Gundam SEED: Arbiter Forces

By: Shadow Chaser

An Alternate Universe to Entropy Rising

Story:

Phase Sixteen – Control

Kira stared dumbly at Tolle who was just standing there…looking like the proverbial cat that ate the equally proverbial canary. His eyes followed his supposedly dead friend as he sat down in front of him, legs curled into a pretzel style. "You…died. Two and a half years ago," he said in a flat voice.

"Yep," Tolle stretched his arms out, "but I'm just the incarnation of your good friend. You do know that this is all in your head, right?"

Kira looked confused and Tolle just shook his head, "Ah, never mind. You're good at some stuff Kira, but when it comes down to certain things, you're just clueless."

"Did you come here just to offend me?" he asked, a bit annoyed.

"Yes and no," the brown-haired teen grinned, "if you do get annoyed, you better watch out."

"Why?"

"Have you actually looked at yourself when you get pissed lately?" Tolle waved his hand and an image was brought up, almost like watching a television screen.

Kira watched in horrid fascination as he saw himself take down guards like they were nothing The setting of the place looked familiar, but the person actually taking down the guards wasn't him…was it? Tolle suddenly waved a hand and the image stopped moving, and it was showing a very pissed Kira, eyes in seed-mode, except they were different. They were animalistic and Kira felt a shudder creep all over him as he stared at his own face.

"It's you, if you had any doubts," Tolle said in a serious voice and Kira turned to stare at him, white a ghost.

"I…I-that's not me," he murmured, knowing all to well that what he was saying was lies.

"But…I…look like…" he trailed off, unable to form the next words.

"Like Griever?" Tolle supplied and Kira stared at him. "Of course, you look like him. He's a clone of you."

"But that's not me," he pointed up to the frozen image and a small kindle of anger began to build inside of him. "I would never do something like that! I'm-"

"You killed people back in the war, you know," Tolle suddenly stood up, his voice as cold as ice and Kira backed away in fear, unable to stare at good friend's face. "I died in the war and you killed others. You even killed Nicol, Athrun's friend. You let others die because you couldn't protect them. That little girl? Elle? She died because you couldn't protect her shuttle.

"Flay? She died because you couldn't protect her shuttle from Rau Le Creuset," Tolle said, and with each word Kira flinched against it. With each word he could feel the hurt that he had been suffering from ever since he had decided to pilot the Strike Gundam. No even before that when he was born into this world. He was born on the pretense of human wish and human suffering. He was the Ultimate Coordinator…the ultimate weapon to be molded.

"If you're going to be like that, then I suggest you don't even exist anymore. The others don't need to see you like that," Tolle said, but Kira wasn't even listening.

I can't exist like this…it'll only bring suffering to others. It doesn't even matter what Cagalli, Athrun, or Lacus says…I'm…I'm…I…can't live. Not if I am like this…not if what was done to me was like this…No…

Nononononononono…

Kira curled up into a ball and hugged himself tightly. He could feel tears running tracks down his face and cried out his pain. He hated what had happened to him. He was a murderer. He killed so many innocents. He had allowed himself to break and therefore he couldn't live. There was nothing worth living for anymore…

Please…let me fade away…

"Doctor! He's crashing!"

"Shit! Get the paddles! Ready! Clear!"

Silence.

"Set it again. Ready. Clear!"

Silence.

"Again!"

"Come on Kira…don't do this to us… to me…"

"Kira! Kira!"

"Oh God…Keiji…"

"Shh…it'll be all right…"

"Kira…please…don't leave me…don't leave us. Stay, please? I love you…please stay with me…"

"Clear!"

For a few minutes it had been white, but Kira found himself in a grayish area and was confused. What had happened? He wanted to be in the white…and he wasn't in the black anymore.

"You're actually dying, right now as we're speaking," Tolle appeared once more, this time dressed in a flightsuit, his helmet tucked underneath his arm.

Kira suddenly jerked slightly as he felt something pass through him and for a moment, the room dimmed from gray to black before returning to grey. "What was that?"

"Electrical current. Your heart's stopped in the living world," Tolle replied.

"Good," Kira muttered, "I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. There's nothing to live for."

