her brow was damp with perspiration. "Really?"
"I don't usually take a pack of condoms with me on a first date." Sara shifted onto her side, propping her head up in her hand. "Are you having regrets?"
"No! No, Sara." He scratched his beard as a bead of sweat ran down from his temple. "I just don't want you to think I only asked you to dinner because I thought we'd end up here."
She smiled wickedly. "It's a good thing I seduced you then."
Looking up at the ceiling, he nodded with a smile of his own. "A very good thing."
When he glanced back at her, they locked eyes for a long time. It wasn't a dream, he realized. He really had just made love to Sara. And the world hadn't come to an end.
But it certainly had changed.
It was Sara who asked the question, maybe to spare him from having to be the one to do it. "What happens now?"
"I don't know," he answered truthfully.
She lowered her eyes. "My suspension has put me on shaky ground with Ecklie. I know what you did to save my job. That can't have helped your standing any."
Grissom shook his head. "Sara Sidle is playing politics."
"And hating every second of it." She took a deep breath. "But when something's important, you do what you have to do."
He frowned and turned onto his side to see her better. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying…" Sara brushed her thumb across his cheek. "Whatever we have to do to keep this…I'll do it. Even if that means pretending it doesn't exist."
Grissom's Adam's apple bobbed. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to shield her from the injustices of the world, from the harsh reality that was an inevitability of their lovemaking. Instead, she was offering him what she never should have had to: secrecy.
It said more about her feelings than if she'd thrown her arms around him and declared her love in a dozen languages.
"It won't be forever," he promised her, and at that moment, he truly believed it himself. "Just until…"
Sara pressed her fingers against his mouth. "Let's not make promises when we're here like this. It's enough." She leaned in and replaced her fingers with her lips. "You're enough."
Grissom caught her hand and brought it down to his chest, holding it against his heart.
They lay in such exquisite silence for so long that he was sure she'd fallen asleep. But eventually, Sara sat up and pushed the covers off her legs. As she slipped into her clothes in the dark, he wanted to tell her to stop, to get back in bed and stay until morning. To stay forever.
But secrecy was a terrible master. It made prisoners of women. And cowards of men.
"Thank you for dinner," Sara whispered. "Now we know what happens." She bent down and gave him a parting kiss. "I'll see you soon." And with another, even softer kiss, she left. The lingering scent of jasmine lured him into a fitful sleep.
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Being in prison for almost six years had given Laura a healthy wariness of anyone in law enforcement. So she had to ask herself…just how had she agreed to come with Sara to the annual LVPD picnic at Lake Mead?
She was surrounded by over two hundred off-duty police officers and detectives, not to mention dozens of crime scene technicians and lab personnel, all of whom seemed to be having a much better time than she was. But she had volunteered to keep an eye on Cassie while Sara mixed and mingled with her co-workers. It was a rare opportunity to observe her daughter at play.
The large T-shirt she wore over her shorts concealed her daughter's condition. Laura wasn't sure why Sara was keeping the baby a secret, especially now that she was out of the first trimester. It should have been something to celebrate. The baby would be a living tribute to a man everyone had loved.
So far, Sara had only told one other person, and for the life of her, Laura couldn't figure out why she'd chosen to tell Gil Grissom that she was pregnant. To hurt him? Maybe. But it didn't really seem like Sara to be deliberately cruel.
Perhaps she'd done it to create a wall around herself, like the baby would keep him away. Some natural defense just in case she wasn't able to resist him on her own.
But maybe that was over-thinking things.
"Ge-ge!"
Laura looked down at her granddaughter. This was a new development, and one that melted her heart every single time. Cassie had started calling for her in her own little way.
"Look at that!" she exclaimed over the mound of sand Cassie had piled up in front of her. "Aren't you smart?"
Cassie slammed her hands down into her little castle. "Mama!"
"Mama's just over there." Laura pointed for Cassie, pausing for a second when she spotted Gil Grissom. He was walking straight towards them.
Well, she didn't have to wonder much about what her daughter saw in the man. Sure, he was older than Sara by at least a decade, but she knew men younger than him who weren't nearly as well preserved.
He was wearing khaki pants rolled up at the bottoms to mid-calf and his feet were bare. His shirt was a Hawaiian print that would have been better left on the beaches of Waikiki. He had covered his salt-and pepper curls with a backwards baseball cap that should have seemed out of place, but somehow just fit.
"Laura," he greeted her, removing his sunglasses when he reached the shade that their umbrella provided. "How are you enjoying the picnic?"
"Just fine, thanks. It's a beautiful day for one."
