Author's Notes: I owe ice cream to the following people: PhDelicious, mingsmommy and CSINut214 for all of their help with this chapter. I woudln't have gotten here without you, ladies. And, of course, I owe many, many thanks to everyone reading this. Enjoy!
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The Last Embrace
by Kristen Elizabeth
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Nine months earlier
"Cassie's awake."
Sara acknowledged Nick's observation with a sleepy murmur, muffled by her pillow. She knew that this was her cue to drag herself out of bed and attend to her child, but she was lethargic that morning, having gotten little sleep. And Nick had no one to blame for that but himself.
She stretched, and the slide of cotton against her skin still made her nerves dance with pleasure. Her whole body felt electrified, sparked by his ardent lovemaking during the night. He was always a good lover, but this time had been different. Something in his eyes had thrilled her like never before, and it had been a struggle to keep up with him. But well worth the effort.
Sara listened for the baby monitor. If she'd heard crying, she would have gotten up. But all she heard was her daughter's nonsensical babbles. She turned over onto her other side to face her husband. "How come you are, too?"
His head rested on his muscled arm as he replied, "I couldn't sleep."
"And here I thought I did a good job at wearing you out."
Nick smiled when her lower lip protruded dramatically. "You did, sweetheart," he assured her. "I just have that case on my mind, you know?"
"The poisoning?" she correctly guessed. "That's a tough one. How old was the little boy?"
"Cassie's age." Without warning, he pushed off the covers and got out of bed. "I know it was the dad. I just have to prove it."
"You will," Sara told him with confidence. "Come back to bed."
But he'd already put on his robe. "I'll take care of breakfast," he said. At the door, Nick looked back at her. "I think I'm going in to work for a few hours later. Do you mind?"
Sara bit her tongue before she could remind him that it was their day off. "It's okay. I understand."
Eventually, she managed to get up as well, although she could have lain there all day. The sheets were hopelessly tangled, but still warm from the heat their bodies had created when they met time and again the night before.
By the time Sara had showered and dressed, Nick was almost done giving Cassie her breakfast of pancakes and applesauce.
"Mama!" Cassie announced Sara's arrival. She banged on the tray of her high chair with her spoon.
Sara stopped to kiss the little girl's forehead before heading straight for the coffee pot. It was strong and freshly brewed, and she shot her husband a grateful smile as she took her first sip.
"One more bite, Cassie," Nick said, pointing to a small triangle of pancake sitting on her tray. "One more and you can get down."
Cassie grasped the piece in her hand and held it out to him.
"No," he said with a smile. "I have my own pancake. That's yours. You eat it." She pouted at him, much the same way Sara had earlier, and he laughed. "Like mother, like daughter."
"Maybe she'd eat hers if you'd eat yours."
Nick looked down at his cold pancake. "I'm not really hungry this morning."
Sara came up behind his chair and touched his cheek with the back of her hand. "Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine." Nick grasped her hand and brought it around to his mouth where he kissed the center of her palm. "I'm fine," he repeated.
Worry tugged at her heart, but unable to clearly identify a reason for it, Sara let it go. She was at the stove with her back to him when he started rubbing his left arm. By the time she turned around, he had stopped.
While he dressed for work, Sara got both Cassie and the kitchen cleaned up. She was fighting the daily battle with her daughter about keeping socks on her tiny feet when he came into the nursery to say goodbye.
Sara gave up on Cassie's socks for a moment, letting the little girl toddle to her father on bare feet. "Dada!"
Instead of lifting her up like he usually did, Nick knelt down to her level and pulled her up into his arms. He closed his eyes briefly before kissing her cheek.
"Love you, baby-bug," he whispered. When he straightened up, he looked at Sara. "I'm going."
Sara made a grab for Cassie and held her leg immobile as she tugged one sock on. "Will you be here for dinner?"
"I'll try." Nick lingered in the doorway. "I love you, Sara."
Glancing up, she flashed him a brief, distracted smile. "Love you, too."