"If there's nothing to live for, then how come you didn't just let Zala completely manipulate you?" Tolle suddenly asked.

"I…" Kira trailed off as painful memories assaulted him. He could feel every incident in which Zala had tortured him, where Richard had thrown him around, where he had been shot by others…where he was…

Back then he wanted nothing more than to go home…to be with his family and friends.

"So you do have something that you want to return to," Tolle interrupted him.

"But they hate me now…they'll hate me when they find out," Kira knelt down onto the grayish ground and looked up plaintively at Tolle who was staring down at him, his face an impassive mask.

"Do you actually know that?" his good friend countered, eyebrow raised in speculation.

"I-"

"Stop doubting yourself Kira. You shouldn't do that you know. It'll give you early grey hairs."

"Come on Kira…don't do this to us… to me…"

Kira glanced up and tried to see through the grey to identify the voice. "Athrun…?"

"See, you have people that care for you at least," Tolle said in a simple voice.

"But Athrun…he…I…"

"For crying out loud you're his best friend. One of the few friends he actually has. Do you really know how hard it was for him to make friends! He's way too serious at times and while he does have the admiration of others, they don't really see him the way you see him. If you want to abandon him, then fine."

"Kira! Kira!"

"That's Cagalli's voice," he wondered mostly to himself, "why would she be here? I thought she…"

"She's your twin. Your sister. Of course she would be here. Haven't you heard of the 'twin thing'? Identical twins have the twin link, but it seems that between you and Cagalli, your twin link is strong, even though you're fraternal."

"She told me to be strong…once… long ago," Kira closed his eyes slightly as a memory passed over him.

"We're your family. Athrun, me, Lacus…everyone, including your mother and father," Cagalli said in a quiet voice…"Be strong, okay?" Cagalli shook his shoulder, squeezing it once to reassure him.

Tolle was silent.

"Oh God…Keiji…"

"Shh…it'll be all right…"

"Mom…Dad…" Kira barely noticed that the grayish world was fading into darkness once more. He sat in the darkness, drinking in the presence of their words and letting it fill him.

"Kira…please…don't leave me…don't leave us. Stay, please? I love you…please stay with me…"

"Lacus…" Kira heard her musical voice and it warmed him. How could he have forgotten his love? How could he have forgotten her and left her all alone? A stifling gasp overcame him and he crumpled to the ground, clutching his chest. Everything felt so heavy. No! He wanted to stay alive! "I have to stay alive! I…have…to!" he struggled out as he could see that his vision was fading and Tolle was starting to fade.

"Tolle! Help me!" he reached out with a hand to his fading friend.

"I already did. Now it's up to you Kira…" Tolle's voice was fading as everything became blacker than usual. "Wake up and embrace your world…atone for what you are…"

Kira had completely passed out when a creature of the night suddenly appeared and stared down at his prone body. It hissed slightly before breathing out a single word.

"Destroyer…"

His eyelids felt very heavy and sandpapery, but nonetheless Kira struggled to get them opened. When he finally did, he blinked them a few times and found himself staring up a white ceiling. The ceiling looked oddly familiar and he could feel an undercurrent of vibration telling him that he wasn't in his cell/room held by Patrick Zala. His next conclusion was that he had to be on a ship…

He started slightly as he remembered what had happened. His father had rescued him…they had escaped…or was this all a trick set up by Zala to break him further? He turned his head slightly a pair of green eyes staring worriedly back at him.

"Athrun?" he whispered, his throat dry and scratchy, unused for a long time. "Is…this…a dream?"

"No," Athrun's strong voice reassured him, "you're not dreaming. You're safe, here on the Archangel."

"Are you…real?" he asked, a hint of lingering doubt on him.

"Tori!" the chirp of his robotic bird as Tori flitted down from its perch in the corner of the room and onto Athrun's shoulder washed all doubts away. There was no way Zala would have known about Tori…it was a present given to him in secret by Athrun just hours before he left.

Athrun smiled slightly as he must have noticed that all doubts had washed away but then his expression got serious. "How do you feel?"