"Yes, it is." He crouched down next to the blanket. "Hello, Cassie." When she offered him a handful of sand, he held out his palm to accept it. "Thank you." She gave him a toothy grin and went back to her ruined castle.
Watching the scene, Laura drew in a sharp, silent breath. "If you're looking for Sara…"
"Actually I was wondering if you and Cassie would do me the honor of accompanying me down to the lake."
She paused to consider his invitation. "All right," she finally decided. "Let me just put some more sunscreen on her."
The lake turned out to be perfect. A gently sloping hill separated the shore from the picnic area, so at the water's edge, the noise from the picnic was just a low hum of happy activity in the distance. Laura held Cassie's hand as they walked in the lukewarm surf. They made slow laps back and forth, with the little girl stopping occasionally to crouch down and pick up a stone or a leaf. Each one was a wonderful surprise for her; she would squeal with excitement as she displayed her find to them.
"She's a very happy child."
Laura nodded. "Yes, she is." They stopped again as Cassie found a twig. "Mr. Grissom…"
"Gil," he corrected her.
"Are you in love with my daughter?"
A strong breeze ruffled the open collar of his shirt. It looked like he was just about to answer when a familiar voice called to them from the top of the slope. Gil turned to look at the same time Laura did.
Sara gestured at them to come back. But Laura shook her head, and returned the gesture with one of her own, silently asking her daughter to join them. She hesitated for a second, crossing her arms over her stomach. Finally, Sara gave in and started down the hill towards the lake.
"Can you stay with Cassie for a minute?" She didn't give Gil a chance to turn her down. "Cassie, take Mr. Gil's hand." The little girl wrapped her tiny fingers around his thumb. "Watch her," she advised. "Sometimes she slips away." She met Sara halfway up the grassy slope, well out of earshot of Gil and Cassie.
"What are you doing?" her daughter immediately asked.
"Enjoying the lake," Laura replied. She glanced over her shoulder. Gil had crouched down to look at something Cassie had picked up off the sand. "He's good with her, Sara."
No sooner had the words left her mouth than Cassie lifted her arms to Gil, wanting to be picked up. The motion must have caught him off guard because he lost his footing and fell back into the surf. He sat, stunned and soaked for a second.
Sara covered her mouth with her hand, but Laura caught the edge of her smile.
"Okay, so he's not graceful," Laura added, chuckling. "But let's not hold that against him."
Cassie clapped her hands, applauding his performance. That's when Gil Grissom broke into the biggest smile she had seen on him yet. He reached for the little girl and lifted her into the air.
Her daughter's smile fell. "You should have asked me about this. Maybe I don't want him around her." But the way Sara looked past her and straight at Gil and Cassie told a different story.
"Sara, I know something happened between you two the night he came for dinner, and whatever it was, it wasn't good. But correct me if I'm wrong…there's still a 50-50 shot that he's Cassie's father, right?" Sara looked down at the grass. "Why not at least let her get to know him?"
Her daughter turned her gaze up to the blue sky. "I don't want Cassie to get attached to him."
"Because he hurt you?"
Sara leveled her stare. "Because he's Grissom."
"I don't know what that means." Laura followed Sara as she started towards the water. "Sara?"
But her daughter had already reached Gil and Cassie. He'd gotten back on his feet, but he was still holding the little girl. Laura hung back a few yards, watching to see what would unfold.
"Is this her first trip to the lake?" she heard Gil ask Sara.
"No. Nick and I took her to the picnic last year." Laura wondered if Sara knew that she'd already started resting her hand on her belly in the protective stance of a mother-to-be. "Since when are you into picnics? Especially ones that involve hundreds of co-workers?" She paused. "I could never get you to come out here before."
He transferred Cassie to his other arm. "I wish I'd known what I was missing." Glancing down at the baby, he added, "Things change, Sara."
Sara shook her head, like she didn't even want to try to analyze that. "At least your taste in shirts isn't one of them."
"I thought you liked this shirt."
"I liked…" She stopped. "Never mind." Holding out her arms, she said, "I'll take her."
Laura could see his reluctance, but he passed the little girl to her mother. Sara kissed her daughter's temple, turned and headed back up the hill.
Once they were gone, Gil released a sigh that was audible all the way to where Laura still stood. He dug one hand into the wet pocket of his khakis, and wiped away lingering drops of water from his face with the other.
Laura approached him. He was staring up at the slope; Sara had put Cassie down on her feet, allowing her to toddle back to the picnic area. With a single glance back at the lake, Sara followed her daughter until she too vanished from sight.
"In case you're still wondering…" he said out loud, his eyes glued to the spot where Sara had just stood. "Yes."
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To Be Continued