Author's Notes: Double shot of thanks to my beta, PhDelicious. And a whole round of thanks to everyone out there still reading!
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The Last Embrace
by Kristen Elizabeth
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January 2007
"Wow."
"You can say that again."
"Wo…"
Sara clamped her hand over Nick's mouth just in time. "You are the only person I know who actually does that."
When she released him, he was smiling with great satisfaction. "Then don't ask me to." Rolling onto his side, he shook his head. "I've heard my sisters talking about pregnancy hormones for years, but damn. I had no idea how much fun their idiot husbands were having all this time."
"Are you saying that if you'd known, you would have run out and gotten a woman pregnant sooner?"
"I'm saying maybe I wouldn't have been such a good Boy Scout all the time."
Sara bit back a smile for as long as she could. The fact was, she was feeling too deliciously sated herself, and it was impossible to hide it for long. When she'd invited Nick over to talk about the amniocentesis she was schedule to undergo, she had no idea that they'd end up back in bed. But he had smelled so good. And she was a veritable rollercoaster of crazy thoughts and emotions and cravings.
And so it had just sort of happened. Again.
"I was thinking about names the other day," Nick said suddenly. "Any thoughts?"
Sara let one hand drift down to her bare belly, still flat as a board when she was lying on her back. "Yes. I think it should have one." She turned her head to look at him. His eyes twinkled with amusement. "Beyond that, I have no idea."
"We should start making a list." He sat up. "Right now."
"Hey." She pushed herself up on her elbows. "There's still plenty of time." But he swung his legs out of the bed and stood up. "Where are you going?"
"To find a pen and some paper." Nick tugged his boxers on. "It's a big decision; we shouldn't leave it to the last minute."
Sara gathered the sheet around her body and scooted to the edge of the bed. "Nick," she began. "I love that you want to be a part of this. But there's something you should know before you get too…invested." She took a breath. "I…"
"Sara." He gently shook his head. "Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter to me."
"But I…"
Nick cut her off again. "Look, after that night…I was kinda…well…lost, I guess. I felt like I'd been allowed to touch something amazing…but I had to let it go in the morning. Even though I really didn't want to. That's not my style, you know? But I really tried to be casual, because I knew that us going from friends to lovers overnight could get really ugly."
She looked down at her hands, waiting for him to go on.
"I tried, Sara. But then you came to me with this…" He gestured to general area of her stomach. "And I figured…that one night didn't have to be it for us. We could have more. Be more."
Sara glanced up just in time to see him walk over and crouch down, putting them at eye level.
"Call it a male macho thing, or some kind of Southern chivalry or whatever," Nick said with a smile. "But I wanna be with the woman who's having my baby. For me, that means rings and vows…all of it. I do, until death." He reached out and threaded his fingers through hers. "You don't have to give me an official answer until I give you a ring. But will you think about it in the meantime?" His eyebrow lifted. "Really think about it?'
All she could do was nod. His proposal had numbed most of her body. Nick kissed her knuckles and stood up, resuming his search for list-making supplies.
Sara watched him rifle through her nightstand. For some reason, it wasn't annoying her. She didn't mind that his pants were slung over her headboard, or that his socks were inside-out on her floor. And she certainly hadn't minded being in his arms. Not only were they very nice arms, he hadn't pulled away this time. He'd held on.
Maybe she'd already made this choice. Nick was the one she'd gone to when the strip had turned pink on Christmas Eve. And he was the one she was going to invite to her amnio. He would be a good husband. A wonderful father. And she loved him. Maybe it didn't consume her, mind, body and soul, but the feelings were real. Why shouldn't she act on them?
Why shouldn't she grab what could be her last chance for happiness?
"Yes." The word echoed off the walls. Nick stopped his search and looked at her. "Yes," she repeated. "I'll marry you."
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Maybe he'd never know what had happened to Sara in Texas, but whatever it was, whatever revelation she'd experienced there, it had changed everything.
Visits to the house to see Cassie had turned into dinners, followed by long conversations on the patio while Laura put their daughter to bed. Coffee breaks had morphed into post-shift breakfasts. He recognized the signs of dating, but this was more than just courtship. It was rediscovery. Rebirth.
And it had all led up to the night of his birthday party, two weeks earlier, when he'd gone upstairs to check on her and wound up finding everything he thought he'd lost. He couldn't explain it any better now than he'd been able to on that night, but something had just sparked between them. Suddenly talking without touching, looking without tasting, wanting without having had become unbearable. And they'd just stopped fighting what came all too naturally.
From there, it was like slipping back into a beloved habit. So when they found themselves alone at Grissom's apartment one night, neither one of them initiated what came next. But there were no attempts on either side to slow down, be patient, or stave off the inevitable.