Kira didn't feel like answering as he turned his head to the side, away from his best friend's concerned look. How did he feel? He didn't know. He could faintly remember some things that had occurred during his capture. He had been tortured, that he knew. But the specific details…they were so fuzzy. All he got was brief flashes of images that sent chills down his spine. They were violent images, and he had the oddest feeling that he had been involved in those violent images. They were images of death and rage. But he clearly remembered his father's face, peering down at him as he laid on a bed, fighting the drugs and the fever that had been threatening to overwhelm him; his father offering his support to carry him out of there. That he remembered.

"I…couldn't do anything," he started slowly after a long pause, "they…tortured me. They…" Images started to flash through his head.

His hands curled slightly as he pushed himself up slowly, a bit oblivious to the gasps of the scientists or their exclamations of him overcoming the sedative. Pushing himself to a sitting position, he hung his head and turned a side-ways look at Zala who was smirking at him though anger was burning deep in his eyes.

"The real Patrick Zala wouldn't do something like this. Athrun was right, he is dead and the only thing I see is just an imitation. Whatever you do to me, I will not cooperate," he said in a cold voice, glaring at the man.

"Then you never knew of my true intentions, Kira Yamato. And in due time, you will cooperate or you will see your friends and family suffer," Zala replied in an equally cold voice.

Flash!

"Nikolai, as your clone-brother, had a special ability given that he was the Ultimate Coordinator. He was what myth deemed to be an Esper, one who had ESP, extra-sensory powers. Of course there are countless other names, telepath, telekinetic, psionic, call it whatever you want, he had that ability. That is why you, the original, should also have that power.

"Now, move this," he jiggled the golf ball in his palm.

Kira gaped as he processed the information the man was saying. He was a what? But that wasn't possible. Coordinators had enhanced genes, but not enough to drastically and so suddenly be able to move objects!

Flash!

Swinging his legs to the side, he got up and promptly grabbed onto to the bed post as the world spun dizzily around him. He saw spots dance around his eyes and closed them trying to alleviate the dizziness. It passed soon enough and he opened his eyes once more. What the hell was that, he wondered as he took a tentative step forward. It felt safe and he walked around his cell, still feeling a bit off.

Flash!

Kira snapped his head towards her, seething with anger, "Would you cut the bullshit!" A part of him was shocked at his own words. Where did this anger come from? He was so annoyed and angry at the woman who was standing in front of him, patronizing him.

Flash!

He managed to hold onto it and suddenly felt something change within him, filling him with a new awareness. Even though his eyes were still closed, he though his hearing sharpened and the fabric of the bed and the clothes he was wearing felt different. It was as if every one of his senses had caught fire and were burning all sorts of information into him. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked.

Flash!

He wondered why was everything so slow, but then realized that it was him who was moving fast, his seed-mode, he realized. A feral smile appeared on his face as he knew that he had an advantage.

Nononononono Kira forcibly wretched his memories away from what he was seeing. It wasn't real. None of those memories were real. They were fake…they were there because they were part of Zala's torture. He didn't do any of that. He didn't!

"Kira? Kira!" Athrun's hand gripped his shoulder and he found himself staring into the concerned emerald green gaze of his best friend. "What happened? You were convulsing!"

"I…I…" Kira was at a lost for words and didn't know what to say. He did the only thing that he felt at the moment. Despair. And with despair came tears. He barely felt his best friend, almost brother, hugging him tightly as he cried.

A lost soul…haunted by his actions.

Kanoko's despair grew even further as she began to go through the invaluable information her husband had acquired in his infiltration of Martius Eight. She sat in the quarters she had been given temporarily aboard the Archangel to be closer to her son. Right now, Keiji was sleeping in their bed, almost healed since he had returned about a week ago. Kira's condition still remained the same and she wondered if her son was going to wake up.

Athrun had almost never left Kira's side and neither did Cagalli or Lacus, though now the two women were sleeping just from sheer exhaustion and by doctor's orders. She admired their dedication to her son and found hope in them, but that hope was slowly being shattered as she read the information in the notes taken from both Zala's and Dr. Madison Francis' personal files.