A moment passed; Sara could feel Nick still watching them struggle over the socks. "I think you're losing," he said softly. "She's got her mind made up."
"So impossible!" Giving in, Sara tickled her daughter's feet, making her scream with laughter. "Like father, like daughter!"
When she looked up, Nick gave her strangely sad smile. "Yeah." He took a step back. "Bye."
"Hey!" Sara stood up, with Cassie clinging to the leg of her jeans. "Where's my hug?"
Nick hesitated before crossing to her. He reached out and cupped her face, bringing their lips together in lingering kiss.
"Don't work too hard," she told him after they broke apart. She shook her head suddenly, as she realized what she'd said. "I know. That makes me the pot and you the kettle." Sara slipped her arms around him and gave his torso a light squeeze. "Call me later about dinner."
"I will," he promised.
But the next call Sara got came from Catherine.
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The room was freezing, and the first thought Grissom had as he emerged from a dreamless sleep was that he hoped the nurses had given Sara enough blankets.
Before he even opened his eyes, he winced in pain. Falling asleep in a chair wasn't a good idea at twenty-five. At fifty-three, it was downright cruel to his entire body, and every stiff muscle screamed at him to get up and move.
But he remained rooted to the spot because he wouldn't have interrupted the scene in front of him for the world.
Propped up in bed by several pillows, Sara cradled her hours-old son against her breast. She didn't seem aware of anything else in the room except her baby as he looked up at her with brand-new eyes.
The birth had been, without a doubt, the most incredible experience of Grissom's life. It was one thing to read about it in textbooks, or to watch carefully edited video footage on TLC. It was something else entirely to be there through the whole process, starting from the moment Sara had shaken him awake and quietly informed him she was having contractions.
Cassie's birth might have been efficient, but this baby took his time making an appearance. It took eighteen hours of hard labor, most of which Grissom spent alternating between pacing furiously and holding Sara's hand, before the baby finally arrived in a finale that was equal parts exhilarating and nauseating.
But after it was all over, there was a new person in the world. A little boy with a tuft of stick-straight black hair who came out kicking and screaming, and had only settled down when he was placed in his mother's arms. And all Grissom had been able to do was sit back and watch.
Now, he still found himself in the role of voyeur as Sara rocked Nick's son and began to speak to him in a low, soothing voice.
"Well, here you are." She adjusted a fold of the blanket around the baby's head. "What do you think of the world so far?" He made a little noise that was halfway between a hiccup and a cough. "Yeah, I know. It's been a rough couple of hours. But you're healthy…and perfect." A tear fell off the tip of her nose. "And you look so much like Nick."
Grissom lowered his eyes. She wasn't wrong about that. The little boy would grow up to be a miniature copy of Nick. He was glad. No one would question who had fathered him.
"I wish he was here," Sara said, and Grissom's heart lurched. "He'd be so proud of you." The baby whimpered. "Someday, I'll tell you all about your dad," she promised. "And I know that you'll be proud of him, too."
When Grissom looked up again, he met her eyes. If she was upset about him overhearing her, she didn't show it. In fact, she gave him a tired smile and held out her hand.
Ignoring the parts of his body that had gone numb from sitting in one position too long, he stood up and crossed over to her, pulling up a chair to sit down beside the bed.
"He needs a name," Sara murmured. "Any thoughts?"
"You're not going to name him after Nick?"
She was quiet for a second. "Nick wouldn't want that. He'd want his son to have his own name, his own identity." She paused. "His middle name can be Nicholas. But his first needs to be something that's only his." Sara looked at him. "What was your father's name?"
"Bernard."
Her nose crinkled. "No. Sorry."
Grissom laughed. The sudden noise made the baby wave his arm. Without thinking, Grissom reached out and touched his soft palm. The infant's delicate little fingers closed around his pinkie.
And just like Catherine had described it with Nick and Cassie, the baby had him.
