Author's Notes: Extra special shout-out to my beta who rocks. And everyone reading, thanks for hanging in for 25 chapters!
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The Last Embrace
by Kristen Elizabeth
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October 2006
"Hey."
Sara turned her head and looked at the man lying next to her. "Hey."
After a moment passed without another word, Nick lightly cleared his throat. "Did you sleep all right?"
"I don't know," she replied quietly. "Did you?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "Not really. It's not exactly…um…dry over here."
Mortified, Sara closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's not your fault. Takes two, right?" Nick sat up and scratched his rib cage. Sara watched the well-defined muscles of his upper back shift with each movement. Another moment slipped by. "Is it okay if I take a shower?" he suddenly asked.
It was funny. She always figured Nick would be into morning cuddling. He just seemed like the type who would want to linger in bed as long as possible. Of course, she'd always thought Grissom would want out of an intimate situation as quickly and neatly as possible. And every time he'd pulled her into his arms and refused to let her go, she'd been freshly surprised.
Even just that small memory made her chest ache.
"Yeah." She looked up at the ceiling. "Towels are in the cabinet."
When he was gone, Sara rolled over onto her side and touched indentation in the other pillow that Nick's head had made during the night. The sheets smelled faintly of his cologne, her shampoo, their sex. She closed her eyes, and she could still feel his hands on her body, his weight on top of her.
Her orgasm had surprised her; his had shocked them both. In the heat of the moment, neither one of them had remembered a condom. Through unspoken agreement, they'd fallen asleep without discussing it.
Now, as she felt the stickiness between her thighs, she found she couldn't breathe.
Up until then, Grissom was the only man she'd ever let get that close to her. Even with him it had only happened a handful of times, the last one being the night before he left. She'd wanted him to be able to touch her without a latex barrier between them.
But now Nick had touched her the same way. Not only had she had unprotected sex, she'd had it with another man. She'd given him something she'd only ever wanted to give to Grissom.
Sara threw off the covers and climbed out of bed. She stripped the damp sheets and dumped them into the laundry basket. After pulling on a pair of shorts and a tank top, she ventured into the kitchen.
The pipes in her apartment were old; she could hear the shower running. As long as Nick was in there, they could avoid another awkward encounter. And maybe she could figure out what the hell she was supposed to say to him now.
She took a pitcher of orange juice from the fridge and poured herself a glass. Only after downing half of it did the fuzziness in her mouth start to clear away.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a red, blinking light on her answering machine, indicating that she had message waiting for her. With a frown, Sara reached out and pressed the play button.
"You have one new message," the machine informed her. "Today at twelve oh-two a.m." There was a beep. Then…his voice. "Sara. It's me. Pick up, honey."
The squeaking from the pipes abruptly shut off. Without thinking, she hit a button on the machine to pause the message.
She was just in time. Nick came out into the kitchen with one of her fluffy green towels secured around his toned waist. He was mostly dry, but a few drops of water still dappled his skin.
"I think we should talk."
Sara held up the pitcher. "Juice?"
"No, thanks." He paused. "Sara, I wish I knew what to say to make this less…awkward. Usually it's just a matter of time." His eyes slipped down. "But maybe we don't have the luxury of time."
"I don't know," she answered truthfully.
Nick clutched the towel to keep it up. "Whatever you decide…if it even becomes a question…I'm there for you." He smiled. "It wasn't the beer talking last night. I care about you. More than I probably should."
Unable to process that just yet, she crossed her arms over her stomach. "I need a shower, too," she announced.
"Okay." Nick moved to let her past him. "Sara…
She paused at the bathroom door and looked back at him. "I just want you to know…I don't do this with people I don't care about. It's sort of a life-policy."
He walked to her and stopped close enough to set her nerves on edge. "I'm really glad to hear that."
Nick jerked forward at the same time as she did, but his lips missed their mark and landed on her cheek. For the briefest of seconds, Sara wanted to lean into the solid warmth of his body and forget about everything else. He smelled so wonderfully clean. Pure.