She had heard of Madison Francis in passing and had never met the woman, but from her notes, she knew that if the woman was still alive and not with a bullet hole in her skull, courtesy of her husband, she would put that bullet hole in her skull without hesitation. How dare the woman touch her son to prod and poke him as an experiment? Her personal notes were all dispassionate and she had made Kira sound like a pet of sorts.

But as dispassionate as possible, Kanoko had found her notes to be full of information and the scientist part of her, the one that she had promised never to use again, was slowly taking over and merging with the maternal instinct within her. What the hell did this woman do to Kira? Do to her baby…her pride and joy?

"Kira…" she whispered her son's name.

"Kanoko? You're still awake?" the groggy voice of her husband made her turn slightly to see him sit up, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"You should be asleep, Keiji. Shh, don't worry about me, go back to sleep. You're still injured," she reassured her husband before turning back around to look at more information. She sighed in slight exasperation as she heard her husband roll out of bed and walk towards her before sitting down on the extra chair next to the desk she was working on.

"You never listen do you?" she asked as she clicked on a new file, bringing it up.

"I only listen when it's interesting," Keiji replied before he glanced at what she had up on the screen. "Did you find any solution yet?"

"No," Kanoko sighed sadly, "even with the blood sample that we have of Kira, I've tried to isolate the drug in him, but it's spread so far in his system and affected his mind so much that I can't find a cure right now."

"Did you…" Keiji hestitated for a few seconds, "talk to you know…him about it?"

"Griever?" Kanoko had seen her husband's reaction the first time Griever had appeared, which was a few days ago after staying the hell out of everyone's way since Kira came back. He had briefly peeked in on her and Keiji had nearly gone into shock and was about to kill the clone before she had stopped him.

"I still don't understand what he's doing here," he grumbled, "he's the enemy for crying out loud."

"He saved Lacus' life. He's repenting for his previous actions."

"How the hell do we know if he's spying for Zala or not? I mean what happened with Quinn-" Keiji immediately shut up as a dark stormy cloud rolled over his features.

"You couldn't help it with Quinn, Keiji," Kanoko pulled herself from the notes to stare at her husband and clasped his hands in hers. "We all couldn't have foreseen it."

"I should have," he replied darkly, "then I would have prevented Kira from being taken and all of this shit happening."

She flinched slightly from his use of language and was about to say something when the expression on her husband's face stopped her. He looked pained about something, as if ghosts of the past were haunting him.

"I…" Keiji hesitated before plunging on and stared at her with an intense gaze. "I…killed her, Kanoko. Killed her in cold blood."

She didn't need to be a mind reader to know who her husband was talking about. Dr. Madison Francis. "It's not your fault. She did things to Kira…put the drug in him…"

"It still doesn't excuse my actions, Kanoko. I killed her. I could have disabled her when her gun moved, but I didn't. I just killed her because I was angry. There is no justification in that. It's murder, plain and simple. I swore I wouldn't do something like that after I married you. Look at me now, I've broken my promises."

"Keiji it isn't your fault. It isn't-"

"Yes it is Kanoko!" Keiji stared at her his eyes like an open wound. She noticed that he was shaking. After so many years he still was a good and kind man, not the assassin he was all those years ago. He wasn't truly a heartless man like she had thought the first time she had met him, but he cared deeply for those he sworn to his life and the promises he had made. "She had a daughter, you know…Quinn's daughter too." Keiji gave a bitter laugh, "You want to know what happened to her?"

"I heard Yzak had fired a disabling shot, but somehow it had hit her heart," Kanoko had been there during the full debriefing from the three of them. She had a sense that Yzak and Dearka weren't being entirely truthful during their debriefing and had kept some things out, but she thought it was probably for the protection of Kira.

"Yzak did, but it was Kira who moved Riley into the fatal path of the bullet."

"What?" Kanoko was confused.

"Do you remember what Sven Anderson told us when we were at Mendel? Teleportation and what Griever did? I think somehow, Kira moved Riley into the path of the bullet and I could have stopped him, but I didn't know what to do. I killed Riley too…"

"No…no, you didn't do that," Kanoko said in a hollow tone. Her mind was screaming with the possibility of what that drug did to her son. She had read the notes and the observations, but to actually hear it from Keiji's mouth. "No…not true…" She knew that she would have to find Griever before she could even think about possibly curing her son. Griever would have the answers.

