Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural; Flashback in italics; Also please excuse some time mistakes…I'm not the best with calculating distance and time. Hehe.

Sam lay on the small couch with his hands over his damp eyes. His father sat in an armchair, Jess on the nearby coffee table.

This was just some twisted, sick joke. It had to be. Any minute now Dean would jump out from behind something and yell gotcha. That was it…it was a dream. He was dreaming.

Every passing minute, though, just proved that this was reality. His hero was gone…vanquished by a demon that only he could see. Tears filled his eyes once more at that thought.

His father was probably feeling the same way he was…maybe even worse. He'd actually seen Dean dead. Dead…once again despair overtook him.

He'd asked Dean what dead had meant once…they'd watched some movie on crappy cable. The main character had lost his wife…she'd died. That conversation was still imprinted on his memory.

(Flashback)

"Dean!" A five year old Sam looked at his nine year old brother. "Dean, what does it mean when the man says his wife is dead? I know Daddy kills things, but what is dead really?"

The older boy sighed as he looked the younger boy in the eyes. "Sammy, it's complicated."

"But Dean…please…I want to know. You said Mommy's dead…but what is dead, Dean?"

Dean looked at Sam with tears in his eyes. "Dead means that they aren't ever coming back Sammy. They aren't alive anymore. We won't see them until heaven."

The little boy nodded. "Oh…so we won't see Mommy until heaven?"

"Yea, Sam."

"But what if we don't want to wait that long. You know until we die too. Is there an easier way to get to heaven? Cause' I don't want to wait a gazillion years to die…it'll be forever before I see her."

Dean took the little boy's arms into his hands softly and spoke firmly. "Sammy, don't ever think like that again, okay. You have to live until you're really old. And then, Sam, you'll have so many things to tell her that you can spend forever telling her everything you've done. Okay, Sam…you're going to die very old right?"

The little boy smiled and nodded quickly. "But you'll grow old too right, Dean?"

Dean smiled and laughed. "Yep, Buddy, I promise that I'm gonna die old too."

Dean had lied to him that day. Maybe not intentionally, but he had. His brother was only 24. He wasn't old…he didn't die old.

"You broke your promise." He whispered under his breath. John looked up and met his eyes.

"What'd you say Sammy?"

He realized he'd been talking aloud. "Nothing, Dad. Are we going back to, uh…"

"It was Utah…we were in Utah. We can go whenever. I…I walked out of a hospital."

Sam looked at his Dad with a startled expression. He opened his mouth to speak but John beat him to it. "I told a nearby police officer that I'd be back the next day. We need to go to the station…and then I…we…have to collect his belongings."

Sam nodded painfully but accepted the answer. "The Impala's still at the hotel…I brought my truck. We can leave whenever." After he trailed off, Sam stood and headed towards the bedroom. All he wanted was peace and quiet and definitely not anything like this.

XXXXX

The walls of the police station seemed to be closing in on him. Dean's lone duffel lay on the table before him. It was zipped and denied any glance to what was actually inside. 'I'm pretty sure I couldn't take looking at it right now, anyway.' Sam thought.

How did the peaceful night last night turn into something this painful? His brother was gone and sitting here with Jess' arm in his he realized how much he needed his big brother.

Dean had always been the one who could make him laugh. Dean had the ability to break tension with sarcasm. 'Where was I when he needed something like that?'

As much as Sam wanted to tell himself that it would all be okay. He knew it wouldn't. His brother had faded away from existence and he wasn't coming back. Like Dean had said, dead means you're gone forever. Sam would trade away anything if his brother could have just been wrong that one time.

The rest of the story has been written. There will be 2-3 more chapters. I'm still deciding if I should combine something. Please let me know what you think.