But they pulled back at the same time. Nick gave her a sad, strange smile before starting into the bedroom to dress.
When she emerged from the shower, he was long gone. With a small sigh, Sara padded into the kitchen and sat down at the counter. It took a second before she worked up the courage to reach out and start the answering machine again.
"I guess you're out. Can you just…can you call me? Please, Sara. I miss you. I lov…" There was a beep, then nothing.
She picked up the phone to dial, but at the last second slammed it back down. What would they talk about? Whatever he hadn't killed by sleeping at Reese's, she'd effectively finished off by waking up beside Nick.
All that was left to do was to make it official. And she did so later that day when she drove to his townhouse and started packing up her things. She left the key in his mailbox and refused to let herself look back.
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Grissom met them at the airport. After the flight, she was too exhausted to be angry at Laura for calling him for a ride. Cassie, usually a good traveler, had screamed her way from Dallas to Vegas when Sara discovered that her favorite toy had been left behind at the ranch.
She spotted him in the crowd of people waiting just beyond the security check point. It wasn't hard to pick him out. He was the guy carrying the obscenely pink cloth bunny.
Up until then, Cassie had been a holy terror. But when she spotted Grissom, or more specifically what he was holding out to her, she was all smiles and sweetness again.
"Where were you three hours ago?" Laura laughed. "You would have been the hero of Flight 5639."
Grissom smiled as Cassie hugged the bunny with her chubby arms. "Can I hold her?" he asked Sara.
The little girl went to him eagerly. "Bun-bun!" she christened her new toy.
Sara's arms felt empty; she folded them over her stomach. In the three weeks they'd spent in Texas, her belly had taken on a very definite roundness. Suddenly she was self-conscious of it. "Thanks for coming to get us."
"You're welcome." He gently jostled Cassie, making her laugh. "How was your trip?"
Laura answered when Sara didn't. "People who used to think the world was flat must have lived in Texas." She paused when her joke failed to register with either of them. They were both too busy watching Cassie…while trying not to watch each other. She shook her head. "I need a cigarette. Sara?" When she got her daughter's attention, she pointed to the exit. "See you at baggage claim."
Grissom was the first to speak after Laura left. "She's gotten bigger. Cassie. Not your mother."
At this, the corners of Sara's lips grudgingly turned up. "Yeah." She reached out and rubbed her thumb over the little girl's soft cheek. "She's also turning into a rampant consumer, thank you very much."
"It was a last minute gift shop purchase," he explained. "I missed her."
His softly-spoken admission made her queasy. "Gris…" She was cut off by someone bumping into her shoulder, reminding them that they were standing in the middle of a crowd of people.
"I take it you checked her stroller?" Grissom asked. "Let's go get it."
Sara reached for Cassie, but the little girl clung to the man who'd given her Bun-bun. "No," she told her mother. "I here!"
To his credit, Grissom looked apologetic. "I didn't set out with the intention of buying her affection, Sara."
"It's okay. She's nineteen months old. Wave something shiny in front of her, and you become her new best friend." She started walking and he followed. "I had a lot of time to think in Texas. About the new baby and Nick and…" Sara glanced at him. "You."
He wisely kept his mouth shut and waited for her to go on. They walked a little bit further before Sara did. "You're going to be a part of Cassie's life. Which means you're going to be a part of mine. She's our link."
Grissom leaned his head back to avoid having his beard mercilessly gripped by Cassie's tiny fingers. "Yes."
"The more time she spends with you, the deeper her attachment will get."
He nodded. "I can only hope so."
"And the older she gets, the more explanations she'll want about everything. And I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have any idea how to explain our relationship to my daughter." Sara paused. "Our daughter."
"Our daughter," he echoed.
She cleared her throat, shaking off the moment. "I don't want to spend Cassie's formative years fighting with you whenever old issues come up. Because they're going to come up. It's inevitable."
"What are you saying, Sara?"
She looked around for a second. "Can we find somewhere to sit down? She's probably getting heavy."