"But-"

Kanoko turned her fiery gaze on her husband and said in a firm tone, "You didn't kill Riley, Keiji. Patrick Zala did. He is the one who started all of this. If you want to blame someone, blame Zala. He's the one that brought all of this upon us. You aren't to blame, Kira isn't to blame, and no one is except for Zala, Rau Le Creuset, and Ulen Hibiki. They are the ones to create this mad world. Don't blame anyone else and most certainly not yourself."

"Kanoko-"

"Keiji," she silenced him with a finger on his lips, "please. No more nightmares. Let the healing begin, okay?"

Keiji hesitated before a small smile appeared on his face, "All right…" They kissed briefly before Kanoko rested her head on his broad shoulders. This was why she had married him nearly eighteen years ago. He was devoted to her and her to him. And the two of them were devoted to their son.

Nothing would tear them apart, nothing.

Quinn Misali didn't say a word as he heard the news from Patrick Zala via a secure communications channel in his private quarters aboard his ship the Isis. Madison was dead. Riley was dead. Zala had sent him footage of what had happened and he had watched a stony expression on his face. The man had given his condolences and then had signed off, leaving Quinn in the darkness of his room.

His ship along with the Heracles and Thoreau were currently escorting Colony Mendel to its final destination, though they were making it a very subtly slow pace to throw off anyone who was watching. To anyone watching it looked like the Colony's orbital stabilizer had been severely damaged and was just floating to become part of the debris belt. On the inside, his Shadow teams were hard at work, maintaining the systems and installing nuclear bombs inside of the remnants of the broken Colony. All three ships providing escort were also doing a freefalling, but precise tumble with the Colony along with the remnant parts of the OMNI and ZAFT fleet that had come to stop them almost a week and half ago.

It all made for a very elaborate, though slow-moving plan and Quinn was pleased in this way. By the latest estimates, they would have at least two weeks before they passed the point of no return, the point where the Colony couldn't be stopped from its rapid descent into the Earth's atmosphere. He didn't really care about the effects of the Colony drop, an everlasting winter, as his "family" was already up here in space. But now his "family" was dead.

And Quinn still didn't say a word to their deaths.

But he did pull out a picture of both Madison and Riley and stared at it for a long. Through that long time, only one tear fell from his face and onto the ground.

Quinn Misali was the perfect soldier.

Kira awoke again and still found himself in the Archangel's medical bay. He realized that he was feeling a lot better and even stronger. A quick glance at the equipment around him told him that he was off a lot of the machines the last time he was awake but the only thing that didn't change was Athrun was still here, though now he was sleeping, a pile of dark blue hair resting in the sleeves of the white-blue trim uniform of the Liberation Forces.

"Tori!" his bird chirped softly from its perch upon the IV bar that held a pouch of nutrient liquid that was keeping him hydrated and feeding him nutrients through a line attached to his wrist.

"Shhh," he whispered to his bird that flapped its wings slightly and fell silent, tilting its head this way and that.

Pushing himself up, he was surprised to find that his initial weakness in the muscles was gone and so propped himself further up on his pillow just as the door to his room hissed open. Kira tensed a bit before forcing himself to relax as he reminded himself that he had been rescued and was safe aboard the Archangel.

"Kira!" Cagalli almost shouted before realizing Athrun was sleeping and had started from the noise.

"Shh," Lacus whispered behind her and Cagalli looked half abashed with shame before they quietly entered.

"Um, huh…what?" Athrun sleepily picked his head off of his makeshift pillow which was his arms and a spare jacket, and looked around before he blinked and stared at him.

Kira couldn't help but laugh at his friend's half sleepy, half bewildered expression and he realized that he hadn't laughed for a while and it felt good. Both Cagalli and Lacus joined in until Athrun made a face before he too joined in and the four of them laughed until it slowly died down. By then, both Cagalli and Lacus had pulled up chairs to surround his bed and Pink-chan was leading Tori on a merry chase through the medical bay.

