Jack Bolton Rules
I am also not God
But unlike Troy and Chad I am the coach
And my word is law
Although I must not buy a t-shirt saying that I am God
I must not be too harsh with them
They are only young
I must force Troy to play Basketball
I may not interfere with his singing
I must support him
I must not shout at Ms Darbus because Troy missed practice
I must be nice to Ms Darbus
Ms Darbus is sexy
I must not fantasize about Ms Darbus
I am married
I must not cheat
Even if it is with Ms Darbus
I must not switch her glasses
I must not add black pen round the ridges so she looks like a panda
Even for my amusement
Or anyone else's
Laughing at Ms Darbus is illegal
I must not give Troy permission to have his hair cut
I must not laugh at Chad's hair
Even though it is funny
I must not give them extra laps because they ate a cookie
They are not fat
I am Jack Bolton
Not captain Jack Sparrow
I am not a pirate
I do not have a sword
Or a ship called the black pearl
I must not tell people that I am Captain Jack Sparrow
Wearing a pirate outfit does not make me Captain Jack Sparrow
I must shower after practice
I must listen to these rules
I must actually read these rules
Signed Coach Jack Bolton
2006