Putting the name issue aside for a moment, Sara lowered her head to the pillows and looked up at the ceiling. Grissom's eyes went back and forth between her and the boy for a minute before settling on her. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
"No." Sara took her time continuing. "Warrick told me awhile back that Nick knew Cassie wasn't his. Not when she was born, but later." She blinked and tears cascaded down her cheeks. "And it didn't change how he felt about her in the slightest."
Grissom looked back at the baby. His eyes were drooping, and in the space of just a few seconds, he was sound asleep. "And you're wondering if I could ever love this child knowing that he's not mine."
"Not just that," she said. "But knowing that as soon as he's old enough, he'll be told that he's not yours. I have no idea how he'll react to that. He could hate you or me or both of us. Or it might not matter to him at all. I need to know if you're willing to accept any future…consequences for our actions."
"Honey, you gave birth a few hours ago. You don't have to think about these things now."
"Yes, I do." Sara lifted her head. "I have to. Before we go any further. We're not just messing with our lives anymore, Gil. We have two totally innocent children that we have to factor into whatever decisions we make. Hurting each other was bad enough. But we're not going to hurt them. Ever."
"I'm really glad you said 'we'." Breaking eye contact with her, Grissom looked down at his finger. Even in sleep, the baby hadn't let go. "And I hear you, Sara. I do." He brushed his thumb over the child's knuckles. "But as for me loving him…you don't need to worry."
Her chin trembled. "I see that."
"My feelings for you and him and Cassie…they aren't going to change with time. So we'll take however much we need. All right?"
Sara nodded. "Okay."
Grissom leaned forward and kissed her softly, just as he had when the baby was placed in her arms. "Now, I think you should give this kid a name."
"I had a whole list," she said. "But now that I see him, none of them really fit." She thought for a second. "You name him."
He blinked. "Sara, I…"
"I'm serious. I want you to name him. Just…not after your father." When he continued to hesitate, Sara reached out and took his free hand. "Please?"
It was a burden of responsibility she was putting on him, but with that came the most amazing feeling, the weightlessness that came with being trusted. She trusted him again. With her children and with her heart.
After much consideration, Grissom named his choice.
Soon, it was official, and the baby's new name was given to the nurses who would print his birth certificate. Laura arrived with Cassie a little while later. Although Sara had tried to prepare her daughter for the baby's arrival, it was clear that the little girl hadn't completely understood what mommy's big tummy was all about.
Grissom reached for her and sat her on his knee. "Cassie," he said. "This is your baby brother, Ryan."
"Ryan?" Laura asked.
"Ryan Nicholas Stokes," Sara said with a smile.
Laura came around to the other side of the bed, and touched her grandson's soft hair. "Why Ryan?"
"My mother's maiden name," Grissom told her.
Cassie clung to Grissom, staring suspiciously at the strange thing in her mother's arms. "Wy-an." She looked up at him for approval. When he nodded, she reached out to the baby.
With a nod from Sara, Grissom set Cassie down on the bed next to her. "Be careful," Sara told her. "Be very careful with the baby."
Cassie gently stroked the baby's head. "Wy-an." She beamed at her mother. "My Wy-an."
Grissom smiled. "She likes him. And here you were worried about sibling rivalry, honey."
Laura laughed as she started rearranging the flowers that had already begun arriving from family and friends. "Give it time. Adam was totally in love with Sara until she spit up on him."
Sara was still watching Cassie as she patted her little brother's cheeks. Without taking her eyes off her children, she felt for Grissom's hand, and laced her fingers through his.
Much later, after Laura took Cassie home and Sara fell asleep, Grissom returned to his chair, only this time with Ryan in his arms.
"Your mom is going to tell you all of this when you're older," he said to the child. "But I'm going to tell you some things now. About eleven years ago, this very young, eager, smart person entered my life." He paused. "And even though your dad thought I was teaching him…." Grissom shook his head. "…from right then until right now, he's been teaching me."
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To Be Continued