They chose an empty bench across from one of the coffee shops that lined the terminal. Sara went inside and came back with two steaming cups: strong brew for him, green tea for her. She pulled a cookie out of the emergency stash in her bag and handed it to Cassie, who seemed content to sit on Grissom's lap, gnawing on it.
Warming her hands around her cup, Sara sat back to take in the little scene taking place beside her. "I didn't tell Nick's parents about you and Cassie," she said out of the blue a moment later.
His forehead crinkled with what she recognized as hurt. "I know it's not the easiest conversation to have, but…"
"I can't do it," she cut him off. "They adore her. She is a part of Nick to them." She touched her stomach. "Just like this one will be. They've lost so much…I can't take her away from them, too. And I know this has the potential to blow up in my face, but I'll just have to cross that bridge when I reach it." Sara hesitated. "I'm sorry."
Grissom's only response was to take a sip of coffee. Instantly, his face screwed up in pain.
"Careful! It's hot!" On instinct, Sara set her cup aside and put a soothing hand to his cheek, letting her thumb rest on his lips. "You always do that."
He jerked back. "Don't do that."
"I…I'm sorry."
"And stop saying that you're sorry. You haven't done anything wrong."
A minute passed. It was too much silence for Cassie. She scowled at her mother. "Mama pwetty." It was a new word she'd learned in Texas, but it wasn't an observation. In Cassie-speak, it was a command for her mother to make herself pretty by smiling.
Sara did just that, but the expression didn't ring true. "Okay, baby. Now you pretty."
With a mouthful of cookie, her daughter beamed. "I pwetty." She looked up at the man on whose lap she sat. "Pwetty!"
At first, Sara was worried that he wouldn't be able to. But his face eventually relaxed; Cassie commanded, and he obeyed.
It just wasn't fair that his smile still did strange things to her body.
Unfortunately, the distraction was only temporary. Grissom cleared his throat a second later and picked up where they'd left off. "Thank you for being honest with me."
"Even if I couldn't be honest with Bill and Jillian?"
"I didn't say that, Sara."
"No. I did." She pulled out a second cookie from her bag and gave it to Cassie. "I told you I spent a lot of time thinking. I want Cassie to grow up with a father. I won't let her forget about Nick…but you're who she's going to call 'Daddy.' But for right now…this needs to be our secret." Sara glanced at him. "We should be used to it, right? Keeping things between us a secret from everyone else."
"I probably deserve that." Grissom paused, as if collecting his thoughts. "You're not the only one who's had a lot of free time to think, Sara." He looked down at the little girl. "She's my flesh and blood. And you're my…"
She cut him off. "I can't be your anything right now."
"Because of Nick."
"Yes. But also because…" Sara's chin trembled ever so slightly. "I was your something. And you were mine. And we lost that. I don't know if we can ever get it back."
"I think we could, Sara." She could feel him staring at her profile. "If we tried."
She turned her head and their eyes met. He was so close that Sara imagined she could feel his heart pounding. Or maybe that was just her own. His lips were parted slightly, and suddenly her own ached for the familiar tickle of his beard. She closed her eyes and leaned in. Between them, Cassie squirmed in protest, but neither one of them noticed.
Sara wasn't sure if this would be a step backwards or forwards, but right then, with his warm mouth about to touch hers, it just didn't seem to matter.
"There you guys are!" Laura's voice ripped the moment away from them. They pulled back simultaneously. Sara looked up at the high ceiling, and Grissom turned his attention Cassie who was just happy not to be squashed between them anymore.
Out of breath and smelling like smoke, Laura sank into the empty stretch of bench on Sara's other side. "Are we ready to go?"
"Yeah." Sara rose to her feet. "I should get Cassie cleaned up before we get in your car." She stopped. "Oh hell. Car seat. You don't have one."
"Yes, I do." He offered no explanation as he stood up. Cookie crumbs covered his pants and Cassie's face and hands. "We could both stand some cleaning. Come on, Cassie."
She waved to her mother over Grissom's shoulder as he walked off in search of a washroom. "Bye-bye!"
When they disappeared into the crowd, Laura glanced at her daughter. "I interrupted something, didn't I?"
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To Be Continued