"Feeling better?" Cagalli asked and Kira nodded.

"Yeah," he stared down at his hands and flexed them once, "thank you."

"For what? We didn't do anything," Athrun said.

"Thank you for calling me back when I was on the brink," he said softly and stared up at all three of them, "for telling me to hold on." He rubbed his forehead, feeling a slight headache coming on. It was probably because he had just woken up.

"You all right?" Athrun asked, noticing his movements.

"Yeah," he gave a crooked smile at his best friend, "I probably woke up too fast. I was feeling fine so probably just exerted myself. That's all."

Athrun nodded and left it at that.

"So…what happened while I was away?" he managed not to trip over the word "away" to betray the awful feeling he still had inside of him during his imprisonment with Zala.

"All hell's broken loose," Cagalli told him bluntly and Kira realized he had missed her frankness. Whereas he was always the polite one she was the rough and tumble one.

"Where are we anyways?" he asked.

"Heliopolis," Lacus answered, "Patrick Zala made a speech and drove public opinion against us. The LF and Orb are now renegades."

"Orb!" he glanced at Cagalli who looked stonily back at him.

"Orb won't fall this time," she said, her voice resolute and Kira believed her.

"But not all of public opinion is against us. Both ZAFT and OMNI are in chaos with radicals, liberals, and moderates fighting it out on the inside. There was a task force sent to pursue us and we were able to defeat them easily because they don't know whether or not to believe the words Zala's said," Lacus continued. "We're on the brink of a civil war…"

"The only thing we're sure of is that Zala's planning to drop Mendel on earth," Athrun muttered and Kira's eyes widened in shock, a bit oblivious to the pain that was mounting in his head.

"What!"

"Yzak told us that the main purpose of Operation Helio was to drop Mendel on earth so a nuclear winter will spread throughout the planet, making it uninhabitable. He wants the Naturals to be the minority population and let Coordinators rule over them. Either that let chaos reign," his best friend continued in a dark voice, brow furrowing in anger.

"We can't do anything right now because the Colony is on a slow orbital descent to the Debris Belt and then to the Earth. And not to mention both OMNI and ZAFT ships are hunting us. To strike now would only lead to the failure of the mission and then no one will be left to pick up the pieces," Lacus said in a sad tone, "Captain Ramius and the others are currently preparing a plan of attack against Mendel in the Debris Belt."

"Mendel…" Kira winced slightly as the pain in his head grew. This was an unusual headache, he realized and it felt sort of oddly familiar. Like a sense of déjà vu…

"We can worry about that later, are you all right Kira?" Cagalli asked, shaking her head as she changed the subject. Kira smiled at her, knowing full well that she really was stressed if she changed the subject.

"I'm…feeling better," he replied, "I don't really remember what happened, just vague flashes of images…"

He wondered why was everything so slow, but then realized that it was him who was moving fast, his seed-mode, he realized. A feral smile appeared on his face as he knew that he had an advantage.

Kira winced again as the image flashed quickly by his vision and the pain his head grew stronger.

"Kira…?" Lacus reached over and he shook his head.

"I'm all right, just a stupid headache," he rubbed his forehead, the headache getting stronger, "It's all right…"

"Headache?" Athrun looked oddly concerned before his eyes widened slightly as he realized something and Kira was confused but the pain was getting stronger now and he was unable to keep the pain from appearing on his expression. "Oh shit! Not now!" he heard Athrun say before the door opened to his room and in stepped the last person he had expected.

Griever.

The next blink of his eyes, Kira found the tendrils to be back and he lashed out.

Author's Notes:

Kira's little dabble with death is a result of me watching too much Babylon 5 this past week, especially the first few episodes of Season 4. Both Season 3 and 4 of the show are my faves and I love John Sheridan and Delenn and the Shadows. My sis and beta reader loves the Vorlons (though Kosh is a cute little creature at times…Ulkesh can go to hell for all I care). Oh yes, a general question. For Destiny Falling, do you want to see the SEED DESTINY characters or not? I'm trying to decide right now. Thanks for keeping with this story and for reviewing! We are on the home stretch peoples!