Heartbeats
by anza (29.10.06)
Regular heartbeat. It echoed emptily in his chest, the tha-THUMP, tha-THUMP rhythm. He forced himself to be relaxed, he forced himself not to think about it, about the sideways slide of Kanda's eyes and the darkness of another person, so close to him. Words exchanged. The flicker of long hair, sliding over the pit-black uniform to swing lazily against his back. And all this time, Allen forced himself to be calm, forced his heartbeat to stay the same, that uncaring walking pace muted in his ears.
But despite his efforts he felt it jump and jolt here and there. As Kanda moved closer it suddenly felt like a bouncing bal inside an ever-shrinking glass cage: it was going to shatter it soon. And then the Japanese moved closer again, and suddenly the look in those eyes flashed hungrily, and Allen knew, Allen heard the beat speeding up, speeding into a gallop that became even more chaotic still when Kanda tilted his head up with one hand, placed the other carefully to the side of his head, and leaned forward.
Purposeful. Almost as if it were a normal gesture for him to do. But Allen's heart was going crazy, his eyes were blinking in confusion and their noses bumped for a second. His hands clenched into fists. There were no words now, now that their lips were pressed together. He couldn't even think over the roar of the beat, ka-thud ka-thud ka-thudka-THUDKATHUD--
It wasn't fair, because Kanda's face was as smooth and without ripple or ceremony as it always was. While Allen's panic soared to new heights, Kanda pressed forward, not eager but not without purpose. Allen felt himself crumble, felt control yanked out of his fingers, and he was furious, he was angry, he was helpless and vulnerable and Kanda should know better, because neither of them wanted to be so defenseless. But oh... oh...
But Kanda's lips were soft and sweet as sin. An underlying bitterness to it all, like coffee topped with too much cream and sugar, that was what Kanda's kisses felt like. The taste was something indescribable but something warm and not altogether foreign. It was soft as down, soft like baby's skin, and Allen felt his heartbeat shudder to a surprised stop, the spike of pleasure traveling bumpily from the top of his head to between his legs.
It was calmer, not back to normal, but steady now. From the random shudder-jolt of panic it had slowed and refined to the feeling of a hammer in a piano, pressing the key in rhythm, each sound precise and beautiful. A question was on Kanda's lips, one Allen answered with his hands, coming up from his sides to smooth the front of Kanda's uniform, sliding up still, traveling over the shoulders to clasp themselves, like lovers, around Kanda's neck.
A new sort of anticipation rose between them when they broke apart. Allen smiled, and Kanda did too, a hazy happiness on the corners of his mouth.
Afterwards Allen lay curled up under Kanda's arm as the Japanese slept, hair spread out like a broken fan over the pillows. Curious, Allen's hand crept under the sheet to where Kanda's heart was, searching for a moment before - there. He had found it.
He listened.
Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Just like his. A regular heartbeat that meshed with his own.
He snuggled deeper into Kanda's side, a heartbeat ringing in his head, and slept.