He wasn't going to try to apply common sense or logic to making love with Sara, because there was nothing common or logical about it. There was just a need that had never faded, and the undeniable truth that being with Sara again meant he had finally found his way home.
"Are you still here with me?" Sara whispered. He felt her cool hand touch his arm, searching for him in the dark.
"I'm here, honey." Grissom reached for the bedside lamp and switched it on to the lowest setting, flooding the room with soft light. Immediately, Sara pulled the covers up around her protruding belly. "Hey," he gently admonished her. "What are you doing?"
"I…don't know." She looked at him. "This doesn't make you uncomfortable?" He frowned until she clarified, "Me being pregnant. You…not being the father."
He took the edge of the sheet out of her hands, and lowered it. So much about her body was different now. Her lean angles had given way to softer curves. He could no longer hold her whole breast in his hand; she was fuller there and, as he discovered, infinitely tender. He had been so afraid to touch her at first, terrified of hurting her or the baby. But with some patience and guidance and experimentation, they'd found a way to love. And now, flushed with the memory of pleasure, she was ripe and breathtaking.
Grissom swallowed heavily. "I wish I could have seen you like this with Cassie."
Sara's face clouded over. "I knew this would bother you. That's why I didn't feel like putting myself on display for…" Grissom stopped her with a kiss, but she broke away. She touched her lips for a long moment before speaking again. "What would have happened back then if I'd gone to you with my pregnancy test instead of Nick?"
"You know what would have happened, Sara. I wanted you back in my life." He trailed his fingers over the curve of her belly. "I still want you back in my life."
A shiver ran through her body when his touch moved further down. "You don't consider this being back in your life?" she asked, a bit breathless.
"Not completely." His mouth met hers in a long, sweet kiss. When he pulled back, he pushed a wayward lock of hair behind her ear. "Marry me."
Her reply was small and quiet. "No."
Grissom's arm corded as he pushed himself up and turned away from her. Struggling to sit up as well, Sara put her hands on his upper back. "Listen. And really hear what I'm going to say. I need you to hear me."
He turned his head just enough to indicate for her to go on. Two years earlier, he would have let her talk, but he wouldn't have listened.
"We're not fixed yet," she said. "Sex doesn't automatically fix things. If it did, we never would have broken." She shifted closer to him and he could feel the warmth of her stomach against his back. "We took a big step tonight, but it's not anywhere near the last one we'll have to take." Her lips pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades. "Tell me what you're thinking."
Grissom turned back around the rest of the way, and they faced each other. "I love you, Sara. I always have. I should have told you years ago." He cursed under his breath. "I should have…camped out on your doorstep until you forgave me."
"It would have been a mistake." The look he gave her prompted her to go on. "We needed to be apart back then."
"Why?"
Sara shook her head. "Please don't make me say her name here."
"It's the one thing we still haven't talked about. Maybe it's time." But he knew that if that was true, his stomach wouldn't be churning like it was.
"No. It won't ever be time, Gil. I don't want to know. If I was right or wrong…if you did or didn't…I can't know. Knowing would make everything different." Sara let out a breath she'd been holding in. "Just tell me you never loved her."
He didn't even have to think about it. "I never loved her."
There was a long pause. "I loved Nick."
Grissom inclined his head, and told himself to keep breathing. "I know."
"Why did we do this to each other, Gil?" Sara whispered.
She was asking him a question he'd never been able to answer. "That I don't know."
"We need to figure it out. Right? Before we…" She winced and put a hand to her stomach. "He's kicking," she explained. "Really hard."
"Did Cassie?"
Sara smiled. "She was a little lady. When she did kick…" She bit her lip. "It, um, didn't happen often."
"What were you going to say?" Grissom asked, fairly certain that he wasn't going to like the answer.
"When she did kick, Nick would…" She sighed. "He would kiss my stomach and she'd stop, okay? Is that what you want to hear?"
He had no real answer to that except to slide further down the bed. Ignoring her as she repeatedly asked him what he was doing, Grissom placed a hand on either side of her belly and planted a kiss just below her navel. He looked up, expecting to see relief on her face. But all he saw was her flinch again as the baby kept kicking.
Disappointment flooded him, until she touched his cheek, caressing him with her thumb. "It was a nice thought."
"I'm sorry I couldn't make it work."
"No, I meant…what you asked earlier." Sara crooked a finger at him. "Come here." As she lay back against the pillows, he crawled up alongside her, mindful of her belly. She guided him down for a kiss that took his breath away. "When we're ready, ask me again."
Grissom slid his arms around her, drawing her close. He closed his eyes; her body might have changed since he last held her like this, but she still fit perfectly. Maybe they weren't there yet.
But they were on their way.
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To Be Continued