/and when I awoke
and felt you warm and near
I kissed your honey hair with my
grateful tears
oh, I love you- For Emily, wherever I may find her/
He HATED the smell of cigarettes.
The taste it left in his mouth.
The way id cloaked his clothes.
He hated everything about them.
But yet…
He smoked.
He smoked so much that they were times
Like now…
When he was sure he and the smoked mingled
Connected
Became one.
Just for a moment.
And then he exhaled.
But that didn't make him a smoker. At least not yet.
He DID smoke, occasionally.
Some of the time.
All of the time.
Some of all of the time.
But he wasn't a smoker.
Eh could stop if he wanted to.
He would stop when…
Every now and then he realized it was killing him.
When the smoke was in his eyes
In his ears
Suffocating
He realized.
Becoming one with the very thing he HATED.
The ONLY thing he hated more than her.
There it was…that truth staring him dead in the face.
The he inhaled…
Cause he'd rather die…
He'd rather hate himself…
Than live with her.
Than be with her.
…and then he exhaled…
The smoke shrouded him
Clogging all his senses
Azuma could feel it…that sense of being.
That sense of belonging.
Of hating yet loving.
Of needing but…
Suffering.
Of HER.
In the smoke he could see HER.
The image of her face.
Of beautiful golden hair, mingled with the smoke.
And GOD she was SO frickin beautiful.
She was…
She was…
So close.
And every time he would want to REACH her…
The cigarette would fall from his lips.
Landing soundlessly into the ash below him.
All that would be left was the smell of smoke.
The smell of smoke.
And the feeling of her.